While there is no best man concept in China, groomsmen are still an important part of the wedding ceremony. In a traditional Chinese wedding, the best man is expected to stay by the groom's side all day, helping him get ready in the morning and accompanying him to the bride's house, where he will be tested by the bridesmaids. The best man also has the important duty of drinking in the groom's place if he gets too drunk. Both the best man and the bridesmaids make toasts at the wedding reception, with a short speech about the couple.
Characteristics | Values |
---|---|
Best man's duties | Posing for photos, helping people take photos, drinking in the groom's place, helping the groom with tasks |
Best man's speech | Should be kept short, include anecdotes, and be conservative in what is said |
Best man's attire | Suit, or traditional Chinese shirt (red or yellow preferred) |
What You'll Learn
The role of the best man in Chinese weddings
The best man at a Chinese wedding is usually a close friend or relative of the groom. In traditional Chinese weddings, the best man must be unmarried, but this is not always the case nowadays. The best man is expected to stay by the groom's side throughout the day, starting early in the morning when the groom gets dressed.
The "Kidnapping the Bride" Ceremony
One of the best man's key roles is to accompany the groom to the bride's house, where they must "steal" her by completing a series of tasks set by the bridesmaids. These tasks can include answering questions about the bride, performing physical activities, or drinking in the groom's place. The best man often steps in to support the groom in completing these tasks.
During the Wedding Ceremony
The best man also has a role in the wedding ceremony itself. He stands with the groom at the entrance of the reception and on stage in front of the guests. He may also be expected to drink with the groom as they toast each table.
Gifts and Attire
It is customary for the best man to give a gift of cash to the couple, typically in a "red envelope." As for attire, a suit is generally recommended, although traditional Chinese attire may also be appropriate depending on the style of the wedding.
The Best Man's Speech
While there does not appear to be a strong tradition of best man speeches in Chinese weddings, it is not uncommon for the best man to give a short speech about the couple during the reception. If the best man is not a native Chinese speaker, it is advisable to have an interpreter on hand and to provide a copy of the speech in advance.
Overall, the role of the best man in a Chinese wedding is to support the groom before, during, and after the ceremony, ensuring that the day runs smoothly and that the groom is well-represented.
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Traditions and customs in Chinese weddings
Chinese weddings are steeped in tradition and customs, with rituals that have been passed down for over 2,400 years. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to Chinese weddings, as regional variations and ethnic differences come into play, there are several common threads that unite Chinese wedding traditions. Here is an overview of some of the most prominent traditions and customs:
Ancient Marriage Customs
Chinese marriage customs are rooted in a complex ritual that has evolved over time. In ancient times, a go-between would act as a liaison between the families, with the parents taking centre stage in proposal and betrothal negotiations. The process involved an exchange of gifts, including tea, cakes, poultry, and sweetmeats, and the presentation of the bride's birth date and hour for astrological evaluation. The betrothal period could last for a year or two, or until the children reached marriageable age if they were betrothed as children.
Wedding Preparations
The bride-to-be would traditionally retreat and live in seclusion before the wedding, a practice known as "retreating to the cock loft." During this time, she would mourn her separation from her family and friends through songs and laments. Meanwhile, the groom's family would install the bridal bed, a ritual meant to bring good luck and fertility. Children would be invited to jump on the bed, and it would be adorned with fruits and seeds, symbolising fertility.
The Wedding Day
On the wedding day, the bride would undergo the "Hair Dressing" ritual, where a "good luck woman" would style her hair in the manner of a married woman. The bride would then be carried to the main hall, where she would don a jacket, a red skirt, and red shoes. The groom, on the other hand, would perform the "Capping" ritual, where he would dress in a long gown, red shoes, and a red silk sash, and his father would place a cypress-decorated cap on his head.
The groom's procession to the bride's house would be marked by firecrackers, gongs, and drums, with the groom accompanied by a child, symbolising future sons. Upon reaching the bride's house, the groom and his groomsmen would have to undergo "door games" or "gate-crashing," where they would be tested and challenged by the bridesmaids before being allowed to see the bride.
The Tea Ceremony
The tea ceremony is a significant component of Chinese weddings, where the couple serves tea to their parents and elders as a sign of respect. The tea is often paired with lotus seeds and red dates, symbolising sweetness and future heirs. This ritual is considered a formal introduction of the families and is followed by the exchange of lucky red envelopes, known as "hong bao," containing money or jewellery.
Auspicious Colours and Symbols
Red and gold are the predominant colours in Chinese weddings, with red symbolising success, loyalty, honour, fertility, and love. The bride typically wears a red dress, known as "qipao" in Mandarin and "cheongsam" in Cantonese. The double happiness symbol, "shuāngxǐ," is also prominently featured in decorations and stationery.
The Wedding Banquet
The wedding banquet is a lavish affair, often consisting of a 10-course meal. Abalone and fish are commonly served, symbolising good luck, prosperity, and abundance. The banquet includes speeches, songs, and slideshows honouring the couple and their parents. It is customary for the couple to visit the bride's family three days after the wedding, where the bride is received as a guest.
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The importance of family in Chinese wedding culture
Family plays a crucial role in Chinese wedding culture, with the union of two people also representing the joining of two families. This is reflected in the various rituals and traditions that take place during the wedding ceremony and the days leading up to it.
One of the most important aspects of a Chinese wedding is the tea ceremony, which is considered a sign of marriage in the eyes of Chinese tradition. During this ceremony, the couple serves tea to their parents and other elders in the family as a way of showing respect. The tea is often paired with traditional ingredients such as lotus seeds and red dates, symbolising sweetness in the marriage and future heirs. The tea ceremony is also when the couple receives lucky red envelopes, known as "hong bao" or "lai see", filled with money or jewellery from the elders.
Another important tradition in Chinese weddings is the "gate crashing" or "door games" ritual, where the groom and his groomsmen have to complete a series of challenges set by the bridesmaids before they can enter the bride's house and see her for the first time on the wedding day. This tradition originates from the idea that the bride is a prized daughter, and the groom must prove himself worthy of her hand in marriage. The challenges can range from singing and dancing to eating strange foods or doing push-ups.
The wedding day is also filled with symbolic colours and objects. Red and gold are the most prominent colours, with the bride usually wearing a red dress, known as "qipao" in Mandarin and "cheongsam" in Cantonese. Red symbolises success, loyalty, honour, fertility and love, while gold represents wealth and fortune. Oranges wrapped in red paper are also often touched during the wedding ceremony, as they are believed to bring good luck and prosperity.
In addition to the colours and objects, there are also several other rituals that take place during the wedding day. The couple may be led to the bridal chamber, where they will sit on the bed and drink honey and wine, symbolising the start of their married life together. The bride may also be given a title by the groom's parents, according to her husband's seniority in the family.
Overall, the importance of family in Chinese wedding culture is evident in the various rituals and traditions that take place, with the union of the couple representing the joining of two families and the continuation of their family lines.
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The influence of Western styles on Chinese weddings
One of the most noticeable Western influences is the inclusion of a best man and groomsmen in the wedding party. In traditional Chinese weddings, the role of the best man was less defined, and the groom was often accompanied by a few male friends or relatives when he went to "kidnap" the bride from her family. Nowadays, the best man is more similar to his Western counterpart, staying by the groom's side throughout the day and helping with various tasks and duties. The best man may also be expected to give a speech at the reception, although this is not a traditional part of Chinese weddings.
Another Western influence is the increasing flexibility regarding the selection of wedding attendants. In the most traditional Chinese weddings, bridesmaids and groomsmen were required to be unmarried. However, due to Western influences, many Chinese couples now include married friends or siblings in their wedding parties, mirroring the practice in Western weddings.
The wedding attire has also been influenced by Western styles. While the bride typically wears a red qipao or cheongsam, which is the traditional Chinese wedding dress, the groom and groomsmen may opt for a suit, which is less formal than traditional Chinese attire. The influence of Western fashion can also be seen in the bride's choice of attire, as some brides choose to wear a white wedding dress and walk down the aisle, adopting Western wedding traditions.
Additionally, Western-style gift registries are not common in Chinese weddings, as it is more traditional to gift cash or gold jewelry in red envelopes. However, due to Western influences, some couples may opt for a gift registry, especially if they have guests attending who are unfamiliar with Chinese customs.
The wedding banquet, which is a significant part of Chinese weddings, has also been influenced by Western styles. While the banquet remains a lavish affair with symbolic and auspicious foods, it now often includes elements such as speeches, songs, and slideshows to honour the couple and their families. The inclusion of these Western-style toasts and performances adds a personal touch to the festivities.
Overall, the influence of Western styles on Chinese weddings is evident in various aspects, from the wedding party selection to the attire, gift-giving customs, and banquet festivities. These influences showcase the evolving nature of wedding traditions and the desire of couples to incorporate elements from different cultures to create a unique and personalised celebration.
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The role of bridesmaids in Chinese weddings
The bridesmaids in a traditional Chinese wedding play an important role in the wedding festivities and honouring the bride. They are usually close friends or family members of the bride and are often unmarried, though this is not always the case. The number of bridesmaids is usually even, as odd numbers are considered unlucky. They typically wear red or pink dresses and carry small bouquets of flowers. Their hair may be styled in a traditional chignon bun.
On the wedding day, the bridesmaids stay by the bride's side, helping her with small tasks and drinking in her place when needed. They are also present to greet guests as they enter and leave the reception. Before the groom arrives to pick up the bride, the bridesmaids test him with a series of questions and tasks to ensure he is a good match for the bride. These tasks might include answering questions about the bride, such as her favourite colour or food, or performing funny activities. The bridesmaids can ask for a monetary gift from the groom and his groomsmen to "surrender" the bride.
During the wedding ceremony, the bridesmaids stand next to the bride and help her hold her veil. After the ceremony, they assist the bride in changing her outfit, packing her belongings, and preparing for her honeymoon. They also participate in the bridal chamber "teasing" with the groomsmen, family, and guests.
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Frequently asked questions
While there is no "best man" concept in China similar to the Western tradition, groomsmen usually make toasts at the wedding reception, with a short speech about the couple.
A traditional best man speech should be kept short, ideally under ten minutes. The structure is to introduce yourself and how you know the groom, then spend most of the speech affectionately teasing the groom, before ending on a sincere note about the groom and his partner.
Include anecdotes and funny stories about the groom, as well as his mannerisms and habits. Avoid generic compliments and try to be specific and unique to the individual. You may also want to thank the hosts and the couple's parents.