Deborah Chan
Wedding vows are a beautiful way to personalise your ceremony and express your deepest feelings for your partner. While the process of writing your own vows can be daunting, it is important to remember that they should sound like you and reflect your relationship. Whether you choose to be heartfelt, light-hearted, or a mix of both, your vows are a promise to your partner for the future. Practising reading your vows aloud will help you feel more confident on the day and will also allow you to gauge whether your promises are clear and complete.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Be yourself | Write vows that sound like you |
| Express your feelings | Share words from the heart |
| Be creative | Write an essay, a sonnet, or rap |
| Be realistic | Include everyday activities |
| Be romantic | Steep your vows in adoration |
| Be lighthearted | Include humour |
| Be honest | Allude to hard times |
| Be meaningful | Include a powerful statement |
| Be organised | Give yourself plenty of time |
| Be prepared | Practice reading your vows aloud |
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What You'll Learn
Writing your own vows
Writing your own wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it's important to remember that your vows should be completely yours and reflect who you are as a couple. Here are some tips to help you get started:
Brainstorm and Collect Your Thoughts:
Begin by brainstorming and collecting your thoughts and ideas. Write down everything that comes to mind about your partner, your relationship, and your feelings. Include inside jokes, sweet moments, and specific ways you want to show your love. Think about the unique bond between you and your partner and what you want to promise and vow to them. Do you want to include traditional elements, such as "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health"? Consider the length, tone, and content of your vows and discuss these aspects with your partner to ensure you're on the same page.
Find Inspiration:
Look for inspiration to help guide your writing. This could include your favourite lyrics, movie scenes, or quotes. Reading examples of other couples' vows or books on wedding vows can also provide ideas and a starting point for crafting your own.
Be Yourself:
Try to take away the pressure to impress and just focus on writing what you're feeling. Your vows should reflect your personality and the dynamic of your relationship. Inject humour, share stories, and be vulnerable. It's okay to cry! This is your opportunity to vocalize your love and hopes for the future in front of your loved ones.
Take Your Time:
Don't expect to write your vows in one sitting. Take breaks and come back to them with fresh eyes. Writing your vows can take time, so start the process early and plan to have a final copy at least three weeks before your wedding day. Editing is an important part of the process, so set your draft aside for a few days and then revisit it with a fresh perspective. Reading your vows out loud can also help you practice and hear the rhythm of your words.
Seek Feedback:
If you're feeling unsure, consider sharing your vows with someone you trust to get their feedback and compare them with your partner's vows. This can help ensure they somewhat match in length, tone, and content. Remember, the most meaningful vows are those that authentically reflect your relationship, so don't be afraid to be true to yourself and your partner.
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Reading them aloud
Reading your wedding vows aloud is a crucial part of the ceremony. It is a good idea to practice reading your vows ahead of time, but you do not need to memorise them. Practising will give you the confidence to deliver your vows on the big day. It will also help you identify any spots where the grammar might be iffy or where you're missing a word, and ensure that the structure is cohesive.
When you vocalise your vows at the altar, your guests will be able to see the medium that you're reading from. A scratched-out notepad might not be the best choice for your service. Instead, print a fresh copy or write them in a vow booklet. In the months and weeks leading up to your ceremony, store the physical copy of your handwritten wedding vows in a secret spot, away from your future spouse's field of view.
Practising saying your vows out loud will also help you to improve your delivery. You'd be surprised how many words sound great on paper but stiff and ungainly when spoken. Practise looking up while you read your vows, so you can actually look at your partner as you say the words. Once you've got the right words for delivering your vows aloud, use different coloured pens to underline words for emphasis. Insert pauses that will allow you to look at your partner in those moments. You want to connect with your partner when saying your vows.
Since your vows are filled with meaning, speaking quickly and mumbling will detract from the moment and prevent your audience from engaging with the content. For the best comprehension and emotional reactions, take it slow and focus on breaks, pauses, and intonation.
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Making promises
Wedding vows are steeped in love and ritual, and they are a chance to tell your partner how much you love them. They are also an opportunity to make meaningful promises for the future.
The purpose of wedding vows is to solidify your commitment to your partner as you enter into marriage. Wedding vows should include specific promises that reflect what’s special about your relationship and your partner. These can be serious, playful, or humorous.
Speak from the heart
Make promises that are special or unique to your relationship. Add humour with sweet inside jokes, playful memories, or shared hobbies.
Be concise and specific
Any more than six promises and the vows tend to lose their impact and emotional significance. Be concise and choose promises that feel very special to your unique relationship dynamic.
Focus on what matters most
Your wedding vows should include the promises that matter most to you in your marriage. Wedding experts recommend that your vows be under two minutes long, so be intentional about what you want to say.
Mix it up
Use 'I vow', 'I pledge', or a simple 'I will', in place of 'I promise'.
Include words of affirmation
In addition to your promises, include words of affirmation, such as how much you love your partner.
Be intentional
Think about what kind of partner you wish to be or how you want your future spouse to feel. Focus on promises that are specific to you, your partner, and your relationship.
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Adding humour
Wedding vows are serious promises, but that doesn't mean they have to be stiff or boring. Funny wedding vows can showcase the playful and fun dynamics of your relationship and serve as a reminder that love doesn't always have to be serious; it can be fun, quirky, and filled with laughter.
If you and your partner enjoy sharing jokes and having fun, your wedding vows are the perfect opportunity for a good, loving, tension-breaking laugh. You can include funny anecdotes, such as: "I promise to make you a bacon sandwich when you're hungover" or "I promise to never watch the next episode on Netflix without you, no matter how much I want to". You can also include inside jokes, but be mindful that they may not land with guests who are not in on the joke.
If you're struggling to come up with your own funny vows, you can borrow from others' witty words. For example, you could use quotes from famous authors, such as: "Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend, every single night of the week" by Christie Cook, or "To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love" by Jane Austen from Pride and Prejudice.
When writing funny wedding vows, it's important to remember that the goal is not to get a laugh at the end of every sentence. Avoid jokes that might be offensive, controversial, or embarrassing to your partner. You want your vows to reflect the nature of your relationship, so keep them sincere, skip the seriousness, and add a dose of humour!
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Finalising and rehearsing
Once you have written your wedding vows, it is a good idea to finalise them in a vow book or on a sheet of paper, rather than reading them from your phone or a scrap of paper during the ceremony. This will also make a nice keepsake. You could also print out two copies and store one as a memento. If you are writing your vows in a vow booklet, you can keep this close at hand during the ceremony.
If you are worried about public speaking, you could ask your officiant to do a "repeat after me" format, where they feed you the lines, and you can look into each other's eyes.
If you are reading your own vows, it is a good idea to practice reading them aloud several times before the ceremony. This will help you to spot any grammar mistakes or missing words, and will ensure that the structure is cohesive. It will also give you the confidence to deliver your vows on the day. You could also ask a close friend to listen as you rehearse and give you constructive criticism.
If you are still unsure about what to write, you could look at examples from real couples for inspiration. You could also watch wedding scenes in movies and TV shows to see what the fictional couples say.
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Frequently asked questions
No, it is not necessary to memorise your wedding vows. You can write them down and read them during the ceremony.
It is recommended to write your vows in a vow book or booklet. This looks nicer in photos than reading from a phone or loose piece of paper.
Wedding vows are typically between one and five minutes long.
Wedding vows are a declaration of love and a promise to your partner. You can include specific promises, your values, and your vision for the future. It is also nice to include some humour and stories.
You can find inspiration in books, films, songs, and social media. You can also look at traditional wedding vows for structure and adapt them to your personal story.
