Strategizing Your B-List Wedding Guest List

Creating a B-list for your wedding can be a tricky task, but it's a great way to ensure your big day is filled with loved ones. The B-list is for those you'd love to invite but may not be able to accommodate due to budget or venue space. To avoid any wedding drama and hurt feelings, it's important to be thoughtful and discreet when sending out invitations to your B-list guests. Here are some tips to navigate this process smoothly: Start by organizing your A-list and B-list early on, with the B-list prioritized. Send A-list invites first, and then send B-list invites as you receive declines, ensuring enough time for B-listers to respond. Keep the B-list discreet and respect your RSVP dates. By planning ahead and being considerate, you can ensure a joyful celebration with your loved ones.

Make B-List decisions early

Planning a wedding is a complex task, and one of the most difficult aspects is creating a guest list. If you're working with a limited budget or venue capacity, you may need to separate your guest list into an A-List and a B-List. Making B-List decisions early is crucial for a smooth process. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation gracefully:

• Start Early: As soon as you begin your wedding planning journey, start thinking about your guest list. Identify the people who are absolute must-haves for your special day and include them on your A-List. Then, turn your attention to the B-List. These are individuals you would love to invite if space and budget allow. Finalise your B-List as soon as your A-List is solidified. This early preparation gives you a clear roadmap for sending out invitations and managing RSVPs.
• Organise Intentionally: Prioritise your B-List guests in order of importance. At the top of the list, place those who narrowly missed out on the A-List, followed by others you would like to include if possible. This ensures that if you receive regrets from your A-List guests, you know exactly who to invite next.
• Understand the Logistics: When creating your B-List, consider the logistics of sending out invitations and managing RSVPs. Order enough invitations to cover both your A-List and B-List guests. Additionally, print two sets of RSVP cards with different reply-by dates to give your B-List guests enough time to respond without feeling like an afterthought.
• Send Invitations Strategically: Mail your A-List invitations around 10-12 weeks before the wedding. This will give you time to assess how many guests from the A-List will be attending. Then, send out B-List invitations about eight weeks before the wedding. This timing ensures that B-List guests have enough time to plan and respond without feeling like a last-minute addition.
• Be Discreet: It's important to keep your B-List discreet to avoid any potential hurt feelings. Guests who weren't invited in the first round might feel like they are less important. Respect their feelings by keeping the A-List and B-List confidential. Let guests respond to their invitations without knowing about the existence of multiple lists.

Organise your lists

As soon as you start planning your wedding, create a master guest list of everyone you'd like to invite. Then, divide it into two: the A-list and the B-list. Your A-list will include your immediate family and close friends (those you can't imagine not being there). Your B-list will include those you'd love to invite but may not be able to accommodate due to budget or venue space constraints.

The B-list should be organised in order of priority, with those who were close to making the A-list at the top. That way, if an A-lister declines, you can invite the first person on the B-list. For example, if five people from your A-list reply with regrets, then you can invite the first five people on the B-list.

It's also a good idea to make a separate list for family and close friends. The last thing you want is for friends to compare when they received their invites and realise they were on the B-list. Decide on the criteria for who makes the A-list and apply that consistently to keep things fair.

If you have groups of friends or colleagues, ensure you invite them at the same time. If one person in a group gets an invitation, it's likely the others will hear about it and may feel hurt if they haven't received theirs.

Finally, make sure your B-list is made up of understanding people. These are friends who understand they're not your bestie but would love to join if they're invited.

Keep it secret

Keeping your B-list a secret is one of the most important things to consider when creating a B-list for your wedding. Here are some tips to help you keep your B-list under wraps:

Keep it Top Secret

Be respectful and remember to keep your B-list on a need-to-know basis. Guests who weren't invited the first time around might feel like they're not a priority, and feelings could be hurt. Only share the A-list and B-list with those who need to know, and let guests respond to their invitations without revealing the lists.

Keep Groups of Friends and Family Together

Ensure your B-list is kept secret by considering your social groups. If you're inviting one co-worker, it's best to invite the others at the same time. The same goes for groups of friends and families. If one person in a group receives an invitation, it's likely that the others will find out about it. Sending invitations to groups together helps maintain the illusion that they were all on the A-list.

Make a Separate List for Family and Close Friends

Decide on criteria for who qualifies for the A-list and B-list, and apply these rules consistently across your guest list. This will help to reduce the chances of guests comparing invites and realising they're on the B-list.

Monitor Social Media

Keep an eye on your social media accounts, and if someone posts about receiving their invitation, delete the comment as soon as possible. This will prevent others from seeing it and wondering where their invitation is. Avoid posting photos of your invitations or mailing process, as this can also tip guests off about the multiple lists.

Be Careful with E-invites

If you're sending electronic invitations, turn off the invitee list and comments to prevent guests from seeing who is and isn't invited.

Don't Overcompensate

Resist the urge to over-explain when sending a B-list invitation. A long explanation about why they're receiving a late invitation is a giveaway that they're on the B-list. Keep your communication concise and friendly.

Send invites early

Sending out your wedding invites early is a great way to ensure your B-list guests have enough time to plan and RSVP. While the traditional timeline suggests sending invites two months ahead of the wedding, with an RSVP deadline of one month, this doesn't leave much room for B-listers.

To avoid this, it's recommended to send your A-list invites 10-12 weeks before the wedding, with an RSVP deadline of eight weeks. This gives you ample time to send B-list invites and ensures your B-list guests have enough time to plan, especially if they need to book travel. Aim to send B-list invites eight weeks before the wedding, with an RSVP deadline of three to four weeks. This way, you're still following traditional etiquette, and your B-list guests are less likely to feel like an afterthought.

It's also a good idea to have two sets of RSVP cards with different reply-by dates. The first set, for your A-list, should have an RSVP deadline of eight weeks before the wedding. The second set, for the B-list, should have a deadline of around three weeks before, giving both groups ample time to respond.

Additionally, consider sending your B-list invites in one batch. Choose a cutoff date for sending these invites and stick to it. This helps you keep track of your guest list and ensures invites arrive in a timely manner.

By sending your invites early, you show consideration for your B-list guests' time and schedules, making them feel valued and respected.

Have two RSVP deadlines

When it comes to inviting your B-list wedding guests, it's important to be thoughtful and discreet to avoid any potential hurt feelings. Here are some tips to help you navigate the RSVP process with two deadlines:

Understand the Importance of Timely RSVPs:

Explain to your A-list guests that their timely response is crucial for you to plan effectively. Emphasize the importance of sticking to the RSVP deadline, which is typically around four to eight weeks before the wedding. This will give you a clear idea of how many guests to expect and help you finalize the details with your venue, caterer, and other vendors.

Set an Early RSVP Deadline for A-List Guests:

Send out invitations to your A-list guests with an early RSVP deadline. This will give you ample time to receive responses and determine if you need to invite your B-list guests. Consider sending A-list invitations around 12 weeks in advance of the wedding, with an RSVP deadline of about eight weeks before the big day. This way, you'll have a better sense of your guest count earlier on.

Prepare B-List Invitations in Advance:

As soon as you finalize your A-list, start preparing the B-list invitations. Have them ready to send out as soon as you start receiving declines or non-responses from your A-list. This will help you avoid delays and ensure that your B-list guests have enough time to plan and respond.

Set a Second, Later RSVP Deadline for B-List Guests:

When sending out the B-list invitations, include a later RSVP deadline, typically around three to four weeks before the wedding. This deadline should align with traditional wedding etiquette and give you a final headcount for your vendors. It's essential to provide your B-list guests with enough time to plan, especially if they need to make travel arrangements.

Be Organized and Discrete:

Keep a detailed spreadsheet or use coloured tabs to track your guest list and RSVPs. Mark each response on your master list, and plan your B-list invitation sends accordingly. Send them in groups to maintain discretion and avoid guests comparing invitation arrival times.

Choose a Cutoff Date for B-List Invitations:

Decide on a cutoff date for sending B-list invitations and stick to it. It's important to give your B-list guests enough time to plan, but sending invitations too close to the wedding may cause logistical issues and potentially reveal your guest list tiers.

Remember, it's crucial to be respectful and discreet when managing your B-list. Keep the existence of the B-list confidential, and always be mindful of your guests' feelings.

Frequently asked questions