Franklin Dean
The role of the best man at a wedding is steeped in history, and thankfully, it has evolved over time. The tradition of a best man likely originated with the Germanic Goths in Medieval Germany, where men would capture or kidnap their brides-to-be from neighbouring communities with the help of a male companion. This companion, chosen for their swordsmanship skills, would become the best man, tasked with protecting the groom and bride from the bride's family or other suitors. Today, the best man's duties are far less violent, focusing on supporting the groom, organising events, and delivering a memorable speech.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Origin | Germanic Goths, 16th century |
| Role | To assist the groom in kidnapping the bride from a neighbouring community |
| Reason | Women from the same community were in short supply |
| Post-Kidnapping Role | To fend off attackers and the bride's family, to stand guard at the newlyweds' home |
| Modern Role | To make sure the day runs smoothly, organise seating, help the groom with nerves, ensure the groom doesn't party too hard, give a speech, guard the rings |
| Etymology | The best man was the "best" at handling a sword |
What You'll Learn
The best man's role in the marriage by capture
The role of the best man is believed to have originated in the 16th century, with Germanic Goths, or even earlier, in Gothic Germany (0-200 AD). In this era, it was customary for a man to marry a woman from his own community. However, when women became scarce locally, eligible bachelors had to venture out to capture a bride from a neighbouring community.
The best man was chosen to assist the groom in this capture. The future groom would select the best man for the job, who would be heavily armed and remain by the groom's side throughout the marriage ceremony. The best man's role was to help fend off any attackers, including the bride's family, who might try to recapture her. This tradition is reflected in modern weddings, where it is customary for men to wear swords, and for the groom and best man to stand on the bride's left side, keeping their sword hand free.
In some cases, the best man and groomsmen, also known as "bride's knights", would kidnap the bride from disapproving relatives to join her with the man she loved. In other instances, they were the bride's kidnappers, taking her by force to be married against her will. The best man would stand next to the bride during the ceremony to prevent her from running away or being taken by other suitors or family members.
The role of the best man has evolved over time, and today, he is more focused on ensuring the groom's wedding day runs smoothly. He assists the groom, organises the bachelor party, safeguards the wedding rings, and delivers a speech at the reception.
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The best man's duties in modern times
Planning and Preparation
The best man is often involved in planning pre-wedding events such as the bachelor party or stag do. They help choose the groom's outfit and coordinate the outfits of the groomsmen. The best man also plays a role in organising gifts for the bridesmaids and the groom. Additionally, they may be responsible for arranging transportation for the wedding day and ensuring the groomsmen are informed about the timeline of events.
On the Wedding Day
The best man is the groom's right-hand man, providing assistance and support throughout the day. This includes helping the groom get ready, delivering letters or gifts, and ensuring the groom stays calm and well-hydrated. One of the most important duties is safeguarding the wedding rings until it's time for the exchange of vows. During the ceremony, the best man stands next to the groom at the altar and may act as a legal witness by signing the marriage certificate.
At the Reception
The best man acts as an unofficial host at the reception, ensuring guests are enjoying themselves and that the wedding party knows where to be and when. They may also be tasked with collecting gifts and cards from guests. One of the most anticipated moments is the best man's speech, which is typically light-hearted and includes a few good-natured jokes at the groom's expense.
Post-Wedding Tasks
After the wedding, the best man may assist with various tasks such as tipping vendors, transporting gifts, and returning any rented attire.
While the role of the best man has evolved over time, it remains a significant honour and a demonstration of the groom's trust and friendship.
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The origin of the term best man
The role of the best man at weddings is steeped in history and tradition. The term "best man" and the traditions around it are believed to have originated in medieval times, with some sources citing the 16th century and others dating the practice back to pre-medieval times.
During this era, women often faced cultural restrictions and were sometimes forcibly kept at home under close watch. In some cases, men had to resort to stealing or abducting their brides-to-be if their families disapproved of the match. This practice, known as "marriage by capture," is thought to have started as early as Biblical times and sadly still occurs in various parts of the world today.
The best man, as the name suggests, was the "best" or most skilled swordsman, chosen to assist the groom in capturing the bride. The best man would help fend off any attackers, including the bride's family or other suitors, and ensure that the bride made it to the wedding. He would be heavily armed and remain by the groom's side throughout the marriage ceremony, even standing guard at the newlyweds' bedroom door.
In addition to his role in the capture, the best man also served as the chief assistant to the groom. He would help with various tasks, such as safeguarding the wedding rings, planning celebrations, and delivering a speech at the reception. The earliest surviving written use of the term "best man" is from 1782, where it was noted that "best man and best maid" in the Scottish dialect are equivalent to "bride-man and bride-maid" in England.
Today, the role of the best man has evolved into a more honourable position, typically held by a close friend or relative of the groom. While the specific duties may vary across different cultures, the best man is generally expected to assist the groom on the wedding day, organise celebrations like a bachelor party, and provide emotional support.
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The best man's role in different cultures
The role of the best man differs across various cultures and societies. Here is a look at some of these differences:
Zambia
In Zambia, the best man is expected to lead processions at the wedding and preliminary events, including pre-wedding dance rehearsals. He is also expected to give an outstanding and outlandish dance performance on the wedding day.
Uganda
In Uganda, the best man is expected to guide the newlyweds in the ways of marriage. This means that, ideally, a best man must be married, preferably to one wife, and should be in a position to give sound and tested advice. He must also be a confidant and discreet about the details he shares with the new couple.
Bhutan
In Bhutan, the best man presents himself at the wedding as a ceremonial guardian to both the bride and groom. He then entertains the guests, sometimes for several hours.
Greece
In Eastern Orthodox weddings in Greece, the best man is often also the koumbaros, or religious sponsor. The koumbaros (or koumbara, if a woman) is an honoured participant who crowns the couple and participates in circling the altar three times. Sometimes, this person also pays for most of the wedding expenses.
Ukraine
In Ukraine, the best man is responsible for guarding the bride during the wedding festivities. In a traditional wedding, when the best man or the groom stepped away, the bride was "kidnapped" or had a shoe stolen, and they had to pay a ransom for her return. This custom is less common nowadays due to frequent conflicts over the expected sum of money.
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The evolution of the best man's role
The role of the best man has evolved significantly over the years, from assisting in the "capture" of the bride to being the chief assistant to the groom at a wedding.
Medieval Times
In medieval times, the best man played a role in assisting the groom in "capturing" the bride, particularly if she was being taken from her family against their wishes. This practice was common among the Germanic Goths and continued into the 16th century in Britain. The best man would help the groom and his entourage kidnap the bride from her home and then protect the couple from any attackers, including the bride's family. This often involved the use of weapons, including swords, and the best man would remain armed and at the groom's side throughout the marriage ceremony.
Modern Times
Today, the best man's role has shifted to a more supportive and honorary position. He is typically a close friend or relative of the groom, chosen to stand by his side and provide assistance throughout the wedding process. The best man's duties often include organising the bachelor party, safeguarding the wedding rings, delivering a speech at the reception, and ensuring the groom's day runs smoothly. In some cultures, the best man may also be expected to lead processions at the wedding and related events, provide marital advice to the newlyweds, or entertain the wedding guests.
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Frequently asked questions
The best man is the chief assistant to the groom at a wedding. He is usually a close friend or relative of the groom and is responsible for organising the bachelor party, safeguarding the wedding rings, delivering a speech, and assisting the groom on the wedding day.
The tradition of the best man is believed to have originated in Gothic Germany (0-200 AD) or medieval times. Back then, it was customary for a man to marry a woman from within his own community. When women became scarce locally, bachelors would have to seek out and capture a bride from a neighbouring community. This was not a one-man job, so the best man would help the groom with the kidnapping.
In the past, the best man was responsible for helping the groom kidnap the bride and then protecting them both from her family or other suitors. The best man was typically chosen for his swordsmanship and would be heavily armed throughout the marriage ceremony.
The groom usually selects close friends and relatives to serve as groomsmen and then chooses one to be the best man. Groomsmen have similar roles to the best man, including helping guests find their places before the ceremony and participating in local traditions such as decorating the newlywed couple's car.
