Moms As Bridesmaids: A Wedding Conundrum

A mother of the bride has a very important role to play in her child's wedding. While there are no steadfast rules, there are certain considerations to be made when it comes to her attire. The mother of the bride should ideally wear something she and her daughter both love. It is also important to take into account the event's formality, the wedding party looks, and the couple's preference. The mother of the bride's attire should complement the colour of the wedding party's attire without matching it. The style and formality of the fabric can match the bridal party's, but the mother of the bride can opt for a neckline and silhouette that she loves.

Moms can be the maid of honour

Moms can absolutely be the maid of honour! In fact, it's becoming more and more common for brides to choose their mothers as their maids of honour, especially if they have a very close relationship. This way, the bride gets to have her best friend and mother with her throughout the entire wedding planning process and on the big day itself.

If you're thinking of choosing your mom as your maid of honour, there are a few things to keep in mind. First of all, your mom will technically have two sets of responsibilities to handle: those of the mother of the bride and those of the maid of honour. This can be a lot of work, so it's a good idea to delegate some of the traditional maid of honour duties—like planning the bachelorette party—to the other bridesmaids. You could also have your mom focus on being the official host of the wedding.

Another thing to consider is what your mom will wear. The trend of having the maid of honour dressed differently from the other bridesmaids is still going strong, so your mom can choose something that really shines and makes her feel special. She can coordinate with the wedding palette, but choose a different style or neckline that she loves and feels comfortable in.

When it comes to the processional, things can get a little tricky. Traditionally, the mother of the bride is seated first, but the maid of honour is the last adult to walk down the aisle before the ring and flower bearers. In this case, you can give your mom the maid of honour's spot in line, processing right before you.

Finally, you can also include your mom in the traditional maid of honour duties, like holding your bouquet while you exchange rings, fixing your veil, and giving a toast at the reception. If you think your other parent will be lonely sitting in the front row by themselves, you can take inspiration from traditional Jewish weddings and have both of your parents standing at the altar with you.

So, if you're close to your mom and want to show her how much you appreciate her, go ahead and ask her to be your maid of honour! It's a wonderful way to include her in your special day and create lasting memories together.

Moms can wear what they like

While there are many considerations and traditions that go into planning a wedding, what the mother of the bride wears is less strict. There are no steadfast rules, and moms are encouraged to wear an outfit that they love and feel great in, with the bride's approval, of course. This could be a sleek evening gown, a trendy midi dress, a dressy jumpsuit, or a chic pantsuit.

The mother of the bride should consider the event's formality, the wedding party's looks, and the couple's preferences when choosing her outfit. The venue, date, seasonality, and wedding dress code are also important factors to take into account. For example, a mother of the bride might opt for a shorter, more casual outfit for a laid-back celebration or a floor-length, more formal ensemble for a black-tie affair. It's also important to choose an outfit that aligns with the dress code set by the couple, whether it's black-tie, formal, cocktail, semi-formal, or casual.

The mother of the bride should also consider the venue when selecting her outfit. For example, a seaside ceremony might call for a more casual outfit, while a traditional church wedding would be more formal. The venue will also dictate the type of shoes that should be worn, such as wedges or flats for a ceremony on grass or sand.

While there are no specific colour traditions for the mother of the bride's outfit, it is generally recommended that she complement the colour of the wedding party's attire without matching it exactly. The mother of the bride should also avoid wearing white, ivory, or champagne hues, as these colours may take attention away from the bride. It's also important to consider the couple's preferences and the season when choosing a colour. For example, a black-tie wedding in the winter might call for a black dress with subtle gold detailing, while a casual backyard wedding in the summer could be the perfect opportunity to wear a floral-printed maxi dress.

In terms of style, the mother of the bride can choose a neckline and silhouette that she loves and feels comfortable in. She can also add accessories, such as a diamond tennis necklace, a colourful clutch, or a standout pair of heels, to elevate her outfit. However, it's important not to overdo it with too many accessories.

Ultimately, the mother of the bride should feel free to express her personal style and choose an outfit that makes her feel confident and happy on her child's big day.

Moms can help plan the wedding

Moms can be a fantastic source of support when it comes to planning a wedding. Here are some ways in which they can help:

Venue Selection

Mothers are often involved in choosing the wedding venue. They can offer valuable input on practical considerations, such as the suitability of a destination wedding or the accessibility of the venue for family members. Their experience and perspective can help narrow down options and make the decision-making process easier.

Guest List Management

Creating a guest list can be a daunting task, but moms can lend a helping hand. They can assist in compiling names and addresses, coordinating with the groom's family, and managing the number of guests. They are also well-suited to handle any tricky conversations that may arise regarding RSVPs and guest requests.

Vendor Point of Contact

With so many details to manage, having a point person for vendors is a huge help. Moms can be the designated contact for caterers, florists, planners, and entertainers, ensuring that questions are answered and details are coordinated smoothly.

Wedding Dress Shopping

Mothers traditionally accompany their daughters on the search for the perfect wedding dress. They can offer an honest and valued opinion on different styles and be a source of support and joy in finding the right gown.

Pre-Wedding Events

Mothers of the bride often take on a hosting role for pre-wedding events, such as bridal showers or engagement parties. They can plan and organise these celebrations, ensuring that the bride has one less thing to worry about.

Emotional Support

Last but certainly not least, moms provide invaluable emotional support throughout the planning process. They can be a rock during stressful times, offering wisdom, advice, and a listening ear. Their presence and guidance can make all the difference in navigating any tensions or challenges that may arise.

While these are just a few examples, moms can tailor their involvement to their strengths and the needs of the bride. Whether it's logistics, design input, or simply being there for their child, moms play a vital role in making the wedding planning journey memorable and special.

Moms can be official witnesses

While moms are not typically bridesmaids, they can certainly be official witnesses at weddings. In fact, it is quite common for couples to choose their mothers as witnesses. A wedding witness is a person who observes the ceremony and signs the paperwork afterward, confirming that the wedding was performed legally and that the couple entered into the marriage willingly.

In the UK, it is a legal requirement to have at least two witnesses at a wedding, aside from the couple and the person conducting the ceremony. Witnesses can be anyone who understands the nature and importance of the ceremony, including family members. While there are no strict age requirements, witnesses must be old enough to comprehend the significance of the wedding.

As a wedding witness, moms can play a crucial role in ensuring the legality of the marriage. They observe the ceremony, including the signing of the wedding certificate by the couple and the officiant, and then add their signatures to indicate their witness of the event. This role carries a great deal of honour and significance, as the witness's signature serves as proof of the wedding's legality.

In addition to being a witness, a mom can also take on the role of the maid of honour or chief bridesmaid. This dual responsibility may involve delegating certain duties, such as planning the bachelorette party, to other bridal party members. The mom can stand in the traditional spot of the maid of honour next to the bride at the altar, assisting with tasks like adjusting the train and veil and holding the bouquet during the ring exchange.

Ultimately, the decision to have a mom as a witness and/or a member of the bridal party is a personal one. It can be a wonderful way to honour the mother of the bride or groom and include them in the special day.

Moms can give a speech

While the father of the bride's speech is more traditional, mothers of the bride are increasingly choosing to deliver a speech at their daughter's wedding. This can be a very special moment in the day and is a wonderful opportunity to laugh, honour the bride, and raise a toast to the couple's future.

If you're a mother of the bride considering giving a speech, here are some tips to help you prepare:

Planning Your Speech

First, it's important to give yourself enough time to write and perfect your speech. Start writing at least a couple of months before the wedding date. You can begin by brainstorming ideas and writing down any memories, stories, or qualities of your daughter that you want to include. Focus on positive, happy moments and try to tie these memories back to your daughter's adulthood and her relationship with her partner.

Structure of Your Speech

The basic structure of your speech should include the following:

• Introduce yourself and welcome the guests: Even if many guests already know you, it's important to kick off your speech by stating a simple fact, such as your name and your relationship to the couple. This can help boost your confidence, especially if you have a fear of public speaking.
• Thank the guests: As the mother of the bride, you can also act as the host of the wedding. Thank the guests for attending and, if appropriate, mention any extra effort they may have made to be there, such as travelling a long distance.
• Talk about your daughter: Share stories and memories from her childhood and adulthood, highlighting her best qualities. You can also talk about any challenges she has overcome and how they relate to her marriage.
• Talk about your new son- or daughter-in-law: Welcome your daughter's partner into your family and speak about why they are good for each other and how they have changed or complemented your daughter. You can also thank your new in-laws and acknowledge their contributions to the wedding, whether emotional or financial.
• Explain why their marriage makes you happy: Focus on the feelings you see in the couple and why that brings you joy.
• Close with a wish for the couple: Raise a glass to your daughter and her partner, wishing them all the best in their married life. You can also remind them that you will always be there to support them.

Delivering Your Speech

Once you have written your speech, it's time to practice! Here are some tips for delivering your speech with ease and confidence:

• Practice in advance: Rehearse your speech several times before the wedding so that you can engage with your daughter and the guests while you deliver it.
• Hold the microphone correctly: Hold the mic close to your chin to avoid feedback in the speakers. If possible, use a mic stand so you can be hands-free.
• Don't read your speech off your phone: Instead, write it down on small, sturdy note cards that are easy to handle and won't distract you or look bad in photos.
• Speak slowly and pause when necessary: Take a deep breath and remember that it's okay to take a pause. If your speech includes humour, wait for the laughter to die down before continuing.
• Don't worry about crying: It's normal to get emotional during your speech, and most people will find it incredibly sweet.

Frequently asked questions