Choosing Family As Best Man: Good Idea?

Choosing a best man is one of the most important decisions a groom will make. It can be challenging to select between friends or family members, especially in a close-knit group of friends or brothers. The best man is often the coordinator of events, the bachelor party planner, and the MC of the reception. He is responsible for ensuring the rings are safe and are brought to the ceremony, organizing rehearsals, giving a speech, and providing moral support to the groom. While the role of best man traditionally goes to a brother or close family member, it is not obligatory to choose a family member for this role.

The role of the best man

The best man's duties can be divided into three timelines: before, during, and after the wedding. In the lead-up to the big day, the best man is typically responsible for organising the stag do or bachelor party, helping the groom and groomsmen choose their attire, and offering assistance with any other wedding planning tasks. He should also be prepared to provide moral support to the groom and ensure he doesn't get cold feet!

On the wedding day, the best man has a number of important tasks to fulfil. He should ensure the groomsmen know their duties and positions, and may be responsible for handing over the wedding rings during the ceremony. The best man also usually gives a speech and offers a toast to the newlyweds at the reception. He may also be called upon to dance with the maid of honour and help collect gifts and cards for the couple.

After the wedding, the best man can assist with any post-wedding tasks, such as returning hired items and coordinating the couple's transportation to their hotel or airport.

Overall, the role of the best man is a crucial one, and the person chosen for this position should be reliable, organised, and able to handle the responsibilities that come with the job.

Choosing between friends or family

Choosing a best man is one of the most challenging decisions a groom will make. The best man is often the coordinator of events, the bachelor party planner in chief, and the MC of the reception. He is responsible for ensuring the rings are safe and are brought to the ceremony, organizing rehearsals, giving a speech, handling various administrative tasks, and providing toasts. The most important duty is providing moral support to the groom.

If you have a brother, a best friend, or a cousin or other relative whom you're extremely close with, the decision has probably already been made for you. Your best man should be someone who knows you well, and a loved one who has been there for you for most of your life. If you don't have a brother or a best friend, that's okay. The most important criteria for a superstar best man are that they are reliable, organized, and trustworthy.

If you have a large family or friend group, you might consider having more than one best man. Choosing more than one person to fill the position, particularly when you are equally close, can avoid hurt feelings among all the groomsmen. You can delegate different responsibilities depending on their strengths if you have multiple best men. For instance, one person can organize a wild bachelor party, another can give the best man speech, and another can interact with wedding guests during the reception.

If you don't have many people to choose from, remember that the role of best man is optional. If you want someone to fill the position, think about someone who has been there for you through tough times or guided you to become who you are today. You might pick a teacher, mentor, boss, or a member of your community you've long looked up to. Some couples choose the best man together, so you may decide to talk to your bride-to-be and see if they have any family members or a best friend who can perform the part.

The best man's duties

The best man has a variety of duties and responsibilities to fulfil before, during, and after the wedding. Here is a detailed list of the best man's duties:

Before the Wedding:

• Support the groom: The best man is the groom's go-to confidante and advisor, providing moral support and guidance throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day.
• Lead the groomsmen: The best man is in charge of the groomsmen and communicates with them regarding their duties and activities. He ensures they are informed, organised, and fulfil their responsibilities.
• Plan the bachelor party: The best man typically organises the bachelor party or stag do, creating a memorable event for the groom and his friends.
• Attend pre-wedding events: The best man is expected to attend the engagement party, shower, and rehearsal dinner, as well as the ceremony rehearsal.
• Choose and buy/rent formalwear: The best man assists the groom in selecting and purchasing/renting wedding attire for himself and the groomsmen. He coordinates measurements, deadlines, and orders.
• Liaise with the maid of honour: The best man may communicate with the maid of honour to collaborate or exchange ideas for the wedding day.
• Help with wedding planning: While not mandatory, the best man can offer to assist with logistical tasks such as booking vendors, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules.
• Write and practise the best man's speech: The best man speech is a significant part of the reception. It should be well-prepared, practised, and appropriately balanced between humour and sentiment.
• Organise a groomsmen's gift: The best man may arrange for a sentimental gift to be presented to the groom from the groomsmen on the wedding day.
• Final fittings: The best man keeps an eye on any last-minute suit fittings for the groom or groomsmen and ensures they are well-prepared.
• Check-in with the groom: The best man should regularly check in with the groom, providing a listening ear and support during the stressful period leading up to the wedding.
• Help with pre-wedding setup: The best man lends a hand with any tasks, such as picking up and delivering hired items or setting up the venue.

On the Wedding Day:

• Help the groom get ready: On the morning of the wedding, the best man assists the groom in getting ready, ensuring he is well-prepared and calm.
• Organise the ushers: The best man manages the ushers, especially if there are younger members like page boys or junior ushers who need guidance.
• Keep the rings safe: One of the most important duties is to ensure the wedding rings are secure and ready for the ceremony.
• Greet the guests: The best man stands by the groom's side, welcoming and greeting guests as they arrive, creating a warm atmosphere.
• Stand at the altar with the groom: During the processional, the best man traditionally walks down the aisle after the groom and takes his place at the altar, closest to the groom.
• Escort the maid of honour: After the ceremony, the best man escorts the maid of honour out of the room ahead of the newlyweds.
• Stand in the receiving line: If there is a receiving line, the best man greets guests and ushers them into the venue.
• Help organise wedding photographs: The best man assists in gathering guests for group photos and ensures the groomsmen are also present for these photos.
• Be the master of ceremonies: If there is no designated toastmaster, the best man may announce key moments, such as the couple's arrival, speeches, and cake-cutting.
• Deliver the best man's speech: The best man gives a well-prepared and practised speech during the reception, following other speeches by the father of the bride/groom and the maid of honour.
• Get the party started: After the first dance, the best man traditionally dances with the maid of honour to encourage guests onto the dance floor.

After the Wedding:

• Return and clean suits: The best man may be tasked with returning hired items, such as suits, and ensuring they are dry-cleaned.
• Take care of wedding gifts: If the couple goes on their honeymoon immediately, the best man may be responsible for safely storing and delivering wedding gifts to the couple's home.
• Decorate the getaway car: The best man often coordinates the decoration of the couple's car for their reception exit or their departure the next day.
• Tie up loose ends: The best man may assist with various post-wedding tasks, such as ensuring vendors are paid and rented attire is returned.

The best man's role is crucial to the smooth flow of the wedding and the enjoyment of the groom and guests. It is a position of honour and responsibility, requiring excellent organisational and interpersonal skills.

The groom's large family

Choosing a best man from a large family can be a difficult task. The role of best man traditionally goes to a brother or close family member, but for those with multiple close brothers or cousins, picking just one can be challenging.

If you have a large family, there are a few ways to address this problem. Firstly, you could opt for a non-traditional approach and have more than one best man. This can be a good way to avoid hurt feelings among your groomsmen. If you have multiple best men, you can delegate different responsibilities depending on their strengths. For example, one person can organise the bachelor party, another can give the best man speech, and another can be in charge of mingling with wedding guests during the reception.

If your family is so large that even a group of best men is difficult, you could ask them to pick a best man among themselves. You could have a get-together or camping trip and explain that you can't choose between them, and ask them to help you decide. They could vote on one best man candidate with the right personality for the role or who has the time available to commit to the duties.

If you don't want to have multiple best men, you could consider other ways to include your family members in your wedding. You could make them groomsmen, ushers, or ring bearers, or ask them to give a reading or escort grandparents down the aisle.

The groom's large friend group

If you have a large friend group, you might be spoilt for choice when it comes to selecting your best man. The key is to choose your closest friend who can handle the role and its responsibilities the best, even if they aren't your longest-standing friend. You want someone solid and dependable, who will be able to plan the bachelor party and perform the other duties of the best man role with enthusiasm.

It's important to select someone who is organised and trustworthy, as the best man has many important duties to perform, such as planning the bachelor party, ensuring the groomsmen have ordered their suits, and keeping track of the wedding rings. The best man should be someone who can easily keep track of all these elements while also enjoying himself.

The best man should also be someone who has your best interests at heart. This means they should know you well enough to know your likes and dislikes and be willing to put their own preferences aside to plan a bachelor party that you will enjoy. On the wedding day, the best man should step out of the spotlight to let you shine, making a thoughtful toast and keeping it classy during the reception.

If you have multiple close friends, you could opt for more than one best man, delegating different responsibilities according to their strengths. For example, one person could organise the bachelor party, another could give the best man speech, and another could be in charge of interacting with wedding guests during the reception.

Remember, the most important thing is to choose someone you feel proud to stand next to and who you can rely on to put you and your new wife's needs first on the wedding day.

Frequently asked questions