Inviting Cousins To Your Wedding: A Step-By-Step Guide

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to inviting cousins. While there is no definitive answer to the question of whether or not you should invite cousins to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to assess your relationship with your cousins. If you are close to them and have a good relationship, it may be a nice gesture to invite them. However, if you are not particularly close or have a strained relationship, it may be more understandable to not include them on the guest list. Another factor to consider is the size of your guest list and your venue's capacity. Weddings can be expensive, and the cost per guest can quickly add up. If you have a large number of cousins, inviting them all may not be feasible financially or from a space perspective. It's also worth noting that not inviting some cousins while inviting others could potentially cause hurt feelings, so it may be worth considering an all-or-nothing approach to avoid any family drama. Ultimately, the decision is a personal one, and you should do what feels right for you and your partner.

Consider your budget and venue capacity

Deciding whether or not to invite cousins to your wedding can be a tricky task, especially when you have a large family or a limited budget and venue capacity. Here are some tips to help you navigate this decision:

• Understand the costs involved: The venue and catering are typically the biggest expenses in a wedding budget, accounting for around 37% and 29% respectively. Other significant costs include live entertainment (12%), photography (8%), alcohol (8%), flowers (8%), videography (7%), and so on.
• Determine your priorities: Discuss with your partner what aspects of the wedding are most important to you both. For example, you might prioritise having a live band over an elaborate floral display. This will help guide your spending and identify areas where you can save.
• Create a detailed budget: Make a comprehensive breakdown of expenses and set realistic limits for each category. Be sure to include a buffer for unexpected costs, which could include things like hair and makeup trials, food tastings, or travel expenses.
• Research venue options: The type of venue you choose will have a significant impact on your budget. Some venues, such as grand ballrooms, can be very expensive, while others, like a city park, may have low or no fees. Also, consider the venue's capacity and whether it aligns with your guest list.
• Be flexible: If your dream venue is beyond your budget, consider alternative options. For example, you could opt for a less expensive venue or a different day of the week, as weekends are usually pricier. You might also choose a less formal style, as formal affairs tend to be more costly.
• Trim the guest list: One of the fastest ways to reduce costs is to cut down the number of guests. With a smaller guest list, you'll also save on other details like decor, stationery, favours, and rentals.
• Consider the time of year: The seasonality of your wedding can impact guest count and overall costs. For example, weddings during peak travel season or in the middle of wedding season (May to October) will likely be more expensive.

Remember, creating a wedding budget and deciding on the guest list can be challenging, but it's crucial to stay within your financial means. Be flexible, prioritise what's important to you, and don't be afraid to make compromises where needed.

Assess your relationship with your cousins

When it comes to deciding whether to invite cousins to your wedding, it's important to assess your relationship with them. Here are some factors to consider:

• Closeness and Frequency of Contact: How close are you to your cousins? Do you consider them friends and feel excited about having them at your wedding? If you have fond memories of spending time with certain cousins, it might be a nice gesture to invite them. On the other hand, if you haven't spoken to or seen some cousins in years and don't feel a strong connection, you may decide not to invite them.
• Mutual Recognition and Relationship: Would you and your cousin recognise each other if you passed on the street? If not, it's probably safe to assume that you don't share a close relationship, and they might not expect an invitation. Consider whether you have a mutual relationship where you know each other and have some level of familiarity.
• Shared Interests and Compatibility: Think about whether you and your cousins share interests, values, or hobbies. If you feel like you can be yourself around them and enjoy their company, it might be worth inviting them to share in your special day.
• Family Dynamics and Potential Fallout: Assess the potential impact of not inviting certain cousins. Are there any cousins you'd prefer not to attend the wedding? If excluding specific cousins could lead to significant family drama or hurt feelings, you may want to consider inviting them to avoid potential conflict. However, if you genuinely don't want them there, be prepared to deal with any repercussions within the family.
• Venue Capacity and Budget Constraints: Another practical consideration is the size of your wedding venue and your budget. If you have a large number of cousins and limited space or funds, you may need to prioritise and only invite those with whom you have the closest relationships.
• Consistency and Fairness: Finally, think about whether you want to apply an "all-or-nothing" approach to inviting cousins. While this can be helpful for decision-making, it may not be feasible if you have a large number of cousins and a small wedding. Consistency can help avoid hurt feelings, but it's also important to remember that your wedding is about celebrating your love with the people who are closest to you.

Remember, your wedding day is about you and your partner. While it's important to consider family dynamics and relationships, ultimately, the decision to invite cousins or not is yours to make.

Decide whether to invite in circles or individually

When it comes to deciding whether to invite cousins to your wedding in circles or individually, there are a few things to consider.

Firstly, it's important to remember that you are not obligated to invite any cousins, or family members, that you don't want to. It's your wedding day, and you and your partner should feel free to invite only the people you really want to share the day with. That being said, it's also important to consider the possibility of hurt feelings if some cousins are left out, especially if your partner's cousins are invited. If you have a good relationship with your cousins and the capacity to do so, it may be a nice gesture to invite them all.

If you decide to invite some cousins but not others, it's generally considered more appropriate to invite in circles. This means that you invite groups of people based on their relationship to you, such as your child, your nieces and nephews, your aunts and uncles, your adult cousins, and so on. This way, everyone in a circle will have something in common, and you can draw a clear line between those who are invited and those who are not. Inviting in circles can also help to avoid any appearance of favouritism or inequality between the bride and groom's sides of the family.

However, there may be circumstances where inviting cousins individually makes more sense. For example, if you are extremely close to two cousins but not to the other ten, an all-or-nothing approach may not be feasible or desirable. In this case, it's perfectly acceptable to only invite the cousins you are close to, as long as you are prepared to deal with any potential fallout or hurt feelings within the family.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to invite cousins in circles or individually is a personal one and will depend on your specific situation, relationships, and preferences. It's important to weigh the potential benefits and drawbacks of each approach and make a decision that feels right for you and your partner.

Be mindful of family politics and potential fallout

When it comes to inviting cousins to your wedding, you should be mindful of family politics and potential fallout. Here are some tips to help you navigate this tricky situation:

• Consider your relationship with your cousins: Ask yourself how close you are to your cousins and whether you would like them to be part of your special day. If you have a good relationship with them and want to invite them, go for it! However, if you are not close or don't get along, it is perfectly fine to leave them off the guest list.
• Manage expectations: Be open and honest with your family about your guest list decisions. Communicate your plans early on to avoid surprises later. This can help manage expectations and reduce potential fallout.
• Be consistent: Apply the same rules to both sides of the family. For example, if you invite your cousins, consider inviting your partner's cousins as well to avoid any appearance of favouritism.
• Be prepared for hurt feelings: Even if you have valid reasons for not inviting certain cousins, they may still feel hurt or upset. Accept that this is a possibility and be empathetic in your communication.
• Consider alternative options: If you want to include cousins but are limited by venue capacity or budget, consider alternative options such as inviting them to a post-wedding celebration or offering a livestream of the ceremony.
• Prioritize your relationship: Ultimately, remember that your wedding is about celebrating your love and commitment. If including certain cousins will cause significant stress or drama, it may be best to leave them off the guest list. Your relationship with your partner and your own happiness should be the top priority.

Weigh up the pros and cons of inviting some cousins but not others

Deciding whether to invite some cousins and not others to your wedding can be tricky. Here are some pros and cons to consider:

Pros of Inviting Some Cousins But Not Others:

• You can prioritise cousins you are closest to and want to share your special day with.
• You can manage your guest list within your venue's capacity and budget constraints.
• You can avoid inviting cousins you are not comfortable with or have not been in touch with for years.

Cons of Inviting Some Cousins But Not Others:

• Some cousins may feel hurt and left out, which could strain your relationship with them.
• Your parents or other family members may get upset if all cousins are not invited, especially if your partner's cousins are included.
• It could create family drama and complicated relationships within the extended family.
• It may be difficult to decide which cousins to invite, especially if you want to avoid hurt feelings or have a large number of cousins.

Ultimately, the decision depends on your personal relationships with your cousins, the size of your guest list, and how you want to celebrate your wedding day. It is essential to weigh these factors and make a choice that feels right for you and your partner.

Frequently asked questions