The Art Of Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Plus One Requests

Planning a wedding is a tricky business, and one of the most important aspects is the guest list. Deciding who to invite, and whether to allow plus-ones, can be a minefield. A plus-one is an additional guest of the invitee's choosing, usually a romantic partner, but it could also be a family member or friend. The number of plus-ones a couple can accommodate depends on their budget and venue capacity. It is generally considered good etiquette to offer a plus-one to anyone in an established relationship, and to members of the wedding party. It is also a thoughtful gesture to offer a plus-one to any solo guests who won't know anyone else at the wedding. If you are unable to offer plus-ones to all guests, it is best to have a clear and consistent rule, such as only guests who are married or cohabiting are allowed to bring a partner. This helps to avoid any potential drama or hurt feelings. When it comes to communicating this to guests, it is important to be clear and concise. Address invitations to the exact invitee(s), using both names for couples and including and guest for single guests with a plus-one. For guests without a plus-one, simply address the invitation to their name.

Who gets a plus one?

Deciding who gets a plus one at your wedding can be tricky. There are no set rules, but there are some general guidelines and best practices to follow.

Firstly, it's important to consider your budget and venue capacity. If you have an unlimited budget and ample space, you could offer every guest a plus one. However, for most couples, this is not feasible, and tough decisions will need to be made.

• Members of the couple's immediate family.
• Wedding party members, as a token of appreciation for their time, love, energy, and financial contributions.
• Outlier guests who won't know many other attendees. This could include people who are travelling from out of town and may feel lonely or uncomfortable without a familiar face.
• Married, engaged, or cohabitating couples. Even if you haven't met their spouse or partner, it's respectful to invite them as a pair.
• Couples who are in a serious or long-term relationship, even if they don't live together.
• Close friends who are single and don't know many other guests.
• New couples or those who are casually dating.
• Single guests who know everyone at the wedding and will have friends or family there.
• Guests who are part of a larger group, such as aunts, uncles, or cousins, who may assume they can bring additional guests.

Remember, it's your wedding, and ultimately the decision is up to you and your partner. Be consistent with your choices, and communicate any restrictions clearly and kindly to your guests.

How to address the envelope

When it comes to addressing your wedding invitations, it's important to be clear about who is and isn't invited, to avoid any confusion or awkwardness. Here are some tips on how to address the envelopes to include plus-ones:

The Outer Envelope

The outer envelope should be addressed to the recipient(s). If a guest is allowed a plus-one, write their name followed by "and guest". For example, "Mr. James R. Smith and guest". This is the traditional way of indicating a plus-one. However, if you are inviting a couple, write both of their names on the outer envelope. For instance, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".

The Inner Envelope

If you are using a more modern invitation with only one envelope, or sending an online invitation, be sure to clearly address all invitees. If the couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If a single guest is allowed a plus-one, write their name and "and guest". For example, "Mrs. Valerie Smith and Guest".

RSVP Card

To avoid any confusion, be very clear on the RSVP card about the number of guests you are inviting. You can write, "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour" and fill in the blank with the number of guests invited. For instance, if a guest is not allowed a plus-one, write "1 seat". Alternatively, you can write, "____ of 2 will be attending" to indicate the number of guests invited.

Wedding Website

Your wedding website is a great place to provide additional clarity and set expectations for your guests. You can include a sentence such as, "Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate plus-ones due to our venue capacity. We appreciate your understanding, and can't wait to celebrate with you!" This is especially useful if you are unable to accommodate plus-ones due to budget or space constraints.

Remember, it's important to be consistent with your plus-one invitations to avoid any potential hurt feelings or drama between guests.

What to write on the RSVP card

When it comes to letting guests know they can bring a plus one, the general consensus is to write "and guest" on the envelope of the invitation. If you know the name of the plus one, it is more appropriate to include their name instead of "guest".

Now, for the RSVP card, here are some things to include to ensure there are no surprises on your big day:

• A blank line for guests to write their names and the names of their plus ones. On a formal RSVP card, an "M" can be included at the start of the line to indicate that guests should include their proper honorific (Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss).
• A way for guests to indicate how many people will be attending. This is especially important if you've invited multiple people with one invitation (e.g. families and couples) or if guests are bringing plus ones. You could use something like "___ of ___ guests attending", filling in the second blank yourself according to the number of people invited.
• An attendance line for guests to accept or decline the invitation. This could be formatted as checkboxes, circling, or fill-in-the-blank lines. Some examples of formal and traditional wordings include "Joyfully accepts / Regretfully declines" or "Accepts with delight / Declines with apologies". If you prefer a more casual approach, you could go with options like "Yes, I'll be there / Sorry, I'll be there in spirit" or "Can't wait to celebrate / Sad to miss it".
• Space for guests to indicate their food preferences and any dietary requirements or allergies. If you're offering a choice of food options, include them on the RSVP card with blank lines or empty boxes for guests to mark their selection. For dietary requirements, include a blank line for guests to fill in themselves.
• A special request line. A common one is song requests, but some couples also ask for guests' drink of choice, a favourite memory of the couple, or relationship advice.
• Stamped and addressed envelopes for guests to send their RSVP cards back. It is considered rude to make your guests pay for sending their RSVP cards, and including pre-stamped envelopes makes it much easier and quicker for them to respond.

Finally, it is recommended to pick a date for responses to be returned by, at least a few weeks before the final headcount is needed. This deadline should be featured prominently on the RSVP card.

How to communicate 'no plus ones'

Deciding who gets a plus-one and who doesn't can be a tricky part of wedding planning. Here are some tips on how to communicate that there are no plus-ones:

Be Clear and Consistent

It is best to have a blanket rule for plus-ones: either every guest is allowed to bring a date, or no one is. This avoids any potential drama or hurt feelings between guests. If you do decide to allow some guests to bring a plus-one, be sure to establish clear criteria for who gets to invite someone. For example, you could decide that only guests who are married, engaged, or cohabiting are allowed to bring their partner.

Address Invitations Correctly

When sending out wedding invitations, address them to the specific guest or guests who are invited. For weddings where plus-ones are allowed, the invitation might read "Mr John Smith plus Guest". If there is no "plus guest" mentioned, it should be clear that the guest cannot bring a date. When inviting families, it is best to address the invitation to specific individuals rather than "the Smith family", to make it obvious that only the named people are expected to attend.

Make it Clear on the RSVP Card

The RSVP card is a useful tool for communicating the plus-one rule. Write the guest(s) names on the reply card yourself, leaving no room for them to add anyone else. You could also add a section saying, "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour", filling in the blank with the number of people invited.

Add a FAQ to Your Wedding Website

A FAQ section on your wedding website is a good place to address the issue of plus-ones. You could include a question like "Can I bring a date (plus one) to your wedding?" and then explain your reasoning for not allowing plus-ones, such as budget or space constraints. For example:

> "Unfortunately, due to budget and space limitations, we simply can’t afford for all of our lovely guests to bring a guest of their own. Therefore, we respectfully ask that guests do not bring a plus one, unless they are specifically named on the invitation. Thank you so much for understanding!"

Inform Guests in Advance

Before you even send out invitations, you can let guests know about the "no plus-ones" rule in casual conversation when discussing your wedding plans. Explaining your reasons for this rule (financial limitations, space, etc.) can help to soften the news.

Be Prepared for Questions

Even if you make the rule absolutely clear, some guests may still ask if they can bring a plus-one. Decide in advance how opposed you are to making exceptions and stick to your rule. You can politely turn down their request by explaining your reasoning and perhaps offering to get together with them after the wedding instead.

What to do if a guest requests a plus one

When a guest requests a plus one, it can be tricky to decide what to do. Here are some steps to help you navigate this situation:

• Have a conversation with your partner: Discuss your budget, venue capacity, and relationship with the person requesting the plus one. Be consistent and establish rules to avoid any favouritism.
• Consider the guest's relationship status: If the guest is married, engaged, or cohabitating, it is generally considered appropriate to offer a plus one. This acknowledges their commitment and avoids any potential hurt feelings.
• Be mindful of your wedding party: It is recommended to offer a plus one to members of the wedding party as a token of appreciation for their time, love, and energy.
• Have clear criteria: If you allow one single guest to bring a plus one, it is polite to offer the same to all single guests to avoid any hurt feelings.
• Communicate your decision: When denying a plus one request, be honest and polite. You can explain that you are keeping the wedding intimate or that you have limited venue capacity.
• Be gracious: Even if you are denying the request, do so with kindness and clarity. Accept that there may be hurt feelings, but stand by your decision if you and your partner agree.
• Offer a compromise: If possible, consider inviting the guest's partner to certain wedding events but not others, such as the ceremony and reception but not the rehearsal dinner.
• Plan ahead: If you anticipate plus one requests, order extra wedding invitations to save money and time.
• Handle with care: When addressing invitations, use the guest's name and "and guest" if a plus one is offered. Avoid writing "plus one" as it is not considered proper etiquette.
• Be prepared: Guests may still ask for a plus one even if it is not offered. Have a gracious response ready, such as, "We wish we could allow everyone to bring a plus one, but we faced some limitations."

Frequently asked questions