Should You Invite Your College Roommate To Your Wedding?

When it comes to wedding guest lists, it's only natural to wonder where to draw the line. Do you invite college roommates? What if you're not that close? It's a tricky situation, and one that many people face. The decision can be influenced by various factors, such as the nature of your relationship, budget constraints, and potential future interactions. While some may argue that it's polite to extend an invitation to roommates, others may suggest that it's unnecessary if you don't envision a lasting friendship beyond your living arrangement. Ultimately, the choice is yours, and it's essential to consider your own preferences and circumstances when deciding whether to include college roommates on your special day.

Budget constraints

• Assess the importance of having your college roommate at your wedding. Consider the nature of your relationship and whether you envision maintaining a close connection in the future. If you don't foresee a lasting friendship, it may be more cost-effective to allocate those funds elsewhere.
• Be mindful of the additional costs associated with inviting your college roommate and their potential plus-ones. The average cost of wedding invitations and stationery is $530, and this increases with the number of invitees. Additionally, catering costs can be a significant expense, with the average couple spending around $13,500 on food and drinks for their guests.
• Evaluate your guest list and budget allocation. If inviting your college roommate means exceeding your budget or compromising other aspects of your wedding, it may be more prudent to exclude them from the guest list.
• Consider the potential for future closeness. If your wedding is not in the near future, there may be an opportunity to develop a stronger bond with your college roommate before the big day arrives. This could influence your decision and make them feel more included.
• Discuss your budget constraints openly with your college roommate. They may understand your financial limitations and not take offence at not receiving an invitation. Transparency can help manage expectations and avoid any potential awkwardness.
• Weigh the potential benefits of inviting your college roommate against the financial implications. Inviting them could strengthen your relationship and create a memorable experience, but it's crucial to ensure that your budget can accommodate this without causing undue strain.

Maintaining relationships post-wedding

Planning a wedding can be a stressful time, and it's easy to let the excitement and challenges of wedding planning take over your life. However, it's important to maintain your relationship with your partner during this time and keep the romance alive. Here are some ways to do that:

• Keep dating each other. Novelty is important, so seek new shared experiences, whether it's trying a new restaurant or travelling to a foreign country.
• Surprise each other with small gestures of love and affection. For example, leave love notes, send a picture when you see something that reminds you of them, or deliver a bouquet of flowers to their office.
• Prioritise your spouse. Make your partner your number one priority, and focus on their emotional well-being. Women, in particular, value emotional attachments.
• Create time for one another. Opt for a nanny to take care of the children while you go for a romantic holiday. Or, if that's not possible, schedule time at home when it's just the two of you.
• Focus on little acts of love. Treat your spouse with tender loving care, and don't forget to celebrate special days like birthdays and your anniversary.
• Experiment with sex. Send a steamy photo, try new sex positions, or do it in different places in the house.
• Communicate and compromise. Take the time to listen to and understand your partner's wishes, and express your own, so that you can come to an agreement.
• Set family boundaries. Wedding planning can bring out the best and worst in families. Remember that you and your partner are a team, and set collective boundaries as a couple.
• Give each other space to destress. Wedding planning is stressful, so make sure you're both taking care of yourselves and continuing with your usual self-care routines.
• Define your shared values. Discuss your shared vision for the wedding and your future life together, including how often you'll see your parents and siblings, and what constitutes a worthwhile financial investment.

Remember, it's normal for relationships to evolve, and it's the responsibility of both partners to shape and invest in the relationship.

Avoiding temporary awkwardness

Weddings are a time of celebration, but they can also be a source of stress and anxiety, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. It's natural to want to avoid any potential awkwardness with your college roommate, but it's important to consider your relationship and the context before extending an invitation.

If you have a good relationship with your college roommate and you're on friendly terms, it may be a nice gesture to invite them to your wedding. This can be a way to show your appreciation for your time together and avoid any potential awkwardness that may arise from not inviting them. However, it's important to remember that you are not obligated to invite them, especially if you don't have a close relationship or if doing so would cause financial strain.

When deciding whether to invite your college roommate, consider the following:

• The nature of your relationship: Ask yourself how close you are to your college roommate. If you consider them a good friend and want them to share in your special day, an invitation would likely be well-received. On the other hand, if your relationship is more distant or purely out of convenience, you may not feel the same pressure to invite them.
• Your wedding guest list: Evaluate your guest list and the number of people you can accommodate. If you have a limited number of seats available, you may need to prioritize closer friends and family members over college roommates.
• Financial considerations: Weddings can be expensive, and the cost per guest can add up quickly. Consider your budget and whether you can afford to invite additional people. If you're on a tight budget, it may be more practical to allocate those resources elsewhere.
• Potential for future relationship: Think about whether you envision maintaining a relationship with your college roommate after you part ways. If you see yourself staying in touch and hanging out regularly, an invitation could be a way to strengthen that bond. However, if you don't foresee a long-term friendship, the pressure to invite them may be lessened.
• Communication is key: If you're unsure about what to do, honest communication can help. Consider talking to your college roommate about your wedding plans and gauge their reaction. They may understand if you're unable to invite them due to budget or space constraints. Open communication can help manage expectations and avoid any potential hurt feelings.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and surrounding yourself with the people who matter most to you. While it's natural to want to avoid temporary awkwardness, don't feel pressured to invite anyone out of obligation. Trust your instincts, and make decisions that align with your values and budget.

Plus-ones

When it comes to plus-ones, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it is important to check the envelope of your invitation. If it says your name "and guest", then you are free to bring a plus-one. This can be a significant other, a friend, a roommate, or a family member. However, if the envelope only has your name, then you are not invited to bring a plus-one. It can be tricky when you don't know anyone at the wedding, but it is perfectly acceptable not to bring a plus-one in this case.

If you are invited to bring a plus-one, it is important to fill out the RSVP card and return it promptly. This helps the couple plan the seating chart and ensure there is enough food for everyone. It is also respectful to inform the couple if your plans change and you can no longer attend, so they can make the necessary adjustments.

In terms of college roommates as plus-ones, it is generally not necessary to invite them unless you are close friends. If you have a good relationship and want to include them in your special day, then by all means, do so. However, if it is purely a roommate situation with no strong friendship, you are not obligated to invite them. This is especially true if you are trying to keep your guest list small or have budget constraints.

When deciding whether to invite a college roommate as a plus-one, consider the nature of your relationship. Will you still be in contact and hang out regularly after you no longer live together? If not, then it may not be necessary to invite them. However, if you are on the fence, you can always wait until the formal invites to gauge the relationship and make a decision at that time. Ultimately, it is your wedding, and you should invite the people you want to celebrate with, without feeling obligated to include everyone.

Gift expectations

When it comes to gift-giving at weddings, there are a few etiquette rules to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use the couple's wedding registry as a guide. This will help you choose a gift that the couple truly wants or needs, and it will also ensure that you don't accidentally get them something they already have. If you want to go off-registry, make sure it is something you know they will absolutely love.

The amount you spend on a wedding gift should depend on a few factors, such as how well you know the couple, how far you are travelling for the wedding, and your budget. The average wedding gift amount is $100, but you can adjust this amount up or down depending on your relationship with the couple. For example, if you are close friends or family, you might spend more, whereas if you are a distant acquaintance or coworker, you might spend less.

It is also acceptable to give cash as a wedding gift, especially if the couple is older and already has a well-stocked home. If you are giving cash, it is best to send it ahead of time or transfer it digitally, rather than bringing it to the wedding, as it can easily get misplaced during the event.

If you are unable to attend the wedding, it is still considered good etiquette to send a gift. However, you can spend less than you might have if you were attending in person.

When it comes to the timing of giving a gift, the ideal timeframe is two weeks before the wedding. This way, the couple doesn't have to hold onto it for too long, and they can incorporate it into their home by the time they return from their honeymoon. If you can't manage that, sending the gift within three months after the wedding is also acceptable.

In terms of group gifts, it is perfectly fine to join forces with other guests, especially if there are big-ticket items on the registry that you know the couple would love. This can also be a great option for bridesmaids and groomsmen who have already spent a lot on the wedding.

Lastly, if you are attending a destination wedding, it is not necessary to bring a gift with you. Instead, send it to the couple's home in advance or give it to them digitally.

Frequently asked questions