Choosing Your Maid Of Honor And Bridesmaids: A Guide

Choosing your bridal party can be a stressful task. You want your closest friends and family by your side, but you also need to consider their availability, reliability, and whether they can afford to be part of the wedding party. The maid of honor (or man of honor) is the chief bridesmaid and has additional responsibilities, such as planning the bachelorette party, coordinating the other bridesmaids, and supporting the bride with wedding-related tasks. When choosing your maid of honor, it's important to consider who will be the most supportive and helpful throughout the process.

Assess your bridesmaids' strengths

When assessing your bridesmaids' strengths, it is important to be honest about their strengths and weaknesses. For example, you may be extremely close to one bridesmaid, but know that she is often scatterbrained and unreliable. On the other hand, another bridesmaid may be a pro at organizing events and keeping calm under pressure.

The "Seasoned Veteran" is a bridesmaid who has played the role before and can be very helpful when planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party. However, be prepared for some hurt feelings if her advice is not always taken. The "Type-A Bridesmaid" is someone who is either extremely organized and detail-oriented, or attempts to overstep her role by planning every detail without regard for others' input.

The "Emotional Rollercoaster" is a bridesmaid who is always in her feels. On a good day, this type of bridesmaid will be joyous and upbeat, and can be relied on to break the ice during bridal party meetups. On a bad day, she will be too emotional and overdramatic. The "Party Animal" is a bridesmaid who is great at getting people up and moving at the bachelorette party and wedding reception. However, her partying can sometimes get out of hand, leading to obnoxious outbursts and embarrassing encounters.

It is also important to consider each bridesmaid's availability, budget, and ability to perform certain tasks. For example, does the bridesmaid work long hours that may limit her time off? Is she comfortable with the financial requirements of being a bridesmaid? Is she available to help with planning, attending fittings, and setting up?

Don't be confined by gender

When it comes to choosing your wedding party, it's important to remember that you don't have to be confined by gender. Your wedding party should be made up of the people who are closest to you and who you want to celebrate your special day with, regardless of their gender. Here are some tips for choosing a gender-neutral wedding party:

Choose the Right Title

First things first, you'll want to choose an appropriate title for your wedding party members. Some popular gender-neutral options include "bridesmate", "bridesman", "man of honour", "person of honour", "attendant of honour", or "best person". You can also get creative and come up with your own unique titles, such as "blade of honour" or "first mate". Ultimately, the most important thing is to choose a title that your wedding party members feel comfortable with and that reflects their role in your wedding.

Ask Them to be a Part of Your Wedding

When asking your gender-neutral wedding party to be a part of your special day, it's important to use inclusive language. Instead of asking "will you be my bridesmaid?", you can say something like "will you be in my wedding party?" or "will you be my mate of honour?". You can also send them a card with a gender-neutral proposal, such as "will you be in my I Do Crew?".

Choose Their Outfits

When it comes to choosing outfits for your gender-neutral wedding party, you can get creative and think beyond the traditional bridesmaid dresses or groomsmen suits. One option is to have them wear an element of the same colour as the rest of your wedding party to tie them all together. Alternatively, you can suggest that they wear something that makes them feel comfortable and that fits your vision for the day. If you're having a non-binary bridesmate, you can also ask them to carry the same bouquet as your other bridesmates to identify them as one of your most loved people.

Gifts

When it comes to gifts for your gender-neutral wedding party, it's important to avoid gendered gifts that may make them feel alienated. Instead, opt for gifts that are personalised with their names or roles in your wedding, rather than gendered roles. Some ideas include gender-neutral sweatshirts or socks with your wedding party's name and role, or a personalised card asking them to be a part of your special day.

Include Them in All Activities

Your gender-neutral wedding party should be included in all the activities that your traditional bridesmaids or groomsmen would participate in. This includes cake tasting, venue hunting, dress shopping, and planning celebrations such as a hen's night or bachelorette party. It's important that they feel included and valued as a member of your wedding party, regardless of their gender.

Consider choosing a family member

Choosing a family member as your maid of honour is a great way to ensure that you don't offend any of your friends, as your connection with relatives tends to be more stable than that of friends. Plus, your wedding is a celebration of the union of your families, so it makes sense to have a family member as your right-hand person. Sisters and cousins are the most obvious candidates, but you could also consider asking your mother or a beloved aunt.

If you have several sisters, it is traditional to choose the one closest to you in age and relationship. Alternatively, you could have co-maids of honour, which can be a good solution if you have multiple sisters or cousins that you want to include.

It's important to remember that the maid of honour has a lot of responsibilities, so you should choose someone who is available and able to commit the necessary time. They will need to be by your side for activities such as cake tasting, venue hunting, dress shopping, and planning pre-wedding celebrations. They will also be in charge of keeping the bridesmaids organised and may need to step in to defuse any tensions that arise between friends and family members.

Finally, it's essential to be clear about the financial commitment involved in being a maid of honour. The average cost of being a bridesmaid is around $1,200, and the maid of honour may need to contribute more due to their extra duties, so make sure that your chosen family member is aware of and able to afford these expenses.

Make sure your choice can afford it

Being a bridesmaid or maid of honor is a huge honor, but it can also be a major financial commitment. Before choosing your bridal party, it's important to consider whether your choices can afford the financial requirements of the role. Here are some tips to ensure that your bridal party can manage the costs:

Firstly, be transparent about the expected costs and have honest conversations about budgets. Ask your potential bridesmaids and maid of honor about their financial situation and what they can realistically afford. It's important to be upfront about the expected expenses, such as the cost of the dress, accessories, pre-wedding events, travel, and gifts. By having these conversations early on, you can ensure that everyone is on the same page and avoid any last-minute surprises.

Additionally, consider the time commitment required of your bridal party. Being a bridesmaid or maid of honor involves attending various events and celebrations, such as cake tastings, venue hunting, dress shopping, and planning the bachelorette party. Discuss with your choices whether they have the necessary time available, especially if they have busy work schedules or other commitments.

If you sense that a potential bridesmaid or maid of honor may have financial constraints, offer flexibility and alternatives. For example, you could suggest they choose a more affordable dress option or opt for second-hand items. You could also propose cost-saving measures for pre-wedding events, such as hosting a bridal shower at someone's home instead of a restaurant. Remember, it's not about how much they spend, but their presence and support that matter most.

In some cases, you may need to be prepared to cover certain costs for your bridal party. If you have the means, consider offering to pay for their dresses, accessories, or even their accommodation for the wedding. This can alleviate financial pressure and show your appreciation for their participation.

Finally, remember that it's okay to say no. If a potential bridesmaid or maid of honor expresses financial concerns and feels unable to commit, respect their decision. You can always find other ways to involve them in your wedding, such as assigning them a different role or including them in the planning process. It's important to prioritize your relationships and ensure that everyone feels valued and respected.

Ensure they understand the duties

When choosing your bridesmaids and maid of honor, it's important to ensure that your selected candidates understand the duties and responsibilities that come with the role. Here are some ways to ensure they are well-informed:

Communicate the Role's Responsibilities:

Explain to your potential bridesmaids and maid of honor the duties they will be expected to fulfil. This includes a range of tasks such as planning bridal showers, engagement parties, and rehearsal dinners, as well as sending invitations and helping with wedding day tasks like decorating and calming the bride's nerves. It's important that they are aware of the time and financial commitments involved.

Provide a Detailed Timeline:

Create a timeline that outlines key dates and deadlines for specific tasks. For example, they should know that bridesmaid dresses are typically purchased 6-8 months before the wedding to allow time for shipping and alterations. This will help your bridesmaids and maid of honor understand the urgency and importance of certain duties.

Host an Informational Get-Together:

Organise a get-together with your potential bridesmaids and maid of honor to discuss their roles and responsibilities. This can be a fun and informal gathering where you can explain your expectations and answer any questions they may have. It's also a great opportunity for them to bond as a group and get to know each other better.

Assign Specific Tasks:

Instead of overwhelming your bridesmaids and maid of honor with a long list of duties, consider assigning specific tasks to individuals or pairs. This will help them understand their responsibilities more clearly and ensure that tasks are managed effectively.

Provide Resources and Support:

Offer resources and support to help your bridesmaids and maid of honor fulfil their duties. This could include providing a list of recommended vendors, offering to cover certain expenses, or simply being available to answer questions and provide guidance throughout the wedding planning process.

Remember, it's important that your bridesmaids and maid of honor fully comprehend the duties and responsibilities they are signing up for. By taking the time to ensure they understand what is expected of them, you can foster a more harmonious and organised wedding planning process.

Frequently asked questions