Deborah Chan
Wedding vows are promises exchanged between a couple during their wedding ceremony. They can be religious or non-religious and are usually recited after the officiant or repeated after them, prompting a response of I do or I will. Religious vows are typically set in stone and are not to be modified, while non-religious vows are highly customizable. Some couples may also choose to write their own vows, incorporating elements of their beliefs, values, dreams, and promises.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Type | Religious or non-religious |
| Format | Monologue, repeating after the officiant, or answering with "I do" or "I will" |
| Customisability | Religious vows are usually set in stone, but some couples add religious readings, poetry or extracts; non-religious vows can be highly customisable |
| Ring exchange | Some religions include a ring exchange after the vows, but not all; some couples opt to add a ring exchange to a non-ring religious ceremony |
| Examples of religious vows | "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law." |
| "I, [name], take you, [name], as my wedded wife/husband and I promise you love, honour and respect; to be faithful to you, and not to forsake you until death do us part. So help me God, one in the Holy Trinity and all the Saints." | |
| "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife, in plenty and want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live." | |
| "I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life." | |
| "God in heaven above, please protect the ones we love. We honour all you created as we pledge our hearts and lives together. We honour Mother Earth and ask for our marriage to be abundant and grow stronger through the seasons. We honour fire and ask that our union be warm and glowing with love in our hearts. We honour the wind and ask that we sail through life safe and calm as in our father's arms. We honour water to clean and soothe our relationship—that it may never thirst for love. With all the forces of the universe you created, we pray for harmony as we grow forever young together. Amen." | |
| "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel." | |
| Examples of non-religious vows | "I promise to always care for you, connect with you, comfort you and celebrate with you. I will be by your side through whatever life may bring and cherish the time we have together." |
| "I choose you to be no other than yourself, loving what I know of you and trusting what I do not yet know." | |
| "I promise to laugh with you when times are good and endure with you when times are bad. I respect you as an individual, a partner, and an equal. You are my best friend and I promise to love you always. I promise to accept you the way you are." | |
| "You were my reason back then, my reason now, my reason every day. You make me feel happier than I could ever imagine and more loved than I ever thought possible. I pledge my life to yours, to share both good times and bad times side by side." |
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What You'll Learn
Religious wedding vows vary across different faiths
Wedding vows are an important aspect of a marriage ceremony, as they define the couple's commitment to each other and reflect the cultural, spiritual, and personal significance of their union. While some couples may prefer to write their own vows, others may opt for traditional wedding vows, which can vary depending on the religion and culture of the couple. Religious wedding vows differ across faiths, with variations in wording, rituals, and the presence or absence of vows.
For instance, in Christian weddings, the exchange of vows is a sacred covenant with God and the assembly as witnesses, often taking place in the presence of a minister or priest within a church setting. Presbyterian vows, for example, are derived from the Common Book of Worship, with couples pledging their faith and promising to love, honour, and cherish each other according to God's ordinance. Episcopalian vows, on the other hand, are taken from the Book of Common Prayer, and are known for their inclusivity, attracting couples who want a modern and affirming religious ceremony.
In contrast, traditional Greek and Eastern Orthodox weddings do not typically include wedding vows. Instead, the ceremony focuses on the couple's spiritual union through the eyes of God, with elements like crowning, candle lighting, and the sharing of a common cup to symbolise their bond. Similarly, traditional Jewish weddings do not usually involve spoken vows, with the focus being on the exchange of rings and the groom reciting a Hebrew phrase from the law of Moses and of Israel.
Pagan and Wiccan wedding vows differ from many traditional religious vows by excluding references to God. Instead, they may include mentions of polytheistic entities like Mother Earth or Father Sky. These vows emphasise respect, individuality, and a belief in life beyond the physical existence.
Muslim weddings may or may not include traditional vows, depending on the couple's preferences. If included, the vows are exchanged after the cleric's wedding blessing, with the bride pledging obedience and faithfulness to the groom, and the groom promising to be faithful and supportive.
Some faiths, like the Quakers, have unique wedding traditions where the ceremony is self-uniting, without an officiant, reflecting the simplicity of their way of life. Similarly, the Apache community has adopted a wedding blessing that highlights the couple's commitment to shelter, warmth, companionship, and protection from loneliness.
The variety in wedding vows across different faiths adds depth and beauty to marriage ceremonies, allowing couples to honour their beliefs and cultural heritage while celebrating their union.
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Non-religious vows can be personalised
Wedding vows are often religious, but they don't have to be. Civil wedding vows are highly customisable and a good option for couples who want classic marriage vows that aren't faith-based. Non-religious vows can be personalised to make them meaningful and authentic to the couple.
When writing non-religious vows, it's important to focus on what is important to the couple and their relationship. For example, they might have a strong method of resolving conflict, a morning or evening routine that is key to their bonding, or a silly game or inside jokes that they love. Couples can also include hand fasting in their ceremony, which is an old Scottish/Celtic tradition.
Non-religious vows can be inspired by romantic poems, readings, or music lyrics, or love poems and quotes from favourite authors. Couples can also browse pre-written non-religious vows online and choose ones that resonate with them.
It's not necessary to memorise non-religious vows. Reading them is perfectly acceptable and common. Having the vows written down also provides a beautiful keepsake from the wedding day. Couples should aim to keep their vows roughly similar in length, ideally between 1-2 minutes when spoken, to create balance in the ceremony.
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Vows are a declaration of lifelong commitment
Wedding vows are a declaration of lifelong commitment to one another. They are the promises that bind a couple together in matrimony. The vows are usually exchanged in the presence of loved ones, and the wedding is not legal without them.
Vows can be religious or non-religious. Religious vows are often set in stone and are not to be modified, though some couples may choose to add in religious readings, poetry, or extracts. Non-religious vows are highly customizable and a good option for couples who want classic vows that aren't faith-based.
The wording of vows varies according to the specific religion. For example, traditional Presbyterian vows are generally pulled from the Common Book of Worship. Meanwhile, traditional Episcopal vows are taken from the Episcopal Church's Book of Common Prayer. In Jewish ceremonies, vows are recited only when the ring is given, with the groom saying, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel."
Couples can also choose to write their own vows, whether their ceremony is religious or non-religious. This allows them to add a personal touch and make the vows unique to their relationship. When writing vows, it is important to set aside quiet time to journal about the relationship and review examples for inspiration. It is also helpful to plan when and how to rehearse the vows, whether alone, recorded, or with a trusted friend.
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Vows are usually exchanged before rings
Wedding vows are often religious, with many religions having their own traditional wedding vows. For example, Episcopal wedding vows are taken from the Episcopal Church's Book of Common Prayer. Presbyterian vows are promises that bind a couple together in matrimony, with the words usually taken from the Common Book of Worship.
However, civil wedding vows are highly customisable and are a good option for couples who want classic marriage vows that are not faith-based. Couples with different religious or cultural backgrounds may also choose to blend wedding vows from both upbringings.
The exact order of the ceremony can vary, with some couples choosing to exchange rings and vows simultaneously, and others choosing to exchange vows and then rings. The ring exchange may also be followed by additional vows.
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Religious vows are often not to be modified
Religious wedding vows are often not to be modified, with couples expected to stick to the script. These traditional vows are determined by the religion underpinning the ceremony, and they are familiar, constant, and enduring. They are declarations of lifelong commitment to each other in the presence of loved ones and are considered sacred by many faiths.
For example, in the Episcopal Church, wedding vows are taken from the Book of Common Prayer, and any deviation from this may not be allowed by the clergy member conducting the ceremony. Similarly, Presbyterian vows are generally pulled from the Common Book of Worship. In Jewish ceremonies, vows are recited only during the ring exchange, with specific phrases in Hebrew that are not typically altered. In the UK, religious vows have stood the test of time, with couples reciting the same words as those who came before them.
However, some couples may choose to add their own touch to religious vows by incorporating religious readings, poetry, or extracts. For instance, Biblical readings can be included to add a personal element to the ceremony. It is important to discuss these plans with the clergy member, as some may be stricter than others regarding any deviations from traditional vows.
For those who want more flexibility, a civil or non-religious ceremony offers the opportunity to create meaningful, modern vows that are highly customizable. These contemporary vows allow couples to infuse their unique personalities and experiences into the promises they make to each other. Whether written from scratch or adapted from existing non-religious sources, these vows provide an opportunity to express love and commitment in a couple's own words.
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Frequently asked questions
Wedding vows do not have to be religious. Couples can choose to include religious elements or opt for non-religious vows.
Yes, couples can write their own wedding vows. There are guides and templates available to help with this process.
Yes, there are traditional wedding vows for religious ceremonies, which vary depending on the religion. For example, traditional Episcopal wedding vows are: " [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honour and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live? In the name of God, I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/ till death do us part."
Yes, there are traditional wedding vows for non-religious ceremonies. An example of a traditional non-religious vow is: "I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish always."
Wedding vows should ideally be between 1-2 minutes when spoken.
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