Etiquette Guide: Addressing Child-Free Wedding Invitations

Planning a wedding and deciding whether or not to invite children can be a tricky task. Some parents can be sensitive when it comes to their children, so it's important to carefully consider how to word your invitations. While it's generally not recommended to explicitly state adults only or no children on the invitation, you can subtly convey the message through your reception card or by addressing the envelopes to specific individuals. This article will provide guidance on how to navigate this situation and offer suggestions for polite and considerate wording to achieve your dream adults-only wedding day without causing any arguments.

Addressing the invitation to the adults only

When addressing wedding invitations to adults only, it's important to be clear and direct to avoid any confusion or misunderstanding. Here are some tips and examples to help you address your invitations:

• Use Clear and Direct Wording: On the invitation itself, you can explicitly state that the event is "adults-only" or specify an age limit, such as "21+". Be specific about which age groups cannot attend. You can also use phrases like "intimate ceremony" or "cocktail reception" to subtly suggest a child-free event.
• Address the Invitation to Specific Individuals: Only list the names of those who are invited on the inner envelope. For example, if a family has children, address the outer envelope to the parents and list each child's name on the inner envelope if they are invited. If children are not invited, do not include their names. This will help avoid any ambiguity.
• Be Consistent: Apply the "adults-only" rule consistently across your guest list. You can make clear exceptions for children of immediate family members or those in the wedding party, such as flower girls or ring bearers. Just be sure to communicate these exceptions to your guests.
• Provide Advance Notice: Give parents enough notice to make childcare arrangements. You can also include a note on the invitation or your wedding website recommending babysitting or childcare options in the area.
• Use Correct Titles and Names: When addressing the invitations, use the correct titles (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Mx., etc.) and full names. For unmarried couples, list each person's name on a separate line. For married couples with the same last name, you can use "Mr. and Mrs. John Rivera". If they have different last names, list them separately: "Ms. Celine Elgin and Ms. Jacqueline Purcell".
• Specify the Number of Guests: On the response card, indicate the number of seats reserved for the invited guests. For example, "We have reserved two spots for you." This will help clarify that children are not included in the invitation.
• Include a Reception Card or Map: If you want to be extra clear, you can include a separate reception card or map with a note specifying that the event is adults-only.

• "We are very sorry, but due to restrictions at our venue, we cannot accommodate children."
• "Due to safety reasons/the nature of our venue, we are unable to extend this invitation to children."
• "Our venue has a strict no-under-18s policy, so we are unable to welcome children to the wedding."
• "Unfortunately, as much as we'd love to, we can only accommodate a few close family children. We hope you understand and still join us."
• "We are sorry that we are unable to accommodate children at our wedding."
• "Please be aware that this will be an adults-only wedding."
• "We respectfully request no children attend the ceremony and reception. Thank you for your understanding."
• "The couple requests this be an adults-only event."
• "We politely request no children under the age of 18 at the reception."
• "Please celebrate with us at an adults-only reception immediately following the ceremony."
• "We love your children, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of [insert number] on our wedding day."

Using a response card with the number of seats reserved

When it comes to addressing no children on a wedding invitation, careful wording is essential. Here are some tips and examples for using a response card with the number of seats reserved to indicate that children are not invited:

A tactful way to indicate that children are not included in the invitation is to specify the number of seats reserved for each guest or group of guests. This can be done by including a line on the response card such as, "We have reserved ___ seats in your honour." This approach ensures that guests understand the exact number of attendees expected while maintaining a polite tone.

"We have reserved ___ seat(s) in your honour.

Please initial the entrée selection of each guest:

Chicken / Beef / Vegetarian

Dietary restrictions: ____"

By including the number of reserved seats, you politely convey that children are not included in the invitation. Additionally, this format allows guests to provide their meal preferences, making it a practical and informative response card.

Another option is to combine the reserved seats with the accept/decline format:

"We have reserved ___ seats in your honour.

___ number of guests will attend

___ number of guests will not attend"

This format provides a clear indication of the expected number of attendees while still giving guests the option to specify how many will be present.

If you prefer a more personalised approach, you can include the names of the invited guests on the response card. For example:

"We have reserved ___ seats for:

[Guest names listed with lines or checkboxes next to each name]"

This format leaves no ambiguity about who is invited and allows guests to indicate their attendance by marking their names.

Additional Tips for Addressing No Children on Wedding Invitations

• Make your adults-only policy clear from the start. It is only fair to give parents enough notice to make childcare arrangements.
• Be consistent with your policy. It is generally best to apply the rule to all guests, with possible exceptions for children of immediate family or those in the wedding party.
• Avoid wording that implies parents can't have fun with their children present, such as suggesting that the event will be more enjoyable without children.
• If you are inviting children to part of the wedding, specify the timing clearly. For example, "We are delighted to welcome children to the ceremony and early reception. However, from 6 pm onwards, the wedding will be adults-only."
• If you have a wedding website, it is a great place to include a note about your adults-only policy and recommend babysitting options in the area.

Including a note on the reception card or map

If you want to communicate that your wedding will be child-free, it's best to be tactful and careful with your wording. While you can be direct, you don't want to risk ruffling feathers. A good way to do this is to include a note on the reception card or map. Here are some examples of what you could write:

"Leave the Kiddos at Home. While we adore your children, our venue does not have the room for your little ones. Please make it a date night. We can't wait to celebrate with you!"

"One Small Request. Dearest friends and family – our wedding ceremony and reception are for adults only. We thank you for respecting this request and look forward to seeing you all in June!"

"Please celebrate with us at an adults-only reception immediately following the ceremony."

"Although we love to watch the children run and play, this is going to be an adults-only kind of day."

"Due to restrictions at our venue, children under the age of 16 are not able to attend."

"Children are welcome at the ceremony but the reception is an adults-only affair."

"Although we love your children, we regretfully cannot accommodate them at the venue due to limited seating. We hope you are able to join us anyway and enjoy a relaxed evening with friends and family!"

If you are inviting children to part of the wedding, you could say:

"We are delighted to welcome children to the ceremony and early reception. However, from X pm onwards, the wedding will be adults only."

"We respectfully request that under-18s do not attend the reception."

"Children outside the wedding party are not invited for the ceremony, but are welcome for the reception from X pm."

"We would like our special day to be an adult-only occasion, however, we would like to open the invite up to your children at the evening reception at X pm."

"Following the ceremony and drinks reception, please join us for an adults-only reception at X pm."

If you are inviting only certain children, you could say:

"Unfortunately, as much as we’d love to invite all of our friends’ children, we can only accommodate a few close family children. We hope that you will understand this decision and that you will still be able to join us on our special day."

"In order to meet guest number restrictions, we are only able to extend our invitation to the children of close family and/or our wedding party."

"Due to space constraints, we are only able to invite the children of immediate family to our wedding."

"We are unable to accommodate children beyond our page boys and flower girls."

"We are only able to accommodate the children of the wedding party."

Adding a line to the RSVP card

If you want to have a child-free wedding, it's important to be direct and tactful in your communication with guests. While you can mention your no-kids request on your wedding website or spread the word through family and friends, it's also crucial to address your invitations clearly. Here are some suggestions for adding a line to the RSVP card to indicate that children are not invited:

• "We have reserved ___ seats for you at the reception." This implies that only the specified number of guests are invited, without directly mentioning children.
• "___ adults would love to attend ___ regrettably we are unable to attend." By providing a specific number of adults, it becomes clear that children are not included in the invitation.
• Personalise each RSVP card with the names of the invited guests. This leaves no room for ambiguity and ensures that only the named individuals are expected to attend.
• "We respectfully request no children under the age of 18 at the reception." This approach is more direct, explicitly stating that children are not invited to the wedding.
• "Unfortunately, we are only able to accommodate children in the wedding party at our reception." This option acknowledges the presence of children in the wedding party while indicating that other children are not invited.
• "We respectfully advise this is an adult-only event." This statement is clear and direct, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

Remember, it's essential to be consistent in your approach and make your adults-only policy clear from the outset. Give parents enough notice to make childcare arrangements, and don't be afraid to stand your ground if you receive pushback. Ultimately, it's your special day, and you have the right to decide who is invited.

Making a phone call to those with kids

Be Clear and Direct

Explain your decision clearly and directly. Let them know that you are having a child-free wedding and that their children are not included in the invitation. You can say something like, "We are unable to accommodate children at our wedding, and we hope you understand our decision." It's important to be respectful and polite while still being firm in your message.

Give a Reason

It can be helpful to provide a reason for your decision. For example, you could say, "Due to space constraints, we are unable to invite children to the wedding." Or, "We want to ensure that all our guests, including parents, can relax and enjoy themselves without worrying about their little ones." Giving a reason can help your guests understand your perspective and may make it easier for them to accept your decision.

Offer Alternatives or Compromises

If you are close to the family or want to provide additional options, you could suggest alternatives or compromises. For example, you could say, "We understand if you need to bring your children, and we can arrange for a babysitter at the venue to supervise them during the ceremony and reception." Or, "We are happy to recommend some local babysitting services if you need help finding childcare for the day." By offering alternatives, you show that you are considerate of their situation while still maintaining your child-free wedding wishes.

Be Consistent

It's important to apply the "no kids" rule consistently across your guest list. Explain to your guests that you are applying this rule to everyone, with perhaps a few exceptions for immediate family or children in the wedding party. This helps to avoid any confusion or hard feelings.

Be Sensitive and Understanding

Recognize that some parents may be sensitive about leaving their children behind, especially if they are travelling from out of town. Be empathetic towards their situation and let them know that you understand their concerns. You can say something like, "I know it's not easy to find childcare, and we truly appreciate your efforts to make it work." By showing sensitivity and understanding, you can maintain a positive relationship with your guests despite the child-free wedding request.

Make the Call Timely

Don't delay making these phone calls. It's important to give your guests with children enough time to make the necessary arrangements. As soon as you have decided on a child-free wedding and sent out your save-the-dates, start reaching out to those guests who you think may need clarification or a personal conversation about the matter. This will help ensure that everyone has enough time to plan accordingly.

Frequently asked questions