Choosing Your Bridesmaids: A Guide To Picking Your Wedding Crew

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a daunting task. You want to make sure you have the right people by your side as you celebrate one of the most important days of your life. The first step is to consider the size of your wedding. Traditionally, the number of bridesmaids is proportional to the number of guests. For instance, a wedding with 150-200 guests could have up to 12 bridesmaids. However, this is not a steadfast rule, and you can have as many or as few as you like. The next step is to make a list of your closest friends and family members. Your bridesmaids should be people you feel close to and who will bring you joy on your special day. They can be your female friends, sisters, cousins, or even a male friend as your man of honour. It is also important to consider the responsibilities of a bridesmaid, such as planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party, and choose people who are reliable and responsible. Be mindful of your bridesmaids' financial situation, as they will incur expenses for their dresses, travel, and other costs. Finally, don't feel obligated to choose someone just because you were in their wedding party. Communicate honestly and empathically if you need to turn down a friend.

Make a list of your closest friends and family

Making a list of your closest friends and family is a great way to start the bridesmaid selection process. It can be overwhelming, so creating a list is a good way to narrow down your choices. While you might feel close to female family members such as your mother, aunt, or future mother-in-law, this role is usually filled by peers, so you can leave them off the list.

Start by writing down your best friends and closest family members. If you have sisters, they should be at the top of the list. If you have a brother with whom you are extremely close, including him in your bridal party is a modern touch that will be a hit with your guests. Next, consider your fiancé's sister. Do you spend a lot of time together and have a close connection? If so, she would be a great addition to your bridesmaid list.

Now, think about your lifelong best friends. These can be people from your childhood or adulthood. Best friends are people you go to for support and who you match with emotionally. Pick them for your bridesmaid list.

Consider your friend group. If you have multiple girl squads, the criteria for choosing the best ones for your big day are similar to the sister-in-law standards. How often do you talk to them or hang out with them? If you find yourself spending a lot of time alone with someone, chatting regularly, and vibing well together, consider them invited.

Finally, if there is someone you are not particularly close with but who is easy to get along with and will bring excitement to your wedding events, add them to your list if you have room. Remember, it's your day, so choose who you want to see standing by your side.

Include male friends

When it comes to selecting your bridesmaids, you might want to include your male friends in the bridal party. There's no rule saying you can't have a male friend standing by your side during the ceremony. Here are some tips to help you include your male friends in your bridal party:

Man of Honour or Bridesman

You can have a "man of honour" or "bridesman" by your side as you exchange your wedding vows. This is becoming more and more common, and it's a great way to honour a close male friend or family member who has been a source of support for you. A bridesman is simply the male equivalent of a bridesmaid and often fills the role of a relative or intimate friend. If your male friend is someone you deeply connect with and want by your side on your special day, don't let gender norms hold you back!

Attire

When it comes to attire, you can coordinate with your bridesman to ensure he feels like a part of the bridal party. He can either wear a suit that matches the groomsmen, adding an accessory that complements the bridesmaids' palette, or he can wear a suit that blends in with the bridal party's colour scheme. You can even match his boutonniere to the bridesmaids' flowers, giving him a unique touch that sets him apart from the groomsmen. Alternatively, you could offer him a bouquet if he's open to the idea.

Pre-Wedding Activities

It's a good idea to introduce your bridesman to the rest of the bridal party early on. Set up casual lunches, happy hours, or include him in pre-wedding events like the engagement party or bachelorette party. This way, everyone can get to know each other, and your bridesman won't feel left out. These events are also excellent opportunities for your male and female friends to bond and create a comfortable dynamic before the big day.

Roles and Responsibilities

The primary role of a bridesman is to be a fantastic friend, a gentleman, and an extension of the host for your wedding guests. His biggest task is to provide emotional support and be part of your sounding board as you navigate pre-wedding jitters. Additionally, like your bridesmaids, he can help with wedding projects, run last-minute errands, and be there for photo opportunities. On the day of the wedding, he can help calm the bride, pour mimosas, and tell the ladies how gorgeous they look.

Bachelorette Party and Bridal Shower

While the bridal shower and bachelorette party are traditionally women-only events, you can make them co-ed or opt for a joint bachelor-bachelorette outing if you have both bridesmen and groomswomen. This way, your male friends can join in on the fun and feel included in the celebrations.

Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner

It's essential to have your bridesman attend the rehearsal to work out any last-minute kinks and ensure he knows the processional order. You may also want to ask him to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner, making him feel like an integral part of the bridal party.

In conclusion, including male friends in your bridal party is a wonderful way to celebrate your special day with the people who matter the most. Don't be afraid to break gender norms and create a bridal party that truly reflects your closest friendships!

Consider your expectations of the bridal party

When considering your expectations of the bridal party, it's important to remember that the role of a bridesmaid can be overwhelming. Therefore, it is your job as the bride to maintain control, set expectations early on, and be empathetic.

Bridesmaids are there to support you and ensure you are happy and stress-free. They are your trusted confidantes and sounding boards, and they will be your extra pairs of hands. They will help you with wedding-related tasks, such as picking up your veil while you are at work, dropping off welcome bags, and corralling the flower girls. They will also help you choose their bridesmaid attire and accessories and co-host any pre-wedding parties. However, it is important to remember that they are not your personal assistants, and you should not let your demands become too demanding.

Bridesmaids will also be expected to cover certain expenses, such as their own ensembles, including dresses, shoes, and accessories. They will also need to pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party, travel to your wedding location, and their wedding accommodations and gifts. As the bride, you should be considerate of their finances and keep their tasks reasonable and manageable.

In addition to practical and financial support, bridesmaids are there to provide you with emotional support. They will be your trusted friends and good listeners throughout the wedding planning process. They will be there to bounce ideas off of and to provide a listening ear if you need to vent. However, remember that they are not your paid therapists, so be sure to ask them how they are doing from time to time and lay off the wedding talk.

Discuss the size of the bridal party with your fiancé

When it comes to selecting your bridal party, it's important to discuss the size of the party with your fiancé. This is your special day, and you want to be surrounded by your closest friends and family. But it's also important to consider your fiancé's preferences and ensure that the size of the bridal party aligns with their vision for the wedding as well.

Traditionally, the size of the bridal party is influenced by the number of guests attending the wedding. For a smaller, intimate wedding with under 50 guests, a bride might choose to have no more than 3 bridesmaids and a maid or matron of honour. On the other hand, for a larger wedding with 150-200 guests, the bridal party could include up to 12 attendants. However, these are not set rules, and modern weddings often break with tradition. The average number of bridesmaids is 4-5, but ultimately, you can have as many or as few as you and your fiancé prefer.

When deciding on the size of the bridal party, it's essential to consider your budget. A larger bridal party will likely result in higher costs, as you may need to factor in expenses such as dresses, hair, makeup, and bridesmaid proposal suites for each additional attendant. Additionally, cultural and family expectations may play a role in your decision-making process. For example, you may want to include your future sister-in-law as a bridesmaid to show that you are accepting your fiancé's family as your own.

Discussing the size of the bridal party with your fiancé is crucial to ensuring that you are both on the same page and that your vision for the wedding aligns. It's important to be flexible and willing to compromise, as there may be people who are important to one of you but not the other. Ultimately, the decision should be a joint one, and both of you should feel comfortable and happy with the final choice.

Remember, this is your special day, and you want to surround yourself with people who will support and celebrate with you. Choose a bridal party size that feels right for you and your fiancé, and don't be afraid to break with tradition if that's what feels best for both of you.

Think about the availability of your potential bridesmaids

When selecting your bridesmaids, it's important to consider the availability of your potential candidates. While you may have many people in your life that you love and would want to include, their circumstances may make it difficult for them to fulfil the role. For example, a demanding job or busy family life could hinder their ability to commit to bridesmaid duties.

It's important to remember that being a bridesmaid comes with certain expectations and responsibilities. They will be expected to participate in wedding planning, offer support, and be present at various events leading up to the big day, such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party. If you know someone is going through a busy or challenging period in their life, such as pursuing a graduate degree or managing other significant commitments, they may not have the necessary time and energy to devote to the role.

To avoid any confusion or hurt feelings, communicate honestly and empathically if you decide not to ask someone due to availability concerns. Explain that you don't want to burden them with additional obligations, rather than giving the impression that it's because of a lack of affection.

Additionally, be mindful of your own expectations for the role. If you anticipate needing significant support or relying heavily on your bridesmaids for planning advice and wedding tasks, ensure you choose individuals who have the capacity and willingness to take on those responsibilities.

Remember, the selection process is about choosing individuals who will enhance your joy and minimise stress during this special time in your life. By considering the availability and circumstances of your potential bridesmaids, you can make informed decisions and create a supportive bridal party dynamic.

Frequently asked questions