Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Addressing Couples

Wedding invitations are a chance to make your guests feel welcome and respected. Addressing your guests correctly is an important part of this. The traditional way to address a married couple is to use Mr. and Mrs. and spell out the husband's first and last name, but this can be seen as old-fashioned and sexist. A more modern approach is to use both first names and the joint last name, or to list the person you are closest with first, regardless of gender. If a married couple has different last names, you can list either name first based on your preference, or alphabetically.

Married couples with the same last name

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with the same last name, there are a few options to consider, depending on your preference and level of formality. Here are some examples to guide you through the process:

Formal Addressing:

For heterosexual couples, the traditional format is to use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. For instance:

• Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"
• Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

If you wish to include the wife's name, you can modify it as follows:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

Informal Addressing:

For a more modern and informal approach, you may choose to exclude titles and use first names and the joint last name. Here's an example:

• Outer envelope: "Thomas and Michelle Warren"
• Inner envelope: "Thomas and Michelle"

Same-Sex Married Couples:

When addressing same-sex married couples with the same last name, you can follow these guidelines:

• Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mr." or "Mrs. and Mrs." followed by their names, e.g., "Mr. and Mr. Adam Johnson."
• Inner envelope: Either their shared last name, e.g., "The Johnsons" or their first names, e.g., "Adam and Jake."

Remember, when addressing married couples with the same last name, you have the flexibility to choose between formal and informal styles. Consider your relationship with the couple and their preferences to make an appropriate choice.

Married couples with different last names

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with different last names, there are a few options to consider. The outer envelope is the more formal of the two, and it is seen by the post office. The inner envelope is more informal.

For a heterosexual couple, the outer envelope should include both partners' full names, with the woman's name listed first. For example, "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez". If the combined names are too long to fit on one line, list them separately. For the inner envelope, you can simply use "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David".

If you are addressing a same-sex married couple with different last names, include both partners' first and last names, combined with "and". You can opt to add their desired prefix (Mr. or Ms.) for more formality. For example, "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft" on the outer envelope, and "Mr. Craft and Mr. Crosby-Craft" or "Marcus and Brian" on the inner envelope.

It is also acceptable to forgo titles and use first and last names only, or to use a gender-neutral title such as "Mx." if preferred by the guest.

Married couples with hyphenated last names

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with hyphenated last names, there are a few etiquette rules you can follow to ensure your guests feel welcomed and respected. Here are some detailed guidelines to help you with the outer and inner envelope formatting:

Outer Envelope:

• The outer envelope is the more formal of the two and follows traditional etiquette rules.
• For a heterosexual couple where the wife has hyphenated her last name, the standard format is "Mr. [Husband's Name] and Mrs./Ms. [Wife's First Name] [Wife's Maiden Name]-[Husband's Last Name]". For example, "Mr. Michael Jones and Mrs./Ms. Mary Smith-Jones".
• "Mrs." is technically not correct if a woman has hyphenated her last name. It is best to use "Ms." if you are unsure of her preference.
• For same-sex couples with one hyphenated last name, the format can be "Mr./Mx. [Partner A's Name] and Mr./Mx. [Partner B's Name] [Partner B's Maiden Name]-[Partner A's Last Name]". For example, "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft".
• If the couple has chosen to fully hyphenate their last names, the format would be "Mr. and Mr./Mx. and Mx. [First Name]-[Hyphenated Last Name]". For example, "Mr. and Mr. Smith-Jones".

Inner Envelope:

• The inner envelope is more informal, giving you the option to be more casual.
• For heterosexual couples, you can use their first names, such as "Mary and Michael".
• For same-sex couples, you can mirror the outer envelope format or use their first names, such as "Marcus and Brian".
• If you prefer a semi-formal approach, you can use their titles with the wife's name first, followed by the husband's name: "Mr. Jones and Ms. Smith-Jones".

Remember, these are general guidelines, and you can always adapt them based on your relationship with the couple and their preferences. It is always a good idea to double-check with your guests about their preferred names and titles to ensure you are addressing them correctly and respectfully.

Unmarried couples

When addressing wedding invitations to unmarried couples, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, it is important to list the couple's names on separate lines to indicate that they are not legally married. Secondly, you can choose to use titles such as "Mr." and "Ms." or simply use their first and last names. If you opt for titles, it is essential to use them correctly based on the guests' preferences and identities. For example, some non-binary individuals may prefer the gender-neutral title "Mx."

Outer envelope: "Mr. Ross Geller, Ms. Rachel Green"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Geller, Ms. Green" or "Ross, Rachel"

If you are closer to one of the guests, you can list their name first. Alternatively, you can go in alphabetical order by last name:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Rachel Green, Mr. Ross Geller"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Green, Mr. Geller" or "Rachel, Ross"

If the unmarried couple has different last names, you can list their names on the same line, separated by "and." Again, you can choose to use titles or just their first and last names:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Carol Willik-Bunch and Ms. Susan Bunch"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Willik-Bunch and Ms. Bunch" or "Carol and Susan"

Remember to always use full names instead of nicknames. It is also a good idea to double-check guests' preferred pronouns and titles to ensure you address the invitations correctly.

Single invitees

When addressing wedding invitations to single guests, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use the guest's preferred title. For unmarried women over 18, "Ms." is typically used, while "Miss" is used for those under 18. For unmarried men over 18, the title "Mr." is used, while no title is necessary for those under 18. Here are some examples:

Single Female Guest:

Outer envelope:

• Ms. Elizabeth Lemon (for unmarried women over 18)
• Miss Donna-Jo Tanner (for unmarried women under 18)

Inner envelope:

• Ms. Lemon (for unmarried women over 18)
• Miss Tanner (for unmarried women under 18)
• Elizabeth (first name only if you are very close to the guest)

Single Male Guest:

Outer envelope:

• Mr. George Costanza (for unmarried men over 18)
• George Costanza (no title necessary for unmarried men under 18)

Inner envelope:

• Mr. Costanza (for unmarried men over 18)
• George (first name only if you are very close to the guest)

If your single guest identifies as non-binary, you can use the honorific "Mx." If your guest is a widow or divorced woman, it is best to inquire about their preferred title and last name. For a guest who is a judge, use the term "The Honorable" before their full name. If your guest is a priest, use the term "Father" before their full name.

When inviting a single friend with a plus-one, it is best to include the guest's name on the outer or inner envelope if you know it. If you do not know the name, simply write "and guest" after your friend's name on the inner envelope.

Frequently asked questions