Asking Bridesmaids To A Destination Wedding: A Guide

Planning a destination wedding and want your besties by your side? Asking your friends to be your bridesmaids is a special moment, and there are many ways to make your proposal unique and unforgettable. Here are some ideas to get you started:

- Meet for afternoon tea and share how much their presence by your side would mean to you.

- Host a boozy brunch and pop the question over breakfast drinks and bacon.

- Gift them a piece of jewellery and ask if they'll wear it on your big day.

- Send a bouquet of flowers with a card popping the question.

- Host a movie night featuring wedding-themed films and propose by referencing a character or scene.

- Throw a themed party with prizes for everyone – no one needs to know that the real prize is being in your bridal party!

- Send a scratch-off card with a custom message underneath. Include a penny for scratching!

- Host a coffee date and bring a personalised mug, or ask the barista to write the question on the cup.

- Ask in person or, if they're not local, via phone or video call. It's more formal and shows you're taking the responsibility of their role seriously.

Asking in-person or via phone/video call

Asking your friends to be your bridesmaids is a special moment and one that you and your nearest and dearest will treasure forever. Here are some ideas for how to ask them in person or via a phone/video call.

In-person ideas:

• Host a dinner party at your place or take them out for brunch. This is a great way for your bridesmaids to meet and mingle if they come from different parts of your life.
• Meet for afternoon tea, complete with scones and clotted cream, petit fours, and cucumber sandwiches.
• Stage a photo of your gals in matching robes by gifting them a robe as you ask them to be in your party.
• Set up a coffee date and bring along a personalised mug or ask the barista to write the question on the cup instead of their name.
• Hand-deliver a pick-me-up by meeting them individually for lunch and giving them a cup of their favourite coffee or tea.

Via phone/video call ideas:

• Send a bouquet of flowers to their home or office address, with a card popping the question.
• Send a scratch-off card in the mail. Under the scratch-off part of the card, your friends will find a message asking them to be your bridesmaid.
• Send a box of macarons with "Will you be my bridesmaid?" written on the cookies in edible glitter.
• Send a balloon with the message inside. Give a little box with a small inflated balloon and a safety pin. When they pop the balloon, they’ll find a message asking them to be your bridesmaid.
• Send a picture frame with a photo of you and your future bridesmaid.

Remember, it's best to ask your bridal party 8-12 months before your wedding, so that they have plenty of time to prepare.

Sending a gift

Gifts to Send

• A balloon or flower bouquet with a personalised note. You could even include a glimpse of your wedding colour scheme!
• A ring pop in a keepsake box.
• Custom wine or champagne labels asking the all-important question.
• A picture frame with a photo of you and your future bridesmaid.
• A scratch-off card with a custom message underneath asking "Will You Be My Bridesmaid?"
• Fortune cookies with custom messages inside asking "Will you be my bridesmaid?"
• A gift box filled with wedding-related items such as a mini bottle of bubbly, nail polish, sheet masks and other sweet treats.
• A piece of jewellery you'd like them to wear on the big day.
• A robe that they can wear while getting ready on the day of the wedding.
• A mug with a personalised message.
• A luggage tag if you're planning a destination wedding.
• A box of macarons with "Will you be my bridesmaid?" written on them in edible glitter.
• A custom card that speaks to each bridesmaid's personality.

Things to Consider

If you decide to send a gift, it's important to keep in mind that you'll have to deliver your bridesmaid proposal gifts to your chosen 'maids. This should be pretty easy if they're local, and a little more complicated if they're spread out across the country or world. It's also important to remember that you don't have to send a gift at all! A more formal, in-person approach is also an option.

Discussing duties and costs

Events

Outline which pre-wedding events you would like your bridesmaids to attend and which ones they will be responsible for planning. This could include the bridal shower, bachelorette party, engagement party, and rehearsal dinner, as well as less formal occasions like dress shopping and assembling favours.

Costs

Money can be an awkward topic, even with close friends. However, you don't want your bridesmaids to feel blindsided by wedding expenses. Be sure to talk about a comfortable price point for their dresses and travel costs, especially if you are planning a destination wedding or bachelorette party.

Other Responsibilities

Give your bridesmaids a heads-up if you will be relying on them for other parts of the wedding planning process, such as décor assistance. Decide which members of the wedding party will give speeches, and who will take on day-of tasks like ushering guests to their tables and making sure the guest book gets signed.

Transportation and Accommodation

While it is customary for bridesmaids to cover their own travel and accommodation expenses, there are ways you can help ease the financial burden. Provide a list of local accommodations and transport options, and consider negotiating group rates to reduce costs.

Gifts

While not mandatory, it is a thoughtful gesture to give your bridesmaids gifts when proposing, to show your appreciation for their support. This could be something small, like a candle or a personalised item, or something more substantial, like a piece of jewellery or an item of clothing.

Remember, it is important to be flexible and understanding. If a bridesmaid can't swing the destination wedding, be gracious and understanding. You can always plan a local celebration upon your return!

Choosing the bridal party

Choosing your bridal party can be a daunting task, but it's important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The size and composition of your bridal party will depend on your personal preferences, the dynamics of your relationships, and the logistics of your wedding. Here are some tips to help you select your bridal party:

Size of the Bridal Party

The size of your bridal party should be proportional to the size of your wedding. For example, if you're planning an intimate ceremony, you might want to consider having just one or two bridesmaids. On the other hand, if you're inviting a large number of guests, you may want to include more people in your bridal party. Ultimately, you can include anyone who is important to you and who will be there to support you during the wedding planning process.

Selecting Your Bridesmaids

When it comes to choosing your bridesmaids, it's common to select siblings, siblings-in-law, close relatives, and friends. Consider choosing people who have been a part of your life for a long time and who you trust implicitly. It's also important to think carefully about who will be your maid of honor, as this role comes with additional responsibilities.

Minimum Age for Bridesmaids

Some brides choose to set a minimum age for their bridesmaids, typically around 21 years old. This ensures that all bridesmaids can participate in the bachelorette festivities and helps ensure they are prepared to take on the responsibilities of the role. However, if you have a younger sister, cousin, or family friend you'd like to include, you can consider adding a junior bridesmaid to your party.

Including Men in the Bridal Party

Traditionally, bridal parties were divided by gender, with bridesmaids and groomsmen. However, this rule is outdated, and you can absolutely include men in your bridal party if you wish. Feel free to mix and match based on your relationships with individuals, rather than their gender.

Timing of Asking

There is no hard and fast rule about when to ask your bridal party to participate in your wedding. It depends on your relationship and comfort level. Some brides choose to ask within a few months of getting engaged, while others wait until closer to the wedding date. It's important to give your bridal party enough time to plan and prepare, especially if they need to budget for expenses or take time off work.

Communicating Responsibilities and Costs

Before asking your bridal party, it's essential to have open and honest conversations about responsibilities and costs. Be clear about the financial obligations, such as the cost of dresses, hair, makeup, and travel. Also, discuss which pre-wedding events you'd like them to attend and any additional tasks you may need help with, such as décor or favour assembly. This will help set clear expectations and ensure everyone is on the same page.

Asking the Question

There are many creative ways to ask your friends to be your bridesmaids. You can send them a gift, such as a personalized puzzle, a balloon with a hidden message, or a custom wine label. Or, you can keep it simple and ask them in person or via a phone call. Whichever approach you choose, make sure to convey the significance of their presence and how much their support means to you.

Planning the bachelorette party

Step 1: Consult the Bride and Bridesmaids

Before you start planning, find out what the bride has in mind. Does she prefer glamping or clubbing? Would she like a relaxing spa weekend or a party in a club? Knowing her preferences will guide your planning process. It's also important to consider the bridesmaids' budgets and choose a location that's easy to get to, so the group can make the most of the weekend.

Step 2: Choose the Destination

Major cities and resort areas often offer a wide range of activities and amenities, making them ideal for bachelorette parties. Some popular destinations in the US include Nashville, Tennessee, for its country music and food; Austin, Texas, for its food scene and live music; and Charleston, South Carolina, for its beaches, architecture, and nightlife. If you want to keep things simple, consider an all-inclusive resort or cruise, so you don't have to worry about planning every meal and activity.

Step 3: Finalise the Guest List

The guest list should be decided by the bride and usually includes her closest friends. It's important to keep the group emails upbeat, so if someone can't attend, ask them to contact you separately.

Step 4: Figure Out the Finances

Traditionally, the guests chip in to cover the bride's expenses, including activities, meals, and travel. As the maid of honour, you can offer to buy festive favours and decorations, but it's also acceptable to ask the group for contributions. If the bride wants to treat everyone, let her do so without fighting her on it.

Step 5: Be Creative with Cost-Cutting

When booking venues, don't be afraid to ask for group discounts or open bar options. You can also suggest more affordable alternatives, like relaxing by the hotel pool instead of booking a private boat ride. Let guests know the recommended attire, from weather forecasts to club dress codes, and choose a fun theme, like sequin accessories or '80s outfits.

Step 6: Plan the Itinerary

Give yourself plenty of time to plan the day-to-day activities, and don't overthink it. It's better to underplan than to overwhelm the group with too many events. Pick a few key events each day and leave ample free time. Don't forget to plan for meals, too, especially if you're dining out with a large group.

Step 7: Get There Early

If you're the main planner, try to arrive at the destination at least half a day early to iron out any final details and give yourself some time to relax before the party begins.

Now you're ready to enjoy the bachelorette party and make some unforgettable memories!

Frequently asked questions