Weddings And Kids: Etiquette For Happy Big Days

Deciding whether or not to invite people with kids to your wedding can be a tricky issue. It's a personal choice and there are pros and cons to both options. If you opt for a child-free wedding, it's important to communicate this clearly and tactfully to your guests, and be prepared to stick to your decision. On the other hand, if you choose to include children, there are various ways to keep them entertained and involved in the celebrations. Ultimately, the decision comes down to what is right for the couple, taking into account their budget, venue capacity, and family expectations.

How to communicate your wedding will be child-free

Communicating that your wedding will be child-free can be tricky, but there are ways to do it politely and effectively. Here are some tips and suggestions to help you get the message across:

Be Clear and Direct:

It's important to be clear and direct when communicating your child-free wedding plans. Avoid being too subtle, as your guests may miss the point. State your preference for an adult-only event clearly and early on in the invitation process.

Address the Invitations Properly:

A good way to indicate that your wedding is adults-only is to address the invitations only to the adults in the household. Include the names of those invited on the inner envelope. For example:

> Outer Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Sullivan

> Inner Envelope: Mike and Annie

Use Clear and Polite Wording:

When wording your invitations, be polite and considerate. Avoid phrases like "We thought you'd appreciate a night off!" as they can come across as patronising. Instead, try something like:

> "We kindly request this be an adult-only wedding."

> "Please note that this is an adults-only celebration."

> "We respectfully request no children under the age of 16 to the reception."

> "We are very sorry, but our wedding will be child-free. We hope you can still join us for our special day."

Specify the Age Group:

Since "kids" can be a broad term, be specific about the age group that won't be attending. Clearly state whether you mean under 18 or under 21. For example:

> "We respectfully request no children under the age of 16 to the reception."

> "We are unable to accommodate guests under 18."

Include a Line on the RSVP Card:

Another way to reinforce your child-free request is to include a line on the RSVP card. For example:

> "We have reserved ___ seats for you at the reception."

> "___ adults would love to attend ___ regrettably we are unable to attend."

Be Consistent:

It's important to apply the child-free rule consistently to all guests. You can make exceptions for children of immediate family or wedding party members, but be sure to let other guests know about these exceptions.

Communicate Early:

Let your guests know about your child-free plans as early as possible. This gives them time to make childcare arrangements and ensures that everyone is on the same page.

Offer Childcare Alternatives:

If you want to be extra helpful, you can include information about local childcare services or babysitters on your wedding website. This shows that you want your guests with children to attend and are willing to help make it possible.

Remember, it's your special day, and you have the right to shape it according to your preferences. Clear and respectful communication is key to ensuring that your guests understand and respect your wishes for a child-free wedding.

Whether to invite some children but not others

When it comes to inviting children to your wedding, it's important to remember that it's your special day and you can invite whoever you want. However, it can be tricky to navigate this situation without causing any upset. Here are some things to consider when deciding whether to invite some children but not others:

Be Consistent

It's generally considered good etiquette to be consistent when inviting children. This means either inviting all children or no children. If you invite children from some families but not others, it may cause hurt feelings and appear rude. However, it is acceptable to make exceptions for children of immediate family members or those in your wedding party, such as flower girls or ring bearers.

Set Clear Rules

If you decide to invite some children but not others, it's important to set clear rules and stick to them. For example, you could say that only children of immediate family members are invited or set an age limit, such as "no children under 13". Communicate your rules clearly to your guests to avoid any confusion.

Address Invitations Properly

When addressing your wedding invitations, be explicit about who is invited. Include the names of those who are invited on the envelope, and if using an inner envelope, write the children's names below their parents' names. If you're inviting a family with children but prefer to have only the adults attend, address the invitation to the parents by name, not as a family.

Communicate Directly

After sending your invitations, it's a good idea to call your guests with children to explain whether your wedding is child-friendly or not. This can help avoid any misunderstandings and give parents time to make necessary childcare arrangements. Be honest and direct about your expectations regarding children at your wedding.

Consider the Type of Wedding

The type of wedding you're having can also be a factor in your decision. If you're having a formal evening wedding or one with limited space, it may be more appropriate to restrict the number of children invited. On the other hand, if you're having a casual daytime wedding or a destination wedding, it may be more challenging to exclude children without offending guests.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can choose who to invite. However, be prepared for the possibility of upset guests, especially if you invite some children but not others. Clear communication and consistent rules can help minimize any potential conflicts.

How to address wedding invitations if inviting entire families

When addressing wedding invitations to entire families, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use the correct titles and full names of the family members, including middle names if possible. The outer envelope should be more formal, while the inner envelope can be more casual.

If you are inviting a family with children under the age of 18, list the parents' full names on the outer envelope, followed by the children's names on the inner envelope. Girls under 18 can be addressed as "Miss". If you are not inviting children, simply omit their names from the invitation.

For families with children over the age of 18, each child should receive their own invitation. Use their full formal name on the outer envelope and their title and last name on the inner envelope.

When addressing a married couple, use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For same-sex couples, either name can go first. If the couple has different last names, write their names on the same line, with the person you are closest to listed first or in alphabetical order.

Unmarried couples living together should be listed on the same line, with each person's name on a separate line. Again, list the person you are closest to first.

The Smith Family

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Family

Mr. John Smith, Mrs. Emily Smith, Miss Anna Smith, Master Ethan Smith

What to do if parents insist on bringing their children

If parents insist on bringing their children to your wedding, here are some steps you can take to handle the situation:

• Communicate your wishes clearly: Firmly and politely reiterate your decision to have an adults-only wedding. Be honest and direct, expressing that you would prefer children not to attend. It is essential to set clear expectations and stick to them.
• Offer alternative arrangements: Suggest or help organise alternative childcare arrangements for the parents. Provide a list of recommended babysitters or childcare services in the area, or offer to connect parents with other guests who may need childcare so they can coordinate together.
• Be empathetic but assertive: Understand that some parents may be disappointed or frustrated by your decision. Listen to their concerns, but remain firm in your stance. It is your wedding, and you are entitled to make choices that align with your vision.
• Consider a separate kids' area: If you have the space and budget, you could designate a separate room or area at the venue for children. This way, parents can still attend while having their children supervised nearby. Provide activities, babysitters, or entertainment specifically for kids.
• Be consistent with your rules: Avoid making exceptions for some families and not others to prevent hurt feelings and the appearance of favouritism. If you have already allowed some children to attend, consider reaching out to those guests and politely explaining that, due to space or other limitations, you must now revise your decision and uphold the adults-only policy.
• Offer a compromise: If you are open to including some children, propose a compromise. For example, you could invite children only to the ceremony or part of the reception, or suggest that parents bring their children for part of the event and arrange for babysitters during the latter portion.

How to entertain kids during the ceremony and reception

There are many ways to keep children entertained during the ceremony and reception. Here are some ideas to make your wedding enjoyable for your younger guests:

During the Ceremony

• Offer kids quiet distractions such as colouring books and crayons.
• Ask your invitation designer or stationery company to make small activity books, colouring pages, or word puzzles that complement your programs and other paper items.
• Give them some simple tasks to do, such as handing out the order of service or managing the guest book.
• If you have a flower girl or ring bearer, make sure they are old enough to walk down the aisle without adult intervention.

During the Reception

• Set up a kids' area with toys, puzzles, and printable wedding games.
• Put on a kids' movie or arrange for some simple art projects.
• Hire a children's entertainer, such as a magician, face painter, or puppeteer.
• Create a "Kids' Club" and hire insured childcare providers to act as counselors who set up themed activities.
• Provide a kids' menu with child-friendly food options, such as fruit, finger foods, and lollipops.
• Set up a make-your-own-sundae bar for dessert.
• If your budget allows, hire a babysitter or wedding nanny to watch over the children.

Frequently asked questions