Ladies' Best Man: A Wedding Entourage Twist

While the role of the best man at a wedding is typically assigned to a male friend or family member of the groom, there is a growing trend of grooms opting for a best woman instead. This shift reflects a modern approach to wedding traditions, where couples are keen to personalise their celebrations and break with convention. Having a best woman acknowledges that the groom's closest friend may be female, and challenges the notion that wedding roles should be strictly divided along gender lines. This evolution in wedding customs has sparked discussions about duties, attire, and social dynamics, but ultimately, the decision to include a best woman comes down to individual choice and comfort.

What to call a female best man?

It is becoming increasingly common for grooms to have a female best man at their wedding. While the role is traditionally filled by a male friend or family member, there is no reason why a woman cannot take on the duties of a best man, such as planning the stag do, assisting with wedding attire shopping, and holding the wedding rings on the day.

When it comes to what to call a female best man, there are several options. Some people refer to the role as the "best woman", while others use terms such as "best lady", "best maid" or "matron". The female best man can also be referred to as the "groom's attendant" or "groom's maid of honour". Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide what title they feel most comfortable with.

It is worth noting that having a female best man may spark some jealousy from the bride, especially if the best woman is an ex-partner. It is important to communicate openly with the bride and ensure that she is comfortable with the choice.

In terms of attire, the best woman can opt to wear a suit or tuxedo that matches the style and colouring of the groomsmen, or she can wear a dress that matches the colour scheme of the bridesmaids. Alternatively, she can wear a dress that matches the colour of the groomsmen.

What if your partner is uncomfortable with it?

If your partner is uncomfortable with you having a female best man, it's important to have an open and honest conversation about their concerns. It's natural for your partner to feel hesitant or uncertain about the idea, especially if it's unconventional or unexpected. Here are some steps you can take to address the situation:

• Communicate openly: Initiate a conversation with your partner to understand their specific concerns. It's important to actively listen and acknowledge their feelings without being defensive. Try to create a safe and non-judgmental space for this discussion.
• Address jealousy or insecurity: If your partner feels jealous or insecure about your close friend of the opposite gender, reassure them of your commitment and love. Explain that this person is important to you and that their presence in your wedding party highlights their value as a friend.
• Provide context: Help your partner understand why you want a female best man. Explain the unique bond you share and why this person is the best choice for the role. Share specific examples of how they have supported you and why their involvement in your wedding is meaningful to you.
• Compromise and flexibility: Explore ways to address your partner's concerns without sacrificing your choice of best man. For example, you could suggest that your female best man wears an outfit that aligns with the colour scheme of the bridesmaids or offer to include your partner in the decision-making process for certain wedding details.
• Involve your partner: Ensure that your partner feels included and valued in the wedding planning process. Sometimes, discomfort can arise from feeling left out or not considered. By actively involving your partner and seeking their input on other aspects of the wedding, you may be able to alleviate some of their concerns.
• Seek mutual understanding: Ultimately, your wedding day is about both of you. While it's important to stand up for what matters to you, try to find a solution that considers your partner's feelings as well. Be willing to make compromises where possible to ensure that your partner also feels respected and heard.
• Pre-wedding counselling: If the issue persists and creates ongoing tension, consider seeking pre-wedding counselling. A professional counsellor can help you both explore your feelings and work through any unresolved issues in a constructive and healthy manner.

Remember, effective communication, empathy, and compromise are key to navigating this situation successfully. It's important to respect your partner's feelings while also staying true to yourself and your choices.

What are the duties of a female best man?

A female best man, also known as a best woman, has a variety of duties and responsibilities. These can vary depending on the couple's preferences and the size of the wedding party. Here is a detailed list of duties that a female best man may be expected to perform:

Before the Wedding

• Assist the groom in choosing the groomsmen's attire and coordinating their ensembles. This may include gathering measurements, placing orders, and deciding whether to rent or buy.
• Help with wedding prep and planning, including logistical details such as booking vendors, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules.
• Plan an epic stag do, taking into account the groom's preferences, budget, and guest list.
• Write and practice the best man's speech, ensuring it is appropriate for the audience and includes all necessary messages and toasts.
• Organise a groomsmen's gift to the groom, which could be a sentimental item such as a vintage bottle of scotch or a personalised watch.
• Finalise fittings for the groom and groomsmen, ensuring their attire is ready and fits well.
• Check in with the groom to provide emotional support and a sounding board for any nerves or wedding anxiety.
• Help with the pre-wedding setup, such as picking up hired items and delivering them to the venue.

On the Wedding Day

• Help the groom get ready on the morning of the wedding and assist with any last-minute tasks.
• Organise the ushers and ensure they have their buttonholes.
• Keep the wedding rings safe and present them during the ceremony when the couple is ready to exchange them.
• Greet the guests with the groom, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere before the ceremony.
• Stand at the altar with the groom during the ceremony.
• Escort the maid of honour out of the ceremony room ahead of the newlyweds' exit.
• Stand in the receiving line at the wedding reception, greeting guests as a key part of the wedding party.
• Help organise wedding photographs by rounding up guests for group photos and appearing in them.
• Act as the master of ceremonies if there isn't a designated toastmaster, announcing key moments such as the couple's arrival, speeches, and cake-cutting.
• Deliver the best man's speech, traditionally given after the father of the bride and/or groom's speech.
• Get the party started by dancing with the maid of honour (if there is one) and encouraging everyone onto the dance floor.

After the Wedding

• Return and clean suits or hired items, ensuring they are dry-cleaned or returned promptly.
• Take care of wedding gifts by safely storing and delivering them to the couple, especially if they go on their honeymoon immediately.

It is important to note that the duties of a female best man can be tailored to the individual and the couple's preferences. Open communication is key to ensuring that everyone is comfortable with the responsibilities assigned.

Can she attend the stag do?

The short answer is yes, women can attend stag dos. In fact, it's becoming increasingly common for stags and hens to be mixed-gender affairs, with some couples even opting for a joint "sten do" or "hag do". Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide how they want to celebrate their last night or weekend of freedom.

If you're the groom and you want to invite women to your stag do, it's a good idea to give the other attendees a heads-up. It's also worth considering whether the planned activities and accommodation are suitable for a mixed-gender group. For example, you might need to book twin rooms and ensure that everyone has someone they feel comfortable sharing with.

If you're a woman who's been invited to a stag do, it's a good idea to chat with the groom about what to expect. You might be the only woman attending, or there might be several other women coming. Either way, it's important to feel comfortable with the group and the planned activities.

Some people might find the idea of mixed-gender stag dos unusual or even unacceptable. However, the most important thing is that the couple and their guests have a good time celebrating the upcoming wedding. Traditions are evolving, and it's becoming more common for people to plan celebrations that include all of their closest friends, regardless of gender.

What should she wear?

When it comes to what a female best man should wear, there are a few options to consider. Ultimately, it is up to the best woman to decide what she feels comfortable wearing. Here are some ideas:

Female Tuxedo or Suit

The best woman could opt for a female tuxedo or a suit. This option would typically match the style and colouring of the other groomsmen. This choice aligns with the idea of "messing around with males in female roles and vice versa," as mentioned by Kelly Chandler, director of the UK Alliance of Wedding Planners.

Matching the Bridesmaids

If the best woman is close to the bride, she might prefer to wear a dress that matches the bridesmaids' outfits. This option adds a unique twist while still maintaining the traditional distinction between the groom's and bride's sides.

Colour-Coordinated Dress

A third option is for the best woman to wear a dress that matches the colour scheme of the groomsmen. This choice allows her to stand out as part of the groom's party while also feeling comfortable in a dress.

Creative Alternatives

Some best women choose to put their own creative spin on their attire. For example, one best woman wore a fitted tuxedo, adding a touch of humour and comedy value to the wedding. Alternatively, a jumpsuit in the same colour as the groomsmen's suits is another unique option.

Mixed and Matched

In some weddings, the best woman chooses to mix and match her outfit with both the groomsmen and bridesmaids. For instance, she could wear a suit in the same colour as the groomsmen but with accessories that match the bridesmaids' colour scheme.

Ultimately, the decision is a personal one, and the most important factor is that the best woman feels comfortable and confident in her chosen attire.

Frequently asked questions