Public Wedding Guest Lists: To Invite Or Not?

Creating a wedding guest list can be one of the most challenging aspects of wedding planning. Couples need to balance their own wishes with those of their families, as well as venue restrictions and budget considerations. Wedding planners recommend creating guest groups to help decide who to invite, starting with those closest to the couple and working outwards. This can also be helpful for creating A-lists and B-lists. While it's not necessary to invite co-workers, it's standard etiquette to include the spouses or long-term partners of invited guests.

Inviting family members

When it comes to inviting family members to your wedding, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to remember that you are not obligated to invite your entire family. If you have a large family, inviting everyone can be expensive and may not create the best atmosphere for your special day. It's perfectly acceptable to only invite the family members you are close to and want to share your day with.

If you do decide to invite family members, it's a good idea to follow certain etiquette rules when addressing the wedding invitations. For married couples, use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name on the outer envelope. For the inner envelope, you can use their first names, e.g., "John and Emily." If the couple has different last names, list the person you feel closest to first. For unmarried couples living together, use separate lines, with the person you know best on the first line.

When inviting children, include only the names of those over 18 on the outer envelope, and list the names of any invited children under 18 on the inner envelope. If you don't want to invite children, simply omit their names from the invitation. It's considered rude to explicitly state "no children" on the invitation. Instead, mention it on your wedding website or inform parents directly.

Finally, remember that you don't have to invite family members out of obligation. If certain family members don't support your relationship or constantly try to steal the spotlight, you may decide not to invite them. It's your special day, so only invite people who will bring you joy and help create a positive atmosphere.

Inviting friends

Friends are an integral part of a wedding, and inviting them to your special day requires thoughtful consideration. Here are some tips and suggestions for inviting friends to your wedding:

The Guest List

Creating a guest list can be challenging, especially when it comes to friends. It's essential to consider the depth of your friendship and how involved you want your friends to be in your wedding celebrations. Ask yourself: "Does spending time with them bring me joy? If the answer is yes, then they should definitely be on your guest list!

Inviting Long-Distance Friends

If you have friends who live far away, it's important to give them ample notice about your wedding plans. Send out "save the date" notices or early invitations to give them enough time to make travel arrangements. This thoughtful gesture will show your long-distance friends that you value their presence and want them to be part of your special day, even if they have to travel a considerable distance.

The Invitation Wording

When inviting friends to your wedding, it's essential to use warm and inviting wording that reflects your personality and style as a couple. You can opt for traditional, modern, or even funny wording, depending on your preference. Here are some examples:

• "We're getting married, and we want you to be part of our special day! Please save the date and join us as we celebrate our love."
• "Our love story is about to take a new chapter, and we would be delighted if you could witness it. Please join us on [date] and help us create unforgettable memories."
• "You've been there for me through thick and thin, and now I'm delighted to invite you to my wedding. Your presence will make this day even more meaningful."
• "We're taking the plunge and would love for you to join us! Save the date and let's make this celebration one to remember."

The Practical Details

When inviting friends, don't forget to include all the practical details in your invitations, such as the date, time, and venue of the wedding. If there is a specific dress code or theme, be sure to mention that as well. You may also want to include RSVP information, such as a deadline for responses and any dietary restrictions your friends may have.

Plus-Ones for Friends

Another consideration when inviting friends is whether to offer plus-ones. It's common to invite long-term partners or spouses, but if your friend doesn't have a serious partner, you may want to consider their feelings and offer a plus-one anyway. This can make them feel more comfortable, especially if they don't know many other guests.

Children of Friends

If you have friends with children, you'll need to decide whether to invite them. Some couples choose to have an adults-only wedding, while others welcome children. If you're on the fence, consider the ages of the children and whether they would enjoy the celebrations. You could also offer babysitting services as an option for friends with young children.

Keeping Friends Informed

After sending out invitations, it's a good idea to keep your friends updated about any changes or additional details. This could be done through a wedding website, email updates, or even a WhatsApp group specifically for invited friends. This ensures that your friends have all the information they need to plan their attendance and shows that you value their presence.

Gifts and Wishes

Lastly, when inviting friends, be mindful of any cultural or social expectations regarding gifts. Some friends may want to contribute to your celebration with a gift, so providing a registry or wish list can be helpful. Alternatively, you may want to specify that their presence is enough of a gift, especially if they are travelling far or have already given you an engagement gift.

In conclusion, inviting friends to your wedding is a special part of the planning process. It's a chance to celebrate with the people who bring you joy and share in your happiness. By following the above suggestions, you can create a memorable experience for both you and your friends, making your wedding day even more magical.

Inviting co-workers

Firstly, it's important to consider the nature of your relationship with your co-workers outside of the office. Ask yourself, "Do we hang out outside of work?" If you regularly socialise with a co-worker outside of work hours, such as meeting up for a Netflix binge or attending each other's dinner parties, then it may be appropriate to consider them for your guest list. On the other hand, if your relationship is strictly confined to the office, then they may not expect to be invited and you can comfortably leave them off the list without causing any offence.

Another factor to consider is your relationship with your boss or manager. While it's not mandatory to invite your boss, it may be a nice gesture, especially if you have a good relationship with them and they have played a significant role in your career. Additionally, inviting your boss while excluding all other co-workers could create an awkward dynamic in the workplace. Therefore, it's worth considering inviting a select few colleagues to accompany your boss if you do decide to include them.

It's also worth noting that if you do invite one co-worker, you may want to consider inviting others as well to avoid any hurt feelings or resentment in the workplace. Excluding certain people can create an uncomfortable atmosphere, so it's important to carefully curate your guest list to ensure that everyone feels valued and respected.

To minimise any potential awkwardness, it's best to keep wedding chat at work to a minimum, especially if not everyone is invited. This will help to avoid any feelings of exclusion and allow you to focus on your work without the added stress of planning distractions.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to invite co-workers is a personal one, and you should only do so if you truly want them to share in your special day. Don't feel pressured or obligated to invite anyone out of worry or stress; instead, focus on surrounding yourself with people who bring you joy and will help make your wedding a memorable celebration.

Inviting children

The discussion of whether or not to have kids at a wedding is always a passionate one. Some people think that children add a certain magic to the atmosphere, while others feel that kids can be distracting and rowdy since they can't fully appreciate the special meaning behind the big day.

Making Your Decision

You need to sort this matter out before you start writing your wedding invitations, and be warned, it’s a topic that tends to divide people. One survey found that 25% of people believe that all guests should be able to bring children to a wedding. However, the reality is that accommodating families on your big day can be harder than imagined.

There are a few factors to consider: children can be unpredictable, and you will need to rely on their parents to take control. You also need to think about how having kids in attendance will affect your wedding budget; you may have to arrange dedicated childcare services and provide children's entertainment.

On the other hand, issuing an all-out ban on kids at your wedding is likely to ruffle some feathers, especially if you have close family members with little ones. Other guests with children will have to make plans for childcare ahead of time, which can be challenging at a destination wedding.

Are you willing to compromise? While you may not want your wedding to be overrun by children, you could make a few exceptions—for your maid of honour who has a child, for example, or for children within your families. That way, you avoid upsetting close relatives but don’t have too many children in attendance.

Communicating Your Decision

You need to be 100% clear about the policy for kids at your wedding, but how you deliver this information is up to you. You may want to include it within your wedding invitations or create a separate page about children at your wedding on your wedding website.

Regardless of how you convey the information, make sure you include:

• Whether or not children are invited
• Which specific children are invited
• What you expect from the parents

Considerations for a Kid-Friendly Wedding

If you are ready to welcome families and children of all ages to your wedding day celebrations, you'll need to take your youngest guests' needs into consideration. Here are a few potential additions to plan for in advance:

• Possibly hiring a children's entertainer
• Tabletop activities during the reception, such as puzzles or colouring sheets
• Options for a children's menu, with plain and simple food that kids will enjoy
• Organised childcare to keep your youngest wedding guests busy

Inviting plus-ones

The topic of plus-ones can be a tricky one when it comes to wedding planning. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this aspect of your guest list:

Who Gets a Plus-One?

• It is generally considered good etiquette to invite the significant others of your guests, especially if they are married, engaged, living together, or in a long-term relationship.
• If your guest is in the wedding party, it is customary to offer them a plus-one as a gesture of appreciation for their time and financial contribution to your wedding.
• Close family members may not need a plus-one, especially if there will be plenty of other family members at the wedding.
• Guests who are casually dating or who don't know many other people at the wedding may appreciate having a plus-one.

Who Doesn't Get a Plus-One?

• If your guest is single and will know other guests at the wedding, they may not need a plus-one.
• If your guest is a coworker, consider offering them a plus-one only if you are offering the same to all coworkers.
• If your guest is in a new or ambiguous relationship, you may choose to hold off on offering a plus-one until they are in a more serious or long-term relationship.

How to Communicate About Plus-Ones

• Be clear and consistent in your wording on invitations and your wedding website. If a guest is offered a plus-one, the invitation should say "and guest" or include the plus-one's name.
• If you are not offering plus-ones, avoid stating this directly on the invitation, as it may be considered rude. Instead, use wording such as "by invitation only" or "we are keeping our wedding as intimate as possible".
• Be prepared to answer questions from guests about plus-ones. Respond politely and consistently, and consider factors such as budget, venue capacity, and social dynamics when making your decisions.

Adjustments and Exceptions

• Remember that your guest list is likely to change due to various circumstances. Be open to making adjustments and exceptions to your plus-one rules if needed.
• If you have the budget and venue space, you may choose to offer plus-ones to all guests. However, this is not a requirement, and you can limit plus-ones based on your preferences and constraints.

Frequently asked questions