Blessing Bridesmaids: Who, What, And Why?

Bridesmaids are a common feature of traditional Western weddings, where they form part of the bride's party. Typically, a bridesmaid is a young woman and a close friend or relative of the bride, who she chooses to stand by her side as she says I do. While the number of bridesmaids at a wedding can vary, the chief bridesmaid is often called the maid of honour. Bridesmaids are usually required to attend the wedding ceremony and assist the bride on the day, but other responsibilities, such as helping with pre-wedding events and planning, are optional. While it is not required, some bridesmaids may choose to give a gift to the bride and groom, but this is not an obligation.

Bridesmaids' dresses

While bridesmaids' dresses are no longer required to match the bride's, the bridal party's attire should still complement the wedding's theme and setting. For example, a rustic wedding calls for earth tones, while a romantic garden wedding calls for soft pinks, flowing skirts, and light fabrics.

It's important to note that bridesmaids typically pay for their own dresses and alterations, so it's considerate to choose affordable options or chip in if you have specific, costly expectations. Additionally, while the bride's vision for her bridal party's attire is essential, it's also vital to respect your bridesmaids' comfort levels. For example, if they feel uncomfortable with a very low-cut or unsupported dress, it's considerate to choose a different style.

When choosing bridesmaids' dresses, it's also helpful to consider the time of year, the venue, and the level of formality you want to convey. For a summer wedding, light and airy fabrics will keep your bridal party comfortable, while a formal evening affair calls for sophisticated maxi-length gowns in dark, elegant colours.

Ultimately, the choice of bridesmaids' dresses is a collaborative effort between the bride and her attendants, taking into account style, comfort, and budget.

Planning pre-wedding events

• Engagement Party: This is usually one of the first pre-wedding parties and is a great way to celebrate your engagement with close family and friends. It can be held at a variety of locations, such as a host's home, a restaurant, or even a unique venue like a historic home or park. There are no strict rules about when it should be held, but it's often scheduled within three months of the proposal.
• Bridal Shower: This is a pre-wedding celebration specifically for the bride-to-be, where guests bring gifts and food. It is typically planned by the maid of honor, with support from the bridesmaids. The bridal shower usually takes place about three months before the wedding, before the wedding planning becomes too hectic. It can be as fancy or casual as the bride prefers and is often held during the day, over brunch or lunch.
• Bachelorette and Bachelor Parties: These parties are held separately by the bride and groom's respective wedding parties. They can be wild nights out, relaxing spa visits, or even weekend getaways, depending on the preferences of the guest of honor. These events usually take place one to four months before the wedding and are a chance for the wedding party to bond and celebrate before the big day.
• Bridesmaid Luncheon: This is an optional but intimate gathering for members of the bridal party, including bridesmaids, flower girls, and mothers of the bride and/or groom. The bridesmaid luncheon is a way to thank the bridesmaids for their help and is often held a couple of days before the wedding or earlier if all bridesmaids live close by. It's typically a light and relaxing event with hors d'oeuvres and drinks.
• Rehearsal Dinner: The rehearsal dinner is usually held the night before the wedding and serves as a final celebration before the main event. It can be an intimate gathering or a larger event for all guests and often includes speeches and toasts in honor of the couple. This event is generally planned and paid for by the groom's family, but the couple can alter this to their preference.

Remember, the most important thing is to enjoy the process and celebrate with your loved ones. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your wedding party, as they are there to support you.

Financial responsibilities

Although bridesmaids are not obliged to give a gift to the bride, it is customary for bridesmaids to give a gift to the bride, such as an item from the registry or a spa day. If you are a bridesmaid, it is important to be aware of the financial responsibilities that may come with the role.

The financial responsibilities of a bridesmaid can vary depending on the bride's expectations and the specific circumstances of the wedding. Here are some common financial responsibilities to consider:

• Travel and accommodation expenses: If the wedding is taking place in a different city or country, bridesmaids are typically expected to cover their own travel and accommodation costs. This can include flights, hotel stays, and transportation to and from the wedding venue.
• Attire and accessories: Bridesmaids are usually responsible for purchasing their own dresses, shoes, and any other accessories required for the wedding. This can be a significant expense, especially if the bride has chosen a designer dress or specific style that is costly.
• Pre-wedding events: Planning and paying for pre-wedding events, such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party, are often considered the responsibility of the maid of honor. However, as a bridesmaid, you may be expected to contribute financially to these events, especially if you are actively involved in the planning process.
• Hair and makeup: In some cases, the bride may request that bridesmaids have their hair and makeup professionally done to ensure a cohesive look for the wedding party. Unless the bride offers to cover these costs, bridesmaids are typically expected to pay for their own hair and makeup services.
• Gifts for the bride: While not mandatory, it is common for bridesmaids to give a gift to the bride. This could be a physical gift, such as an item from the bridal registry, or a spa day or facial. Alternatively, you may choose to give a cash gift, especially if you are unable to attend any pre-wedding events.
• Other miscellaneous expenses: There may be additional costs associated with being a bridesmaid, such as contributing to the cost of decorations, favours, or other wedding-related expenses. These costs can vary depending on the scale and location of the wedding.

It is important to have honest conversations with the bride about your financial responsibilities as early as possible. Communicate your budget and what you are comfortable spending, especially if you feel that the expectations are beyond your financial means. Remember that being a bridesmaid is a privilege, and the bride should appreciate your support and presence on her special day, regardless of any gifts or financial contributions.

Gifts for the bride

While it is not customary for bridesmaids to give gifts to the bride at a blessing, it is common for bridesmaids to give gifts at other pre-wedding events, such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party.

Something Sentimental

A thoughtful gift for the bride is one that is sentimental and celebrates the relationship between the bride and her bridesmaids. This could be a scrapbook filled with photos and mementos, custom jewellery, or a handwritten letter expressing love, gratitude, and well wishes. Another idea is a personalised speech and photo frame, which includes the bridesmaid's speech and a photo of the bride and the bridesmaid.

Self-Care and Wellness Goodies

Gifts that help the bride relax and de-stress are always appreciated, especially during the busy wedding planning period. Ideas include a wellness journal, a spa gift box, a "Just Married" candle, or a wine subscription.

Bridal Accessories

Bridesmaids can gift the bride accessories to be used on the wedding day, such as a wedding dress hanger, a bridal robe, or a "something blue" handkerchief.

Practical Gifts

Practical gifts that the bride can use on her honeymoon or post-wedding are also meaningful. For example, a travel case with a photo slot, a "Just Married" tote bag, or a personalised cutting board.

Personalised Decor

Personalised home decor items that commemorate the wedding are another option. For instance, a custom gallery wall, a framed vinyl record of the couple's first dance song, or a custom star map based on the wedding date and location.

Remember, it is customary for the bride to also give gifts to her bridesmaids as a sign of gratitude for their support and financial commitment.

Day-of duties

A blessing ceremony is a more relaxed version of a traditional wedding ceremony, so the bridesmaids' duties are likely to be more relaxed, too. Here are some ideas for bridesmaids' duties on the day of a blessing:

• Emotional support: It's important to be there for the bride if she feels nervous or stressed. You can help her feel calm and positive by offering reassurance and a friendly ear.
• Practical support: Be prepared to help the bride with any last-minute tasks or problems that arise. This could include helping her get ready, holding her bouquet, or fixing her veil or dress.
• Guest liaison: Depending on the bride's preference, you may be asked to greet guests and guide them to their seats. This is a great way to make the bride's life easier and ensure guests feel welcomed.
• Refreshments: Usually, the bride or her mother provides refreshments for the bridal party as they get ready. As a bridesmaid, you can take on the role of ensuring the bride stays hydrated and well-fed amid the excitement.
• Photography: After the bride is ready, check that she has everything she needs for her photos. You can help keep track of small items, such as a touch-up lipstick, blotting papers, and her phone.
• Restroom assistance: If the bride is wearing a large or intricate dress, she may need help in the restroom. You might need to hold up or manoeuvre her dress, or even help her change outfits if she has multiple ensembles.
• Legal witness: In some cases, bridesmaids may be asked to act as legal witnesses and sign the marriage license after the ceremony. This is more common when the bridesmaids are adults.
• Reception duties: If there is a reception after the blessing, the bridesmaids may have specific duties. This could include offering a toast to the newlyweds, helping to gather personal items, or participating in any post-wedding events like a next-day brunch.

Frequently asked questions