Wedding Invite Etiquette: Male Or Female Name First?

Wedding invitations are often the first glimpse into a couple's big day, and while there are many traditions and rules surrounding weddings, there is no definitive answer to whether the male or female name should go first. It is a matter of personal preference and the dynamics of the couple and their families.

Bride's name first

There are many considerations when it comes to wedding invitation wording, and whose name goes first is a common question. While there is no right or wrong answer, there are some traditions and guidelines that can help you decide. Here are some reasons why you may choose to put the bride's name first:

Tradition and Etiquette

Historically, the bride's name typically came first on wedding invitations, followed by the groom's name. This tradition stems from the custom of the bride's parents hosting and paying for the wedding. As such, it was considered proper etiquette to list the bride's name first as a way to honour the hosts of the event.

Formal and Classic Weddings

If you are having a formal or classic wedding, particularly if the bride's parents are hosting, it is still customary to list the bride's first and middle name, followed by the groom's full name and title. This format adheres to traditional wedding invitation etiquette and is often chosen for more formal affairs.

Personal Preference

Some couples choose to list the bride's name first simply because they prefer the sound or look of it. The way a couple's names are ordered can impact the overall design and layout of the invitation. If you are including decorative elements or monograms, you may find that one order flows better with the aesthetics of your stationery. Ultimately, it is your wedding, and you can choose whichever option feels right for you and your partner.

Same-Sex Couples

For same-sex couples, the traditional rule of listing the woman's name first does not apply. Instead, you have the freedom to choose whichever order you prefer. You can go with alphabetical order or select the order that sounds better to you. You may also consider how you are usually referred to as a couple by friends and family, and use that as a guide for your invitation wording.

Host Considerations

If the bride's parents are hosting the wedding alone, it is customary to name them at the beginning of the invitation, followed by the bride's name. However, it has become more common to include both sets of parents as hosts, especially when both families contribute financially. In this case, you can start the invitation by stating the parents' names or use a phrase like, "Together with their families, [bride's name] and [groom's name] invite you to celebrate their love and union."

Groom's name first

There are differing opinions on whose name—the bride's or the groom's—should go first on a wedding invitation. While some sources state that tradition dictates that the bride's name comes first, others suggest that the groom's name can precede the bride's under certain circumstances.

• Hosting dynamics: If the groom's family is solely hosting the wedding, it is appropriate to list the groom's name first. This is a break from the traditional “ladies first” convention but is acceptable in this context. The invitation wording might look something like: "Mr. and Mrs. Smith request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their son John Smith to Jessica Jones."
• Personal preference: Ultimately, the order of names on a wedding invitation comes down to personal preference. Some couples may choose to list the groom's name first simply because they like the way it looks or sounds, or because it flows better with the wording of the invitation. This is especially true if the couple is already known by their friends and family in a certain order, and switching the order for the invitation feels odd.
• Post-wedding: After the wedding day, it is common for the groom's name to precede the bride's on thank-you cards, address labels, and other stationery. This reflects the traditional practice of the bride taking the groom's last name after marriage, becoming "Mr. and Mrs. [Groom's First Name] [Shared Last Name]."
• Same-sex couples: For same-sex couples, the traditional rule of "ladies first" does not apply. Instead, couples may choose to list names in alphabetical order or simply go with what sounds better. There is no set rule, and either option will result in a lovely invitation.

When deciding whether to put the groom's name first on a wedding invitation, it's important to consider the hosting dynamics, personal preference, and any applicable traditions or conventions. Ultimately, the decision comes down to what feels right for the couple and aligns with their unique circumstances.

Same-sex couples: alphabetical order

For same-sex couples, the traditional ways of addressing wedding invitations are not needed and often not wanted. As a result, there are two options for how to order the names: alphabetical order or personal preference.

Ordering names alphabetically provides a clear structure to the invitation and makes it easily readable. It's also a neutral way to write the invitation, avoiding any potential arguments about whose name goes first. For example, if one person's name begins with 'J' and the other's with 'C', the invitation could read:

> "Jeff & John request the pleasure of your company..."

Instead of:

> "John & Jeff request the pleasure of your company..."

Ordering names alphabetically is also useful when addressing wedding invitations to a same-sex couple. If the couple is not married, it is customary to address each person individually on separate lines, just as you would for an unmarried opposite-sex couple. If you are unsure about the order of their names, arranging them alphabetically is a safe option.

If the couple is married, their names are typically written on the same line, separated by "and". Again, you might consider ordering their names alphabetically. For example:

> "Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith"

Or:

> "Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams"

Same-sex couples: personal preference

For same-sex couples, the old-fashioned tradition of putting the bride's name first does not apply and is often not wanted. As a result, same-sex couples can choose to place their names in alphabetical order or choose the order based on which option sounds the best. Alphabetical order provides structure and makes the invitation easily readable. It's also a neutral way to write the invitation and avoids any potential arguments about whose name should come first.

If you've become known as "Tina and Cathy" to your friends and family, it might feel odd to switch the order of your names just for the invites. If it feels very unusual to say it in a certain order, it might be best to honour your relationship and refer to yourselves as you normally would.

When it comes to including middle names, this is also based on personal preference. If you want your invitation to sound formal, add middle names to make it sound regal. However, if you want your invite to be more casual, it's best to stick to first and last names only.

If you want to stick with tradition, write out the date and time in full, avoiding numerals or shorthand. However, if you want your invitation to be more casual, numerals and shorthand are fine.

Collaborative wording

If the wedding is a collaborative affair, hosted and paid for by the couple and both sets of parents, you can use the following wording:

> Together with their parents, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] request the pleasure of your company...

Or:

> [Bride's name] and [Groom's name], together with their families, invite you to celebrate their love/union.

If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, you can omit the host line or start the invitation with a warm and welcoming introduction, such as:

> Together with full hearts

> With hearts full of love and joy

You can also include the names of both sets of parents as hosts, which is a gracious option regardless of who is paying for the wedding. For example:

> Kenzie M. Smith and Jennifer L. Smith, Mark Franklin and Mary Elizabeth Reyes request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their children Olivia Rose and John Michael...

If the couple's parents are divorced and you want to include both as hosts, you can include them all, keeping each parent on a separate line. For example:

> Dr. Vance and Elizabeth Gregory, Mr. James Abner and Lydia Abner, and Mr. Harold and Jane Hyland invite you to the wedding of their children Amy Abner and Charles Hyland...

If you want to include the name of a deceased parent, you can rearrange the wording as follows:

> [Bride's name], daughter of Mr. [Father's name] and the late [Mother's name], and [Groom's name], son of Mr. [Father's name] and [Mother's name], request the honor of your presence at their wedding...

Same-Sex Couples

For same-sex couples, the traditional rule of the woman's name first does not apply. You can list the names in alphabetical order or choose the order based on what sounds the best. For example:

> Together with their families, Jack Smith & Mason Kim invite you to their wedding...

>

> Jack Smith & Mason Kim, together with their parents, invite you to celebrate...

Frequently asked questions