Junior Rasmussen
Wedding invitation etiquette can be a tricky business, and it can be hard to know how to address guests properly, especially when it comes to married couples. The traditional format for a heterosexual married couple with the same last name is Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's First Name] [Shared Last Name]. However, this format does not allow for both individuals' first names to be included, which may be important to some couples. An alternative is to address the couple as Mr. [Husband's First Name] and Mrs. [Wife's First Name] [Shared Last Name]. If a couple has different last names, the person who you are closest to, or the individual whose name is first alphabetically, should be listed first.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Envelope type | Outer envelope, inner envelope |
| Formality | Formal, informal |
| Titles | Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss, Mx., The Honorable, Dr., etc. |
| Name order | Husband's name first, wife's name first, alphabetical order |
| Name inclusion | Full names, first names only |
What You'll Learn
Outer envelope: Formality
The outer envelope is the more formal of the two envelopes and is the one that the post office sees. Traditionally, the outer envelope is addressed more formally, while the inner envelope is slightly more casual and frequently incorporates first names.
When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple with the same last name, the outer envelope is typically formatted as "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. For a same-sex couple, either name can go first. For example:
"Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"
If the couple prefers to have both names included, the outer envelope can be addressed as:
"Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"
For a married couple with different last names, the outer envelope can be formatted with both names on the same line, with the woman's name first. If the combined names are too long, they can be listed separately. For example:
"Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"
When addressing a married couple with one hyphenated last name, the outer envelope can be formatted as:
"Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft"
It is important to note that the outer envelope should include the recipient's full name(s), including their personal title(s). This format is versatile and works for couples of all genders, regardless of whether they share a surname. However, it is essential to respect the preferences of your guests and use their preferred personal titles.
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Inner envelope: Informality
The inner envelope is where you can be more creative and less formal. This envelope is more personalised and includes the invitation, RSVP card, RSVP envelope, and any additional wedding stationery. The outside envelope is addressed more formally, while the inside envelope is slightly more casual and frequently incorporates first names.
If you're addressing a married couple with the same last name, you can use their first names only on the inner envelope. For example, "Thomas and Michelle". If they have different last names, you can list the person you're closest with first. For example, "Leslie and Ben".
If one partner has a hyphenated name, list the hyphenated name last. For example, "Andy and April". If one partner is a judge, list the judge's name first. For example, "Judge Ginsburg and Mr. Ginsburg".
If one partner has a distinguished title, such as a member of the clergy, a rabbi, or military personnel, the inner envelope can include only their first names. For example, "Rabbi and Mrs. Glass" could become "Richard and Rosina".
For a couple where one partner is a doctor, you can use their first names only. For example, "Dr. Michaela and Mr. Byron". If both partners are doctors with the same last name, you can address them as "Doctors Quartermaine". If they have different last names, you can use their first names only. For example, "Dr. Meredith and Dr. Derek".
If you're addressing an unmarried couple, you can also use their first names only on the inner envelope. For example, "Rachel and Ross".
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Heterosexual couple: Name order
When addressing a wedding invitation to a heterosexual couple, there are a few different options to consider, depending on their marital status, titles, and name order. Here are some guidelines to follow:
If the couple shares the same last name, you can use either the husband's full name or both of their first names, with the male's name coming first. Here are some examples:
- Formal: Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren or Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren
- Informal: Mr. and Mrs. Warren or Thomas and Michelle
If the couple has different last names, you can list the names in the order of your preference, starting with the person you are closest to, or alphabetically. The woman's name can come first, followed by the man's name:
- Formal: Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez
- Informal: Maria and David or Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez
It is worth noting that some modern women may prefer to have their names included instead of being lumped in with their husbands. In this case, you can address the invitation as follows:
- Outer envelope: Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren
- Inner envelope: Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren or Thomas and Michelle
When addressing a married couple, it is also essential to consider any distinguished titles they may hold, such as doctors, military personnel, or judges. These titles should be included in the invitation and can affect the name order. For example, if one partner is a judge, their name should come first, followed by their spouse's name.
Additionally, if you are only using one envelope for the invitation, you should include all invited parties' names on the front. This includes guests who are typically only listed on the inner envelope, such as plus-ones or children.
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Same-sex couple: Name order
When addressing a wedding invitation to a same-sex couple, the same etiquette applies as for any other couple, married or unmarried. If the couple is married or lives together, both names should be listed on the same line. If one partner has a hyphenated last name, list the hyphenated name last. For example:
"Ms. Susan Bunch and Ms. Carol Willik-Bunch"
For a same-sex couple with different last names, you can list the names alphabetically or according to whichever guest you are closest with. For example:
"Mr. Mitchell Pritchett and Mr. Cameron Tucker"
When addressing the outer envelope of the invitation, follow the same guidelines as for the inner envelope, using courtesy titles and last names. For the inner envelope, you can use courtesy titles and last names or only first names if you are close with the couple. For example:
"Mr. Pritchett and Mr. Tucker" or "Mitchell and Cameron"
If the couple is not married but living together, you have two options. You can either list their names alphabetically by last name on separate lines:
"Mr. Ross Geller"
"Ms. Rachel Green"
Or you can list both names on the same line, starting with the person you are closest to. If you are equally close to both, go in alphabetical order:
"Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller"
If the couple is not married and does not live together, send a separate invitation to each guest.
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Titles: Mr., Mrs., Ms., etc
When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple, the titles "Mr." and "Mrs." are typically used. If the couple has the same last name, you can use either the husband's full name (e.g., "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith") or both their first and last names (e.g., "Mr. John and Mrs. Samantha Smith").
However, if the couple has different last names, you would list their names in the order of your preference, closeness, or alphabetically. For example, "Mrs. Melanie Combs and Mr. Sean Hilton".
It is worth noting that some modern women may not appreciate having their names left out or lumped in with their husbands. In such cases, you can address the invitation as "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren" on the outer envelope and "Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle" on the inner envelope.
When addressing a married couple with one person holding a distinguished title, such as a doctor, judge, or military officer, the person with the title is usually listed first, followed by their spouse. For example, "Dr. Anne Barker and Mr. Peter Underwood" or "Lieutenant Jonathan Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Jane Kelly".
If both spouses hold distinguished titles, the person with the higher rank or the woman, if they are of the same rank, is typically listed first. For example, "Colonel Peter Jefferies and Reverend Margaret Jefferies" or "Captains Jane and Jonathan Kelly, US Navy".
For same-sex couples, the same etiquette applies as for heterosexual couples. If they have the same last name, you can address them as "Mr. and Mr." or "Mrs. and Mrs." followed by their names. For example, "Mr. and Mr. Thomas Warren" or "Mrs. and Mrs. Thomas Warren".
If the couple has different last names, you can list their names in the order of your preference, closeness, or alphabetically, similar to heterosexual couples. For example, "Mr. Mitchell Pritchett and Mr. Cameron Tucker".
When addressing a single woman, the title "Ms." is typically used if she is over 18. For women under 18, the title "Miss" is more acceptable. For example, "Ms. Elizabeth Lemon" or "Miss Donna-Jo Tanner".
For a single male, the title "Mr." is used if he is over 18. If he is younger, no title is necessary. For example, "Mr. George Costanza".
If you are inviting a family with children, the outer envelope is usually addressed to the parents, and the children's names are listed on the inner envelope. For girls under 18, you can use "Miss". For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham" on the outer envelope and "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham, Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly" on the inner envelope.
It is important to note that wedding invitation etiquette has evolved, and while the above guidelines provide a traditional approach, you can also choose to forgo titles and use first and last names or just first names, especially for more casual weddings.
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Frequently asked questions
You can either use the husband's full name (referring to them as Mr. & Mrs. [husband's first name] [husband's last name]) or include both first names, with the male's name coming first (Mr. [husband's first name] & Mrs. [wife's first name] [shared last name]). If you're opting for something more casual, you can simply call them Mr. & Mrs. [last name] (omitting first names) or call them both by their first names (omitting the last name).
You'll use both first names, but list the person you're closest with first. If you're equally close with both parties, list the names in alphabetical order. For a formal invitation, the outer envelope could be addressed to "Mrs. [wife's first name] [wife's last name] & Mr. [husband's first name] [husband's last name]". For the inner envelope, you could use "Mrs. [wife's last name] & Mr. [husband's last name]" or "[wife's first name] & [husband's first name]".
If one partner has a hyphenated name, list the hyphenated name last. For a formal invitation, the outer envelope could be addressed to "Mr. [husband's first name] [husband's last name] and Ms. [wife's first name] [wife's last name]-[husband's last name]". For the inner envelope, you could use "Mr. [husband's last name] and Ms. [wife's hyphenated last name]" or their first names.
