Bridesmaids' Guide: Dos And Don'ts For The Big Day

Being a bridesmaid is a major honour, but it also comes with a lot of responsibility. Your main duty is to support the bride emotionally and help her plan the wedding. It's important to be there for the bride when she needs to vent, and to be a positive and proactive presence. You'll also need to be prepared to help with pre-wedding events, like the bridal shower and bachelorette party, and to be present and available to the bride on the wedding day and the days leading up to it.

Emotional support

• Be a good listener. Let the bride vent without interruption and offer a sounding board for her to share her thoughts and feelings. Be there to listen and provide a shoulder to lean on.
• Help the bride stay calm and relaxed. Wedding planning can be overwhelming, so do what you can to create a peaceful and positive environment for the bride. This may include helping with tasks, offering words of encouragement, or simply being present and available.
• Offer practical help. Check in with the couple regularly and offer practical assistance. Be specific about what you can do to make their lives easier, such as helping with dress shopping, planning pre-wedding events, or running errands.
• Be supportive and enthusiastic. Listen to any wedding planning woes and be a source of encouragement and excitement. Turn pre-wedding events into celebrations and find ways to make the planning process fun for the bride.
• Help mitigate stress. If the bride is feeling anxious or overwhelmed, do what you can to reduce their stress levels. This may include helping with tasks, offering solutions to problems, or simply being a calm and supportive presence.
• Be available. Offer your help early on and throughout the entire planning process. Make yourself available for dress fittings, pre-wedding events, and any other tasks that may arise.
• Provide honest feedback. If the bride asks for your opinion, give constructive and tactful feedback. For example, if she hasn't found a dress yet and the one she's trying on doesn't flatter her, you can say something like, "That dress you tried on before really showed off your waist. Let's keep looking to find something similar."
• Create a supportive environment. If there are multiple bridesmaids, make sure to get along with them and avoid any unnecessary drama. Don't leave it to the bride to manage any tensions within the bridal party. Instead, be a positive influence and help create a harmonious and supportive dynamic among the group.

Planning and paying for pre-wedding events

Discuss Expectations:

Before committing, have an honest conversation with the bride about what is expected of you financially. Get a clear understanding of the overall expenses, including pre-wedding events, travel, gifts, and attire. Be transparent about your budget and what you can realistically afford.

Create a Budget:

Evaluate your finances and create a budget for bridesmaid expenses. Consider costs such as travel, lodging, gifts, outfits, and pre-wedding events like the bachelorette party and bridal shower. Use a spreadsheet to track expenses and share it with the bridal party to ensure everyone is on the same page.

Bachelorette Party:

Bridesmaids typically plan and pay for the bachelorette party. Discuss financial capabilities with the bridal party and opt for budget-friendly options if needed. While it is customary to cover the bride's expenses, consider pitching in for specific activities or her accommodation rather than the entire trip.

Bridal Shower:

The bridal shower is usually planned and paid for by the maid of honour, but bridesmaids may also be expected to contribute. If the bridal shower is hosted by the bride's family, they will typically share the costs. Communicate with the host to understand their expectations and plan accordingly.

Travel and Accommodations:

Bridesmaids are generally responsible for their travel and lodging costs for the wedding and any pre-wedding events. If the wedding is at a distant location, consider cheaper alternatives for accommodation and use rewards programs or early booking to save on travel expenses.

Gifts:

It is customary for bridesmaids to give a wedding gift. You may opt to collaborate with the bridal party on a group gift or choose individual presents. If your budget is tight, consider offering your talents or services instead, such as addressing envelopes or helping with coordination.

Remember, honest and open communication is key. Be transparent about your financial capabilities, and don't be afraid to suggest more affordable options or offer alternative ways to contribute.

Wedding day assistance

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour and a lot of fun, but it can also be hard work. Here are some tips for being a great bridesmaid on the wedding day:

Before the big day:

It's a good idea to establish who is paying for what early on. Traditionally, the couple pays for wedding party outfits, but this isn't always the case. It's also important to be emotionally supportive of the bride and to communicate honestly about any concerns or limitations you may have. Offer to help with any pre-wedding events, dress appointments and decisions about attire and flowers. Be proactive and positive, and remember that each bride is different and may have unique expectations.

On the wedding day:

It's your job to be the bride's personal mirror and help her with any last-minute touches. You may also need to help her get to the bathroom, especially if her dress is a ball gown. Keep her hydrated and well-fed, and be ready to jump in and fix her dress, veil and bouquet throughout the day. You'll also need to be on hand to greet guests, round up family members for photos and make a speech if asked.

After the wedding:

Your duties may extend beyond the wedding day itself, especially if it's a weekend wedding. You may need to help with cleaning up the venue and transporting gifts to the couple's home or a safe place.

Throughout the process:

Remember to be supportive, proactive and positive. Offer your help early on and be present throughout the planning process and the big day.

Conflict resolution

Conflict is an inevitable part of life, and it's not uncommon for bridesmaids to disagree or clash at some point during the wedding planning process. Here are some tips for resolving conflicts and maintaining a harmonious bridal party:

Be Emotionally Supportive

It's important to remember that wedding planning can be a stressful time for the bride. As a bridesmaid, offer emotional support and be a calming presence. Listen to the bride's concerns, provide a shoulder to cry on, and help her navigate any challenges she may encounter. Be there for her throughout the entire process, from dress shopping to the big day itself.

Communicate Honestly

Open and honest communication is key to resolving conflicts. If you have concerns or disagreements with the bride or other bridesmaids, address them early on. Be clear about your expectations and boundaries, and be willing to compromise when necessary. Remember, each bride is different, and it's important to respect her unique vision and expectations.

Be Flexible and Accommodating

Conflicts may arise due to differences in opinions or preferences, especially when it comes to attire or pre-wedding events. It's important to remain flexible and accommodating. Try to find compromises that work for everyone, such as allowing bridesmaids to choose their dress style or customizing necklines and details while maintaining the same colour. Remember, the bride's vision is important, but so is the comfort and self-esteem of her bridesmaids.

Manage Expenses Considerately

Financial concerns are a common source of conflict in bridal parties. Be considerate of your bridesmaids' financial situations when planning expenses. Choose reasonably priced attire and be open to alternatives, such as wearing shoes they already own. If possible, offer to pay for their hair and makeup as a thank-you gift. Work together to plan affordable pre-wedding events, and be understanding if someone needs to skip an event due to budget constraints.

Address Issues Directly

If conflicts arise, don't ignore them or let them fester. Address issues directly and respectfully. Schedule one-on-one conversations with the individuals involved, and create a safe space for them to express their concerns. Work together to find solutions and compromise, and always remember to treat each other with kindness and empathy.

Seek Outside Help if Needed

If conflicts persist or become overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek outside help. Enlist the support of other bridesmaids, family members, or a wedding planner to mediate and find resolutions. Remember, the goal is to create a supportive and positive environment for the bride, so she can fully enjoy her special day.

Gift-giving

As a bridesmaid, you may be expected to give a gift to the bride, and possibly to the other bridesmaids as well. Here are some ideas for gift-giving as a bridesmaid.

Timing

It is considered good etiquette to give gifts at the rehearsal dinner, which is traditionally the most popular option. You could also give gifts a few days before the wedding, especially if it is a destination wedding, or on the actual day of the wedding.

Types of Gifts

Gifts can be either traditional or proposal gifts. Proposal gifts are given early on in the engagement when you are just starting to plan, and traditional gifts are given later.

Gift Ideas

• Personalized items, like custom embroidered pajamas, monogrammed tote bags, or birthstone jewelry
• Practical presents they can use long after the wedding, like makeup bags with their initials, jewelry boxes, or blinged-out coffee cups
• Something tailored to each bridesmaid's tastes
• Something related to the theme or color scheme of the wedding, like monogrammed beach towels for a beach-themed wedding
• Gifts they can wear during the wedding, like jewelry or customized sneakers
• Self-care goodies, a picture frame, or wine
• A gift card to their favorite store or restaurant
• A handwritten thank-you card

Frequently asked questions