Should You Exclude Children From Your Wedding Guest List?

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky question that divides opinion. Some people believe that children add a certain magic to the atmosphere, while others feel that kids can be distracting and rowdy. It's important to remember that it's your wedding and your rules, so don't be afraid to tell your loved ones that it will be an adults-only event. If you're worried about offending people, you could make a few exceptions for close family members or children with wedding duties. However, it's generally not a good idea to pick and choose which children are invited, as this could lead to hurt feelings. To avoid any confusion, be clear and direct in your invitations and wedding website, and consider calling guests with children to explain your decision.

Communicating your decision

Be Clear and Direct

When addressing your wedding invitations, be explicit about who is invited. Only include the names of the adult guests on the outer envelope, and if there is an inner envelope, list the names of the invited guests, excluding any children. This traditional approach will help indicate that children are not invited. If you are only using an outer envelope, ensure that only the adult guests' names are listed.

Provide Additional Information

Consider including a reception card within the invitation that specifically states, "Adults-Only Reception" or "Our wedding is adult-only, thank you." You can also create a separate page on your wedding website to clarify that the event is adults-only. This ensures that your guests are well-informed and helps to reduce the chance of families mistakenly bringing their children.

Be Consistent

It's important to stick to a clear rule regarding children. Inviting some children while excluding others can lead to hurt feelings and confusion. A consistent approach will help avoid any potential misunderstandings or resentment.

Communicate Early

Share your decision with your guests as early as possible. This is especially important for those guests who have children, as it gives them more time to make necessary childcare arrangements. A phone call or personal conversation before sending out invitations can be an effective way to convey your wishes and ensure your guests are well-informed.

Explain Your Reasons

If you feel it's necessary, provide a brief explanation for your decision. For example, you could mention venue capacity limits or your desire to create a specific atmosphere for your wedding. However, remember that it's your wedding, and you don't owe anyone an extensive explanation for your choices.

Offer Alternatives

If you're concerned about guests' childcare arrangements, you could provide a list of trusted local babysitting services or suggest options for childcare during the wedding events. This shows that you're considerate of their needs while still maintaining your decision to have an adults-only wedding.

Remember, it's your special day, and you are entitled to make decisions that align with your vision. Communicating your decision clearly, consistently, and respectfully will help ensure that your guests understand and respect your wishes.

Inviting some children but not others

It is okay to invite some children and not others to your wedding. However, it is important to be mindful of the potential consequences. Some guests may not react well to the news, and you run the risk of offending people or creating resentment.

To avoid this, it is best to establish a clear rule and stick to it. For example, you could invite only children in the wedding party or immediate family. This way, people can't be offended if you exclude kids of cousins or acquaintances. It is also a good idea to be explicit about your invitations. Put only the couple's names on the envelope, and if they RSVP with their children, contact them to clarify that it is an adults-only event.

Another option is to make a compromise and invite a few children, such as those of your maid of honour or other close family members. However, be aware that some guests may still be upset by this, so tread carefully. Explain that you have a guest limit, and be clear about your expectations to avoid any confusion.

Additionally, consider the practical aspects of having children at your wedding. They can be unpredictable, and you may need to arrange dedicated childcare services, which can be costly. Also, keep in mind that children's meals tend to be less expensive, and they may require different entertainment options to keep them occupied during the event.

Addressing wedding invitations

Be Clear and Direct:

It is important to be clear and direct when addressing your wedding invitations. If you are having an adults-only wedding, Shannon Gail, the owner of Shannon Gail Events, recommends including two layers of communication on the invitation. Start by addressing the outer envelope with only the couple's names. Then, if you have an inclusion like a reception card, you can specifically note "Adults-Only Reception" or "Our wedding is adult-only, thank you." This reduces the chance of families mistakenly bringing their children and gives guests more time to arrange childcare.

Addressing Envelopes:

When addressing the envelopes, the traditional way to indicate whether a child is invited is to include their name on the invitation. If you have an outer and inner envelope, the child's parents' names go on the outer, and the child's name is written beneath the parents' names on the inner envelope. If a child is over 18, they should receive a separate invitation, even if they live at home. Avoid addressing the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Family," as this can be vague and confusing.

Communicate with Guests:

After sending your invitations, it is a good idea to call your guests who have children to explain your wedding's child policy clearly. This personal touch ensures everyone is on the same page and reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings or unexpected arrivals. It is also an opportunity to suggest or offer childcare options for guests who need them.

Setting Rules and Sticking to Them:

To avoid hurt feelings and confusion, set a clear rule about inviting children and stick to it. For example, you may decide only to invite children who are part of the wedding party or immediate family. Be consistent in applying this rule to avoid offending guests. Remember that if you invite children from one family, you may need to extend the invitation to all families in the same category (e.g., all nieces and nephews).

Be Mindful of Exceptions:

While it is generally best to stick to your rules, there may be exceptions. For instance, if you have a close family member with young children, you may want to invite them, even if you're not inviting other children. Consider your relationships and what exceptions you are comfortable with.

Provide Details on Your Wedding Website:

Your wedding website is an excellent place to communicate your child policy. Create a separate page with clear information about whether children are invited, which children are included, and any expectations you have of parents regarding their children's behaviour or supervision. This ensures that guests have all the information they need to plan accordingly.

Flower girls and ring bearers

If you are inviting flower girls and ring bearers to the reception, you may want to consider providing a kids' menu with child-friendly food options. You could also set up a separate kids' table for them to sit at, supervised by a babysitter. Alternatively, you could set up a kids' room with a babysitter, toys, puzzles, and printable wedding games to keep them entertained.

If you decide not to invite children to your wedding, it is important to communicate this clearly and directly to your guests. You can do this by addressing the wedding invitations to the couple only and including an adults-only announcement on your wedding website.

Childcare and babysitting

• Hire a babysitter or childcare provider: You could hire a licensed and insured babysitter or childcare company to care for the children of your guests during the wedding. This option can be especially helpful if you have many young guests or if your wedding is in a location where guests may not have access to their regular childcare resources.
• Set up a separate kids' room: If your venue has the space, you can set up a separate room for children with supervised activities, such as movies, games, and art projects. This option allows children to have their own space while still being close to their parents.
• Create a kids' table or area: If you want children to be in the same room as adults, you can designate an area with a kids' table and activities, such as toys, puzzles, and colouring books. This option can keep children occupied and allow their parents to keep an eye on them during the reception.
• Provide information about local babysitting services: If your wedding is in a destination location, you could provide guests with a list of trusted local babysitting companies or caregivers. This option gives guests the flexibility to arrange their own childcare while still having the convenience of pre-researched options.

When deciding on childcare options, it is important to consider the age range of the children attending and their needs. For example, very young children may need a quiet, separate space to nap or play, while older children may prefer more interactive games or activities. It is also essential to communicate your plans for childcare clearly to your guests so they can plan accordingly.

Frequently asked questions