Cousins At Weddings: To Invite Or Not?

Deciding whether or not to invite cousins to your wedding can be a tricky dilemma. While it's your special day and you should feel free to invite only the people you want to share it with, it's also important to consider the potential fallout from not inviting certain cousins. Some key factors to consider are the size of your guest list, your budget, the venue capacity, and how close you are to your cousins. It's also worth noting that some cultures and families operate on an all-or-nothing policy for cousins, which can make the decision easier or harder. Ultimately, the decision is yours, and you should weigh the importance of including your cousins against the potential for family drama and hurt feelings.

Inviting cousins on one side but not the other

Deciding whether or not to invite cousins to your wedding can be a tricky situation, especially if you have a large family or a small budget. It's important to remember that it's your wedding day, and you and your partner should feel free to invite only the people you really want to share the day with. That being said, here are some things to consider if you're thinking of inviting cousins on one side but not the other:

• Family dynamics and relationships: Consider the relationships within your family and how your decisions may impact them. Are you very close to your cousins on one side of the family, while being more distant with cousins on the other side? It might be more understandable to your family if you primarily invite cousins that you have a close relationship with.
• Potential for hurt feelings: Be prepared for the possibility that some cousins or family members may be upset if they are not invited, especially if cousins from the other side are included. It's important to weigh the potential for hurt feelings against your other priorities, such as budget or venue capacity.
• Budget and venue constraints: If you have a limited budget or your venue has capacity restrictions, these may be deciding factors in who you can and cannot invite. It's important to be mindful of your financial limitations and the overall guest count when making your decisions.
• Parental input: Consider the input of your parents, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding. They may have strong feelings about wanting to include all extended family members or maintaining fairness between both sides of the family. However, if you and your partner are paying for the wedding, you have the final say.
• Alternative options for inclusion: If you are unable to invite all cousins due to budget or venue constraints, consider alternative ways to include those who are not invited. This could include hosting a separate celebration or gathering for them, such as a backyard cookout or a virtual option for those who cannot be physically present.
• Communication is key: Be prepared to communicate your decisions to family members, especially if they inquire about why they or their children were not invited. Explain that it was a difficult decision and that you had to make tough choices due to various constraints. It's not necessary to go into detail about why certain cousins were not invited, but being transparent about the challenges of creating a guest list can help ease tensions.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to creating a guest list, and you'll need to consider the unique dynamics of your family and relationships. Ultimately, it's your wedding day, and you should invite the people who are most important to you and your partner.

Budget and venue restrictions

Be Mindful of Budget Constraints:

Firstly, recognise that weddings can be expensive, and the cost per guest can quickly add up. Consider how much you are willing and able to spend on your wedding. This will help determine the number of guests you can afford to invite. Remember to factor in the cost of wedding invitations, catering, drinks, and any other expenses associated with hosting each guest.

Understand Venue Capacity:

Your chosen venue will have restrictions on the number of guests it can accommodate for safety and practical reasons. When venue shopping, discuss the capacity of each venue with the staff, and choose a venue that can comfortably accommodate your desired guest list. Remember that the maximum capacity includes not just your guests but also the wedding party, suppliers, and vendors who will be on-site.

Prioritise Your Guest List:

Create a draft guest list with your partner, starting with an "A-list" of must-have guests, such as immediate family and close friends. Then, move on to a "B-list" of people you would like to invite if budget and venue allow. Within these lists, you can further prioritise by creating sub-categories, such as "A1" and "A2", to indicate varying levels of importance. Cousins often fall into the "C-list", which means you would like to invite them, but it may not be possible due to budget and venue constraints.

Consider Other Options:

If you are unable to invite all your cousins due to budget and venue restrictions, there are still ways to include them in the celebration:

• Host a separate gathering: You can host a more low-key lunch, cocktail party, or backyard cookout for those who couldn't be invited to the wedding. This can be a nice way to celebrate with extended family and friends.
• Have "day guests" and "evening guests": You can invite some people to the entire day (ceremony, wedding breakfast, and evening reception) while inviting others only to the evening portion (usually a buffet and dancing). This can help you include more people without exceeding your budget.
• Stream the wedding online: If your budget and venue truly cannot accommodate additional guests, consider setting up a webcam or streaming the wedding online so that those who couldn't be invited can still virtually attend and share in your special day.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want. Be compassionate and considerate of your cousins' feelings, but don't feel obligated to invite them if it's not feasible. Stand your ground and make decisions that align with your budget and venue constraints.

Family politics

When it comes to inviting cousins to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to remember that you are not obligated to invite anyone, including cousins, if you don't want to. It's your wedding day, and you and your partner should feel free to invite only the people you really want to share the day with. That being said, there are a few family politics considerations to keep in mind.

Guest List Politics

Creating a guest list can be one of the most challenging parts of wedding planning. As couples balance their wishes with those of their families, and venue and budget restrictions, finalising the guest list can become a monumental challenge. It's important to remember that you don't have to invite cousins out of obligation, especially if you're not close to them. However, if you have a good relationship with your cousins and it's possible within your budget and venue capacity, it may be a nice gesture to invite them.

Family Dynamics

If you have a large extended family, it can be tricky to decide who to invite. It's generally considered okay to invite aunts and uncles but not first cousins. However, inviting some cousins and not others can be more difficult. This may depend on the dynamics of your family and whether your family operates an all-or-nothing policy for cousins. If you're very close to some cousins and not others, it may be appropriate to only invite those you're closest to. However, this could also hurt feelings and cause family drama. It's important to consider the potential fallout and decide what's best for your situation.

Budget and Venue Constraints

Budget and venue constraints are crucial factors in deciding whether to invite cousins to your wedding. Wedding venues have restrictions on the number of guests they can accommodate, and feeding a large number of guests can be costly. When deciding whether to invite cousins, consider your budget and the venue's capacity. You may need to prioritise guests based on how close you are to them and how important their presence is to you.

Parental Expectations

Your parents may have their own ideas about whether cousins should be invited to your wedding, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding. While it's important to consider their input, ultimately, it's your decision. If your parents are set on inviting cousins, try to have an open conversation about your concerns and budget constraints. It may be helpful to explain that you would love to invite everyone but simply can't due to venue and budget limitations.

In conclusion, when deciding whether to invite cousins to your wedding, consider your relationship with them, budget and venue constraints, and potential family dynamics and parental expectations. Remember, it's your wedding day, and you can invite whoever you choose. Be compassionate and considerate of your cousins' feelings, but don't feel obligated to invite them if you don't want to.

Inviting cousins but not their children

Deciding on your guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to cousins. Here is some advice on how to approach this situation:

It's Your Wedding, Your Rules

It is important to remember that it is your wedding day, and you and your partner should feel free to invite only the people you really want to share the day with. You do not have to invite your cousins or your partner's cousins if you do not want to.

Be Mindful of Feelings

While you are not obligated to invite cousins, it is worth considering the possibility that some may get upset if they are not invited. Your parents may also be upset if you are unable to accommodate all of your extended family members, especially if your partner's cousins are invited. If you have a good relationship with your cousins, it is a nice gesture to invite them if possible.

Consider Your Budget and Venue Capacity

Your budget and venue capacity will play a significant role in determining your guest list. Consider the cost per person for catering, drinks, etc., and whether you can afford to invite all of your cousins. If you have a large family and a smaller budget, you may need to make some tough decisions.

Inviting in Circles

One approach to narrowing down your guest list is to invite in circles. This means that you and your partner, along with your child (if applicable), are at the centre, and you draw circles outwards to include those closest to you. For example, your and your partner's nieces and nephews comprise a circle, your and your partner's aunts and uncles another circle, your adult cousins another circle, and the cousins' children another circle. This way, you can decide where to draw the line and which circles fall within the invite list.

Be Consistent

To avoid hurt feelings, it is generally advised to invite all cousins or none at all. Inviting some cousins but not others can be risky and may lead to feelings of segregation within the family. However, if you have a large number of cousins and a limited budget, it may be necessary to be selective. In this case, be mindful of family dynamics and try to avoid causing rifts.

Alternative Options

If you are unable to invite all of your cousins to the wedding, there are alternative ways to include them in the celebrations:

• Have a separate reception or party after the wedding, in the form of a backyard cookout, cocktail party, or family dinner.
• Set up a webcam or livestream the wedding so that those not physically present can still participate virtually.
• If your culture or location permits, you could have \"day guests\" and \"evening guests\". Day guests attend the entire day, while evening guests only attend the evening reception, usually a buffet and dancing. This can help you include more people without sacrificing your budget.

In conclusion, when deciding whether to invite cousins but not their children, consider your budget, venue capacity, and family dynamics. Be mindful of feelings, but ultimately, make decisions based on what is best for you and your partner.

Inviting cousins' children but not cousins

Deciding whether or not to invite cousins to your wedding can be a tricky task, especially if you have a large family and a small budget. It's important to remember that you don't have to invite cousins to your wedding if you don't want to. It's your special day, and you and your partner should feel free to invite only the people you really want to share it with. That being said, it's also natural to want to include your cousins' children in your celebration. Here are some things to consider when deciding whether to invite cousins' children but not cousins:

• Relationship with your cousins: Ask yourself how close you are to your cousins. If you have a good relationship with them and they are important to you, it might be worth considering inviting them as well. This can help avoid any hurt feelings and family drama. However, if you are not close to your cousins and don't foresee yourself having a relationship with them in the future, it may be more understandable to not invite them.
• Budget and venue constraints: One of the biggest considerations when planning a wedding is the budget. Weddings can be expensive, and the cost per guest can quickly add up. If you are working with a limited budget, you may need to prioritize who to invite. Consider whether you can afford to invite your cousins in addition to their children. Similarly, your venue may have restrictions on the number of guests it can accommodate. Assess the venue capacity to determine if you have room for both cousins and their children.
• Family dynamics and potential fallout: Think about how your family dynamics might be affected by only inviting cousins' children and not cousins themselves. Discuss this with your partner and consider the potential fallout. Are your cousins likely to be upset if they are not invited? Will your parents or other family members be disappointed? Weigh the importance of maintaining family harmony against your desire to only invite cousins' children.
• Consistency and fairness: To avoid any accusations of favouritism or unfairness, try to maintain consistency when inviting cousins' children. If you invite the children of one cousin, consider extending the invitation to the children of your other cousins as well. This can help ensure that no one feels left out or singled out.
• Communication is key: If you decide to invite only cousins' children and not cousins, be prepared to communicate your decision sensitively and clearly. Explain that you had to make difficult choices due to budget or venue constraints. Emphasize that your cousins are important to you, even if they are not able to attend the wedding. Be compassionate and considerate of their feelings, and try to find other ways to include them in your celebration if possible.

Remember, the decision to invite cousins' children but not cousins is ultimately yours and your partner's. Carefully consider your relationships, budget, venue constraints, and potential family dynamics when making your choice. Be mindful of your cousins' feelings and communicate your decision respectfully.

Frequently asked questions