Wedding Etiquette: No Children, No Offense

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. Many couples choose to have child-free weddings, but it can be difficult to know how to communicate this to guests in a polite and considerate way. It's important to be sensitive and tactful when wording your invitations, as some parents can be sensitive when it comes to whether or not their children are included. Here are some tips and tricks to help you navigate this potentially tricky situation.

Address invitations to specific adults only

When addressing your wedding invitations to specific adults only, it is important to be clear and direct to avoid any confusion. Here are some tips and examples to help you communicate that children are not included in the invitation:

• Use clear and direct language: On the outer envelope, write the names of the specific adults invited. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith". This makes it obvious that only the addressed adults are invited.
• Be specific about the invitation details: On the response card, write the exact names of the invited guests and the number of seats reserved for them. For example, "We have reserved two seats for Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Please respond by [date]." This leaves no room for ambiguity and ensures that guests understand that children are not included.
• Provide a clear indication on the invitation: While it is generally not recommended to explicitly state "adults only" on the invitation, you can include a subtle note at the bottom of the invitation or the RSVP card. For example, "Please note, this is an adult-only reception."
• Use your wedding website: Create a section on your wedding website that mentions you are having a child-free wedding. This allows guests to plan accordingly and gives them a more explicit indication that children are not included in the invitation.
• Combine invitation addressing with a website note: Address the invitations to specific adults and include a line on the FAQ page of your wedding website explaining that children are not invited. For example, "Is this an adult-only wedding? Yes, we kindly request an adult-only occasion."
• Be consistent: Ensure that your inner and outer envelopes match, and that the names on the response card align with the addressed guests. This consistency will help to reinforce the message that only the specified adults are invited.
• Provide a polite explanation: If you wish, you can include a brief explanation about your decision. For example, "Due to limited venue space, adults only, please."
• Be timely: Inform your guests about your decision as soon as possible. This gives them time to make necessary arrangements and helps to avoid any misunderstandings.
• Avoid assuming guests will infer from venue choice: While certain venues may imply a child-free event (such as a "luxury hotel" or "downtown nightclub"), it is still important to be explicit in your communication to avoid any confusion or assumptions.
• Be considerate in your wording: While it is important to be clear, try to maintain a polite and respectful tone. Avoid any language that may be perceived as offensive or hurtful. For example, instead of saying "no kids," opt for phrases like "adults-only celebration."

Add a note with the invitation

If you're worried that the message won't get across, you can include a wedding note card alongside the invitation. This is a small card that lets you include extra information about the wedding. On this card, inform your guests (in a kind and polite way) that the wedding will be adults-only.

• "Regrettably, we are unable to extend our invitation to children, due to space and budget constraints. Thank you for your understanding."
• "Although we love your little ones, unfortunately, our venue is unable to accommodate guests under the age of 16."
• "We have decided to make our special day adults-only – so you can take the day off and let your hair down! If you need assistance arranging childcare, please let us know and we'll try our best to help."
• "We love your children, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of [insert number] on our wedding day."
• "The couple requests this be an adults-only event."
• "Unfortunately, we cannot host any children at our wedding. We appreciate your understanding."
• "We politely request no children attend the ceremony and reception. Thank you in advance for understanding."
• "We would love to include everyone's children, but the wedding will have youth attendants."

If you are particularly close to any friends' or family's children, it's a nice idea to include a personal note with the invitations to reiterate that you're sorry not to include them.

Be specific on the reply card

When it comes to reply cards, it's important to be specific about who is invited to the wedding. Here are some ways to politely and clearly indicate that children are not invited:

Be Specific About the Number of Guests

One way to indicate that children are not included in the invitation is to specify the number of guests. For example, you can write, "We have reserved [number] spots for you" or "___ adults would love to attend." This makes it clear that the invitation is for the specified number of adults only.

Mention the Names of the Invited Guests

Another way to be specific is to mention the names of the invited guests on the reply card. You can address the envelope with the names of those invited, ensuring that children's names are not included. This reinforces that the invitation is only for the named individuals.

Provide a Clear Message on the Reply Card

You can also include a clear message on the reply card itself. Some examples include:

• "We kindly request this be an adult-only wedding."
• "Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate children."
• "Please note that this is an adults-only celebration."
• "We respectfully request no children under the age of [age] at the reception."
• "This invitation is extended to adults only."

Address the Reasoning Behind the Decision

If you'd like, you can provide a brief explanation for your decision to have an adult-only wedding. For example:

• "Due to limited venue space, adults only please."
• "Due to budget/space limitations, we are unable to extend the invitation to children."
• "We regret that due to the large number of children within our family and friends, we have decided to make our wedding day an adult-only occasion."

Remember, it's important to be consistent with your policy and make exceptions only for specific cases, such as children of immediate family or those in the wedding party. Be prepared to accept that some parents may not be able to attend due to your adult-only policy.

Add information to your wedding website

If you have a wedding website, it is a good idea to add a page explaining that the wedding will be child-free. You could include this information as part of an FAQ page. For example, you could pose the question: "Can I bring my children?" and then answer with: "Unfortunately, we're unable to accommodate guests under the age of 18 (aside from our flower girls). We appreciate your understanding."

You could also include a goodwill gesture by setting up a page with email addresses and telephone numbers for professional nannies and babysitters in the area. This can be especially helpful if you are having a destination wedding, as it can be more difficult for parents to travel with children or find childcare in another country.

• "Is this an adult-only wedding? Yes, we hope parents will enjoy their well-earned night off!"
• "Is this an adult-only wedding? Largely, yes! Due to restrictions at the venue, we can only accommodate children of immediate family at our wedding."
• "Will children be attending the wedding? In order to allow all guests, including parents, an evening of relaxation, we have chosen for our wedding day to be an adult-only occasion. We hope this advance notice means you are still able to share our big day and will enjoy having the evening off!"
• "We love your children, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of [insert number] on our wedding day."
• "The couple requests this be an adults-only event."
• "Unfortunately, we cannot host any children at our wedding. We appreciate your understanding."

Spread the word through family and friends

Deciding on a child-free wedding can be a tricky topic to navigate, but it's important to remember that it's your wedding and your decision. The best way to spread the word through family and friends is to communicate clearly and consistently. Here are some ways to do that:

Be Direct and Consistent

It's important to be clear and consistent with your message. Let your family and friends know that you are having an adult-only wedding. You can be polite and respectful while still being firm. Use phrases like, "We kindly request this be an adult-only wedding," or "Please note that this is an adults-only celebration." Consistency is key, so make sure the same message is coming from all members of the wedding party.

Address Invitations Properly

When addressing your invitations, be sure to only include the names of those who are invited. Include their names on the inner envelope to make it clear who is invited. For example, you can address the outer envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Sullivan" and the inner envelope to "Mike and Annie." This way, it is clear that only Mike and Annie are invited, not their children.

Use RSVP Cards

You can also use your RSVP cards to reinforce the message. For example, you can say, "We have reserved ___ spots for you at the reception." This makes it clear that you are only expecting the adults and not their children.

Personalise Response Cards

Another way to be clear about your adult-only policy is to personalise each response card with the names of those who are invited. This leaves no room for confusion or misinterpretation.

Make Phone Calls

If you feel it's necessary, don't hesitate to pick up the phone and explain your decision to those with children. It can be a sensitive topic, and a personal conversation can go a long way in maintaining relationships and ensuring everyone is on the same page.

Use a Wedding Website

If you have a wedding website, this can be a great place to provide additional information. You can include a note about the adult-only policy and explain your reasons or provide suggestions for childcare options.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you are allowed to set the guest list as you see fit. By being clear, consistent, and respectful in your communication, you can help ensure that your family and friends understand your decision and can plan accordingly.

Frequently asked questions