Franklin Dean
Wedding vows are a way to express love, promise, and commitment between a couple. They are the special words that unite a couple and represent their future together. Writing your own wedding vows is a way to personalize this special time in your life. It is a chance to tell your story, give guests a peek into what makes your relationship tick, and to share meaningful, sweet words with the person you love. While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, self-written promises can take on any format and include any content you see fit.
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What You'll Learn
Writing your own vows
Writing your own wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it's also a chance to create something meaningful and memorable that reflects your unique bond. Here are some tips to help you get started:
Brainstorm and Plan:
Begin by jotting down your thoughts, feelings, and ideas about your partner and your relationship. Include specific moments, memories, or inside jokes that are significant to you. Think about the stories you want to share and the promises you want to make. You can also gather inspiration from other sources, such as your favourite lyrics or movie scenes, to create a mood board for your vows.
Be Authentic:
Write vows that reflect who you are as individuals and as a couple. Don't worry about including personal jokes or a particular structure. Just focus on expressing your genuine emotions and what's important to you. Be vulnerable and don't be afraid to cry. This is your opportunity to vocalise your love and hopes for the future in front of your loved ones.
Inject Humor and Personal Touches:
Adding a touch of humour to your vows can make them uplifting and true to your relationship. Include funny promises or inside jokes that only the two of you understand. Personalise your vows by mentioning specific things you will do together and accomplish as a couple.
Voice Admiration and Say "I Love You":
Use your vows to express your admiration for your partner and the impact they have had on your life. Voice your appreciation for their unique qualities and how they make you feel. Don't forget to include those three magic words, "I love you". It may seem obvious, but it's easy to get caught up in the moment and leave them out.
Take Your Time and Edit:
Don't expect to write your vows in one sitting. Take breaks and revisit them with fresh eyes. Give yourself enough time before the wedding to edit and refine your vows. Read them out loud to get a feel for the rhythm and flow, and don't be afraid to make changes until they feel right.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to writing wedding vows. The most important thing is to be true to yourself and your partner, creating vows that reflect your unique love story.
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Reading your own vows
When it comes to reading your own wedding vows, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, don't procrastinate! Give yourself plenty of time to think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Writing your own vows can be exciting and daunting at the same time, so don't overthink it. Collect your thoughts, intentions, and ideas, and put them down on paper. You can always refine them later.
It's a good idea to have a structure to your vows. You can include an anecdote or quote at the beginning, another anecdote in the middle, and a clear declaration of your vows towards the end. You can also incorporate traditional vows, or use them as inspiration. Your vows should reflect the unique bond between you and your partner. They can be as long or as short as you like, but it's a good idea to keep them concise so your guests can fully absorb them.
Once you've written your vows, it's time to practice. Practising will help with your delivery and will give you the confidence to deliver your vows on the big day. Practise reading your vows aloud, and in front of a mirror if that helps. This will also help you gauge whether your vows are clear and complete. You can also ask a close friend to listen as you rehearse and give you constructive criticism.
Finally, don't share your vows with your future spouse ahead of time. Your vows are a gift to one another, so it will be more impactful if your partner hears them for the first time during the ceremony. However, it's a good idea to sync up on theme, tone, and overall delivery to ensure your vows complement each other.
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Traditional vows
Traditional wedding vows are steeped in history, culture, and meaning. They are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony, though they are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church.
Bride: I, [bride's name], take thee, [groom's name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
Groom: I, [groom's name], take thee, [bride's name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
The vows can be followed by an exchange of rings, which serves to seal the promises made. The ring is usually placed on the third finger of the left hand. Here is an example of vows that can accompany the exchange of rings:
Bride/Groom: With this ring, I seal my promise, to be your faithful and loving [wife/husband], as God is my witness.
The specific wording of traditional vows can vary depending on the religion and culture of the couple. For example, traditional Greek Orthodox wedding vows include a promise to "love, honor and respect; to be faithful to you, and not to forsake you until death do us part". Couples with different religious or cultural backgrounds may want to blend elements from both upbringings in their vows.
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Religious vows
Religious wedding vows are steeped in history, culture, and meaning. They are declarations of lifelong commitment to each other, made in the presence of God and loved ones.
Christian Wedding Vows
In a Christian wedding, the couple may say:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband]. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."
Or:
> "[Name], I now take you to be my wedded [wife/husband/partner], to live together after God's ordinance in the holy relationship of marriage. I promise to love and comfort you, honour and keep you, and forsaking all others, I will be yours alone as long as we both shall live."
After the priest blesses the rings, each partner places it on the other's finger and says:
> "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Take and wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness."
> "In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow."
Jewish Wedding Vows
In a Jewish wedding, there is typically no spoken exchange of vows. Instead, the key moments include the ring exchange and the Seven Blessings (Sheva Brachot), often recited in Hebrew. During the ring exchange, the couple may say:
> "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel."
Buddhist Wedding Vows
Buddhist weddings offer couples the option of speaking their vows or reading them silently. The vows are often longer than in other religions and are answered in unison by the couple. An excerpt of the vows is:
> " [Names], do you pledge to help each other to develop your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration, and wisdom as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy..."
Interfaith Wedding Vows
For interfaith weddings, couples can work with their officiant to design vows that accommodate any type or number of religions. Couples may want to honour their religions in a cultural sense to honour their families. They can highlight parts of their faith that resonate with them and incorporate them into their vows.
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Humour in vows
Wedding vows are a serious, lifelong commitment made in front of many witnesses. However, they can also be lighthearted and filled with humour to make the moment more relatable, personal, and enjoyable.
If you and your partner enjoy sharing good times and having fun, your wedding vows are the perfect opportunity for a good, loving, tension-breaking laugh. You can include funny anecdotes, inside jokes, or references to your favourite books, films, or songs. For example, you could say, "I promise to always be 100% faithful, and never a traitor" or "I promise to make you a bacon sandwich when you’re hungover".
When writing funny vows, consider what you and your partner have in common. Your similar quirks, tastes, and hobbies can be great sources of humour. For example, you could promise to always watch their favourite TV shows with them, even if you're not a fan. Or, if you're both sports fans, you could promise to always support their team, even when they lose.
You can also include self-deprecating jokes or references to your past together, especially if there are inside jokes that your friends and family will understand. For example, if you met in high school and had embarrassing fashion sense, you could joke about how you knew even then that there was something special about your partner.
Remember, it's important to keep your vows heartfelt and true to yourself. The humour should reflect your relationship and your personalities. Don't worry about coming across as corny or cheesy if the words are sincere.
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