Wedding Guest List: Planning For No-Shows And Extras

Planning a wedding guest list can be a challenging task. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of how many people to invite, several factors can guide your decision-making process. Firstly, consider your budget and venue capacity. The number of guests you can invite will depend on your financial resources and the physical space available at your chosen venue. It is crucial to respect your venue's capacity limits to avoid overbooking. Another factor is the size of your families and friend groups, as well as cultural and religious traditions, which can influence guest list expectations. On average, a guest list of 75 to 150 people is considered standard, with 100 being the sweet spot for many couples. However, what constitutes a small, medium, or large wedding can vary depending on who you ask. Some couples opt for micro weddings or elopements with a handful of guests, while others go for mega weddings with 300 or more attendees. Ultimately, the right number of guests is a personal decision based on your preferences, resources, and the type of celebration you envision.

Creating a B-list

Make B-List Decisions Early

If you think you will need to create a B-list, decide on this as soon as possible. This will give you time to work out who is on the A-list and B-list, and also help with arrangements for invitations and RSVP deadlines.

Organise Intentionally

The B-list should be ordered by priority. At the top, put those who are important to you but didn't quite make the A-list cut. At the bottom, put those who would be nice to include but are not essential. This way, if you have 10 people from the A-list who can't make it, you know who the first 10 on the B-list are.

Separate Family and Close Friends

To avoid any potential embarrassment, decide what makes someone A-list or B-list, and apply this consistently. This will help to avoid a situation where friends realise they were on the B-list.

Send Invitations Early

Etiquette states that the RSVP deadline should be around three weeks before the wedding, with invites sent out six to eight weeks in advance. However, if you have a B-list, you will need to send A-list invites out around 12 weeks in advance, so you know in time if you need to invite anyone else.

Have Two Sets of RSVP Cards

To make things easier, print two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first set, going out with the A-list invites, should have an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before the wedding. The second set, going out with the B-list invites, should have an RSVP deadline of around three weeks before, in line with traditional etiquette.

Mail B-List Invites Together

Choose a date as the deadline for adding B-list guests, and mail all the invites on the same day. This will help you keep track of who you've invited and ensure invites arrive in a timely manner.

Using a tiered system

Determine your budget and guest list size

The first step is to decide on a budget and choose a venue that can accommodate your budget and the number of guests you want to invite. This will help you determine how many guests you can invite and if you need to create a tiered guest list.

Create a tiered guest list

Divide your guest list into tiers, typically three: Tier 1, Tier 2, and Tier 3. Tier 1 includes people who must be invited and are usually close family and friends. Tier 2 includes people you would really like to invite but are not as essential, such as coworkers or acquaintances. Tier 3 includes people you feel you should invite but are not as personally concerned about, such as distant relatives or friends you haven't seen in a while.

Organize your B-list by priority

If you have a B-list, organize it in order of priority. Put those who are important to you but didn't make the A-list at the top, and those who would be nice to include at the bottom. This way, if you have 10 people from your A-list who can't make it, you know exactly who the first 10 people on the B-list are to send invitations to.

Send invitations early

If you have a tiered guest list, send your A-list invitations around 12 weeks in advance. This gives you time to see who can't make it and send out B-list invitations accordingly. For the A-list, set the RSVP deadline at around eight weeks before the wedding, and for the B-list, set it at three weeks before, following traditional etiquette.

Mail B-list invites at once

Choose a deadline for adding B-list guests and mail all the invitations on the same day. This helps you keep track of who you've invited and ensures that invitations arrive in a timely manner.

Deciding on a budget

Determine Who Will Be Contributing

The first step is to figure out who will be paying for the wedding. Traditionally, the bride's family bore most of the expenses, but nowadays, both families often chip in, and the couple themselves may also contribute. It's essential to have open and honest conversations with everyone involved to understand how much they are willing and able to give. Be sure to ask about any conditions or preferences they may have for how the money is spent.

Understand What You Can Afford

When setting your budget, take into account your daily and future expenses, such as rent, car payments, debt, medical expenses, and other weddings or events you'll be attending. Be realistic about what you can afford to spend on the wedding without compromising your financial stability.

Prioritise What's Important to You

What matters to you on your wedding day may be different from what others prioritise. Discuss with your partner what your must-haves and dealbreakers are. Do you want a designer gown? Are flowers and decor a priority? Do you envision a large guest list? Understanding your priorities will help you allocate your budget accordingly.

Research Typical Wedding Costs

If you've never planned a wedding before, it can be challenging to know how much the various components will cost. Research the average costs for venues, catering, attire, flowers, entertainment, and so on. This will give you a baseline to work from and help you identify areas where you may need to adjust your expectations or find ways to save money.

Create a Wedding Budget Breakdown

Allocate your budget across different categories, such as venue, catering, attire, flowers, entertainment, and so on. There are no hard and fast rules, but you can find suggested budget breakdowns online, often presented as percentages of your total budget. For example, you might allocate 40% to the venue and catering, 12% to photography, 10% to music and entertainment, and so on.

Be Prepared for Hidden Costs

Remember to factor in hidden costs that may not be immediately obvious. These can include things like hair and makeup trials, food and drink tastings, bachelor/bachelorette parties, travel expenses, vendor meals, overtime costs, taxes, and tips for vendors. It's a good idea to set aside a buffer, typically around 5-15% of your total budget, to cover these unexpected expenses.

Track Your Spending

Stay organised by using a spreadsheet or budgeting app to track your wedding expenses. Open a dedicated bank account specifically for wedding expenses, and always ask for upfront costs and fees from vendors. Include vendor tips in your budget from the beginning to avoid last-minute surprises.

Be Flexible and Willing to Negotiate

Remember that your budget and plans may need to be flexible. If you find a vendor you love but they're outside your price range, be honest about your budget and see if they're willing to tailor a package to suit your needs. Many vendors are willing to negotiate and customise their services to match your financial constraints.

Don't Sacrifice Your Financial Stability

Finally, and most importantly, don't break the bank. While it's tempting to splurge on your dream wedding, starting your married life with a healthy savings account is far more valuable. Be realistic, prioritise, and don't be afraid to cut costs where necessary to stay within your means.

Venue capacity

Deciding on a wedding venue is a crucial step in the wedding planning process, as it will significantly influence the number of guests you can invite. Here are some essential considerations regarding venue capacity:

Know Your Venue's Capacity

Before finalising your guest list, it is imperative to have a clear understanding of your chosen venue's capacity. This information will guide you in determining the maximum number of guests you can invite. It is important to respect the venue's capacity limits to avoid any last-minute disruptions or safety hazards.

Consider Your Budget

The cost of your venue will likely consume a significant portion of your wedding budget. Larger venues that can accommodate more guests tend to be more expensive. Therefore, it is essential to consider the correlation between your budget and the venue's capacity. Opting for a smaller venue may allow you to allocate more funds towards other aspects of the wedding, such as catering, entertainment, or decorations.

Create a Tiered Guest List

Wedding planners often recommend creating a tiered guest list, especially when working within the constraints of venue capacity. Start with an "A-list" comprising your must-have guests, such as close family and friends. If space permits, you can then extend invitations to your "B-list", which may include coworkers, acquaintances, or frenemies. This approach ensures that you prioritise the people you most want to celebrate with while also giving you the flexibility to invite additional guests if needed.

Be Mindful of Plus-Ones

When considering venue capacity, don't forget to factor in the number of plus-ones you plan to offer. While it is not obligatory to provide every guest with a plus-one, it is a thoughtful gesture, especially for those in serious relationships. Traditionally, couples who live together or have been together for several years are often given a plus-one.

Manage Parental Guest Lists

If your parents are financially contributing to the wedding, they may request additional invitations for their friends and extended family. A fair approach to accommodate these requests is to allocate a specific number of invites to each parent, ensuring they can invite their closest people while keeping the overall guest list under control.

Don't Over-Invite

While it is tempting to assume that some invitees will decline, resist the urge to over-invite. Sending out more invitations than your venue can accommodate is a risky strategy. You don't want to find yourself in a situation where everyone RSVPs "yes" and you are left scrambling to accommodate the extra guests. Always operate within the venue's capacity limits to ensure a comfortable and enjoyable experience for all.

Plus-ones

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to plus-ones. Here are some tips and guidelines to help you navigate this delicate matter:

Who Gets a Plus-One?

• Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests: As a general rule, spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest should receive an invitation. This is often considered a package deal, even if you are closer to one person in the couple or have never met the other.
• Wedding Party: It is customary to offer a plus-one to members of the wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen. This is a way to thank them for their time, support, and expenses incurred throughout the wedding process.
• Single Guests Who Are Part of a Friend Group: If your single friends are already part of a larger friend group that will be attending the wedding, they may not need a plus-one. However, consider the dynamics of your friend group and whether anyone would be a "fifth wheel" to couples.
• Single Guests Who Don't Know Many People: If a single guest will not know many people at the wedding, it is considerate to offer them a plus-one so they have a familiar face and feel more comfortable.
• Older Guests: Older guests, such as parents or relatives, may appreciate having a plus-one, especially if they know fewer people at the wedding.
• Long-Term Relationships: If a guest is in a long-term, committed relationship (e.g., dating for over a year), it is polite to offer them a plus-one, even if you haven't met their partner.
• Close Family Members: Family plus-ones can be decided on a case-by-case basis. If your wedding will have many family members, a plus-one may not be necessary as they will likely know and feel comfortable with other relatives.

Who Doesn't Get a Plus-One?

• Guests Who Are Casually Dating: If a guest has a new partner every few months or hasn't been in a committed relationship for a significant period, a plus-one is not a priority.
• Single Guests Who Know Other Guests: If a single guest will know and feel comfortable with other guests at the wedding, they may not need a plus-one. However, consider the dynamics and whether anyone would be left out or feel awkward.
• Coworkers: Coworkers can be tricky, but if you invite one coworker with a plus-one, it is considerate to offer the same to others to avoid any hurt feelings.

Additional Considerations:

• Consistency: Establish clear and consistent rules for plus-ones to avoid any favouritism or hurt feelings. For example, if you offer a plus-one to one person in the wedding party, consider extending the same courtesy to all members.
• Communication: Be prepared for guests to ask about plus-ones. Communicate your decisions clearly and kindly, and consider doing so over the phone or in person rather than via email.
• Seating Arrangements: When creating a seating plan, aim for a comfortable dynamic. Avoid seating singles between couples, and instead, place them with friendly, outgoing couples to foster a communal feel.
• Budget and Venue Capacity: Ultimately, your budget and venue capacity may dictate how many plus-ones you can accommodate. Be mindful of these constraints when deciding on your guest list and plus-one policy.

Remember, these are guidelines, and you can adapt them to fit your unique situation and preferences. The most important thing is to be considerate of your guests' comfort and enjoyment, and to ensure your wedding reflects your values and priorities.

Frequently asked questions