Wedding Invite Etiquette: Addressing Guests With Double Honors

Wedding invitation etiquette can be a tricky business, especially when it comes to addressing guests with titles. The traditional format of Mr. and Mrs. is often used for married couples, with the man's full name written out. However, modern alternatives include listing both first names individually or using Ms. and Miss for unmarried women. Same-sex couples can be addressed with Mrs. and Mrs. or Mr. and Mr. and their names listed alphabetically by last name. For guests with distinguished titles, such as doctors or military personnel, it is proper to use their title on the invitation. When in doubt, it's always best to ask your guests their preferred titles and names to avoid any confusion or offence.

Married Couple, One Person Has a Title

When addressing wedding invitations to a married couple where one person has a title, the general rule is to list the person with the title first, followed by their partner's name. This format is the same for both the outer and inner envelopes. Here are some examples to illustrate this:

Military Personnel

For a couple where one partner is in the military, the invitation should be addressed as follows:

• Outer envelope: "Lieutenant Jonathan Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Jane Kelly"
• Inner envelope: "Lieutenant Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Kelly"

Judges

If one partner is a judge, the invitation can be addressed in two ways:

• Outer envelope: "The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Mr. Martin David Ginsburg"
• Inner envelope: Judge Ginsburg and Mr. Ginsburg

Alternatively, you can use the judge's full title on the outer envelope:

Outer envelope: "The Honorable Judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Mr. Martin David Ginsburg"

Clergy or Religious Leaders

If one partner is a member of the clergy, such as a rabbi or reverend, the invitation can be addressed as follows:

• Outer envelope: "Rabbi and Mrs. Richard Glass" or "Rabbi Richard Glass and Mrs. Rosina Glass"
• Inner envelope: "Rabbi and Mrs. Glass" or "Rabbi Glass and Mrs. Glass"

Distinguished Titles

If one partner has a distinguished title, such as a senator or other elected official, the invitation should be addressed with the title first:

• Outer envelope: "The Honorable Senator Elizabeth Ann Warren and Mr. Bruce Mann"
• Inner envelope: "Senator Warren and Mr. Mann"

Doctors

If one partner is a doctor, list them first, regardless of gender. You can spell out "Doctor" on the outer envelope for added formality:

• Outer envelope: "Doctor Michaela Quinn and Mr. Byron Sully" or Dr. Michaela Quinn and Mr. Byron Sully
• Inner envelope: "Dr. Quinn and Mr. Sully"

If the doctor is a woman and uses her husband's last name, you can reflect that in the address:

• Outer envelope: "Doctor and Mrs. Perry Cox" or "Doctor Perry Cox and Mr. Jordan Cox"
• Inner envelope: "Dr. and Mrs. Cox" or "Dr. Cox and Mr. Cox"

Same-Sex Couples

The same rules apply for same-sex couples. If one partner has a distinguished title, list them first, followed by their partner's name:

• Outer envelope: "Ms. Susan Bunch and Ms. Carol Willik-Bunch"
• Inner envelope: "Ms. Bunch and Ms. Willik-Bunch"

Alphabetical Order

If both partners have different last names and no titles are involved, you can list the names alphabetically or based on whom you are closer to:

• Outer envelope: "Mrs. Leslie Knope and Mr. Ben Wyatt"
• Inner envelope: "Mrs. Knope and Mr. Wyatt" or "Leslie and Ben"

Hyphenated Last Names

For couples with hyphenated last names, list the name alphabetically or with the person you are closest to first, followed by the hyphenated name:

• Outer envelope: "Mr. Andy Dwyer and Ms. April Ludgate-Dwyer"
• Inner envelope: "Mr. Dwyer and Ms. Ludgate-Dwyer" or "Andy and April"

Married Couple, Both Have Titles

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple where both partners have titles, there are a few guidelines to follow. The outer envelope should be formal and include the full name(s) of the recipient(s), along with their personal title(s). For a couple with the same last name, you can use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. For same-sex couples, either name can go first. Here is an example:

> Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"

If the couple prefers to have both names included, you can use both partners' first and last names. Here is an example:

> Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

For a married couple with different last names, write their full names on the same line, with the woman's name first. If they have different titles, include those as well. Here is an example:

> Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

If one partner has a hyphenated name, list their name last. You can use "Mr." or "Mrs." for the spouse with the hyphenated name. Here is an example:

> Outer envelope: "Mr. Andy Dwyer and Ms. April Ludgate-Dwyer"

If one partner has a distinguished title, such as a judge, military personnel, or clergy, their title takes precedence and is listed first. Here is an example:

> Outer envelope: "Rabbi and Mrs. Richard Glass" or Outer envelope: "The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Mr. Martin David Ginsburg"

If both partners have distinguished titles, the higher-ranking title comes first, followed by the other partner's name. If they have the same rank, traditionally the woman is listed first. Here is an example:

> Outer envelope: "Colonel Peter Jefferies and Reverend Margaret Jefferies"

For the inner envelope, you can be less formal. You have the option to use titles and last names or first names only, especially if you are very close to the couple. Here are some examples:

> Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Belcher" or Inner envelope: "Robert and Linda"

> Inner envelope: "Mrs. Knope and Mr. Wyatt" or Inner envelope: "Leslie and Ben"

> Inner envelope: "Mr. Dwyer and Ms. Ludgate-Dwyer" or Inner envelope: "Andy and April"

> Inner envelope: "Judge Ginsburg and Mr. Ginsburg"

Remember to double-check the preferred titles and names of the invitees before finalising the wedding invitations.

Married Couple, One Has a Hyphenated Name

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple where one person has a hyphenated name, the general rule is to write their names on the same line, with the person with the hyphenated name listed second. Here are some examples to illustrate this:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Craft and Mr. Crosby-Craft" or "Marcus and Brian"

If the couple has different last names, you can list the person you are closest with first or go in alphabetical order. Here is an example:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Celine Elgin and Ms. Jacqueline Purcell"

Or "Celine Elgin and Jacqueline Purcell"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Elgin and Ms. Purcell" or "Celine and Jacqueline"

If the couple has the same last name, you can use the following format:

Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

If the couple prefers to have their full names on the outer envelope, you can write:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

It is also important to consider the preferences of the couple, especially if the spouse with the hyphenated name is particular about their name. Some people may prefer to be addressed using their hyphenated name, while others may be more flexible. It is always a good idea to check with the couple beforehand to ensure that you are respecting their wishes.

Unmarried Couple Living Together

When addressing a wedding invitation to an unmarried couple living together, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, it is important to use the correct titles or prefixes for each individual. The outer envelope should be formal and include the full name(s) of the recipient(s), including their personal title(s). For an unmarried couple living together, their names should be written independently on two separate lines without the word "and" in between. For example:

Mr. Ross Geller

Ms. Rachel Green

If you are closer to one individual, you can list their name first or go in alphabetical order if you are equally close to both. On the inner envelope, you can be less formal and use courtesy titles and last names or just first names if you are close with the couple. For example:

Ms. Green and Mr. Geller

Alternatively, you can list both names on the same line on the outer envelope, leading with the person you are closest to or arranging them alphabetically. For example:

Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller

For the inner envelope, you can use first names only if you are very close with the couple.

It is worth noting that if the couple is not married and does not live together, it is recommended to send separate invitations to each individual.

Single Person

When addressing a wedding invitation to a single person, it's important to use their preferred title and name. Here are some guidelines to help you address invitations to single individuals:

For a Single Female:

• If the guest is an unmarried woman over 18 years old, use "Ms." followed by her surname. For example, "Ms. Elizabeth Lemon".
• For a young unmarried woman under 18 years old, use "Miss" followed by her first and last name. For instance, "Miss Donna-Jo Tanner".

For a Single Male:

• Use "Mr." for a single male guest over 18 years old, followed by his surname. For example, "Mr. George Costanza".
• If the male guest is under 18 years old, no title is necessary. Simply address him by his first name, like "George".

For a Non-Binary Individual:

Most often, the honorific "Mx." is used for non-binary guests. For example, "Mx. Courtney Andrews". However, it's always best to ask for their preferred personal title.

For a Widow:

For a widowed woman, it is considerate to ask someone close to her if she prefers to be addressed using her married name or her husband's name. Some widows may also prefer "Ms." So, it's best to inquire about their preference. For example, "Mrs. George Devereaux" or "Mrs. Blanche Devereaux".

For a Divorced Woman:

You can address a divorced woman using "Ms." or "Mrs." followed by either her ex-husband's surname (if she still uses it) or her maiden name, depending on her preference. For instance, "Mrs./Ms. Cookie Lyon" or "Mrs./Ms. Cookie Holloway".

For a Judge:

When addressing a judge, use the term "The Honorable" before their full name. For example, "The Honorable Sonia Sotomayor".

For a Priest:

For a priest, use the term "Father" before their full name. For instance, "Father Damien Karras".

Remember, when addressing inner envelopes, you can drop the first name or use only the first name if you are very close to the individual. For example, "Ms. Lemon" or "Elizabeth" for a single female.

Frequently asked questions