Etiquette Guide: Signing Wedding Invites As A Couple

Wedding invitation etiquette is a nuanced and often confusing topic. When it comes to signing a wedding invitation, there are a few key considerations to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use full and formal names, including relevant titles such as Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Dr. The outer envelope should include the entire names of the guests, with specific indications if a plus one is invited. For example, Ms. Anderson & Guest or Mr. and Mrs. John Smith imply that only the guests named are invited. If children are also invited, this should be indicated with and Family. Traditionally, the husband's name would be listed first, but this can be adjusted for modern couples, with names listed in alphabetical order or in a way that makes the couple most comfortable.

The 'M' on RSVP cards stands for Mr., Miss, Mrs. and Ms

The letter "M" on RSVP cards is meant to be the first letter of the title or prefix of the person's name—Mr., Miss, Mrs., or Ms. It is followed by the guest's full name and the names of anyone else who has been invited. For example, "Ms. Jane Smith" is the correct response if someone is attending the wedding alone. The use of "M" is considered a bit old-fashioned, and some modern couples are now opting for "Name" or "Name(s)" instead.

When filling out the "M" line as a guest, it is essential to consider your relationship status. For instance, a married couple with the same last name would write "Mr. and Mrs. Adam Smith" or "Mr. Adam and Mrs. Sarah Smith." On the other hand, an unmarried couple of the same sex would write "Mr. Joe Johnson and Mr. Tom Jackson" or "Miss Pam Brown and Miss Mary Miller."

It is worth noting that the "M" line on RSVP cards is not mandatory. Couples can choose to replace it with "Name:" followed by a line for guests to write their first and last names. This approach is more inclusive, especially for those who do not identify with a specific title.

When filling out an RSVP card, it is also important to indicate whether you are accepting or declining the invitation and the number of guests attending. It is considered polite to respond as soon as possible and to provide clear and legible information for the couple's convenience.

Write full names, including titles

When addressing wedding invitations, it is important to include the full names of the invitees, along with their titles. This is true for both the inner and outer envelopes of the invitation. The outer envelope should be formal, with the recipient's full name and their personal title. This format is foolproof and works for couples of all genders, whether they share a surname or not, while still maintaining a traditional feel. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren" for a heterosexual couple, or "Mr. and Mrs. Samantha Rivera" for a same-sex couple.

If you feel that personal titles might be restrictive and exclusive for your guest list, you can choose to leave them out and instead use first and last names only. It is also important to respect non-binary identities and use the correct pronouns and titles. For example, "Mx. Sam Li" on the outer envelope.

For unmarried couples living at the same address, both names should be included on one line, with the person you are closest to listed first. For example, "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee".

When addressing a family with children under the age of 18, the outer envelope should include the names of the parents or guardians, while the inner envelope should list each child by name. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham" on the outer envelope, and "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham, Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly" on the inner envelope.

For older children over the age of 18, they should receive their own invitations. For example, "Ms. Audrey Abraham" on the outer envelope, and "Ms. Abraham" on the inner envelope.

In the case of married doctors, it is proper to use "The Doctors" followed by their last name. For example, "The Doctors Smith". If one spouse has a hyphenated last name, their invitation should be addressed using both spouses' last names. For example, "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft".

When addressing a couple with distinguished titles, such as military personnel or judges, the person with the higher-ranking title should be named first, regardless of gender. For example, "Lieutenant Jonathan Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Jane Kelly".

By following these guidelines, you can ensure that your wedding invitations are addressed correctly and respectfully, accommodating a range of identities and family structures.

Don't include uninvited guests

When it comes to wedding invitations, it's important to be clear about who is and isn't invited to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. Here are some tips and suggestions for ensuring that your guests understand that only those listed on the invitation are invited, without being too direct or rude:

Be Clear and Specific

It's important to be clear and specific about who is invited to the wedding. On the invitation envelope, list the names of the specific people who are invited, such as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" if only the parents are invited and not their children. If a guest is invited to bring a plus-one, be sure to include "and Guest" or the name of their significant other if you know it. This way, it is clear that only those listed are expected to attend.

Provide an RSVP Card

Including an RSVP card with your invitation can help manage guest numbers and clarify who is invited. You can include a line such as, "We have reserved __ seats in your honour" or "Number of guests attending: __". This makes it clear that there is a limited number of seats available and that only those listed on the invitation are invited.

Specify the Number of Guests

Another way to ensure that uninvited guests are not included is by specifying the number of guests on the RSVP card. You can write something like, "We have reserved ___ seats for you [and guest/partner name if applicable]". This way, guests understand that they are only invited with their partner or plus-one, and not any additional friends or family members.

Use Inner Envelopes

Using inner envelopes can be a subtle way to indicate who is invited, especially if you have a large family. List the names of the invited guests on the inner envelope, so it is clear that only those individuals are expected to attend. This can help avoid any confusion and ensure that your guests understand the limited guest list.

Be Upfront and Honest

If you need to be more direct, it's best to be upfront and honest with your guests. You can simply state that due to budget constraints or venue capacity, you are unable to accommodate additional guests. You can say something like, "We're so sorry, but due to budget constraints, we're keeping our guest list small" or "Unfortunately, our venue has limited capacity, so we've had to scale back our guest list." Most people will understand these limitations and respect your wishes.

Spread the Word

Another way to ensure that guests understand the limited guest list is by spreading the word through family and friends. Let your close friends and family members know that you are keeping the wedding intimate and ask them to pass on the message to others. This way, it's not just coming from you, and it may help avoid any hurt feelings or confusion.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you have the right to celebrate it the way you want. Be clear and specific in your invitations, use RSVP cards wisely, and don't be afraid to be upfront and honest with your guests. By following these tips, you can ensure that your special day includes only those people you want to share it with.

Send RSVP cards back promptly

Sending back your RSVP card promptly is one of the most important parts of wedding invitation etiquette. It's also one of the most commonly forgotten, with couples often having to track down guests last minute to find out if they're coming. So, to stay on the good side of the couple and make their wedding planning process a little easier, here's what you need to know about sending back your RSVP card promptly.

Check Your Calendar and Finalise Your Plans

As soon as you receive a wedding invitation, check your calendar and make any necessary arrangements. That way, you can send back the RSVP card as soon as possible. It's best to do this even before the deadline specified on the card, as this will give the couple more time to plan and adjust if needed.

Write Your Full Name and the Number of Guests Attending

On the RSVP card, you'll usually see a line with an "M" followed by a blank space. This is where you write your title (Mr., Miss, Mrs., or Ms.) and your full name. Only write the names of those attending. If there's a separate line or box for the number of guests, fill that in too. This will help the couple with their seating plan and headcount for the caterers.

Indicate Your Food Choices

If the couple has provided food options, be sure to select your preference and initial your choice. This is important, especially if you have any dietary restrictions. That way, the couple can inform the caterers and ensure there's something for you to eat.

Send the Card Back Even If You Can't Attend

It's essential to send back the RSVP card even if you can't attend the wedding. This helps the couple with their planning and may even allow them to invite someone else in your place. It's also good manners, as the couple will likely be waiting on your response and may have to reach out if they don't hear from you.

Mail the Card or Respond Online

Most wedding invitations will include a separate envelope for you to send back the RSVP card. Make sure to do this before the deadline, or even earlier if possible. Some couples may also provide an online option for responding, usually through their wedding website.

Remember, responding promptly to a wedding invitation is not only polite but also helps the couple immensely with their planning. So, fill out that RSVP card as soon as you can and pop it in the mail or respond online!

Include dietary restrictions

Including dietary restrictions on your wedding invitations is a thoughtful and practical way to ensure your guests' needs are met. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

• Ask on the Invitation: It is common to offer guests a choice between chicken, meat, fish, or a vegetarian option on their reply card. However, to accommodate various dietary restrictions, consider adding a line to your RSVP cards. For example, "Please inform us of any dietary restrictions or allergies." This allows guests to specify any additional requirements, such as gluten-free, vegan, or nut-free options.
• Provide Checkboxes: You can include checkboxes on the RSVP cards for common dietary restrictions, such as vegan/vegetarian, lactose-free, gluten-free, or nut allergies. This simplifies the process for your guests and gives them a clear understanding of the available options.
• Online Dietary Restriction Page: If you have a wedding website, consider creating a dedicated page for dietary restrictions. This can be as simple as including a line on your RSVP card, such as "For dietary restrictions, please visit our website." This approach keeps the RSVP card concise and provides guests with a private and detailed platform to communicate their needs.
• Indicate Number of Guests with Special Requests: If you choose to offer checkboxes or a dedicated space for dietary restrictions, ensure you also ask for the number of guests with those requirements. For example, "Vegetarian (number of guests): _____." This helps you accurately plan for the number of special meals required.
• Combination of Options: You can combine different approaches to suit your needs. For example, you can include checkboxes for common dietary restrictions and also provide a line for guests to specify any additional requirements. This ensures that you cover a range of possibilities and gives guests the flexibility to communicate their unique needs.
• Communication is Key: Remember that some guests with severe allergies or specific dietary requirements may prefer to contact you directly. They may choose to call or email you separately to discuss their needs in detail. Ensure that your contact information is easily accessible, so guests can reach out to you with any concerns.

By incorporating these suggestions, you can effectively include dietary restrictions on your wedding invitations and accommodate your guests' diverse needs.

Frequently asked questions