Addressing Wedding Invites: Crane's Etiquette Guide

Crane & Co. has been crafting fine wedding invitations and stationery for over two centuries. Crane's Wedding Blue Book is a comprehensive guide to the styles and etiquette of wedding invitations and other correspondences. It covers everything from announcing engagements to assembling and addressing invitations, and even recalling invites when a wedding is cancelled. The book is written by Steven Feinberg, who directs customer development for Crane & Co. and conducts workshops and seminars on stationery style and etiquette.

Assembling the invitations

Wedding invitations are usually assembled in size order. The invitation itself should be placed first, followed by enclosure cards, which are stacked on top of the invitation, not inside. Next, place the reception cards on top of the invitation, followed by the reply envelope, which should be placed face down on the reception card. The reply card goes face up beneath the flap of the reply envelope.

Any other enclosures, such as an at-home card, directions card, accommodation card, or pew card, should be added face up in size order. Place the single-fold invitation and its enclosures into the inside envelope with the fold of the invitation at the bottom and the engraving facing the back of the envelope. You can check if you've stuffed the envelope correctly by removing the invitation with your right hand and reading it. If you can read it without turning the invitation, it has been placed correctly.

The procedure for assembling traditional invitations with a second fold is similar. Place the enclosures on top of the lower half of the invitation's face in the same order as described above. Then, fold the invitation from top to bottom over the enclosures and insert it into the inside envelope with the fold facing the bottom. As with the previous invitations, the correct orientation of the invitation when removed from the envelope will indicate if it has been stuffed correctly.

After stuffing the inside envelopes, insert them into the outer envelopes. The front of the inside envelope should face the back of the outer envelope. The outer envelope is used to address the couple or single friend/family member invited to the wedding, while the inner envelope indicates who exactly is included in the invitation, such as children's names or "and guest".

Outer and inner envelopes

Wedding invitations often come with both an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope is addressed to the couple or single friend/family member invited to the wedding. It serves the purpose of keeping the invitation clean and undamaged. The inner envelope is used to indicate exactly who is included in the invitation, for example, the names of children under 18 who are invited. The inner envelope is also where you would write '+1' or the name of a guest, if applicable.

The use of two envelopes originated back when mail was delivered by hand, and envelopes could get dirty, torn, or damaged en route to their destination. The outer envelope would protect the inner envelope, allowing the recipient to receive a clean, pristine invitation.

Today, the tradition of using two envelopes continues for formal events, such as black-tie or classic weddings. It is a way to set the tone for the event and abide by wedding etiquette. Additionally, the use of two envelopes can help clarify who is invited, especially when children are involved.

When addressing the envelopes, it is best to work with one set at a time. Address all the outer envelopes first, and then move on to the inner envelopes to avoid confusion.

Addressing unmarried couples

When addressing wedding invitations to unmarried couples, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to include both guests' full names – first and last – on the invitation, even if you have never met the significant other. If you know both members of the couple, it is considered disrespectful to address them as "and guest".

If the unmarried couple lives together, their names can be included on the same line, with the person you are closest to listed first. If you are equally close to both, go in alphabetical order. Here is an example of how to address the outer envelope:

> Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller

For the inner envelope, you can use courtesy titles and last names or just first names if you are close to the couple:

> Ms. Green and Mr. Geller or Rachel and Ross

If the unmarried couple does not live together, it is ideal to send a separate invitation to each guest. However, if you prefer to send a single invitation, address the outer envelope to the primary guest and include the significant other's name on the inner envelope. Here is an example:

> Outer envelope: Mr. Aaron Triguiero

> Inner envelope: Mr. Triguiero and Ms. Amanda Rhee

Remember, it is essential to be consistent in your approach to avoid causing offence.

Addressing doctors

When addressing wedding invitations to doctors, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to know the gender and marital status of the doctors you are inviting, as this will determine the proper form of address. Here is a detailed guide to help you address wedding invitations to doctors correctly:

Married Couple, One Person Is a Doctor:

If only one spouse is a doctor, it is proper to list the person with the professional title first. For example:

• Outer envelope: "Doctor Tami Takata and Ms. Christina Smith"
• Inner envelope: "Dr. Takata and Ms. Smith" or "Tami and Christina"

Married Couple, Both Are Doctors:

When addressing a married couple where both spouses are doctors, the invitation can be addressed as follows:

Outer and inner envelopes: "The Doctors Rosenthal" or "The Doctors Smith"

If the doctors have different last names, list both names in alphabetical order on separate lines:

• Outer envelope: "Dr. Rosenthal and Dr. Schwartz"
• Inner envelope: "The Doctors Rosenthal and Schwartz" or "Drs. Rosenthal and Schwartz"

Married Couple, One with a Professional Name and a Social Name:

Some doctors have a professional name and a social name. For example, Dr. Elizabeth Smith may prefer to be addressed as "Mrs. Elizabeth Smith" in a social setting. In this case, it is important to know your audience and use the form of address they would prefer.

Spell Out "Doctor" for Medical Doctors:

When inviting a medical doctor, traditional etiquette dictates that you should spell out the word "Doctor" on the outer envelope. However, if the guest has a Ph.D., you can use the abbreviation "Dr."

Couple with Different Distinguished Titles:

If you are inviting a couple with different distinguished titles, such as a doctor and a judge, traditional etiquette suggests listing the person with the higher rank first. However, it can be challenging to determine which title outranks the other, so it is recommended to use the "ladies first" rule in this case.

Tissue paper

The use of tissue paper in wedding invitations dates back to when invitations were handwritten. Tissue paper was placed over the invitation to blot excess ink and prevent smudging. Although this is no longer necessary, the tradition has persisted. Today, tissue paper also serves to protect invitations from smudging caused by the postal service's sorting equipment.

When assembling wedding invitations, the invitation itself comes first, followed by enclosure cards, reception cards, and the reply envelope with the reply card slipped face-up beneath the flap. If your invitation includes other enclosures, such as an at-home card, directions card, accommodation card, or pew card, these are also placed face-up in size order.

Finally, the single-fold invitation and its enclosures are placed into the inside envelope, which is then inserted into the outside envelope. The front of the inside envelope should face the back of the outside envelope. The outer envelope is addressed first, followed by the inner envelope.

Frequently asked questions