Rsvp Etiquette: Responding To A Wedding Invitation

RSVPing to a wedding invitation is a formal process with a few important steps to follow. The acronym RSVP stands for répondez, s'il vous plaît, which is French for respond, if you please. It is important to respond to the invitation as soon as possible, and to follow the couple's instructions. This is to ensure your seat at the wedding, as vendors require a final headcount by a particular date.

RSVPs can come in the form of printed cards, online websites, or emails. Regardless of the format, there are a few key things to remember: include your full name(s), your response (attending or not), the total number of guests, and any requested entrée selections. It is also good etiquette to include a short personal note to the couple.

If you are declining the invitation, it is proper etiquette to respond with a No or regrets, and to still send a gift from the couple's registry. It is never okay to not respond at all.

How to fill out a wedding RSVP card

Receiving a wedding invitation in the mail is always exciting, but before you start planning your outfit or thinking about a plus-one, you need to RSVP. It's important to respond as soon as possible, and certainly within the designated deadline. So, how do you fill out a wedding RSVP card?

Firstly, check the envelope to confirm who has been invited. If the host is happy for you to bring a guest, there will be a "+1" or "and guest" on the card. If you have children and their names are not listed, it's likely an adults-only event.

Next, write the full names of each attending guest. If there is an "M" on the card, this is where you write the titles of those attending—Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss—followed by their full names. If there is no "M", just write out the full names of those attending.

Now, indicate the number of guests attending. Write the number in the accept or decline box. If only one person was invited, you can use a checkmark or an "X" instead.

Some RSVP cards will offer food options. If so, indicate your preference with your initials. If another guest is attending with you, they should also put their initials next to their food choice.

Finally, add a personal note. A wedding RSVP card is not a form; it's an opportunity to write a sentence or two wishing the couple well. It's a nice touch that will be appreciated.

Now, pop your card in the pre-addressed envelope and send it on its way!

What to do if you can't attend after RSVPing yes

So, you've RSVPed 'yes' to a wedding but now realise you won't be able to make it. It happens! Here's what to do next:

Let the Couple Know ASAP

It's important to inform the couple as soon as possible. This is so they can adjust their numbers for wedding rentals, food and beverage. Couples usually need to give a final headcount to the caterer a week or so before the wedding, so you'll want to let them know before then. Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman recommends contacting the couple personally and apologising, giving a brief reason without going into too much detail. For example, you could say: “I am so sorry I have to rescind my RSVP to your wedding. I have a work obligation that I cannot get out of."

Choose an Appropriate Method of Contact

It's generally best to call the couple to let them know you won't be attending. However, if something comes up the day before or the day of the wedding, it's best to contact someone close to the bride or groom instead, as they're likely to be too busy to check their phone or email. This could be a family member or someone in the wedding party. You could also try contacting the wedding planner, if this information is available.

Make Sure Your Reason Is Legitimate

It's best to only back out of the wedding if you have a serious reason for doing so. This could be a severe illness, family emergency, or unexpected budgetary constraints. If you're no longer able to attend due to circumstances that are outside of your control, it's still good etiquette to apologise to the couple for missing their big day. A lot of planning will have gone into accommodating you, so showing that you appreciate this will be well-received.

Send a Gift

Even if you're unable to attend, it's a nice gesture to send a gift from the couple's registry. You could also offer to take them out for dinner after the wedding to celebrate.

How to RSVP by email

When responding to a wedding invitation, it's important to follow the couple's instructions and respond promptly. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to RSVP by email:

• Respond on time: It is important to respond by the deadline provided. Wedding planning involves confirming guest numbers, creating a seating plan, and finalising the budget, so your timely response is crucial.
• Use the provided email address: The couple may have created a dedicated email address to easily track responses. Ensure you send your reply to the email address provided on the invitation, even if you have a different email address for the couple.
• Write a gracious note: Whether you're accepting or declining the invitation, take a moment to write a personal message to the couple. Include your name, the number of people attending or declining, and any other requested information such as entrée choices or song requests.
• Sample wording:

> Dear [Couple's Names],

>

> Thank you for inviting us to your wedding celebration. [Partner's Name] and I are delighted to accept your invitation.

>

> Regarding the entrée choices, we would prefer the fish option.

>

> We look forward to celebrating with you!

>

> Warm regards,

> [Your Name] and [Partner's Name]

• Declining an invitation: If you need to decline, it is proper etiquette to respond with a definitive "No" and an explanation if appropriate. It is also considerate to send a gift from their registry in your absence.
• Sample wording for declining:

> Dear [Couple's Names],

>

> Thank you so much for inviting us to your upcoming wedding. Unfortunately, we will be out of town on that date and will be unable to attend. We are disappointed to miss this special occasion and will be thinking of you on the big day.

>

> Sending our love and best wishes,

> [Your Name] and [Partner's Name]

Remember, responding to a wedding invitation is one of your first duties as a wedding guest, so be sure to follow these steps to make the process smooth and stress-free for the happy couple!

How to decline a wedding invitation

When it comes to declining a wedding invitation, there are a few key steps to follow to ensure you're doing so politely and thoughtfully. Here's a guide on how to decline a wedding invitation:

Respond promptly:

It's important to respond as soon as possible, preferably before the RSVP date. Don't wait too long to decline the invitation, as the couple needs to plan their guest list, catering, and other arrangements.

Choose the appropriate method:

Consider your relationship with the couple. If you're very close, it might be more appropriate to let them know in person or via a phone call. If you're not as close, responding by the RSVP card, email, or another method they've provided is usually sufficient.

Express gratitude:

Thank the couple for inviting you. It's essential to show your appreciation for being included in their special day, even if you can't attend.

Be honest but considerate:

Provide a reason for your decline, but be mindful of how you communicate it. You can be honest about your reasons without going into too much detail. For example, you can mention scheduling conflicts, financial constraints, or other commitments. If you're comfortable doing so, you can share more specific reasons, such as pregnancy or personal difficulties.

Be firm but polite:

Use purposeful language to convey your decision clearly and politely. Avoid making the conversation awkward by appearing unsure or leaving room for persuasion. Sample phrases you can use include:

• "Thank you for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend due to other commitments, but I send my warmest congratulations."
• "Regrettably, I won't be able to attend the wedding, but I wish you both the best."
• "I would love to be there, but I have prior commitments. I hope we can celebrate together soon."

Follow up:

Even if you don't know the couple well, consider following up with a call, email, or text to express your disappointment about not being able to attend and to diffuse any potential awkwardness.

Optional gestures:

Depending on your relationship with the couple, you may want to find other ways to show your support. You could send a gift, arrange for a special surprise on their wedding day, or plan an alternative date to celebrate with them after the wedding.

Remember, it's important to decline a wedding invitation gracefully and with compassion. Be mindful of the couple's feelings and follow the proper etiquette to ensure a smooth process for everyone involved.

What to do if you miss the RSVP date

It's important to respond to a wedding invitation as soon as possible. However, if you've missed the RSVP date, here's what you should do:

Contact the Hosts

First, call the hosts as soon as you realize you've missed the RSVP date. This will allow them to have an accurate headcount for their wedding. It's important to do this as soon as possible, as the couple will need to provide final numbers to their caterer and other vendors.

Send the RSVP Anyway

Even if you've missed the deadline, send the RSVP note anyway, especially if the host has included a response card and postage. Many couples keep these notes as mementos, so it's worth sending even if you're running late.

Don't Be a No-Show

Before you RSVP, check for possible conflicts and ensure you're available on the wedding day. It's important not to be a no-show, as this can cause issues with catering and seating plans.

Provide All Relevant Information

When filling out the RSVP, be sure to include all the requested information, such as the number of guests, their names, and any dietary requirements or other special requests. This will help the couple finalize their plans and ensure your needs are met.

Respond Promptly to Reminders

If you receive a reminder from the couple about the RSVP, respond as soon as possible. They may be trying to finalize their guest list, so your prompt response will be appreciated.

Be Understanding

If you've missed the RSVP date, understand that the couple may not be able to accommodate your attendance. They have likely provided final numbers to their vendors, and making last-minute changes can be challenging.

Remember, responding to a wedding invitation is an important part of the planning process for the couple. Your timely response helps them organize their special day, and your presence at the wedding is likely very important to them.

Frequently asked questions