Wedding Invite List: Who Makes The Cut?

Creating a wedding guest list can be one of the most challenging parts of wedding planning. Couples have to balance their wishes with those of their families, as well as venue restrictions and budget considerations. To help you navigate this stressful aspect of wedding planning, here are some tips to decide who should make your wedding invite list.

Who to invite first

Creating a wedding guest list can be a challenging task, but it's important to remember that your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people you care about. So, when deciding on who to invite first, consider the following:

Your Must-Haves or A-List

These are the people you absolutely want at your wedding and can't imagine getting married without. Sit down with your partner and list the names of your closest friends and family members, such as parents, siblings, grandparents, and children. These are the people you couldn't get married without, and they should be the first on your guest list.

Your VIPs or B-List

The B-list includes people you really want to invite but could do without if necessary. This group may include your grandparents, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and wider circle of friends. They are important to you, but their absence wouldn't ruin your day.

Your Conditional Guests or C-List

This list includes guests you'd like to invite if your venue and budget allow. It might include more distant relatives, old friends, and work colleagues. It's a tricky group to navigate, as you may feel obliged to invite all relatives or friends from a particular group to avoid hurt feelings. However, remember that it's your day, and you should only invite those who will bring you joy.

Your Obligatory Guests or D-List

The D-list comprises guests you feel obliged to invite, such as friends of your parents, children of other guests, members of social clubs, and people who invited you to their wedding. This list is often influenced by cultural traditions and family expectations. While it's important to consider these obligations, remember that your wedding is about celebrating with people who truly matter to you.

Plus-Ones

When it comes to plus-ones, it's generally considered polite to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners. For other guests, you may set criteria such as long-term relationships or a certain duration of dating. However, use your discretion and consider each guest's situation, especially if they won't know anyone else at the wedding.

Children

Deciding whether to invite children is a personal choice. If you want a child-free wedding, that's entirely your decision. However, be consistent and avoid making exceptions to avoid hurt feelings. If you do invite children, consider their entertainment and create a kid-friendly environment.

Remember, your wedding guest list is about surrounding yourself with people who love and support you. It's okay to set boundaries and make tough decisions to ensure your day is filled with joy and celebration.

How to handle parents' input

Deciding on a wedding guest list can be a tricky process, especially when you have to consider the input of your parents. Here are some tips to help you handle this situation effectively:

Discuss Budget and Venue First

Before finalising your guest list, it's essential to have a clear understanding of your wedding budget and the capacity of your chosen venue. The number of guests you can invite will depend on these factors, so it's best to have this information before involving your parents. This way, you can set realistic expectations and avoid potential conflicts.

Be Fair and Equitable

Involve your parents and in-laws in the guest list process by allocating a specific number of invites to each set of parents. A common approach is to divide the guest list into thirds, with one-third for the couple, one-third for the bride's parents, and one-third for the groom's parents. This ensures that everyone feels included and valued.

Set Clear Boundaries

Communicate your vision for the wedding clearly to your parents. If you prefer a small, intimate wedding with only close friends and family, let them know. Set boundaries and be firm about the type of celebration you want. It's your wedding, and while you want to accommodate your parents' wishes, it's essential to stay true to your vision.

Have Open and Honest Conversations

Sit down with your parents and in-laws and have open and honest conversations about the guest list. Be respectful of their wishes, but also express your own desires for the day. It's important to maintain a good relationship with your parents during the planning process, so handle these discussions with tact and diplomacy.

Compromise Where Possible

While it's your wedding and your decision, try to find a compromise that works for everyone. If your parents are contributing financially, consider allowing them to invite a few additional guests. However, if there are certain people you truly don't want at your wedding, stand your ground and politely but firmly decline their inclusion.

Don't Be Afraid to Disagree

Remember that you don't have to agree with every suggestion your parents make. It's okay to disagree and have differing opinions. As long as you handle these disagreements respectfully and don't let them escalate into arguments, it's normal to have differing views on the guest list.

Plus-ones and children

Deciding on your wedding guest list can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to plus-ones and children. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Plus-ones

• It is generally recommended to invite guests with a partner or spouse, even if you haven't met them or don't particularly like them. This includes married couples, engaged couples, and those who live together.
• It is also common courtesy to offer a plus-one to members of the wedding party, as a token of appreciation for their time and effort.
• For other guests, it is more discretionary. You might consider factors such as the guest's relationship status, whether they know other guests, and your budget and venue capacity.
• If you are unable to offer plus-ones to all guests, be consistent in your approach. For example, you could offer plus-ones only to those in serious relationships or long-term partnerships.
• When addressing invitations, it is important to include the names of both guests in a couple. For plus-ones, you can write "and guest" if you don't know their name, but it is preferable to find out their name and address the invitation to them directly.

Children

• Whether or not to invite children is entirely up to you and your partner. Some people enjoy having kids at their wedding, while others prefer an adult-only affair.
• If you choose to invite children, be sure to include their names on the invitation. It is not appropriate to write "and family" or "the Smith family". Address each child by name, either on the inner envelope or the invitation itself.
• Consider providing a separate seat for each child, including babies and toddlers. This can be helpful for parents, even if the child ends up sitting on their lap.
• If you decide not to invite children, be consistent and firm in your decision. You don't want to cause hurt feelings or create an impression of inconsistency.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who matter most to you. Don't be afraid to set boundaries and make decisions that align with your vision for the big day.

Coworkers

When it comes to coworkers, it can be tricky to decide who to invite to your wedding, especially if you spend a lot of time with them. Here are some tips to help you navigate this:

Assess Your Friendship Outside of Work

Consider how close you are with your coworkers outside of the office. Do you socialise with them outside of working hours? Do you grab drinks, go to dinner, or attend each other's birthday parties? If you can envision being friends with them for a long time, then they might be worth inviting to your wedding. However, if your relationship is mostly confined to the office, then you may decide to leave them off the guest list.

You Don't Have to Invite Everyone

Remember that you are not obligated to invite all your coworkers, even if you work with them daily. The decision is entirely up to you and should be based on who you have a genuine connection with, not just who you feel obliged to invite. If you don't want to invite any coworkers, that's perfectly fine too.

Save Them for the End of Your List

Before considering your coworkers, start by listing your must-have guests, such as close family and friends. Then, determine how many spots you have left and assess which coworkers, if any, you'd like to include. This way, you can ensure that the people most important to you are on the list first.

Be Mindful of Your Boss

If you're inviting a lot of coworkers, it might be a good idea to extend an invitation to your boss as well. This is a polite gesture, and they will likely decline. However, if you're only inviting a few coworkers, you may choose to leave your boss off the guest list, especially if you want to keep your work and personal life separate.

Prepare for Their Reactions

If you decide not to invite certain coworkers, be prepared for how they might react. They may feel left out or awkward, especially if they know that other coworkers are invited. Have a polite response ready, such as "I was keeping my guest list small" or "I would be happy to celebrate this milestone with you in a different way."

B-list invites

Creating a B-list for your wedding can be a tricky process, but with some extra preparation, you can navigate it without any guest list faux pas. Here are some tips to help you with your B-list:

Make B-List Decisions Early

If you think you might need to separate your guest list into an A-List and a B-List, make that decision as soon as possible. This will give you time to decide who is on which list and figure out arrangements for invitations and RSVP deadlines.

Organise Intentionally

When creating your B-list, organise it in order of priority. Put those who feel really important but didn't quite make the cut at the top, and those who would be nice to include but are not necessary toward the bottom. This way, if a certain number of people from your A-list RSVP 'no', you can easily send invitations to the first few people on your B-list.

Make a Separate List for Family and Close Friends

To avoid any potential hurt feelings, decide what qualifies someone for the A-List versus the B-List, and apply this logic consistently across the board. This will decrease the chances of friends comparing when they were invited and figuring out that they may have been on the B-list.

Send Invitations Early

If you have a B-list, sending your A-list invitations around 12 weeks in advance will give you plenty of time to see who can't make it before getting your B-list invites in the mail. This way, you can still mail your B-list invitations within the traditional timeframe of six to eight weeks before the wedding.

Have Two Sets of RSVP Cards

To make the process easier, print two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first set, going out with the A-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before the wedding. The second set, which will go out with the B-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of roughly three weeks before the wedding, in line with traditional etiquette.

Mail the B-List Invites at Once

Choose a deadline for adding B-list guests to your "invited" list and mail all of those invitations on the same day. This will help you keep track of who you've added and ensure that invitations are arriving in a timely and predictable manner.

Frequently asked questions