Writing Wedding Invites: Guest Etiquette Explained

Wedding invitations are a crucial part of the wedding planning process. It is important to ensure that the invitations are addressed correctly to avoid any confusion and to make guests feel welcome. The traditional way to address wedding invitations is to include an outer envelope with a formal address and an inner envelope with a more informal address. The outer envelope should include the recipient's full name and title, while the inner envelope can be more casual and include first names only. When inviting a couple, it is important to list both names on the same line, and for unmarried couples living together, each name should be listed on a separate line. If children are invited, their names should be included on the inner envelope. For guests with a plus one, it is best to include their name if known, or simply write and guest.

Inviting a family with children

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding is a tricky issue. It's important to make your decision early on and be clear about your expectations. If you're inviting a family with children, here are some tips on how to handle the situation:

Be Clear About Your Policy

It's crucial to communicate your decision to your guests clearly. You can include information about whether children are invited on your wedding invitations or create a separate page on your wedding website. If you're only inviting specific children, list their names to avoid any confusion. Be prepared for some guests to be unhappy with your decision, especially if they have to make alternative childcare arrangements.

Addressing Invitations to Families with Children

When addressing invitations to families with children, there are a few etiquette rules to follow. If you're using double envelopes, the outer envelope should be more formal, with the parents' full names and titles, such as "Mr." and "Mrs." On the inner envelope, list the first names of the children and address the girls as "Miss." If you're not inviting children, simply omit their names from the invitation.

Other Considerations

If you're inviting children, consider their needs during the wedding. You may want to provide a children's menu, entertainment, or activities to keep them occupied. Think about seating arrangements—younger children may want to sit with their parents, while older kids could be seated at a separate kids' table. If your budget allows, hiring a babysitter or children's entertainer can be a great way to keep the little ones occupied and ensure a stress-free day for the parents.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you choose. Be considerate of your guests' needs, but ultimately, make the decision that works best for you and your partner.

Addressing a married couple

When addressing a married couple on a wedding invitation, there are a few different options to consider, depending on your relationship with the couple and their marital status. Here are some detailed instructions and examples to help you with this task:

Married Couple with the Same Last Name:

Outer Envelope (formal):

• For a heterosexual couple, the traditional format is "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's First Name] [Last Name]. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. John Rivera".
• For a same-sex couple, either name can come first. For instance, "Mr. and Mrs. Samantha Rivera".
• If the couple prefers an egalitarian approach, list both first and last names. For example, "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren".

Inner Envelope (informal):

You can use the same format as the outer envelope but without the middle names or titles. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Rivera" or "John and Samantha".

Married Couple with Different Last Names:

Outer Envelope:

• Write their names on the same line with the person you are closest with or the woman's name first. For example, "Ms. Celine Elgin and Ms. Jacqueline Purcell".
• If the names are too long, list them separately. For instance, "Ms. Celine Elgin and Ms. Purcell".

Inner Envelope:

Use their first names or a combination of titles and last names. For example, "Celine and Jacqueline" or "Ms. Elgin and Ms. Purcell".

Married Couple with One Hyphenated Last Name:

Outer Envelope:

Address the invitation to the couple with the person you are closest with or the husband's name first. For example, "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft".

Inner Envelope:

You can use their first names or a combination of titles and the first part of the last name. For instance, "Marcus and Brian" or "Mr. Craft and Mr. Crosby-Craft".

Married Couple with One Person Holding a Distinguished Title:

If one of the individuals in the married couple has a distinguished title, such as a doctor, military rank, or judge, follow these guidelines:

Outer Envelope:

List the person with the distinguished title first, followed by their spouse's name. For example, "Lieutenant Jonathan Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Jane Kelly" or "Dr. Tami Takata and Mr. Christina Smith".

Inner Envelope:

Use the abbreviated title for the outer envelope and list the person with the distinguished title first or use their first names. For example, "Lt. Kelly and Mrs. Kelly" or "Tami and Christina".

Married Couple with Both People Holding Distinguished Titles:

If both individuals in the married couple have distinguished titles, such as doctors or military personnel:

Outer Envelope:

• Address them as "The Doctors" or "Drs. [Last Name]" if they have the same last name. For example, "The Doctors Smith".
• If they have different last names, list them separately with the person holding the higher rank or the woman's name first. For instance, "Dr. Anne Barker and Mr. Peter Underwood".

Inner Envelope:

Use their titles and last names or just their first names. For example, "The Doctors Smith" or "Matthew and Angela".

Addressing an unmarried couple

When addressing an unmarried couple on a wedding invitation, there are a few conventions to follow. Firstly, if the couple lives together, their names should be written on separate lines in alphabetical order, with each name preceded by their title and last name:

> Ms. Mary Ann

> Mr. Tom Thumb

> 123 Address Street

> City, ST 10000

If the couple does not live together, the invitation should be addressed to the person you are closest with. For the outer envelope, use only their name and title:

> Mr. Bob Knots

> 123 Address Street

> City, ST 10000

For the inner envelope, you can write both names, with the name of the person you are closest with coming first:

> Mr. Bob Knots

> Ms. Mary Smith

If you are inviting an unmarried couple and want to include a "plus one", it is best to find out and write their name on the envelope. However, if this is not possible, it is acceptable to add "and guest" after the guest's name.

In terms of titles, it is best to use titles that reflect the guest's preferred gender expression. For instance, "Mx." can be used for non-binary guests.

Addressing an individual

When addressing an individual on a wedding invitation, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use the person's preferred title. If they are unmarried, the appropriate title would be "Ms." for women and "Mr." for men. However, if you are unsure of their preferred title or wish to avoid using one, you can choose to forgo the title altogether. For example, on the outer envelope, you can write "Ms. Ali Johnson", while on the inner envelope, you can simply write "Ali Johnson".

If the guest is a widowed or divorced woman, it is recommended to inquire about their preferred title. They may prefer to be addressed using their married name, such as "Mrs. George Devereaux", or they may prefer "Ms." followed by their married or maiden name. For example, "Mrs/Ms. Cookie Lyon" or "Mrs/Ms. Cookie Holloway".

When addressing a single male, the title "Mr." is used, followed by their full name. For example, "Mr. George Costanza". If the male guest is under the age of 18, no title is necessary, and you can simply write their name.

In the case of non-binary individuals, the appropriate honorific is typically "Mx.". For example, "Mx. Courtney Andrews". However, if you are unsure of their preferred title, it is best to ask them directly.

It is also important to note that children over the age of 18 should receive separate invitations, even if they live with their parents. On the outer envelope, write the name of each individual being invited, and on the inner envelope, you can group titles together, such as "Misses." for multiple females.

When addressing individuals with distinguished titles, such as judges, priests, or military personnel, it is proper to use their title followed by their full name. For example, "The Honorable Sonia Sotomayor" for a judge or "Father Damien Karras" for a priest.

Addressing a guest with a plus-one

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, there are a few different approaches you can take to let guests know about a plus-one. Here are some detailed instructions and examples to help you navigate this aspect of your wedding planning:

Inviting a Plus-One:

The traditional way to indicate a plus-one on a wedding invitation is to include "and Guest" after the guest's name. For example, "Mr. Smith and Guest". This is a simple and clear way to communicate that the guest is invited to bring someone.

Knowing Your Guest's Plus-One:

If you know the name of your guest's plus-one, it is more personal to include their name on the invitation. You can write the guest's name and then include their plus-one's name on a separate line. For instance, "Ms. Jane Doe and John Smith". This approach is especially thoughtful if your guest is married, engaged, or in a serious relationship.

Inner Envelope or Note:

Some couples choose to include an inner envelope with their invitation, which is more informal. Here, you can address the guest more casually by their first name and then include "and Guest". Alternatively, you can add a handwritten note at the bottom of the invitation card or on the back, stating "You are invited to bring a plus-one" or "You are invited to bring a guest".

Seating Arrangements:

When it comes to seating charts, escort cards, or place settings, you can simply write the plus-one's name once you have confirmed their attendance. This allows for a more personalised experience for your guests and their dates.

Online Invitations:

With the rise of digital invitations, you can still follow similar etiquette. Be sure to address all invitees clearly and include their plus-ones by name if known. If not, you can use the "and Guest" format.

Remember, the key is to make your guests and their plus-ones feel welcome and comfortable. You can always adjust these guidelines to fit your wedding's tone and style, whether it's formal or casual.

Frequently asked questions