Wedding Gift Etiquette: Invited Or Not, To Gift?

Wedding gift etiquette is a tricky topic, and the question of whether to send a gift if you're not attending the wedding is a divisive one. While some people believe that it is rude not to give a gift, others argue that it is not necessary and may even make the couple feel guilty or awkward. So, what's the verdict?

Wedding gift etiquette

So, you've received a wedding invitation but can't attend—now what? While it's clear that you should promptly send your regrets to the couple, it's less obvious whether you should send a gift.

Traditional wedding etiquette states that if you can't attend the celebration, you are not obligated to send a gift. However, this decision may depend more on your relationship with the couple and your budget. If you're very close to the couple and want to show your support, you may want to send a present, even if you can't be there in person. On the other hand, if you're not close to the couple or have financial constraints, it's perfectly acceptable to forgo a gift and send your well-wishes through a card.

Choosing a Gift

If you decide to send a gift, what should you choose? There are a few options to consider. You can go with a traditional gift from the couple's registry, especially if you're not very close to the couple or prefer convenience. This option ensures that you're getting them something they want. Alternatively, you can opt for a more personalised gift, especially if you're close to the couple. This could be a framed print, a private cooking class, or a gift card to a special restaurant. You could also go for an experience gift, such as a restaurant voucher, cinema membership, or a day excursion.

Timing and Budgeting

When it comes to timing, it's recommended to send the gift before the wedding so the couple knows you're thinking of them. However, you have up to a year after the wedding to send a present if unforeseen circumstances cause a delay. As for budgeting, the amount you spend depends on your relationship with the couple and your financial means. You don't need to conform to the "cover the cost of your meal" rule if you're not attending, but a small gift or contribution is always appreciated.

Sending a card

If you are not attending the wedding, a card is a thoughtful way to show your support. It is also a good option if you are unable to attend due to financial reasons, as it is a more affordable gesture. A card will allow you to convey your sincerest regrets and well-wishes to the couple, either in person, over the phone, or through the mail.

When choosing a card, consider selecting one with a thoughtful message that reflects your feelings about their union. You can also add a personal note expressing your happiness for them and your excitement for their future together. If you wish, you can include a small gift, such as a voucher, a bottle of bubbly, or a group gift. However, it is important not to go overboard, as you don't want to make the couple feel guilty for not inviting you.

Remember, the most important thing is to let the couple know of your regrets promptly through an RSVP. Whether or not you decide to send a card, your timely response will help them with their planning.

Appropriate gift types

If you are not attending the wedding, it is still considered polite to check the couple's registry for a suitable gift. This is especially helpful if you are not close to the couple. If they don't have a registry, a practical keepsake is always a safe bet. Think glassware, a beautiful bowl, cutlery, a cake slice, a blanket, a picnic basket, or an oven dish. Coffee table books or art prints are more contemporary choices.

If you are close to the couple, you might want to skip the registry and opt for a more personalised gift. A framed print of the couple or a private cooking class can be enjoyed at a later date. You could also give them a gift card to their first-date restaurant or a charm bracelet to symbolise your friendship.

An experience gift is also a thoughtful option, as it is easy to personalise and gives the couple a ready-made date night. Restaurant vouchers, cinema memberships, cooking classes, day excursions, or afternoon tea are all lovely ideas.

If you are not close to the couple, a simple card with your congratulations is sufficient.

Gift affordability

If you are unable to attend a wedding due to financial constraints, it is perfectly acceptable to opt for a thoughtful card instead of a gift. This is especially true if you don't know the couple well. A card with a personal message expressing your congratulations and well-wishes will be appreciated and is a thoughtful way to acknowledge the occasion without the pressure of a gift.

However, if you are close to the couple and want to send a gift but are working with a limited budget, there are ways to be thoughtful without breaking the bank. A small, affordable gift (under $50) from the couple's registry is a good option. This shows that you put thought into the gift while respecting your budget. If the couple does not have a registry, consider a practical and affordable keepsake, such as glassware, a bowl, cutlery, or a blanket.

Another option is to get creative with a personalised gift that reflects their interests. For example, a framed print of the couple, a gift card to a restaurant they like, or a novel experience like a cooking class. These gifts show that you care and are celebrating their union, even if you can't be there in person.

Remember, the most important factor in deciding on a gift is your relationship with the couple and your budget. You can absolutely choose to send a gift, but it should never be at the expense of your financial well-being. The couple will understand and appreciate your thoughtfulness, regardless of the monetary value of the gift.

Gift timing

If you know you can't attend a wedding, it's a thoughtful gesture to send a gift before the celebration so that the couple knows you're thinking about them. However, if you weren't invited to the wedding, it's not expected that you send a gift at all, so don't feel pressured to do so. If you do decide to send a gift, it's acceptable for it to arrive up to a year after the wedding, but most experts recommend sending it within three months. This ensures your gift reaches the couple within a reasonable time frame, allowing you to express your warm wishes and congratulations. Sending the gift before the wedding allows the couple to appreciate it amid the excitement leading up to their big day. However, if unforeseen circumstances cause a delay, it's perfectly fine for your gift to arrive a little later.

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