Wording Wedding Invites: Gay Marriage Edition

When it comes to wedding invitations, LGBTQ+ couples may need to adjust the wording to accurately reflect their relationship. While there are no strict rules, same-sex couples may want to make some minor adjustments to heteronormative and non-inclusive language. For example, instead of using gendered prefixes like Mr., Ms., and Mrs., non-binary individuals may prefer gender-neutral options like Mx., Ind., Pr., or Misc.. Same-sex couples may also choose to forgo the use of terms like bride and groom and instead use gender-neutral terms like marrier and celebrant. Ultimately, the wording of a wedding invitation should be a reflection of the couple and the tone they want to set for their wedding.

Addressing same-sex couples

When it comes to addressing same-sex couples in wedding invitations, there are no strict rules, and the etiquette is largely the same as for heterosexual couples. The key thing to remember is to include all the necessary information in a clear and concise way.

If the couple is unmarried, the traditional etiquette is to address each person individually, writing each name on a separate line, just like you would for an unmarried heterosexual couple. For example:

"Mr. George Bellafante

Mr. Thomas Jones"

On the inside envelope, you can use titles and last names:

"Mr. Bellafante and Mr. Jones"

If the couple is married, there are a few options, depending on the formality you want to convey. One option is to list their names separately, just like for unmarried couples, but without the titles:

"Joan McDermott

Theresa Smith"

Another option is to list their names on the same line, separated by "and", with each name preceded by their title:

"Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green"

If the married couple has the same last name, you can use the French plural form:

"The Messrs. Dan and John Smith"

Or:

"The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams"

Alternatively, you can simply list their names with their titles:

"Mrs. Amanda Williams and Mrs. Jane Williams"

If you are unsure about how the couple prefers to be addressed, it is perfectly acceptable to ask them. They are likely to appreciate your consideration, and it will help you avoid making a mistake on the invitations.

Gender-neutral language

When it comes to wedding invitations, LGBTQ+ couples may need to adjust the wording to accurately reflect their relationship. This can be achieved through the use of gender-neutral language, which is a great option for non-binary couples. Here are some tips on how to use gender-neutral language and create inclusive invitations:

One of the main considerations when using gender-neutral language is the choice of titles and pronouns. The traditional titles like Mr., Ms., and Mrs. may not be suitable for non-binary individuals. Instead, you can use gender-neutral alternatives such as:

• Mx. (pronounced em-ex) as a gender-neutral alternative to Mr. or Mrs.
• Ind., short for individual.
• Pr., short for person.
• Misc., short for the Latin word "miscellus", meaning mixed, and pronounced like "misk".

In addition to gender-neutral titles, you can use they/them pronouns in your invitation wording. Many invitations already use this pronoun, and it is a simple way to make your invitations more inclusive.

Names and Order

When addressing same-sex couples, it is important to consider their marital status and last names. If the couple is not married, it is appropriate to address them individually, with each name on a separate line, just as you would for an unmarried opposite-sex couple. The order of the names is flexible and can be alphabetical or based on what sounds right. For example, if people know the couple as "Jane and Holly", it is best to stick to that order.

For married couples with different last names, both names can be written on the same line, separated by "and". For instance: "Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green". If the married couple shares the same last name, you can use the plural form of the title. For men, "Messrs." (the plural of "Monsieur" in French) can be used, such as "The Messrs. Dan and John Smith". For women, you can use "Mesdames" or "Mmes.", such as "Mmes. Anna and Emily Andrews".

Wording and Etiquette

The wording of your wedding invitations can be tricky, especially with the heteronormative traditions often associated with weddings. Here are some tips to navigate this:

• Avoid gendered terms like "bride" or "groom" if they do not align with your preferences. Instead, use gender-neutral terms like "marrier" or "celebrant".
• Include the names of both individuals in the couple, along with their pronouns, to ensure they are properly addressed.
• If you wish to include family members' names, consider whose parents are hosting or contributing financially to the wedding. The names of the hosting or contributing family can be mentioned first, followed by the couple's names.
• Provide clear and concise information about the wedding, including the date, time, location, and any other relevant details.
• Keep the tone and style consistent with your preferences, whether it's formal, informal, traditional, or innovative.

Remember, there are no strict rules for same-sex wedding invitation wording. The most important thing is to accurately reflect your relationship and make your guests feel welcomed and respected. Ultimately, it's your special day, so create invitations that work for you and your partner!

Titles and pronouns

When it comes to titles and pronouns in wedding invitations for same-sex couples, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, it's important to establish whether the couple is married or not. If the couple is unmarried, it is generally considered appropriate to address each person individually with the appropriate title. Write each name on a separate line, just as you would for an unmarried opposite-sex couple. The order of the names is usually flexible, but you can arrange them alphabetically if you're unsure.

For married couples with different last names, both names can be written on the same line, separated by "and". For example, "Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green". Alternatively, you can use their titles and last names, such as "Mr. Adams and Mr. Green".

If the married couple has the same last name, you can use the plural form of the title. For men, you can write "The Messrs. Dan and John Smith" instead of "Mr. Dan Smith and Mr. John Smith". For women, you can use "The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams" or "Mmes. Amanda and Jane Williams". Using the plural form is especially useful when dealing with the same last name to avoid confusion.

It's worth noting that some same-sex couples choose to keep their original last names after marriage, so the format with separate last names may be more applicable in such cases. Additionally, some couples may prefer to use gender-neutral language and pronouns. In this case, you can use titles like "Mx." or other inclusive options such as "Ind." (short for individual), "Pr." (short for person), or "Misc." (short for the Latin word "miscellus").

When in doubt, it's always a good idea to ask the couple about their preferred titles and pronouns to ensure you address them correctly on the invitations.

Alphabetical order

For example, if the couple is paying for the wedding themselves, the invitation might read:

> John Smith and Peter Brown

> request the pleasure of your company...

If the couple has the same surname, the invitation might be worded as:

> The Messrs. Dan and John Smith

> request the pleasure of your company...

Alternatively, if the couple has different last names, their names can be listed separately on the same line, still in alphabetical order:

> Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith

> request the pleasure of your company...

The alphabetical order convention can also be applied to the children of same-sex couples when addressing wedding invitations to their families. For example:

> On the outer envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham

>

> On the inner envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly

In this case, the children's names are listed in alphabetical order by first name, with boys over 16 addressed as "Mr." and girls under 18 addressed as "Miss" if desired.

When it comes to the invitation wording for the wedding ceremony and reception, alphabetical order can also be applied when listing the couple's names. For instance:

> At the marriage of their daughter, Lauren Martinez, daughter of Robert Martinez and the late Marta Martinez

>

> And

>

> James O'Connor, son of Mr. and Mrs. Stephen O'Connor

In this scenario, the couple's last names are different, so their full names are listed separately, in alphabetical order by last name.

Overall, using alphabetical order when addressing and wording wedding invitations for gay couples is a simple and effective way to ensure clarity and proper etiquette.

Host's name

The hosts' names are usually listed at the top of the invitation, and traditionally, this would be the bride's parents. However, nowadays, the couple may host the wedding themselves, or do so together with their parents. Here are some examples of how to word the hosts' names:

One Set of Married Parents Hosting

• Include the parents' full names, with middle names for very formal weddings. If they have different last names, write "and" to join the two names:
• Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Timothy Williams (very formal; the middle name is included)
• Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Williams (formal)
• Mr. and Mrs. Christopher and Sarah Williams (formal; includes both first names)
• Christopher and Sarah Williams (less formal)

One Set of Divorced Parents Hosting

• Include the mother's name first, followed by the father's name. Do not use "and" to connect the two names; instead, give each name its own line:
• Dr. Vance and Elizabeth Gregory
• Mr. James Abner and Lydia Abner

Both Sets of Parents Hosting

• For different-sex couples, list the bride's parents' names first, then the groom's parents' names. For same-sex couples, list the names according to preference or in the order that looks best with the invitation design:
• Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Wong and Mr. and Mrs. Adam Hollis (formal)
• Aaron and Alisha Wong together with Adam and Beatrice Hollis (less formal)

Couple Hosting With Their Families

• When the couple and both their families are contributing to the wedding, you can add a line such as:
• "Together with their families"
• "Together with our families"
• "Together with their parents"

Couple Hosting by Themselves

• If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, you can skip the host line or start with a warm introduction:
• "Together with full hearts"
• "With hearts full of love and joy"

Honouring a Deceased Parent

• A common way to honour a deceased parent is to include them alongside one of the couple's names:
• "Lauren Martinez, daughter of Marta Martinez,"
• "Lauren Martinez, daughter of Robert Martinez and the late Marta Martinez."

Other Tips

• If the couple is paying for the wedding themselves, the order of the names is entirely up to them. You can go in alphabetical order or read the names aloud and choose the order that sounds best.
• For same-sex couples, the traditional rule of the woman's name first does not apply. Alphabetical order or what sounds better can be used.

Frequently asked questions