The Best Man: An Essential Wedding Role?

When it comes to weddings, traditions are not set in stone, and couples are free to adapt them or do away with them entirely. One such tradition is having a best man at the wedding. The best man is usually a close friend or relative of the groom, who acts as his right-hand man and provides support and assistance before and during the wedding. While it is common to have a best man, it is not a requirement, and couples may choose to forgo this tradition for various reasons. Some grooms may struggle to decide on a single person to be their best man, especially if they have several close friends or family members they wish to include. Others may not have anyone they feel close enough to fill the role. Ultimately, the decision to have a best man or not is a personal one, and couples should feel free to make the choice that feels right for them.

The best man's duties

The role of the best man comes with a lot of duties and responsibilities. Here is a detailed list of the best man's duties:

Pre-Wedding Duties

• Support the groom with outfit details: The best man is in charge of supporting the groom with all wedding day attire needs, including helping with final suit selections for the groom, groomsmen, and important family members.
• Organise the bachelor party: The best man is typically in charge of planning the bachelor party, while recruiting the other groomsmen to help. It is important to consult with the groom to host an event that aligns with his wishes.
• Coordinate the groom's gift: If the groomsmen decide to get a gift for the groom, the best man often leads the effort by collecting money and choosing the final item.
• Provide emotional support: It is the best man's duty to patiently listen to the groom's complaints, confessions, and questions without judgment.
• Be present for the rehearsal: The best man can be tasked with wrangling the wedding party so that the schedule moves along flawlessly. They may also make a small toast during the rehearsal dinner to kick off the festivities.

Wedding-Day Duties

• Keep the groom and groomsmen on schedule: The best man is often tasked with keeping an eye on the clock on the morning of the wedding to ensure everyone gets to the venue on time.
• Hold the wedding rings: The best man is entrusted with holding on to the wedding rings for safekeeping.
• Witness the marriage license: The best man should always be readily available to witness the marriage license and should have a backup pen in case of any last-minute mishaps.
• Welcome guests: The best man, being a close friend or relative of the groom, knows a large portion of the guests. This makes them the perfect candidate to help welcome guests to the wedding ceremony.
• Give a speech: If a couple opens up the floor for toasts, the best man is often the first to step in. This should be a well-crafted speech that focuses on the newlyweds and their love story.
• Keep the reception moving: The best man is expected to mingle at the reception and ensure everyone is having a great time. They may even dance with the maid of honour, the mother of the bride, and the mother of the groom.
• Collect gifts: The best man can play a helpful role in making sure gifts get to the right place.

Post-Wedding Duties

• Take care of the groom's clothing: The best man may be asked to take care of the groom's clothing after the big day and ensure any rented items are returned on time and intact.
• Check in with vendors: The best man is usually tasked with making sure all wedding-related expenses are handled before the night comes to a close.
• Coordinate and decorate the getaway car: The best man may be asked to help coordinate car transportation for the newlyweds to leave the reception and decorate the getaway car.

Who needs to be a witness

While it is not necessary to have a best man at your wedding, you will need at least two witnesses to observe the ceremony and sign the marriage license or wedding certificate. Witnesses are required to confirm that the wedding is done legally, and that neither party is being forced into the marriage.

There are almost no limitations on who can be a witness. The only requirement is that they need to understand what they are witnessing and what a legal ceremony should look like. They must be able to speak the language the ceremony is being conducted in, and be old enough to understand what weddings are and why they are important. While witnesses are usually adults, there is no age restriction, and a teenager could be a witness, for example.

Witnesses are commonly chosen from the couple's close circle of friends or family members, but they don't even need to know the couple! If you are eloping, you could ask a member of staff at the wedding venue, or even a passerby on the street. Witnesses do not need to bring ID to the wedding, but it is up to the officiant to decide whether the person is a suitable witness.

If you are unsure who to choose, it is common for the best man and the maid of honour/chief bridesmaid to act as witnesses. However, you could also choose two bridesmaids or two ushers to sign, or one parent from each side of the family.

Bachelor party planning

While it is not necessary to have a best man at your wedding, it is common to have one, and they can be a great help in the planning process. One of the best man's key responsibilities is to plan the bachelor party, so if you are forgoing a best man, you will need to find someone else to take on this role.

Bachelor parties are an opportunity for the groom to let off some steam before the wedding, so it's important that the event is well-planned and free of logistical complications. Here are some tips for planning an unforgettable bachelor party:

Location and Timing

It is traditional to hold the bachelor party on the weekend, with the event lasting a full weekend, or even a week in the form of a getaway. It is important to choose a time and location that works for everyone, especially the groom, and to plan in advance to ensure that all the groomsmen can get the time off work and book their travel.

Budget

It is important to be mindful of everyone's budget when planning a bachelor party. If you are planning a trip, try to choose a location that is affordable for everyone, or consider a camping trip or barbecue if you are working with a tight budget.

Activities

The best bachelor parties include a mix of physical activity and drunken debauchery. Even if the groom and groomsmen are not typically active, it is worth planning something outdoorsy like whitewater rafting, touch football, basketball, camping, or skiing. This will bring the group together and work up an appetite for the rest of the festivities.

Food and Drink

It is imperative that you treat the groom to a king's banquet for at least one meal. If you are on a budget, you can grill your own feast at someone's home, or, if you are on the road, you can pick up a cheap grill and cook your own slabs of meat.

Gambling

Many bachelor parties include a trip to a casino, or at least an informal game of poker. If you are planning a destination bachelor party, consider choosing a location with casinos, like Vegas, or a place with outdoor activities and casinos, like a rafting trip in Colorado that ends in the casinos of Black Hawk.

Strip Clubs

It is traditional to include a trip to a strip club as part of the bachelor party. However, it is important to ask the groom if he has the green light from his fiancée and if he actually wants to go. Many guys find strip clubs depressing, so if the groom is not keen on the idea, you can plan some stripper-free activities instead.

Themed Parties

The only theme you need for a bachelor party is hard liquor and pole dancing. Avoid themed parties at all costs.

Groom's pre-wedding support

Grooms pre-wedding support is an important aspect of the wedding planning process, and here are some ways to ensure the groom has the assistance and guidance he needs:

• Choose a best man: The best man is the groom's right-hand man and provides crucial support. He is typically a close friend or relative who can assist with various tasks and be a source of confidence for the groom. If the groom is unable to decide on a single person, he can consider having multiple best men or even a "best woman". Alternatively, the groom can opt to not have a best man at all and instead rely on his groomsmen or other wedding party members.
• Delegate tasks: The best man and groomsmen can take on specific responsibilities to lighten the groom's load. This includes planning the bachelor party, coordinating formalwear, attending pre-wedding events, and providing emotional support. By dividing tasks, the groom can ensure that he has a dedicated team to help him navigate the wedding planning process.
• Communication and organisation: Effective communication between the groom, best man, and groomsmen is essential. The best man, as the leader of the pack, should initiate regular communication to ensure everyone is on the same page. This includes creating text chains, sending reminders about suit orders, and making decisions about the bachelor party. Organisation is key to ensuring that tasks are completed efficiently and on time.
• Emotional support: The wedding planning process can be stressful, and it is important for the groom to have a strong support system in place. The best man and groomsmen should be individuals who can provide emotional support, a listening ear, and help calm any pre-wedding jitters. They should also be able to offer advice and guidance when needed, ensuring the groom feels confident and relaxed leading up to the big day.
• Logistical assistance: The best man and groomsmen can provide practical help with various logistical tasks. This includes transportation arrangements, coordinating with vendors, and ensuring the groom's needs are met on the wedding day. They can also serve as point people for communication between the groom and the rest of the wedding party, allowing the groom to focus on the bigger picture.

By following these suggestions, grooms can ensure they have a solid support system in place during the pre-wedding phase, making the journey to the altar smoother and more enjoyable.

Alternatives to a best man

While it is not mandatory to have a best man at your wedding, it is a role that comes with a lot of responsibilities. If you are considering not having a best man, here are some alternatives to the traditional best man:

Grooms Council

Instead of a best man, you could have a grooms council, where each member has a specific role. For example, you could have a "Turn Up Queen" responsible for getting the party going, or a "Bye Felicia-in-Chief" who has the power to veto any ridiculous suggestions.

Groomsmen

If you are open to having a wedding party but do not want to choose a lead attendant, you can have a group of groomsmen. However, ensure that they can share the responsibilities without a best man.

Best Pup

If you are a dog lover, you can have your dog as your right-hand man as you walk down the aisle. There are pet-sitting companies that can take care of your dog during the wedding.

Sibling or Family Member

You can choose a sibling or any other family member, such as a parent, uncle, grandparent, or cousin, to take on the duties of the best man.

Wedding Planner

A wedding planner can assist with various duties, such as the exchange of wedding day gifts, holding the rings, and ensuring you have your favourite drink.

Parent, Mentor, or Friend

You can ask a parent, mentor, or friend to give a speech instead of the best man. Alternatively, you can choose to have a wedding without a speech and use that time for something else, like dancing.

Frequently asked questions