Franklin Dean
Wedding planning can be stressful, and one of the first steps is figuring out your guest list, which includes deciding whether to offer plus-ones. While there are no set rules, there are best practices and etiquette guidelines to help you navigate this tricky topic. Ultimately, it's your special day, and you can decide what's best for you and your budget.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Spouses | Should always be invited |
| Fiancés | Should always be invited |
| Live-in partners | Should always be invited |
| Bridal party members | Should always be invited |
| Outlier guests | Should be invited if they won't know other attendees |
| Long-term relationships | Should be invited if the couple is serious |
| Single guests | Should be invited if they will feel alone or uncomfortable without a plus-one |
| Out-of-town guests | Should be invited if they are travelling for the wedding |
| Budget | Should be considered when deciding on plus-ones |
| Space | Should be considered when deciding on plus-ones |
| Invitation wording | Should be clear and direct, including the name of the guest and their plus-one if known |
What You'll Learn
Addressing the outer envelope
When it comes to addressing the outer envelope of your wedding invitations, there are a few things to keep in mind, especially if you're not offering plus-ones to all your guests. Here are some instructive guidelines to help you navigate this process:
Names and Titles
Include the full name of the guest(s) you are inviting. Write out the recipient's name, including their personal title(s) such as Mr., Ms., Miss, Mx., Dr., etc. If you feel personal titles might be restrictive or exclusive for your guest list, you can forgo them and use first and last names only. Always double-check each attendee's preferred personal titles before addressing the invitations.
Married or Engaged Couples
When inviting a married couple, put their names on the same line. If they have different last names, list the person you're closest with first, or go in alphabetical order. For engaged couples, it is customary to invite both the spouse and fiancé, even if you are closer to one person or haven't met them.
Unmarried Couples
For unmarried couples living together, include both names on the outer envelope, with each name on its own line. List the person you're closest with first, or go alphabetically if you're equally close to both. If the couple lives separately, each party should receive their own invitation with their own address.
Guests with a Plus-One
If your guest is bringing a plus-one, and you know the name of the plus-one, include it on the outer envelope. For example, "Mrs. Valerie Smith and Mrs. Hannah Woods". If you don't know the name of the plus-one, you can simply add "and Guest" to the envelope, like "Mr. Harry Styles and Guest".
Guests without a Plus-One
When a guest does not have a plus-one, the outer envelope should only include the name of the invited guest. For example, "Ms. Veronica Corningstone". This makes it clear that the invitation is for the named guest only and that a plus-one is not offered.
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Inner envelope formatting
The inner envelope is smaller than the outer envelope and has traditionally been marked only by the titles and last name(s) of the guest(s).
Married Couple (same last name):
- Formal: Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name]
- Contemporary: [First names]
Married Couple (different last names):
- Formal: [First name] [Last name] and Mr. [First name] [Last name]
- Contemporary: [First names]
Single Woman:
- Formal: Miss [Last Name] and [Guest Name] (only if you do not know the name of the guest)
- Contemporary: [First name] and [Guest Name]
Single Man:
- Formal: Mr. [Last Name]
- Contemporary: [First name]
Unmarried Couple (at the same address):
- Formal: Ms. [First name] [Last name] and Mr. [First name] [Last name]
- Contemporary: [First names]
Families with Children:
If children or families are invited, their names are listed under those of the parents:
- Formal: Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name] or [First names] of parents
- Contemporary: [First names] of parents and children
Judge:
- If single: Judge [Last Name]
- If married: Judge [First name] [Last name] and Mrs. [Last name]
Doctor (Medical):
- If single: Doctor [First name] [Last name] and Guest
- If married: Doctor and Mrs. [Last name]
Doctor (PhD):
- If single: Dr. [First name] [Last name] and Guest
- If married: Dr. and Mrs. [Last name]
Married Woman Doctor:
Doctor [First name] [Last name] Mr. [First name] [Last name]
Married Couple, Both Doctors:
The Doctors [Last name]
Clergy:
The Reverend [Last name]
Officer, Male, active or retired:
Captain and Mrs. [Last name]
Officer, Female, active or retired:
Captain [First name] [Last name]
You can choose either the formal or contemporary style, depending on your personal style and the level of formality of your wedding.
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Who gets a plus-one?
Deciding who gets a plus-one at your wedding can be a tricky task. While there are no set rules, there are some general guidelines and best practices to follow. Here are some tips to help you navigate this delicate issue:
Married, Engaged, and Cohabiting Guests
As a general rule, it is customary to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests. This is true even if you have never met them or are not particularly close with them. It is important to respect the "package deal" of your guest and their partner. The same consideration should be given to the spouse or partner of your officiant and the parents of any ring bearers or flower girls.
Wedding Party Members
It is also common to offer plus-ones to all members of your wedding party. This is a way to show your appreciation for their time, support, and financial contributions to your wedding. Allowing a bridesmaid or groomsman to bring a date, even if it is a new partner, is a thoughtful gesture that can enhance their enjoyment of your special day.
Long-Term and Serious Relationships
When deciding which guests should receive a plus-one, consider couples who are engaged, living together, or have been in a committed relationship for a significant period, such as over a year. Use your judgment and try to assess the seriousness of the relationship. If in doubt, it is better to err on the side of caution and offer the plus-one. This acknowledges their commitment and ensures they feel comfortable and supported at your wedding.
Out-of-Town Guests
It is a thoughtful gesture to offer plus-ones to guests who are travelling from out of town. Attending a wedding alone, especially when you don't know many other attendees, can be awkward and isolating. By offering a plus-one, you make it more likely that your guest will attend and enjoy the celebration.
Single Guests Who Know Other Guests
On the other hand, if your single guests know most of the other attendees, such as close family or friends, there is less pressure to offer a plus-one. In this case, they will likely feel comfortable and have a great time surrounded by familiar faces.
Budget and Space Constraints
Ultimately, the decision of who gets a plus-one is influenced by your budget and venue capacity. If you have unlimited resources, you could offer a plus-one to every guest. However, for most couples, budget and space constraints mean that this is not feasible. In this case, it is important to establish clear criteria and be consistent in your decisions to avoid any hurt feelings.
In conclusion, when deciding who gets a plus-one, consider the nature of your guests' relationships, their level of comfort and familiarity with other attendees, and your own budget and space limitations. Remember, your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want, so don't be afraid to set boundaries and make decisions that align with your vision.
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What to do when a guest asks about a plus-one
When a guest asks about a plus-one, it's important to respond with grace and consistency. Here are some tips on how to handle this situation:
Be Clear About Your Plus-One Policy
Have a clear and consistent policy on who gets a plus-one. This will help you communicate your decision to your guests effectively. For example, you might decide that only guests who are married, engaged, or in long-term relationships will receive a plus-one. Communicate this policy to your guests through your wedding website or word-of-mouth.
Respond Graciously
If a guest asks about a plus-one, it's important to respond graciously, even if the answer is no. You can say something like, "We wish we could allow everyone to bring a plus-one, but due to limitations, we are only able to offer plus-ones to wedding party members." Be honest about your constraints, whether they are budget, space, or something else.
Be Mindful of Special Circumstances
Consider special circumstances that may warrant a plus-one. For example, if a guest gets engaged or enters a serious relationship after invitations have been sent out, it may be appropriate to extend an invitation to their partner. Use your best judgment and be open to making exceptions for significant life events.
Stick to Your Rules
If you and your partner have set clear rules for your guest list, stick to them. For example, if you've decided on a minimum length of time for couples to be together to receive a plus-one, don't make exceptions just because a guest asks. Consistency will help avoid hurt feelings and maintain fairness among your guests.
Address the Topic Privately
When discussing plus-ones with guests, do so privately and individually. Avoid having these conversations in a group setting to respect the privacy of your guests and prevent any potential embarrassment.
Be Tactful with Your Wording
When explaining your decision to guests, choose your words carefully. Avoid making it sound like you're lecturing them on proper etiquette. Instead, focus on expressing your wishes for your special day and any constraints you may have.
Remember, it's your wedding, and you can ultimately decide who gets a plus-one. Communicate your decisions with grace and clarity, and don't be afraid to set boundaries when needed.
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Plus-one invitation wording
When it comes to wedding invitations, there are a few different ways to address plus-ones, depending on whether you know the name of the plus-one or not. Here are some examples of how to word your invitations:
You Know the Name of the Plus-One
You can include the plus-one's name on the same line as your guest, or list them separately on the next line.
Example 1: Mr. Shawn Mendes, Ms. Camilla Cabello
Example 2: Mr. Shawn Mendes
Ms. Camilla Cabello
If you are good friends with the plus-one, you can also send them their own invitation.
You Don't Know the Name of the Plus-One
If you want to allow a guest to bring a plus-one but don't know their name, you can simply add "and Guest" to the envelope.
Example 1: Mr. Harry Styles and Guest
Example 2: Ms. Veronica Corningstone and Guest
You Aren't Inviting a Plus-One
When you are not inviting a plus-one, simply address the invitation to the guest only, without adding "and Guest".
Example 1: Mr. Harry Styles
Example 2: Ms. Veronica Corningstone
Other Ways to Address Plus-Ones
There are a few other ways to indicate that a guest is invited to bring a plus-one:
- On the outer envelope, write the guest's name and add "and Guest" on the inner envelope.
- Write a note at the bottom of the invitation or on the back, saying "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one".
Tips for Addressing Plus-Ones
- It is not necessary to include "and Guest" on the outer envelope. The guest will understand that the invitation is directed towards them, and they will see the "plus one" when they open the card.
- Don't feel obligated to offer plus-ones to every guest. Feel free to be selective and only offer plus-ones where you think they are needed.
- If you are using inner and outer envelopes, the outer envelope should be formal, including the recipient's full name and title. The inner envelope is more informal, and you can leave out certain elements of the formal name format.
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Frequently asked questions
On the outer envelope, use the person's preferred title and full name, for example, "Ms. Ali Johnson". On the inner envelope, use only their surname, e.g., "Ms. Johnson".
On the outer envelope, use the primary guest's title and full name, followed by "and Guest", e.g., "Mx. Sam Li and Guest". On the inner envelope, write the primary guest's name and "and Guest", e.g., "Sam Li and Guest".
You can simply write "and Guest" on the envelope. If you know the plus-one's name but are sending only one invitation, include a note at the bottom of the card or on the back of the invitation saying, "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one".
On the outer envelope, put the couple's names on the same line, e.g., "Mr. John and Mrs. Samantha Rivera". On the inner envelope, use their shared surname, e.g., "Mr. and Mrs. Rivera".
List the person you're closest with first, or go in alphabetical order. For example, "Ms. Celine Elgin and Ms. Jacqueline Purcell" on the outer envelope, and "Ms. Elgin and Ms. Purcell" on the inner envelope.
