Your Adult-Only Wedding: Sending Invites Without Kids

Planning your wedding guest list is no easy feat, and deciding whether or not to invite children can be a tricky decision. Many couples opt for a child-free celebration, and while it's ultimately your choice, it's essential to communicate this politely and effectively to avoid upsetting your guests. Here are some tips on how to invite people to your wedding if you've decided to have a no kids policy.

Make your request clear and early on

When it comes to making your request for a child-free wedding clear, it's important to be direct and upfront about it. Here are some key considerations and steps to take:

• Make it clear from the outset: When sending out save the dates or early invitations, be explicit about your adults-only policy. This gives parents ample time to make childcare arrangements. You can also ask your immediate family, wedding party members, and friends to help spread the word through informal channels.
• Address invitations properly: Only list the names of those invited on the inner envelope. For instance, "Outer Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Sullivan; Inner Envelope: Mike and Annie". This makes it clear that only the adults are invited and helps prevent any assumptions that their children are also welcome.
• Be specific about age groups: Simply saying "no kids" may not be enough. Specify whether your request pertains to minors under the age of 18 or if you're aiming for a 21+ event. This clarity helps guests understand your wishes and plan accordingly.
• Use clear and polite wording: On your wedding invitations or response cards, consider phrases like "Adults-only affair," "We kindly request an adult-only wedding," or "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration." You can also mention specific reasons, such as limited venue space or a desire for a relaxed atmosphere.
• Utilize your wedding website: Create a FAQ section on your wedding website to address your child-free request. This provides an additional platform to communicate your wishes and allows guests to refer to it easily.
• Be consistent: Apply your adults-only policy consistently across your guest list. You can make exceptions for children of immediate family members or those in your wedding party, but be sure to communicate these exceptions clearly to other guests to avoid confusion.
• Provide recommendations or alternatives: If you're concerned about guest reactions, consider recommending babysitting services or childcare options in the area. This shows that you're thoughtful and considerate of their needs while still maintaining your request for a child-free wedding.
• Be sensitive but firm: Understand that some parents may be sensitive about leaving their children behind. Be empathetic but also stand your ground. Remember, it's your wedding day, and you have the right to decide who is invited.

By following these steps, you can effectively communicate your request for a child-free wedding and ensure that your guests understand and respect your wishes.

Be consistent with your rules

When it comes to hosting a child-free wedding, it's essential to be consistent with your rules. Here are some tips to ensure that your request is clear and well-communicated:

Be Consistent Across the Board

It's important to apply the "no kids" rule equally to all guests to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. Making exceptions for certain guests' children while excluding others can create an uncomfortable situation. Remember, it's your special day, and you have the right to decide who is invited.

Address Invitations Clearly

When addressing wedding invitations, ensure that they are addressed only to the invited guests, not to the entire household. For example, address the invitation to "Mr. & Mrs. Peter Smith" instead of "The Smith Family." This makes it clear that their children are not mentioned and, therefore, not invited.

Provide Advance Notice

Give guests with children plenty of notice about your adults-only policy. Include this information on your wedding website, in the FAQ section, or under additional details. This will allow them to make necessary childcare arrangements well in advance.

Be Clear and Specific

When communicating your adults-only request, be clear and specific about which age groups cannot attend. Simply saying "no kids" may not be enough. Specify if you prefer a 21+ affair or if you are allowing infants under a certain age.

Handle Pushback Sensitively

Even if you've clearly communicated your adults-only policy, you may still encounter pushback from some guests. Stay sensitive and empathetic when dealing with upset parents, but don't back down from your decision. Explain your reasons politely, and remember that it's your wedding day, and you can choose who is invited.

Consider Alternatives for Children

If you have flower girls, ring bearers, or children in your wedding party, consider arranging alternative activities or childcare for them after the ceremony or during the reception. This can include hiring a professional babysitting service or creating a separate kids' area with supervised activities.

Be tactful and avoid citing personal reasons

When communicating your wishes for a child-free wedding, it's important to be tactful and avoid citing personal reasons. Here are some tips and examples to help you navigate this sensitive topic:

Be Clear and Direct:

Explain your wishes clearly and directly to avoid any confusion. Instead of simply saying "no kids," specify the age group that won't be attending. For example, you can state that only guests over the age of 18 or 21 are invited. This information can be included on your wedding website and invitations.

Avoid Singling Out Specific Children:

Refrain from making your no-kids request about any particular child. Statements like "your child is too wild" or "Stacey, your son cries too much" are not appropriate and will likely cause defensiveness and hurt feelings. Keep your wording respectful and general, applying to all guests with children.

Address Invitations Carefully:

When addressing invitations, only include the names of the invited guests. Avoid addressing it to "The Smith Family" if only the parents are invited. This may cause confusion, and they might assume their children are also invited. Be clear and specific to avoid any misunderstandings.

Provide Advanced Notice:

Give your guests with children plenty of notice to make childcare arrangements. Include a note about your child-free request on your wedding website, save-the-dates, or even on the invitations themselves. This allows them to plan accordingly and find suitable childcare options.

Specify Your Plan for Wedding Party Members:

If you have flower girls, ring bearers, or other children in your wedding party, communicate your plan for them clearly to their parents. Let them know if they are only invited to the ceremony and not the reception. Consider offering to pay for a babysitter for these children during the reception to make it convenient for their parents.

Examples of Wording:

On your wedding invitations, you can simply state "Adults only" or "Adults-only reception." On your wedding website, you can provide a more detailed explanation, such as "Due to the limited capacity of our venue, we are only able to extend an invitation to adult guests." You can also express your love for their children but firmly state your decision: "We love your kids, but you deserve a night out! This wedding is for adults only."

Remember, it's your special day, and you have the right to decide who is invited. By being clear, respectful, and providing advanced notice, you can tactfully communicate your wishes for a child-free wedding without citing personal reasons.

Specify your plan for wedding party members

If you're having flower girls, ring bearers, junior bridesmaids, or groomsmen at your wedding ceremony, you'll need to coordinate with their parents about what they'll be doing after the ceremony. These children will need to attend your ceremony to fulfill their duties as members of your wedding party, but if they're not invited to the reception, it's essential that you explicitly mention this stipulation to their parents.

One way to handle this is to offer to pay for a babysitter to watch the children for the night. You could hire a professional babysitting service to supervise them in a separate room at your wedding reception site. Ask your wedding planner to help make the arrangements and work with your sitter service to plan age-appropriate wedding activities. You could also craft kid-friendly meals, like a pizza-making station or a breakfast-for-dinner mini-buffet.

If you're not providing a babysitter, it's still important to communicate your plan for these children after the ceremony or cocktail hour. You could ask the parents to take them home after the ceremony, or suggest local babysitting services that they could hire.

To avoid any confusion, it's best to touch base with the parents of these children as early as possible and reiterate your request through your invitations. While you'll address your invites to only the members of the household who are invited to your celebration, their parents will probably need a more straightforward indication that their children won't be able to join for the reception. For example, you could include a note at the bottom of your invitations or the RSVP card.

Be prepared for some parents to decline

It's completely valid to have a child-free wedding. However, it's important to be prepared for the possibility that some parents may decline your invitation as a result. This is especially true if your wedding is abroad, as parents may be less likely to travel without their children or arrange childcare in another country.

If parents do decline, remember that it's not a reflection of you or your wedding plans. It can simply be inconvenient for parents to be away from their children, and that's okay! It's also worth noting that parents who do attend may not be able to stay for the entire duration of the wedding.

To minimise the chances of parents declining, consider offering a crèche or babysitter service if your budget allows. This is a thoughtful gesture that can help parents feel more comfortable about leaving their children behind.

Frequently asked questions