Franklin Dean
Wedding vows are promises exchanged between partners during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms, although they are not universal within Christian marriage, as Eastern Christians do not include them in their traditional wedding ceremonies. Wedding vows are also not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. They can be personalized, and different denominations have variations in blessings, scripture readings, and prayers during the ceremony. For example, some couples may switch up the prayers or blessings used in the ceremony, as well as who recites the vows.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Wedding vow origin | Medieval church manuals |
| Wedding vow variations | Different variations depending on religion, e.g. Protestant, Methodist, Baptist, Anglican Communion, Lutheran |
| Wedding vow structure | Vows are promises each partner makes to the other, often including "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part" |
| Prayer during wedding vows | Yes, prayers are often included during the ceremony, with some couples choosing to switch up the prayers used |
| Wedding vow delivery | Vows can be read by the officiant and repeated by the couple, or done in a read-and-repeat style |
| Order of vows | Traditionally, the groom says his vows first, but this can be decided by the couple |
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What You'll Learn
Wedding prayer and marriage ceremony
Wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms and are not universal to marriage or even Christian marriage. However, in most English-speaking countries, wedding vows derive from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The first part of the vows of the Sarum rite is given in Latin and is to be said in the mother tongue of those present.
The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, are:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
Different denominations have variations on these vows. For example, some couples may switch up the prayers or blessings used in the ceremony, as well as who recites the vows. Traditional Protestant wedding vows are some of the most familiar, as they are often used in TV shows and movies. They go as follows:
> In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death.
After the vows are repeated, the cleric blesses the union and the rings are exchanged. In a Methodist wedding, the guests have more participation and recite prayers, sing, and worship.
> O God our gracious heavenly father, who art the originator of all life; whose presence brings happiness to every condition; whose favor sweetens every relation. We beseech thy blessings upon these thy servants as they embark upon the great sea of matrimony. Grant that the ship of their marriage will be well anchored and guided by the proper compass, so that when the tidal wave of a new experience emerges and the jostling winds of adjustment they will be able to emerge successfully into the great harbor of peace, happiness, and oneness.
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Wedding vows in medieval England
While the church controlled marriage law and tried to enforce it, couples did not need to marry in a church. In fact, it was not until the 14th century that the ceremony, held at the door of the church, in which the couples recited vows to one another in the vernacular language, became part of the liturgy.
In medieval England, marriage was the only acceptable place for sex, and as a result, Christians were allowed to marry from puberty onwards, generally seen at the time as age 12 for women and 14 for men. Parental consent was not required, although in practice, families and social networks usually had a great deal of influence over the choice and approval of marriage partners.
It was also normal for couples to make prenuptial arrangements to provide for widowhood and any children. While the matrimonial vow of fidelity was made by both the man and wife, only the woman was bound by it when it came to obtaining a divorce on the grounds of adultery.
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Variations in wedding vows
Wedding vows are steeped in history, culture, and meaning. There are many variations in wedding vows, which can be influenced by various factors such as personal beliefs, cultural heritage, and religious traditions. Here are some examples of how wedding vows can vary:
- Religious Variations: Different religions have their own traditional wedding vows. For instance, in a Catholic wedding, the vows follow a structured format, with only two variations approved by the Vatican. These vows often include phrases such as "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health". In contrast, Jewish wedding vows are recited during the exchange of rings, with the groom saying, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel." Hindu weddings feature a unique set of vows called "saptapadi," or the Seven Steps, where couples walk around a ring of fire to honour the Hindu god of fire.
- Cultural and Heritage Variations: Wedding vows can also vary based on cultural traditions and heritage. For example, Celtic, Viking, Spanish, Hawaiian, Japanese, and Cherokee wedding vows each have their unique cultural nuances. Couples may choose to incorporate these traditional vows to honour their heritage.
- Personalised Vows: Many couples opt to personalise their wedding vows, using traditional vows as a starting point or inspiration. They may work with their wedding officiant to craft vows that reflect their unique relationship and values. This allows for a more modern and individualised expression of their love and commitment.
- Double-Ring Ceremony Vows: The practice of exchanging wedding rings and associated vows has varied over time and across cultures. In some religious traditions, only one partner receives a ring, while in others, both partners exchange rings in a double-ring ceremony. During a double-ring ceremony, both partners may recite similar vows while placing a ring on their partner's finger, pledging to be faithful and loving.
- Length and Style Variations: Wedding vows can vary in length and style. Some couples may prefer concise and traditional vows, while others may opt for lengthier, more personalised pledges. The style can also differ, ranging from formal and solemn to light-hearted and romantic.
These examples demonstrate the rich diversity of wedding vows, allowing couples to tailor their wedding ceremony to their beliefs, cultural backgrounds, and personal preferences.
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Wedding blessings
Religious Wedding Blessings
> O God our gracious heavenly father, who art the originator of all life; whose presence brings happiness to every condition; whose favor sweetens every relation. We beseech thy blessings upon these thy servants as they embark upon the great sea of matrimony. Grant that the ship of their marriage will be well anchored and guided by the proper compass, so that when the tidal wave of a new experience emerges and the jostling winds of adjustment they will be able to emerge successfully into the great harbor of peace, happiness, and oneness.
> —Martin Luther King, Jr.
> O God of love, Thou has established marriage for the welfare and happiness of mankind. Thine was the plan, and only with Thee can we work it out with joy. Bless this husband. Bless him as the provider of nourishment and raiment, and sustain him in all the exactions and pressures of his battle for bread. May his strength be her protection, his character be her boast and her pride, and may he so live that she will find in him the haven for which the heart of a woman truly longs.
> Bless this loving wife. Giver her tenderness that will make her great, a deep sense of understanding, and a great faith in Thee. Give her that inner beauty of soul that never fades, that eternal youth that is found in holding fast the things that never age. Teach them that marriage is not living merely for each other; it is two uniting and joining hands to serve Thee. Give them a great spiritual purpose in life. May they seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and may they never take each other's love for granted. When life is done and the sun is setting, may they be found then as now, hand in hand, still thanking God for each other. May they serve Thee happily, faithfully, together, until at last one shall lay the other into the arms of God.
> Most gracious God, we give you thanks for your tender love in sending Jesus Christ to come among us, to be born of a human mother, and to make the way of the cross to be the way of life. We thank you, also, for consecrating the union of man and woman in his Name. By the power of your Holy Spirit, pour out the abundance of your blessing upon this man and this woman. Defend them from every enemy. Lead them into all peace. Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle about their shoulders, and a crown upon their foreheads. Bless them in their work and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; in their life and in their death. Finally, in your mercy, bring them to that table where your saints feast forever in your heavenly home; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, for ever and ever.
> My beloved speaks and says to me: 'Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away; for now, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.'
> —Song of Solomon 2:10-13
> We gather here today in the name of love.
> Bless this bond they have committed to today, and bless this food set before us.
> Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.
> —1 Corinthians 13:4-7
> Lord, behold our family here assembled. We thank you for this place in which we dwell, for the love that unites us, for the peace accorded us this day, for the hope with which we expect the morrow, for the health, the work, the food and the bright skies that make our lives delightful; for our friends in all parts of the earth. Amen.
> —Robert Louis Stevenson
> May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rain fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
> —Irish Blessing
> Lord, help us remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us, to see the good within the other and find answers to all our problems. Help us to say the kind and loving thing and make us big enough to ask forgiveness of the other. We put our marriage into Your hands. Amen.
> —Norman Vincent Peale
> Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
> —Ephesians 4:2
> Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
> —1 Thessalonians 5:11
> Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
> —Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Non-Religious Wedding Blessings
> May these vows and this marriage be blessed. May it be sweet milk, like wine and halvah. May this marriage offer fruit and shade like the date palm. May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day a day in paradise. May this marriage be a sign of compassion, a seal of happiness here and hereafter. May this marriage have a fair face and a good name, an omen as welcomes the moon in a clear blue sky. I am out of words to describe how spirit mingles in this marriage.
> To love is not to possess, to own, or imprison, nor to lose one's self in another. Love is to join and separate, to walk alone and together, to find a laughing freedom that lonely isolation does not permit. It is finally to be able to be who we really are, no longer clinging in childish dependency nor docilely living separate lives in silence, it is to be perfectly one's self and perfectly joined in permanent commitment to another—and to one's inner self. Love only endures when it moves like waves, receding and returning gently or passionately, or moving lovingly like the tide in the moon's own predictable harmony.
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Wedding prayers and poems
Wedding vows are a beautiful and meaningful way to express love and commitment to your partner. They can be made even more special by incorporating prayers and poems that hold significance for the couple. Here are some examples of wedding prayers and poems that you can draw inspiration from for your own ceremony:
Traditional Christian Prayer
The Lord's Prayer is a well-known and traditional way to begin a Christian wedding ceremony. It is a familiar and comforting prayer that many guests will be able to recite together, creating a sense of unity and shared faith.
Apache Wedding Prayer
"Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be your companion, and your days together be good and long upon the earth."
A Modern Poem about Love
"Wedding Poem" by Whitney Hanson offers a modern take on love and marriage:
> "They say that sometimes love starts with a spark. And that might be true, but if I were to wish you a love, I wouldn't wish fire for you. You see, fire is powerful. It burns bright and then it's gone. It's beautiful and warm, but it doesn't last long. So instead of wishing you a love that burns, I wish you a love like a river—twists and turns. It changes and it flows, it is powerful and free. But it consistently finds its way back to the sea. And so like the water, I hope your love is ever-growing, ever-changing. I hope your love is powerful and free, and may you always find each other, like a river finds the sea."
A Secular Prayerful Poem
For a secular option, "A Blessing for The Journey" by Sensei Wendy Egyoku Nakao is a Buddhist prayerful poem that adds a moment of reflection to the ceremony:
> "Let us vow to bear witness to the wholeness of life, realizing the completeness of each and every thing. Embracing our differences, I shall know myself as you, and you as myself. May we serve each other, for all our days, here, there, and everywhere. Let us vow to open ourselves to the abundance of life. Freely giving and receiving, I shall care for you, for the trees and stars, as treasures of my very own. May we be grateful for all our days, here, there, and everywhere."
A Song as a Reading
Consider choosing a song that holds a special meaning for the couple. For example, "If I Should Fall Behind" by Bruce Springsteen is a beautiful choice, with lyrics that speak of commitment and support:
> "We said we'd walk together, baby, come what may [...] But should I fall behind, wait for me. [...] And I'll wait for you, should I fall behind, wait for me."
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, there are. Wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony based on Western Christian norms. The content and format of the prayers vary depending on the couple's preferences and religious denomination.
Here is an excerpt from a prayer in wedding vows:
> Grant them patience, gentleness, forbearance, and understanding, and protect their home from those forces that would break it apart. We ask for health, long life, for the fulfillment of every good dream. May their love continue through life and finally be blended into eternal life.
It depends. In some wedding traditions, the couple says the prayers. In others, the cleric or officiant says the prayers, and the couple repeats after them.
Yes, you can write your own prayers or blessings for your wedding vows.
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