Wedding Invite Etiquette: Son's Girlfriend

Wedding planning can be a stressful time, especially when it comes to the guest list. One of the most common dilemmas is whether to invite a son's girlfriend to the wedding. On the one hand, you want to include your son's significant other and make her feel welcomed into the family. On the other hand, you may have concerns about the seriousness of their relationship or worry about setting a precedent for future events.

It is essential to consider the nature of your son's relationship. If they have been dating for a considerable period, are living together, or are engaged, it is generally appropriate to include her in the wedding invitation. However, if their relationship is relatively new or uncertain, you may opt to exclude her from the guest list.

Another factor to contemplate is the size of your wedding and the availability of seats. If space is limited, it may be necessary to exclude some guests, including your son's girlfriend, to accommodate those closest to you.

Ultimately, the decision rests with you and your son. Communicate openly with him about your concerns and preferences. Remember that this is your special day, and you should feel comfortable with the guest list.

Wedding invitation etiquette for parents

Wedding planning can be a tricky process, especially when it comes to navigating the complexities of wedding invitation etiquette. Here are some guidelines for parents to consider when sending out wedding invitations:

Inviting Guests with Children:

It is generally considered impolite to explicitly state "adults-only" on wedding invitations. The accepted way to indicate that children are not invited is to omit their names from the invitation envelope. If you want to be more explicit, you can include a note in the save-the-date cards or additional materials, politely informing parents that children won't be included and suggesting they make babysitting arrangements.

Addressing Invitations to Families:

When addressing invitations to families with children under 18, the outer envelope should include only the parent(s)' names. The inner envelope is where you list the names of each child, with girls under 18 addressed as "Miss." Boys don't need a title until they turn 16, at which point they can be addressed as "Mr."

Inviting Unmarried Couples:

For unmarried couples living together, list their names separately on the outer envelope, with each name on its own line. On the inner envelope, you can address them more informally, using only their first names if that suits the tone of your wedding. If the couple doesn't live together, it is customary to send separate invitations to each guest.

Inviting Married Couples:

When inviting a married couple, put their names on the same line on the outer envelope. If they have different last names, list the names alphabetically or based on your closeness to each individual. On the inner envelope, you can be less formal, using only their first names if that suits the style of your wedding.

Inviting Guests with Distinguished Titles:

If a guest has a distinguished title, such as a doctor, lawyer, judge, or military personnel, it is proper etiquette to address them by that title on the invitation envelope. If you are inviting a couple and both guests have special titles, list their names alphabetically or with the person you are closest to first.

Plus-One Etiquette:

Once people are publicly recognised as a couple, whether by marriage, engagement, or living together, they should be invited as a unit. It is generally considered good etiquette to include spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners on wedding invitations. For long-term couples who don't live together, you may set a cutoff, such as only inviting partners if they have been dating for over a year.

Inviting Adult Children's Partners:

If your adult child has a long-term partner, it is appropriate to include them in the wedding invitation. However, if your child is in a new or less serious relationship, you may choose not to include their partner, especially if you are tight on space. Communication is key; discuss the situation with your child and set clear boundaries.

Dividing the Guest List:

Traditionally, the wedding guest list is divided into thirds: one-third guests of the bride's parents, one-third guests of the groom's parents, and one-third guests of the couple. However, this rule doesn't always apply, and guest lists often develop naturally. If one set of parents wants to invite more guests, they should contribute to the added costs or be prepared to make tough decisions and cut down their list.

Inviting long-term partners

When it comes to inviting long-term partners, it is important to remember that wedding planning is an exercise in boundary-setting. The first step is to figure out your personal boundary regarding your son's girlfriend. Once you have decided on your boundary, it is crucial to communicate it clearly and kindly to your son. This is especially important if your son assumes that his girlfriend is invited due to their long-term relationship.

If your son's girlfriend is not invited, it is appropriate to respectfully ask the couple if they can accommodate a plus-one for your son. However, keep in mind that you cannot change a wedding invitation to include a plus-one. If your son gets engaged before the wedding, the couple might feel embarrassed for not including the fiancée in the invitation. In this case, it is essential to avoid rushing an engagement just to accommodate the plus-one.

When addressing wedding invitations to dating couples, it is recommended to send separate invitations to each individual, regardless of their living situation. This ensures that each guest feels valued and respected. If you are close to both partners, you can send a single invitation addressed to both of them. However, it is essential to avoid making assumptions about the relationship and to respect your son's wishes regarding his girlfriend's inclusion.

How to address the envelope

When addressing wedding invitations, it's important to follow certain guidelines to ensure formality and respect for your guests' identities. Here are some tips on how to address the envelope for your son's girlfriend:

Outer Envelope:

The outer envelope is more formal and includes the mailing address, postage, and return address. When addressing your son's girlfriend, use her full name and preferred title. If she is over 18, "Ms." is appropriate. If she is under 18, you can use "Miss."

Example: "Ms. Jane Smith" or "Miss Jane Smith" (if under 18)

Inner Envelope:

The inner envelope is more informal and includes only the recipients' names. You can use first names only or a combination of titles and last names.

Example: "Jane" or "Ms. Smith"

Unmarried Couple Living Together:

If your son and his girlfriend live together but are unmarried, their names should be listed separately on two lines without the conjoining "and." The woman's name usually comes first.

Example: "Ms. Jane Smith" (on one line)

"Mr. John Doe" (on the next line)

Including a Plus-One:

If your son's girlfriend is invited as your son's plus-one, you can simply write "and guest" after your son's name on the outer envelope. On the inner envelope, include both their first names.

Outer envelope: "Mr. John Doe and guest"

Inner envelope: "John and Jane"

Remember, these are just guidelines, and you can adapt them to fit your preferences and the level of formality of your wedding.

Seating arrangements

Start Early

It's a good idea to begin thinking about seating arrangements early on in the planning process. This will give you time to experiment with different configurations and make changes if needed.

Consider the Venue Layout

Obtain a floor plan of the venue and consider the shapes and sizes of the tables, the location of the dance floor, and other details. This will help you determine how many tables you need and how many people can sit at each one.

Seat VIPs First

Start by seating the wedding couple, followed by the bridal party, parents or guardians, and other VIPs. The couple should be seated near the centre so they can easily be seen by all guests.

Group Guests by Relationship

Try to seat guests together with others who share similar interests or relationships. For example, seat college friends together or put a friend attending alone with strong conversationalists. Avoid seating couples across from each other with an obstructive centerpiece.

Special Considerations

Make sure to accommodate any guests with disabilities, such as those in wheelchairs, by providing clear access to the dance floor and exit. Seat older guests away from loud music and consider having a separate table for them. If there are many children attending, create a kids' table close to their parents' tables.

Use a Seating Chart

A seating chart is recommended for weddings with more than 50 guests or seated dining. It helps to reduce anxiety for guests and prevents bottlenecks after the buffet. You can list guests on the seating chart alphabetically or by table, but alphabetical listing is generally more efficient for larger groups.

Be Accommodating

Remember that not everyone will be happy with the seating arrangements, but as long as the couple is satisfied, that's what matters most. Be willing to make changes if needed to accommodate guests' preferences and comfort.

Including them in the wedding party

When it comes to including your son's girlfriend in the wedding party, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it is important to assess the seriousness of their relationship. If they have been dating for a significant amount of time and are committed to each other, it would be appropriate to include her in the wedding invitation. However, if their relationship is relatively new or casual, it may not be necessary to include her in the wedding party. Ultimately, it is your decision whether or not to include her, and you should communicate your decision clearly and kindly.

If you decide to include your son's girlfriend in the wedding party, there are a few ways to do so. One option is to list her as a plus one on your son's invitation. This way, she will be officially invited to the wedding and can accompany your son. Another option is to give her a specific role in the wedding party, such as a bridesmaid or groomsman. This would involve including her in the wedding planning and festivities more intimately.

It is also important to consider the dynamics between your son and his girlfriend, as well as their relationship with the rest of the family. If they have a strong bond and are well-integrated into each other's families, including her in the wedding party can be a meaningful way to honour their relationship. However, if there are tensions or conflicts within the family, it may be best to keep the wedding party more intimate and limited to close family and friends.

When making your decision, it is crucial to communicate openly and respectfully with your son and his girlfriend. Explain your reasoning behind the decision and be willing to listen to their thoughts and concerns. It is also important to involve your son in the decision-making process, as it is his wedding too. Ultimately, the goal is to create a harmonious and joyful celebration that includes the people who are most important to you and your son.

Frequently asked questions