Including Plus Ones: Wedding Invite Etiquette For Couples

Planning a wedding guest list can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to deciding who gets a plus one. While there are no set rules, there are some best practices and etiquette guidelines to follow. It's important to consider your budget, the venue capacity, and your vision for the day when making decisions about plus ones. In general, married, engaged, and cohabitating guests traditionally receive a plus one, as do members of the wedding party and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees.

Addressing the envelope

When addressing the envelope of a wedding invitation, there are a few options to indicate that the guest has a plus one. The traditional way is to include an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope is addressed to the recipient, and the inner envelope lists the names of those invited, such as children or plus-ones. However, this is not always practical, especially with more modern invitations.

If you are using a single envelope, there are a few ways to indicate a plus one. One way is to write the guest's name and then "and guest". This is a clear and simple way to indicate that the guest is allowed to bring a plus one. Another option is to include a note at the bottom of the card or on the back of the invitation, stating "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one". This approach allows you to invite your guest and inform them of the plus one without putting "and guest" on the envelope.

If you know the name of the plus one, it is best to include it on the envelope. This adds a personal touch and ensures that your guest knows who is invited. It is also a good idea to ask for the name of the plus one when you receive the RSVP to help with seating arrangements and place cards.

When addressing the envelope, it is important to be consistent, especially if you are offering some guests plus ones and not others. This will help to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.

Married, engaged, and cohabiting guests

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, the general rule of thumb is that spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest should receive an invitation. This is a widely accepted norm in wedding etiquette, as explained by Anne and Lizzie Post in Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette. According to them, "even if you've never met or they are not your favorite people, your guest is part of a package deal."

So, when inviting married, engaged, or cohabiting guests, it is customary to include both partners in the invitation. Here are some guidelines to follow when addressing these invitations:

• Include Both Names on the Envelope: On the outer envelope, write the names of both partners, such as "Mrs. Valerie Smith and Mrs. Hannah Woods." This clearly indicates that both individuals are invited as a couple.
• Address Them as a Unit: If you are using only one envelope or sending an online invitation, address the invite to the couple by using "and." For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith."
• Be Mindful of Seating Arrangements: When creating your seating plan, be mindful of the dynamics between couples and single guests. Avoid seating singles next to PDA-heavy couples or old married couples, as this can be uncomfortable for them. Instead, seat them between friendly, outgoing couples to encourage a communal feel.
• Consider the Social Dynamics: When deciding on plus-ones, think about how it will impact the social dynamics of the evening and your seating chart. You want to create an enjoyable experience for all your guests.
• Be Consistent: If you offer a plus-one to one married, engaged, or cohabiting guest, it is advisable to extend the same courtesy to others in similar situations to avoid any hint of favoritism.
• Know Their Names: Make an effort to know the names of your guests' plus-ones, especially if they are in a serious relationship. This way, you can address the invitation correctly and make them feel included.

Remember, the key is to be thoughtful and considerate when addressing invitations to married, engaged, or cohabiting guests. By following these guidelines, you can ensure that your guests feel welcomed and valued, contributing to a memorable celebration for all.

Bridal party members

As a rule of thumb, everyone in the bridal party should receive a plus-one, regardless of their relationship status. This includes bridesmaids, groomsmen, the maid of honour, and the best man. The bridal party has likely dedicated a lot of time, energy, and money to your wedding, so it is a nice gesture to allow them to bring a guest.

If you are concerned about costs, it is worth noting that weddings are expensive for the bridal party too. They have probably spent a lot of money on attire, travel, and accommodation, so allowing them to bring a plus-one is a small token of appreciation.

When it comes to addressing the invitations, write the name of the bridal party member on the outer envelope and then add "and Guest" to the inner envelope. If you know the name of their plus-one, you can include it on the outer and inner envelopes.

If you are unable to offer every guest a plus-one, it is important to be consistent. If one person in the bridal party is offered a plus-one, every single person in the bridal party should be offered the same thing. This eliminates any favouritism.

If you are unable to offer any guests a plus-one, don't worry! It is your wedding day, so ultimately the decision is up to you and your partner.

Guests who don't know many others

Deciding on your guest list for your wedding can be a stressful task, especially when it comes to plus-ones. While there are no set rules, there are some best practices to help make the process easier.

If you have an unlimited budget and ample space, you could offer every guest a plus-one. However, for most couples, budget and space are limited, so offering every guest a plus-one is not an option. It's important to keep your budget, your vision of the day, and your guests' needs in mind.

If you are unable to accommodate a plus-one for every guest, it is common to extend plus-one privileges to guests who don't know many other attendees so they don't feel out of place or lonely. This is entirely up to your discretion, but it is a thoughtful gesture that can make your guests feel more comfortable.

• Establish clear criteria: Decide on your own rules and be consistent. For example, if one person in the wedding party is offered a plus-one, offer the same to everyone in the wedding party.
• Be mindful of dynamics: Consider how offering a plus-one might affect the social dynamics of the evening and your seating chart.
• Communicate clearly: On the invitation, write the guest's name and "and guest" if they are invited to bring a plus-one. You can also include a note inside the invitation or on the RSVP card.
• Handle requests gracefully: If a guest who wasn't offered a plus-one reaches out, be polite and consistent in your response. You can say something like, “We would have loved to include everyone, but this is a very intimate affair.”
• Be thoughtful with seating arrangements: Seat guests without many connections between friendly and outgoing couples to create a communal feel and help them meet people.

Remember, your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want. By offering plus-ones to guests who don't know many others, you can help ensure that everyone has a wonderful time during your celebration.

RSVP and seating arrangements

When it comes to RSVPs and plus ones, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure smooth planning and happy guests. Firstly, it's important to be clear about the number of seats reserved per invitation to manage your guests' expectations and avoid confusion. This can be done by including a line such as "X seats have been reserved in your honour" on the RSVP card. You can also list the names of the invited guests and provide tick boxes for attendance, which helps to further clarify who is invited and reduce the risk of extra guests being added.

Another important aspect is how you address the invitations. The traditional way to indicate a plus one is to write the guest's name followed by "and guest" on the outer envelope. If you are using inner envelopes, you can list the names of all invitees, including the plus one, on the inner envelope. For modern invitations with only one envelope, be sure to address all invitees clearly, using full names if possible. If you are allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write the guest's name followed by "and guest".

In terms of seating arrangements, it's important to create a comfortable dynamic for solo guests. Instead of a "singles-only" table, which might make them feel corralled, try placing them between friendly, outgoing couples they are likely to get along with. This will foster a more communal feel and help them meet people organically.

Finally, be prepared for guests to ask about bringing a plus one, especially if they are in a new or serious relationship. It's recommended to handle these requests individually and consider your budget, venue capacity, and the overall environment you wish to create for your wedding day. If you decide to decline, do so kindly and personally, either over the phone or in person.

Frequently asked questions