Best Man: Asking Your Closest Mate The Right Way

Asking a friend to be your best man is a significant gesture, and it's essential to do so in a thoughtful and personal manner. While there is no strict etiquette, it is considered important to ask in person, and it's a good idea to express why you value their friendship and why you want them to stand by your side on your wedding day. It's also worth considering the type of relationship you have with your friend and what you have in common when planning how to ask them.

Asking in-person vs. asking with a gift

Asking your best mate to be your best man can be nerve-racking, but it's important to remember that the answer will almost certainly be "yes". When asking your mate to be your best man, you're essentially saying,

Asking in Person

Asking your mate to be your best man in person is the traditional approach. This can be done during a hangout session or over a drink. If you and your mate bond over a specific activity, you can ask them during this activity to make the moment more personal. For example, if you both enjoy golfing, you can ask them while enjoying a round of golf. If you're worried about not being able to get the words out in person, you can write your mate a card and give it to them during your hangout.

Asking with a Gift

If you're not sure how to ask your mate to be your best man, you can give them a gift and let the gift do the asking for you. There are many proposal gifts available, such as personalised t-shirts, golf balls, or whiskey glasses that say "Will you be my best man?". Ideally, the gift should be something your mate will use and something that ties back to your relationship. For example, if you and your mate are coffee lovers, a personalised coffee mug would be a great gift.

Planning a bachelor party

Determine the Guest List

The guest list for a bachelor party typically includes the groomsmen, close friends, and family members who share a bond with the groom. It's important to consider the groom's comfort level and preferences when finalising the list. Some grooms may prefer a more intimate gathering, while others may want a larger celebration.

Set a Budget

Establishing a clear budget is crucial. The best man and groomsmen should contribute to covering the groom's expenses, but it's also common for attendees to chip in for their own costs. Ensure that everyone is comfortable with the budget and expenses involved, including travel, accommodation, activities, and meals.

Choose the Date and Location

Select a date and location that aligns with the groom's interests and availability. Consider any travel restrictions or weather conditions that might affect your plans. If the groom is up for an adventurous weekend getaway, you can plan a destination bachelor party. Otherwise, a local night out or a staycation can also be a great option.

Plan Activities and Entertainment

Organise a variety of activities that cater to the groom's interests. This could include outdoor adventures, sporting events, a poker night, or a visit to a casino. Remember that the focus should be on fun and bonding with the groom, so choose activities that everyone can enjoy.

Involve the Groom

While some aspects of the bachelor party are meant to be a surprise, it's important to involve the groom in certain decisions. This ensures that the event aligns with his preferences and avoids any potential discomfort or conflicts.

Keep Safety in Mind

Safety should be a top priority when planning a bachelor party. If alcohol is involved, arrange for transportation to and from venues to prevent drunk driving. Encourage moderation and responsible behaviour to ensure everyone's well-being.

Respect Boundaries

Bachelor parties often involve humour and mischief, but it's crucial to set clear boundaries and respect the groom's comfort level. Avoid activities that could lead to embarrassment or regret, and steer clear of any pranks that could damage relationships.

Stay Organised

Maintain a detailed itinerary and share it with all attendees. This ensures that everyone is aware of the schedule and can plan accordingly. Having a well-organised agenda helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that activities run smoothly.

Capture Memories

Don't forget to document the bachelor party with photos or videos. These memories will be cherished by the groom and can be compiled into a scrapbook or photo album as a thoughtful keepsake.

Choosing the suits

So, you've decided on your best man and now it's time to choose the suits. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Firstly, it's important to discuss ideas with the couple about the style of the suits. Will they be bought or hired? If financial contributions are required, this should be discussed openly and upfront with the ushers. The couple traditionally pays for the suits, but it's good to be clear on this point from the start.

Next, you'll want to round up the ushers and other important members of the wedding party to go and try on suits. This can be a fun outing and a chance to bond with the wedding party. Invite the couple, order some food and drinks, and make a day of it. You could also use this opportunity to discuss the stag do and get everyone's input.

When it comes to the suits themselves, you'll want to consider the style, colour, and any accessories. Do you want a traditional look or something more modern? Will the groomsmen all wear the same suit, or will there be some variation? Accessories such as ties, pocket squares, and cufflinks can add a nice touch and allow for some personalisation.

Don't forget to plan for any final fittings as the wedding approaches. Things can get hectic for the couple in the lead-up to the big day, so it's the best man's job to keep an eye on these details and make sure everyone is ready.

Lastly, don't forget about your own suit! As the best man, you'll want to look sharp and feel confident. Choose a suit that fits well and that you feel comfortable in. You might also want to consider getting a backup suit in case of any last-minute spills or mishaps.

By following these steps, you'll be well on your way to choosing the perfect suits for the wedding party and ensuring everyone looks their best on the big day.

Bachelor's pre-wedding jitters

Bachelors pre-wedding jitters

So, you've popped the question and she said yes. Now, it's time to ask your best mate to be your best man. It's normal to feel nervous about this, especially if you want to make it special and memorable. Here are some tips to help you overcome those pre-wedding jitters and ask your friend to be your best man.

Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing is everything. Ideally, you should ask your friend to be your best man about 8-10 months before the wedding. This gives them enough time to plan and prepare for your big day. When it comes to where and how to ask, consider your relationship and what you usually enjoy doing together. Do you often hang out as a big group of friends? Are you all passionate about a particular activity or sport? You could plan a group outing or a boys' night out and pop the question in a casual setting. Or, if you want to make it more personal, take your friend out for a burger and a beer and ask them then.

Make It Memorable

While some grooms may prefer a simple approach, others may want to make it a memorable occasion. Consider giving your best man a "bro-posal" kit or a personalised invitation. You can include items like a flask, a cigar, a wallet, a leather-bound notebook, or a fancy pen, and make it extra special by personalising each item with their initials. If you want to go the traditional route, you can't go wrong with a simple engraved flask and an elegant cigar.

Be Clear and Direct

At the end of the day, remember that your friend is likely to be honoured and thrilled to be your best man. While you may feel nervous, a simple and direct approach is often the best. Lead the conversation into your relationship and let them know how much you appreciate them. Then, pop the question: "Dude, would you be my best man?"

Understand the Responsibilities

Being a best man comes with a lot of responsibilities. From planning your epic stag do to writing a speech and helping choose the groomsmen's attire, your best man will have their work cut out for them. Make sure your friend understands the commitment and duties involved before they accept the role.

Don't Forget the Groomsmen

While asking your best man is a priority, don't forget about the groomsmen too! They play an important role in your wedding and should be chosen with care. Consider having a simple dinner or hangout with the groomsmen to pop the question and thank them for being a part of your special day.

Best man's speech

So, your mate has asked you to be his best man. Congratulations! Now it's time to start thinking about that all-important best man's speech. Here are some ideas and tips to help you craft something memorable:

The Planning

Start by jotting down some ideas and practising your delivery. You want to feel comfortable and confident when you stand up to speak, so it's a good idea to prepare in advance. Think about the structure of your speech, including an introduction, some anecdotes, and a toast to the happy couple. It's also worth running your speech by a trusted person to make sure it's appropriate and won't cause any offence.

The Content

Your speech should be a mix of humour and sincerity. You can include some cheeky stories about the groom, but be mindful that older relatives will be in the audience, so avoid anything too risqué or embarrassing. Share some anecdotes that showcase the groom's best qualities and, if you know the bride well, you can include some stories about her too. It's traditional for the best man to act as the groom's right-hand man, so make sure to mention what a great friend the groom has been to you.

The Delivery

On the day, speak slowly and clearly, and don't forget to pause for laughter. Make sure you mention everyone who needs to be mentioned, including the happy couple, their parents, and the bridesmaids. If there are any messages to be read out, do this at the same time as your speech. Try to relax and enjoy the moment—you'll do a great job!

Example Structure

Thank the couple for having you and introduce yourself as the best man. You could also include a joke here to break the ice.

Anecdotes about the groom:

Share some funny stories or memories that showcase the groom's personality. This is a great opportunity to include a light-hearted roast of the groom.

Compliments to the couple:

Talk about what a great couple they make and how happy you are for them. You can also share a quote or a piece of advice about love and marriage.

A toast to the couple:

Raise your glass and invite everyone to join you in wishing the couple a happy future together.

Remember, the most important thing is to be yourself and speak from the heart. Good luck!

Frequently asked questions