Inviting Family To Your Wedding: To Ask Or Not?

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. It's your wedding, so you can invite whoever you want. You shouldn't feel obligated to invite anyone, including family members, especially if there's a good reason to leave them off the list.

Dos

- Surround yourself with loved ones. Family can mean close friends that you consider closer than blood relatives.

- Be mindful and gentle with people's feelings. It's important to be aware that uninvited family members may simply feel left out.

- Think of other ways to include non-invited family members, such as a second reception or streaming the wedding online.

- Invite the people you love and are close to.

Don'ts

- Invite people you've lost touch with. If you haven't spoken to or been in touch with someone in years, you don't have to invite them.

- Let your parents add guests you don't know. You shouldn't have to invite anyone out of obligation.

- Feel obligated to invite children. Decide if you want children at your wedding, and if so, in what capacity.

- Invite anyone who doesn't support you and your partner. There should be no drama, hate, discrimination, or family drama at your wedding.

They don't support your relationship

If your family doesn't support your relationship, it can be a serious struggle and a painful situation. It might make you feel terrible or torn between your family and your partner. It is important to remember that your wedding day is one of the biggest days of your life, so you are allowed to do it on your terms. That might mean letting some people down and not extending an invite.

Family members who don't support your relationship shouldn't be invited to your wedding. This may mean not inviting parents, cousins or extended family members who aren't rooting for you and speak badly about your relationship.

• Be honest and direct with them about why they aren't invited.
• Lean on reasons like venue or budget constraints if you don't want to be direct.
• Set clear boundaries and be prepared to enforce them.
• Focus on the family members who are supportive and who you do invite.
• Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship with the family members who aren't invited.

You've had a falling out

If you've had a falling out with family members, you may not want to invite them to your wedding. This is a completely valid choice, and you shouldn't feel pressured to invite anyone you don't want to. However, it can be difficult to navigate this situation, especially if you've already sent out save-the-dates. Here are some tips on how to handle this scenario:

• Consider whether the relationship can be salvaged: If there is any chance of repairing the relationship, it may be worth trying to do so before making a final decision about the guest list. This could involve attending therapy together or having an open and honest conversation.
• Respect your partner's wishes: If your partner is the one who had the falling out with their family, respect their decision, even if it means causing a rift with their family. Ultimately, it is their family, and they should be the ones to decide whether or not to invite them.
• Be honest and direct: If you don't want to invite certain family members, be honest and direct with them. Let them know that you are not comfortable having them at your wedding and that your decision is final. You don't need to provide a detailed explanation, but you can simply state that you don't feel it would be a good idea for them to be there.
• Prepare for negative reactions: Be prepared for the possibility that family members may react negatively to not being invited. They may get offended, lash out, or try to guilt you into changing your mind. Stand your ground and set clear boundaries. Let them know that you understand they are disappointed but that your decision is final.
• Lean on reasons like venue constraints: If you don't want to directly tell family members they aren't invited, you can cite reasons such as venue constraints, budget limitations, or a limited guest list. While this may not always be well-received, it can help to soften the blow and avoid direct confrontation.
• Focus on the family you are inviting: Instead of dwelling on the family members who aren't invited, shift your focus to the people who are supportive and excited for your wedding. Surround yourself with love and positivity in the lead-up to your big day.
• Allow yourself to grieve: It's normal to feel a sense of loss when a relationship with a family member breaks down. Take time to acknowledge and grieve the end of this relationship, even as you celebrate your upcoming marriage.
• Consider the possibility of reconciliation: If you are open to repairing the relationship with family members in the future, communicate this to them. Let them know that while you don't feel comfortable having them at your wedding, you are willing to work on rebuilding the relationship separately from the wedding.

They're controlling

It's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want to. You should definitely never feel obligated to invite anyone, including family members, especially if there’s a good reason to leave them off the list.

If you have a controlling family member, you may consider having them not turn up at your wedding to minimize stress on your big day. Weddings already come with a certain amount of stress, so it's imperative that you reconsider adding people that are overly controlling, confrontational, and want to be the center of attention. You need to be able to enjoy your friends and family as well as bask in the beginning of your happily ever after.

If you're dealing with overwhelming nerves, practice the conversation with a loved one beforehand. You can then prepare your family member for the conversation versus just springing it on them.

• Over the past few years, our relationship hasn't been the greatest, and while I'm open to working on that… I just don't think my wedding day is the place to hash it out
• Hi _____________, while I love and respect our relationship/friendship I will not be able to invite you to my wedding because __________

Prepare for negative outcomes such as your family member getting offended or lashing out about it. Be ready to stand your ground and set any necessary boundaries to protect your peace. Also, remember that a clear boundary should also have a consequence, so think about what yours will be beforehand. For instance, if a family member insists on arguing or says they'll show up despite them not being invited, you could say:

• I understand you're disappointed or upset, but if you turn up to my wedding, you'll be escorted out.
• I understand you feel hurt by my decision, but I would like you to respect it as I won't change my mind. If you can't, I'm going to end this conversation.

You don't have to invite your entire family

Weddings are a time of celebration, but they can also be a source of stress and anxiety, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. It is not uncommon for couples to feel pressured to invite their entire family, even if they are not close to certain members. However, it is important to remember that your wedding day is about you and your partner, and you should surround yourself with people who bring you joy and support your relationship. Here are some reasons why you don't have to invite your entire family to your wedding:

• It's your wedding, your rules: Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life, and you should feel free to celebrate it on your terms. If inviting your entire family will create a negative atmosphere or cause unnecessary stress, you are not obligated to do so.
• Budget constraints: Weddings can be expensive, and the cost per guest can quickly add up. If you are on a tight budget, it may not be feasible to invite your entire family. Instead, focus on inviting those who are closest to you and will contribute to a positive and joyful atmosphere.
• Rocky relationships: If you have family members with whom you have a strained or non-existent relationship, you may not want to invite them to your wedding. This is especially true if they do not support your relationship or have caused pain to you or your family. It is important to surround yourself with people who love and support you on your big day.
• Uncomfortable guests: If there are family members who tend to create drama or make you or your guests uncomfortable, you are not obligated to invite them. Your wedding should be a celebration, and you should not feel pressured to include people who may detract from that.
• Venue limitations: Your wedding venue may have capacity restrictions that limit the number of guests you can invite. In this case, you may need to prioritize and only invite those family members who are closest to you.

When deciding whether or not to invite certain family members to your wedding, it is important to be mindful of their feelings. However, ultimately, your wedding day is about you and your partner, and you should feel empowered to celebrate it in a way that feels authentic and joyful to you.

You can lean on reasons like venue or budget constraints

If you don't want to tell family members straight up that they can't come, you can lean on reasons like venue constraints, budget constraints, or not having space on your guest list.

If you don't want to invite certain family members to your wedding, you can blame the venue. For example, you could say, "Oh, we're so sorry, but the venue can only fit X number of people. If we go over we violate the fire code, and they'll shut the whole event down. We had to make such hard decisions, it was really difficult for us."

If you're dealing with overwhelming nerves, practice the conversation with a loved one beforehand.

Frequently asked questions