Etiquette Guide: Wedding Invites And No Kids

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to navigating the guest list. Deciding whether to invite children or not is a tricky issue, and one that requires careful wording to avoid causing offence. Many couples opt for a child-free celebration, but how do you politely communicate this to your guests? Here are some tips and examples to help you craft the perfect message for your wedding invitations.

Be direct and polite

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky issue, and one that requires careful wording. Here are some tips on how to be direct and polite when saying "no kids" on your wedding invitations:

Be Clear and Direct

It's important to be clear and direct about your adults-only policy to avoid any confusion. You can do this by using phrases such as:

• "No Children"
• "18+ Only"
• "Adults-only event"
• "This invitation is extended to adults only"
• "Regrettably, we are unable to accommodate children unless they are named on the invitation"
• "We regret that we are unable to invite children to the wedding"
• "Respectfully an adult occasion"

Address Invitations Properly

Only those named on the invitation are official guests, so be sure to specifically name your intended guests. Avoid phrases like "To All of You" or "To [Name] and Family," which can create the expectation that everyone is invited.

Share the Message Across Multiple Platforms

It's a good idea to reinforce your message by sharing it on your save-the-dates, wedding invites, wedding website, and follow-up messages. This will help to ensure that your guests don't overlook the details.

Be Compassionate

Remember that for some guests, a wedding being adults-only might mean they can't attend, especially if it's a destination wedding. Be understanding of the difficult decision they may have to make, and balance this with standing firm in your decision.

When Some Children Are Invited

If you are inviting some children, such as those from your immediate family, make this clear on the invitation to avoid any confusion or the appearance of unfairness. You can say something like:

• "Although we're hosting an adults-only event, you may still see some children at our celebration, including our ring bearer and flower girl"
• "Please note our celebration is for adults only, except newborns and infants"

When Only Part of Your Event Is Adults-Only

If you're having an adults-only ceremony followed by a family-friendly reception, or vice versa, make this clear on the invitation. You can say something like:

• "We'd love to see [child's name] at our ceremony, but please note that the reception is adults-only"
• "Our ceremony will take place at [time]. After this, please join us for an adult reception from [time]"

When Your Venue Is Adults-Only

If your venue has a strict no-children policy, you can explain this on the invitation:

• "Unfortunately, due to venue restrictions, we won't be able to invite children to the wedding"
• "The nature of our chosen venue means it's not appropriate for those under 18. Adults are welcome, but no children, please"

Remember, it's your wedding day, and it's up to you how you want to spend it. Be respectful and understanding of your guests' needs, but don't be afraid to be direct and clear about your adults-only policy.

Address the invites to specific guests only

Addressing your wedding invitations to specific guests only is a great way to politely communicate that children are not invited to your wedding. Here are some tips and examples to help you with this approach:

• Outer Envelope Etiquette: On the outer envelope, use formal titles and full names. For a married couple with the same last name, you can use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". If you prefer to address both partners equally, you can include both their first and last names, such as "Mr. Thomas and Mrs. Michelle Warren". Alternatively, you can list their names separately, especially if they have different last names. For unmarried couples living together, list both names on the same line or on separate lines, with the person you are closest to, or the person whose name is first alphabetically, coming first.
• Inner Envelope Informality: The inner envelope is where you can be more informal. Here, you have the option to use only first names or a combination of first names and last names. For example, "Thomas and Michelle" or "Warren". If you want to be more casual, you can simply use the first names, like "Thomas and Michelle".
• Families with Children: When inviting a family with children, the outer envelope should include only the parents' names. Listing each child's name on the inner envelope will imply that they are invited. For example, the outer envelope can be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson", and the inner envelope can list the children's names: "Alan, Emily, Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Miss Lily". If you do not want to include specific children's names, simply address the outer envelope to "The Thompson Family".
• Avoiding Misunderstandings: To avoid any misunderstandings, be consistent and clear in your wording. Avoid phrases like "To All of You" or "To [Name] and Family" on the outer envelope, as this may create an expectation that everyone is invited. Instead, be explicit about who is invited by addressing the outer envelope to the specific guests.
• Tradition and Modernity: While tradition dictates using formal titles and full names on the outer envelope, you can opt for a more modern approach by using only first and last names. This is especially useful if some of your guests do not identify with traditional titles like Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. Always respect your guests' preferred personal titles and double-check with them beforehand if you plan to include these titles on the invitations.
• Digital Invitations: If you are using digital invitations, ensure that you clearly specify the invited guests. You can customize the wording to express your situation and preferences while maintaining a polite and firm tone.
• Consistency and Exceptions: Be consistent in applying the "no kids" rule, but feel free to make exceptions for children of immediate family members, close friends, or the wedding party. If you are making exceptions, communicate this clearly to your guests to avoid confusion.
• Communication Channels: Share the "adults-only" message across multiple channels, including save-the-dates, wedding invitations, your wedding website, and follow-up messages. This reinforcement will help ensure that your guests receive and understand the information.

Remember, addressing invitations to specific guests only is just one way to convey your preference for a child-free wedding. You can also use a combination of other approaches, such as including a line on the RSVP card about the number of reserved seats or personalizing each response card with the invited guests' printed names.

Explain your reasons

Explaining your reasons for not wanting children at your wedding can be tricky. Here are some ideas for wording your explanation in a polite but direct way:

Space and Budget Constraints

Explain that you are limited by the size of your venue or your budget. For example:

• "We regret that due to the large number of children within our family and friends, we have decided to make our wedding day an adult-only occasion."
• "We'd love to invite everyone to celebrate our special day, but there simply isn't room. For this reason, we've decided to host an adults-only celebration."
• "Our wedding will be adults-only so that we can have our dream wedding venue."
• "We'd invite the world if we could, but it's simply not an option. Please note our event is adults-only."
• "Our numbers are restricted, so it's with sadness that we cannot invite [child's name] to the ceremony and reception."

Venue Restrictions

If your venue has a no-children policy, you can explain this to your guests. For example:

• "Unfortunately, due to venue restrictions, we won't be able to invite children to the wedding."
• "The nature of our chosen venue means it's not appropriate for those under 18. Adults are welcome, but no children, please."
• "Our venue has a strict no-under-18s policy, so we are unable to welcome children to the wedding."

Childcare Offerings

If you are offering childcare services, you can explain that children are welcome to attend but will be hosted by a babysitting service elsewhere. For example:

• "Children will be looked after in the nursery during the ceremony but are welcome to join us in the main hall for the reception!"
• "We're providing a wonderful babysitting service in [venue room name] for children during the ceremony."

Consistency

It's important to be consistent with your no-children rule. However, you can make clear exceptions for children of immediate family members, close friends, or the wedding party. For example:

• "Unfortunately, as much as we'd love to invite all of our friends' children, we can only accommodate a few close family children."
• "Due to space constraints, we are only able to invite the children of immediate family to our wedding."
• "We are only able to accommodate the children of the wedding party."

Guest Experience

You can explain that you want your guests to relax and enjoy themselves without having to worry about their children. For example:

• "To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry, we respectfully ask that no children attend our celebrations."
• "To give all our guests the opportunity to celebrate without having to worry about little eyes and ears, we politely request no children."
• "To allow all guests to relax and enjoy themselves, we have chosen to make our special day adults-only. We thank you for your understanding."
• "We respectfully request no children at our wedding celebrations. We hope you understand and can still join us on our special day."

Remember, it's your wedding day, and you should feel free to make it an adults-only event if that's what you prefer. Good luck with your planning!

Be consistent

When it comes to informing your guests that your wedding will be a child-free event, consistency is key. Applying the rule to every guest will help your message go down better. However, you can make exceptions for the children of immediate family members, bridesmaids, ushers, page boys, and flower girls, as long as you let other guests know this is the case.

For example, you could say:

> "Unfortunately, as much as we’d love to invite all of our friends’ children, we can only accommodate a few close family children. We hope that you will understand this decision and that you will still be able to join us on our special day."

Or:

> "Due to space constraints, we are only able to invite the children of our immediate family and wedding party. We hope you can understand."

If you're inviting children to only part of the event, such as the ceremony or reception, be sure to make this clear to your guests. For example:

> "We’re looking forward to celebrating our wedding with your children at the ceremony and cocktail hour, but request the reception be reserved for adults only."

> "We are extending a formal invitation to celebrate our marriage with your children at the reception, but only children in the bridal party should be in attendance at the ceremony."

Remember, it's your wedding, so it's up to you how you organise your guest list. However, being consistent with your "no kids" rule will help to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.

Make alternative arrangements for children

If you're planning a wedding without children, it's important to communicate this clearly to your guests. Here are some ideas for alternative arrangements for children:

• Offer babysitting services: If your wedding venue has space, you could organise a separate room or area for children to be supervised by babysitters or nannies. This option can be convenient for guests and ensure that children are well cared for during the event.
• Recommend local babysitters: If you are unable to provide babysitting services at the venue, you could recommend local babysitting services or childcare providers that guests can contact directly. This gives parents the option to arrange individual care for their children.
• Suggest nearby accommodations: If your wedding venue has family-friendly accommodations nearby, you can include this information in your invitations or on your wedding website. This allows guests with children to stay close by while also having a space to retreat to if needed.
• Provide activities for children: If there are children attending the wedding, you can organise activities to keep them entertained. This could include setting up a play area, providing colouring books and games, or even arranging a supervised treasure hunt.
• Host a family-friendly reception: While the wedding ceremony may be adults-only, you could consider making the reception more family-friendly. This gives parents the option to bring their children to the reception, allowing them to celebrate with you while also accommodating their needs.
• Offer a child-friendly menu: Consider offering a child-friendly menu option to accommodate any children who may be in attendance. This can be especially helpful if you are inviting children to the reception or if you know that guests may need to bring their children due to a lack of alternative arrangements.

Remember to be consistent with your policy and make exceptions only for specific cases, such as children of immediate family members or those in the wedding party. It is also important to give guests ample notice so they can make the necessary arrangements.

Frequently asked questions