Wedding Etiquette: Surnames On Invites, A Necessary Tradition?

There are many considerations when it comes to addressing wedding invitations. Traditionally, the bride's full name is written first, followed by the groom's full name. However, same-sex couples may opt for alphabetical order or choose the order based on what sounds best. When it comes to surnames, it is generally considered more formal to include them, especially if the hosts' surnames are included. However, it is not uncommon to use only first names for a more casual vibe. Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and it is essential to consider the unique circumstances of each couple and their guests when addressing wedding invitations.

Formal vs. Informal Wording

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are a few different scenarios and traditions to consider when it comes to formal and informal wording. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate the process:

Formal Wording:

The outer envelope of a wedding invitation is typically more formal, and it is recommended to write out the recipient's full name, including their personal title(s). This approach is suitable for couples of all genders, regardless of whether they share a surname, and still maintains a traditional feel. For example:

"Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"

If you prefer to adhere to a more modern standard, you may choose to exclude personal titles and solely use first and last names. It is important to respect guests' preferred personal titles, such as "Mx." for non-binary guests, and always double-check this information beforehand.

When addressing a married couple with different last names, it is customary to write their names on the same line, with the woman's name appearing first. For instance:

"Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

In the case of unmarried couples living at the same address, both names are included on one line, with the person you are closest to listed first. An example of this would be:

"Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee"

When inviting a family that includes children, the outer envelope typically bears the name(s) of the parent(s) or guardian(s). Children's names are usually listed on the inner envelope. For instance:

"Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson" (outer envelope)

"Alan, Emily, Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Miss Lily" (inner envelope)

Informal Wording:

The inner envelope of a wedding invitation allows for a more relaxed approach. You may choose to include personal titles and last names or opt for a casual vibe by using only first names.

For married couples, the inner envelope may simply state their first names, such as "Thomas and Michelle."

For unmarried couples, the inner envelope can be more informal, such as "Stanley and Amanda."

When addressing a single female, the outer envelope may read "Ms. Stephanie Chen," while the inner envelope could be more casual, such as "Stephanie."

Similarly, for a single male, the outer envelope might use "Mr." followed by their name, while the inner envelope could just state their first name, like "James."

If you prefer a more casual approach for your wedding invitations overall, you may choose to use first and last names without titles. This is especially suitable for a casual wedding, such as a backyard barbecue or picnic in the park. However, it is worth considering using more formal wording for older or more conservative guests to maintain respect and avoid potential confusion.

Married Couple With Same Last Name

When addressing wedding invitations to a married couple with the same last name, there are a few etiquette rules to follow. Here are some guidelines to ensure your invitations are both proper and elegant:

Outer Envelope

For a heterosexual couple, the outer envelope is typically addressed using "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren

However, many modern couples may prefer a format that includes both spouses' names. In this case, you can address the outer envelope as follows:

> Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren

For same-sex couples, either name can go first, or you can choose to list the names alphabetically. An example of this format is:

> Mr. and Mrs. Michelle Warren

Inner Envelope

The inner envelope is more informal, and you have a bit more flexibility with the wording. You can choose to include or exclude titles and surnames, depending on your preference. Here are a few options:

> Mr. and Mrs. Warren

> Thomas and Michelle

> Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren

Host Line

If the married couple is hosting the wedding themselves, you can omit the host line. However, if you want to include it, the traditional format is to use the full name of the hosts. For example:

> The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Jack Alexander Smith to Mason Jacob Kim

Formality

The level of formality in your invitation wording should align with the style of your wedding. If you're having a formal or traditional wedding, it's customary to spell out dates and times in full and include middle names. For a more casual event, you can use numerical figures and a more relaxed tone.

Additional Details

Remember to include essential details such as the date, time, location, and reception information. If there are multiple venues or events, you can include these details on a separate insert card or your wedding website.

In summary, when addressing wedding invitations to a married couple with the same last name, you have some flexibility. The outer envelope follows more traditional etiquette, while the inner envelope allows for a more casual tone. By following these guidelines, you can create elegant and proper invitations that set the tone for your special day.

Married Couple With Different Last Names

When addressing wedding invitations to a married couple with different last names, it is customary to write their names on the same line, starting with the woman's name. If their combined names are too long to fit on one line, list them separately, either alphabetically or with the person you are closest with first. Here are some examples:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David"

If the couple has different last names and one person is a doctor, use the following format:

Outer envelope: "Doctor Tami Takata and Mr. David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Dr. Takata and Mr. Estevez" or "Tami and David"

If both spouses have different last names and are doctors, you can address them as follows:

Outer envelope: "Doctor Katherine Herman and Doctor Gary Shepherd"

Inner envelope: "Dr. Herman and Dr. Shepherd" or "Katherine and Gary"

When addressing a married couple with different last names and one has chosen to hyphenate their surname, use the hyphenated name for that individual:

Outer envelope: "Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Sarah Kennedy-Smith"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Smith and Mrs. Kennedy-Smith" or "John and Sarah"

In all cases, it is essential to consider the couple's preferences and use their chosen titles and names.

Including Children

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, there are a few different scenarios to consider, especially when including children. Here are some guidelines and examples to help you navigate this process:

Outer Envelope:

The outer envelope is the more formal of the two envelopes and is what the postal service will see. When inviting a family with children, the traditional way to address the outer envelope is to list only the parents' names, as in:

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

If you want to be more specific, you can include the names of the children who are under 18:

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Family

Or list each child's name:

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

> Peter, Paul, and Mary

However, it is important to note that children over the age of 18 should receive their own invitations.

Inner Envelope:

The inner envelope is more informal, and this is where you can include the names of the children. For girls under 18, you can use "Miss" if you wish. Boys do not need a title until they are 16, at which point they can be addressed as "Mr." Here is an example:

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

> Peter, Miss Paula, and Mary

If you choose not to include the children's names on the inner envelope, it may be interpreted as an indication that children are not invited. To avoid any confusion, you can add a line on the response card specifying the number of seats reserved for that family.

Other Options:

If you are using only one envelope, include the names of all invited family members, including children. You can also use phrases like "and Family" or "The Smith Family" to save space.

Another option is to include a separate RSVP card or information card with phrases like "Adults-only reception to follow" or "Please respect our wishes for a child-free wedding." This approach allows you to be more explicit about your preferences while maintaining a formal tone on the invitations themselves.

Single Guests

When addressing wedding invitations to single guests, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure that your guests feel welcomed and respected. Here are some detailed guidelines for addressing invitations to single guests:

Use the guest's preferred title, such as "Mr.", "Ms.", "Miss", or "Mx.". If you are unsure about their preferred title, it is best to forgo the title altogether and use their first and last name. It is important to double-check with your guests beforehand to ensure you are using their preferred title and surname.

Outer and Inner Envelopes

The outer envelope should be formal and include the guest's full name and title. For example, "Ms. Ali Johnson". The inner envelope can be more informal, where you have the option to use only their surname or first name, such as "Ms. Johnson" or "Ali".

Plus-One

If a single guest has been offered a plus-one, you do not need to indicate this on the outer envelope. Instead, use the phrase "and Guest" on the inner envelope. For example, "Ms. Stephanie Chen" on the outer envelope and "Ms. Chen and guest" on the inner envelope.

Age Considerations

When addressing a young female guest under the age of 18, use "Miss" instead of "Ms.". Boys do not need a title until they are 16 years old, at which point they can be addressed as "Mr.".

Informal Weddings

If your wedding is informal or casual, you may opt to use only first and last names on the invitations without titles. This can be a more modern and casual approach, especially if that better suits the vibe of your wedding.

Remember to give yourself enough time to gather all the necessary information from your guests and to double-check the details before sending out your invitations.

Frequently asked questions