Franklin Dean
Wedding vows are the promises a couple makes to each other during their wedding ceremony. Couples may choose to write their own vows, selecting their own words to reflect the unique qualities of their relationship and their commitments to one another. While some couples prefer to surprise each other with their vows, it is still a good idea to sync up on theme, tone, and length. Writing your own vows can be exciting but daunting, so it's important to give yourself enough time to brainstorm and edit. You can begin by reflecting on your relationship and the type of future you want to build with your partner. Then, you can start to craft your vows, addressing your partner, sharing your love story, and listing specific promises.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Religious or non-religious | "In the presence of God/ name of God, I take you to be my wedded wife/faithful husband for all the days of our lives." |
| Traditional or modern | "I, [Name], take you, [Partner's Name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part." |
| Humour or sentimentality | "I, [Name], take you, [Partner's Name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold, from this day forward. You've taught me so much about life. You're smart, beautiful, forgiving, selfless, and determined." |
| Personalised or standardised | "I promise to be your partner in all things, your biggest fan and your honest critic. I vow to support your dreams and goals, to create a home filled with love and laughter, and to be your confidant and companion throughout our journey together." |
| Surprising or rehearsed | "I promise to always listen to hear instead of listening to respond. We promise to always lead with patience, kindness and perspective. We promise to always encourage and support each other's creative pursuits—especially when they seem bats****." |
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What You'll Learn
Brainstorming and practising
Brainstorming:
Start by gathering your thoughts and intentions. Give yourself ample time to reflect on what you want to say and how you want to say it. Consider the unique bond between you and your partner. What are the promises you want to make to each other? What are your hopes for the future? What are the key moments or memories that you want to include? Reflect on when you first met, the specific moment you realised you loved this person, or any funny stories or quirks that showcase your partner's personality.
If you're feeling stuck, seek inspiration from sample vows online or in books. These can provide a great starting point and help you understand the structure and content of wedding vows. You can also discuss your vows with your partner to ensure they are aligned with their expectations and vice versa.
Practising:
Don't underestimate the power of practice! Set aside time before the wedding to rehearse your vows. Practising in front of a mirror or recording yourself can help you refine your delivery and make you feel more comfortable and confident on the big day. You can also try improv exercises and theatre prompts to loosen up and find your authentic voice.
Remember to keep the specifics of your vows a surprise, but consider syncing up with your partner on theme, tone, and overall delivery. This will ensure that your vows complement each other and create a cohesive and meaningful moment during the ceremony.
Practising your vows is not just about memorisation but also about making sure your words feel authentic and true to your relationship. By taking the time to brainstorm and practise, you'll be able to deliver your vows with confidence and create a lasting memory for yourselves and your loved ones.
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Including humour and stories
Wedding vows are a declaration of love and commitment to one another, and they are often seen as the most important part of a wedding ceremony. Whether you choose to write your own vows or stick to traditional ones, including humour and stories can be a great way to showcase your personality and the nature of your relationship.
If you and your partner enjoy sharing laughs and having fun, your wedding vows are the perfect opportunity for a good, loving, tension-breaking giggle. You can include anything that reflects your relationship, such as a sentimental tale about how you first met or a funny story highlighting your partner's quirks. For instance, you could say, "I promise to always get rid of the spiders, even though I'm more scared than you."
However, it's essential to ensure that your humour is not at the expense of your partner or offensive to anyone present. A few personal jokes can show your partner and guests that you understand each other well and put everyone in a good mood. For instance, you could say, "I promise to make you a bacon sandwich when you're hungover."
If you're unsure about including humour, you can always rely on famous authors for inspiration. For example, Christie Cook's quote, "Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend, every single night of the week," adds a lighthearted touch.
Remember, the key is to convey your love and commitment while keeping the sincerity and adding a touch of humour. You can start by brainstorming your thoughts and intentions and then refining them into vows that suit you and your partner.
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Religious or non-religious vows
Religious Vows
For religious ceremonies following a traditional structure, there are often set vows for the couple to recite, with little room for personalisation. Interfaith weddings may see two religions or cultures merging, with traditional vows from both faiths being intertwined.
Non-Religious Vows
Non-religious weddings, on the other hand, offer couples the flexibility to write their own vows or use traditional templates. Writing your own vows allows you to create promises that are meaningful to you and your partner, and to include personal touches that reflect your unique love story.
Examples of Religious or Non-Religious Vows
- "I promise to be your partner in all things, your biggest fan, and your honest critic. I vow to support your dreams and goals, to create a home filled with love and laughter, and to be your confidant and companion throughout our journey together."
- "I, [name], take you, [partner's name], as my wedded wife/husband, with your faults and your strengths, as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths. I will help you when you need help, and turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life."
- "I promise to always care for you, connect with you, comfort you, and celebrate with you. I will be by your side through whatever life may bring, and I cherish the time we have together. I feel lucky to have found someone who embraces all that I am and enriches my life in so many ways."
- "I, [name], take you, [partner's name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health."
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Vows written together or separately
Wedding vows are a declaration of love and a promise to spend the rest of your life together. They are one of the most important parts of a wedding ceremony. Couples can choose to write their own vows or use traditional, pre-written ones.
Writing your own vows gives you the opportunity to create promises that are meaningful to you and your partner, and to include personal touches that reflect your relationship. They can be written together or separately.
If you choose to write them together, this can be a fun and exciting process. You can brainstorm ideas, reflect on your relationship, and decide on the format and content of your vows. Pick out the most important details, such as the first time you met or a funny story that highlights your partner's quirks. It's also a good idea to take some time to write down your thoughts and intentions before putting them into a fixed final form.
On the other hand, some couples prefer to write their vows independently and hear them for the first time at the wedding. This can add an element of surprise and make the moment even more special. It's important to discuss your expectations with your partner beforehand, such as whether you want your vows to focus on the past, present, or future.
Whether you write your vows together or separately, the key is to make them heartfelt and sincere. Remember to include a declaration of your love and your commitment to each other, and feel free to inject humour and personal stories to make them unique to you.
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Promises for the future
Wedding vows are a declaration of love and a promise to one another. They are a look into your love story, what you hold dear, and what you will value in your marriage.
Support and encouragement
I promise to always encourage and support your dreams and goals. I vow to support your creative pursuits, especially when they seem a little crazy. I will be your biggest fan and your honest critic. I vow to always pursue you, to fight for you, and to stand by your side as you face the world.
Laughter and joy
I vow to laugh with you and to bring you joy. I promise to always see the funny side and to make you smile, even if that means I have to watch a little less football. I vow to create a home filled with love and laughter, where ideas can flourish and imagination is encouraged.
Love and respect
I promise to love and respect you, to be patient and loving towards you, and to cherish you forever. I vow that your arms are the ones I want wrapped around me at the beginning and end of each day. I promise to love you through the good times and the bad, to choose our love every single day.
Future together
Even though the future is uncertain, today I commit to our future together. I promise to keep finding new ways to love you as we continue this journey. I vow to honour you and respect you, to be present and to listen to you.
Overcoming challenges
I promise to always lead with patience, kindness, and perspective. I vow to continue to build upon the trust that we have and to be by your side faithfully. I can't promise that there will always be happiness and laughter, but I can promise to be the light in your life when things get tough.
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Frequently asked questions
It's a good idea to start brainstorming at least a few months before the wedding. The process of writing your vows should be longer than the final product, so give these promises the attention they deserve.
The number one thing to include is specific promises—these are the heart of wedding vows. You can also address your partner, recap your love story, communicate traits that you admire about them, and describe what you appreciate about your relationship. You can also add some personality to your vows by including one or two stories that illustrate your partnership.
Set aside a few times in the weeks leading up to the ceremony to say your words out loud. You can practice in front of a mirror, record yourself, or ask a close friend who is a great sounding board to listen as you rehearse.
