Bridesmaids' Duties: How Much Is Too Much?

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour but it also comes with a lot of responsibilities. Bridesmaids are generally the most important people in the bride's life, such as best friends or relatives, and are there to support the bride on the wedding day and in the lead-up to it.

The duties of a bridesmaid include helping to plan the hen party, attending pre-wedding events, providing emotional support, and being present and available to the bride on the wedding day and the weekend before. Bridesmaids are also often expected to pay for their own transport and accommodation, attire, and sometimes contribute to the cost of pre-wedding events.

However, it's important to note that the role of a bridesmaid can vary depending on the couple and their approach to wedding planning. It's a good idea for bridesmaids to have honest conversations with the bride about expectations and responsibilities to ensure everyone is on the same page.

Pre-wedding planning and attendance

Planning a wedding can be stressful, so a big part of being a bridesmaid is to lend a helping hand and a supportive ear to the bride. Here are some duties that bridesmaids can be expected to perform in the months and weeks leading up to the wedding:

• Help plan and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party.
• Attend any other pre-wedding events, such as an engagement party, couples' shower, or wedding DIY sessions.
• Book travel and hotel reservations.
• Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
• Support the bride emotionally throughout the wedding planning process.
• Help with wedding planning tasks, such as stuffing envelopes, alphabetising escort cards, or making trips with the bride to pick out rentals or attend her hair and makeup trials.
• Buy a wedding present.
• Shop for and pay for bridesmaid attire.

On the wedding day, bridesmaids should:

• Get ready with the bride and other bridesmaids.
• Assist the maid of honour.
• Provide snacks and drinks for the bridal party to enjoy while getting ready.
• Participate in the ceremony.
• Be available for wedding photos.
• Mingle with guests and be the life of the party.
• Help send off the newlyweds.

Wedding day support

On the wedding day, bridesmaids are expected to help ensure everything goes smoothly for the bride, the maid of honour, and the majority of the wedding guests. Here are some ways they can do this:

• Get ready with the bride: Bridesmaids should plan on showing up at the designated getting-ready location on time, with all their gear (attire, shoes, jewellery, makeup, undergarments, etc.) in hand. Aside from getting themselves ready, bridesmaids should do whatever they can to assist the bride, such as keeping her smiling and calm, answering any incoming calls or texts, and making sure she eats something and stays hydrated.
• Assist the maid of honour: Bridesmaids should serve as her right-hand ladies, helping out with whatever tasks are needed—whether that's making a last-minute run to the shops, coordinating with the photographer or wedding planner, or providing (and keeping track of) a wedding day emergency kit.
• Provide getting-ready snacks: If no other arrangements have been made for snacks and drinks while everyone is getting ready, the bridesmaids should take it upon themselves to provide these treats.
• Be the "bride tribe": Bridesmaids should embody the concept of being the bride's support crew and the maid of honour's sidekicks throughout the day. They can also serve as a point of contact for guests and vendors when it's helpful. For example, they can direct guests to parking areas, bathrooms, and the bar, and facilitate their participation in things like signing the guest book or visiting the photo booth.
• Participate in the ceremony: Bridesmaids should be in place at the ceremony venue on time, and ready for their cues to walk down the aisle. During the ceremony, they should hit their rehearsed marks and fulfil any other assigned roles, such as making a toast or being a witness as the couple signs the register.
• Be photo-ready: The photographer might take some pictures throughout the morning, but most photos are usually taken after the ceremony and sometimes into cocktail hour. It's part of a bridesmaid's duties to stick around for group portraits as long as the photographer needs them.
• Be model guests: Bridesmaids should mingle and chat with other guests, enjoy the food and drinks, sit down at their dinner table when asked, and participate in guest-related activities. They should also listen to and applaud any speeches respectfully.
• Maintain a stress-free send-off: Bridesmaids should help the maid of honour, coordinator, or the couple's parents assemble any items that need to be transported out of the reception venue at the end of the night, such as getting-ready clothing, decor, the wedding cake, and gifts. They can also lend a hand with final logistical tasks, like making sure all guests can get safely out of the venue and the couple's overnight bags make it to their wedding night hotel room.

Financial contributions

Being a bridesmaid comes with a lot of financial commitments, and it is important to be transparent about what is expected to avoid any misunderstandings. While there are no steadfast rules, here is a list of common expenses that bridesmaids are expected to cover:

Outfits and Accessories

Bridesmaids are usually expected to pay for their dresses and accessories, including shoes. The bride will often have a specific vision for what the bridesmaids will wear, and this can be costly. However, some brides may opt for a more relaxed approach, allowing bridesmaids to choose their own dresses, which can be more affordable and rewearable.

Travel and Accommodations

Bridesmaids are typically responsible for their travel and lodging for the wedding and any pre-wedding events, such as a bachelorette party. This can quickly add up, especially for destination weddings. It is important for couples to be mindful of the financial burden on their bridal party.

Pre-Wedding Events

Bachelorette parties, bridal showers, and engagement parties are usually planned and paid for by the bridesmaids. It is customary for the bridesmaids to cover the bride's expenses for the bachelorette party, but this may only be for an evening out rather than the entire trip. If the pre-wedding events are particularly expensive, it is common to discuss financial contributions with the other bridesmaids and plan something that fits within everyone's budget.

Gifts

It is customary for bridesmaids to give gifts to the couple, both for the wedding and any pre-wedding events such as bridal showers. This can be a financial burden, especially when coupled with the cost of outfits and travel. To make it more affordable, bridesmaids often go in together to purchase a group gift.

Hair and Makeup

If the bride wants the bridesmaids to have their hair and makeup professionally done, she may cover the cost as a gift. Otherwise, the bridesmaids are expected to pay for their own hair and makeup, although this should be planned in advance to ensure enough time is scheduled.

It is important to note that these are general expectations, and every wedding is different. Honest and transparent communication between the bride and the bridal party is key to ensuring everyone is on the same page and avoiding any financial strain.

Emotional support

As a bridesmaid, you may be called upon to lend a supportive ear during dress appointments, helping the bride to choose her attire for the wedding and other pre-wedding events. It's also crucial to be sensitive and constructive with your feedback, especially when it comes to choices related to the bride's attire and the overall wedding vision.

Being emotionally supportive also means being proactive and positive. Offer your help early on and be present for the bride, not just on the wedding day, but throughout the entire planning journey. This could involve taking tasks off the bride's plate, such as confirming travel arrangements, coordinating with vendors, or simply keeping her smiling and calm on the morning of the wedding.

Remember, each bride is unique, and their expectations of their bridesmaids may vary. Open and honest communication is key to ensuring that you're providing the emotional support your bride needs and that you're able to commit to the role comfortably.

Post-wedding tasks

The wedding is over, but there are still a few more tasks for bridesmaids to complete before their role comes to an end. Here are some post-wedding duties to keep in mind:

• Attend the farewell party: If the couple is hosting a farewell party or post-wedding brunch, bridesmaids are expected to attend. Know the timing and be punctual. It's also a thoughtful gesture to check-in with the newlyweds and see if they need anything, like extra-large coffees delivered to their room.
• Organise and return miscellaneous items: Help take down decorations, collect wedding gifts and cards, and organise any miscellaneous items that need to be returned to the couple or other bridesmaids. Do this a few days after the wedding to avoid misplacing anything.
• Settle outstanding payments: Don't delay in settling any remaining expenses that need to be split among the group. Send your payment requests to the other bridesmaids soon after the wedding to avoid catching anyone off-guard.
• Help with leftover items: Offer to help take leftover items back to the hotel or return any rentals to the vendor. This includes wedding cake leftovers, centrepieces, floral arrangements, and other decorations.
• Collect cards and gifts: Make sure to collect any cards and gifts from the venue's safe for the couple.
• Pack up flowers and decor: Ensure that any flowers and decor are packed and moved for day-two celebrations or transported back to the couple's home.
• Box up keepsakes: Box up keepsakes such as framed photos, the guest book, and photo booth snaps so they are safely stored for the couple.
• Offer to help with hair and makeup: If the bride is having day-two celebrations, offer to do her hair and makeup as she may be feeling low on energy after the wedding.
• Create a digital collection of photos and videos: Offer to create a digital collection of any photos and videos taken by the wedding party while the couple waits for their official photos.

Frequently asked questions