Groomsmen Giving Away The Groom: Is It Okay?

The best man is usually the groom's closest friend or family member and has a lot of responsibilities on the wedding day. From planning the bachelor party to giving a speech, the best man is the groom's right-hand man. So, it is natural to wonder if the best man can give away the groom.

While there is no rule that says the best man can't give away the groom, it is not customary for the best man to do so. The best man already has a lot of duties, and giving away the groom may be seen as an additional responsibility. It is more common for the best man to be in charge of the wedding rings and to stand next to the groom at the altar.

However, ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide who gives away the groom. If they choose the best man, it is essential to communicate this clearly to everyone involved to avoid any confusion or mishaps on the wedding day.

Best man's gift to the groom: what to get?

While it is not required for the best man to buy a gift for the groom, it can be a nice gesture to show appreciation for being chosen as the best man. The gift can be something small or symbolic, like a heartfelt note or a unique token of their friendship. It is not expected for the best man to get the couple a gift, as their role is primarily to support the groom. However, if the best man feels inclined to get the couple a gift, it can be a thoughtful gesture to celebrate their union.

• Personalized pocket watch: A classic and timeless gift, a personalised pocket watch is a symbol of tradition and sophistication. Engrave it with the groom's initials or a special message.
• Cufflinks: Choose a design that matches the wedding theme or add a personal touch with the groom's initials.
• Wristwatch: A stylish and practical gift. Personalise it by engraving the case or the strap.
• Leather wallet: A high-quality leather wallet is a practical gift that can be personalised with the groom's initials or a heartfelt message.
• Grooming kit: Opt for a set with premium grooming essentials, such as a razor, shaving cream, and a grooming brush.
• Cigars or fancy cigarettes: A nice touch if the groom is a cigar enthusiast.
• Custom artwork: Commission a piece that represents a special memory between the best man and the groom.
• Engraved whiskey decanter set: Perfect for the groom who enjoys whiskey. Personalise it with his name and the wedding date.
• Personalised photo album: Include pictures from your adventures and write heartfelt messages to accompany the images.
• Customised map: Choose a map that holds significance for the groom, such as his hometown or a place that is special to him.
• Barbecue grill set: Include essential tools like tongs, a spatula, and a basting brush, all personalised for an extra thoughtful touch.
• Tickets to his favourite sports team: Allow the groom to sit in the best seats at the next game of his favourite sports team.
• Cocktail subscription box: This way, he can always have a well-stocked bar.
• Personalised beer mug: Engrave a few meaningful lines on it to represent your friendship.
• Money clip with initials: A useful and thoughtful gift.
• Tickets to a local pub crawl: Give the best man access to the city's most popular events and parties.

When choosing a gift, it is important to consider the groom's interests, hobbies, and personality. Avoid giving generic or inappropriate gifts, and try to add a personal touch through customisation or a handwritten note. It is also a good idea to chat with the bride to get her input on what the groom would like.

Best man's gift: when to give?

The best man traditionally gives the groom a gift, and it is considered good etiquette for the gift to be thoughtful and personalised. It is also important not to leave buying the gift until the last minute.

There are several opportunities for the best man to give a gift to the groom, and the timing depends on the nature of the gift and the dynamic of the wedding party. Here are some suggestions for when to give gifts to the groom:

At the Bachelor Party

The bachelor party is a great opportunity for the best man to give a gift to the groom, especially if it is a gift that can be used and enjoyed during the party. This timing also means the best man can give the gift in private, without the groom's other wedding party members present.

At the Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner is the most common time for the best man to give a gift to the groom. It is often the last chance for the groom to spend time with his inner circle before the wedding, so it is a good opportunity to thank the best man and hand over the gift.

The Morning of the Wedding

The best man and groom will be together in the lead-up to the wedding, so this is a good time to give a gift in private. This timing is especially good if the gift is something the groom can wear or use during the wedding.

During the Wedding Reception

Although the wedding reception can be a busy time, it is the last chance for the best man to give a gift to the groom. The best man could use the gift as a name card to indicate the groom's spot at the reception.

An Hour Before the Wedding

Giving the gift an hour before the wedding is not ideal, as the groom will already be prepared for the wedding. However, it is a good time to give any gifts that the groom will use during the ceremony, such as cufflinks or a tie.

During the Engagement Party

Some people may find it too early to give gifts at the engagement party, but it can be a good option if the wedding party is small and only includes the groom's closest friends and relatives.

The Day After the Wedding

The morning after the wedding, or at a post-wedding brunch, is another opportunity for the best man to give a gift to the groom, especially if many guests are staying in a hotel.

In the Lead-Up to the Wedding

The best man does not have to wait for a wedding-related event to give a gift to the groom. In the days leading up to the wedding, the best man could invite the groom to lunch or another activity and give the gift then.

Group Gifts

If the best man is organising a group gift from all the groomsmen, it is a good idea to give this to the groom before the wedding, either at the rehearsal dinner or on the morning of the wedding.

Best man's duties: what to do?

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to person throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. Here is a detailed list of duties the best man should carry out before, during, and after the wedding:

Before the Wedding:

• Provide moral support during the ring selection: Even before being officially appointed as best man, the groom may ask for help with selecting an engagement ring. It's the best man's job to provide an honest and gentle opinion.
• Lead the groomsmen: Introduce the groomsmen to each other and facilitate conversations and meetings so everyone can get acquainted.
• Shop for formalwear and coordinate the purchase: Assist the groom in picking out everyone's formal wear and ensure each groomsman orders their attire in a timely and coordinated fashion. Don't forget about alterations!
• Serve as a counselor and confidant: Planning a wedding can be stressful, so the groom will rely on his best man to help him make decisions and solve problems.
• Coordinate travel and accommodations: Ensure that everyone books flights and hotels on time, and help pair up groomsmen to share hotel rooms or rental cars to cut costs.
• Plan the bachelor party: Organize the bachelor party with input and help from the other groomsmen. Talk to the groom about his preferences and work within everyone's schedules and budgets.
• Attend pre-wedding events: Be sure to attend the ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, which usually take place the day before the wedding.

During the Wedding:

• Create an emergency kit: Prepare essential items like deodorant, bandages, tissues, pain relievers, a stain remover, sewing kit, and extra accessories in case of any last-minute mishaps.
• Get dressed with the groom and groomsmen: Be a relaxed and upbeat presence on the morning of the wedding, especially if the groom is nervous. Play music, and break out some drinks or games to help pass the time.
• Ensure the groomsmen are wearing their boutonnieres: Check that everyone's boutonniere is pinned on properly before walking down the aisle.
• Try to keep things on schedule: Work with the couple and wedding planner to manage the timeline of events and gently guide people along if they're falling behind or goofing off.
• Hold the wedding rings until the ring exchange: Keep the wedding bands safe and present them during the ceremony when the time comes.
• Stand next to the groom: This is a clear display of love and support for your friend. Stand up straight, look interested, and smile during the ceremony.
• Deliver the officiant's payment after the ceremony: The newlyweds will likely be busy, so the best man often takes on the task of ensuring the officiant receives their payment.
• Sign the marriage license as a witness: Be present for the signing of the marriage license, which usually happens after the ceremony but sometimes before. Two witnesses are typically required, so the best man and maid of honor often fill these roles.
• Pose for pictures: Be cooperative and smile for the camera, as the couple will be grateful for your participation in their wedding portraits.

At the Wedding Reception:

• Stand next to the bride in the receiving line: If the couple hosts a formal receiving line to greet guests during cocktail hour, the best man typically stands next to the bride and groom.
• Be announced with the maid of honor for the reception entrance: The wedding party typically makes a grand entrance, with the best man and maid of honor entering together.
• Answer guests' questions: Guests may come to the best man with random questions, so be prepared to answer or direct them to the venue coordinator or wedding planner.
• Dance with the maid of honor during the first guest dance: It's tradition for the best man to dance with the maid of honor when guests are welcomed onto the dance floor. If you'd rather not, just make sure you're one of the first people on the dance floor to encourage others to join.
• Make sure the groom eats and drinks: Help the groom stay hydrated and well-fed during the busy ceremony.
• Give the best man speech: Traditionally, the best man gives the second toast after the father of the bride. Speak from the heart and keep it short.
• Decorate the getaway car: If the couple is using their own car, the best man and groomsmen often have fun decorating it with cans, streamers, etc. Be sure to get the couple's permission first.

After the Wedding:

• Help organize and safe-keep gifts: Collect the gifts and keep them in a safe location until the couple returns from their honeymoon.
• Hand out vendor tips: The couple may ask the best man to distribute tips to vendors, so ensure the cash is organized into labeled envelopes.
• Make sure groomsmen return rented attire: If you coordinated a group tuxedo rental, ensure that all the tuxes are returned on time to avoid late fees.

Gifts:

In addition to these duties, the best man is usually expected to get the couple a wedding gift. This gift should be from the couple's wedding registry or cash, but a creative or sentimental gift is also acceptable. The best man may also choose to get the groom an individual gift for the bachelor party, but it's not necessary.

Budgeting:

The best man should expect to spend around $120 on a wedding gift, and potentially more if attending with a plus-one. There are also other financial responsibilities, including travel, accommodations, and pre-wedding grooming.

While the title "best man" is traditional, it's not uncommon for a groom to choose a close female friend or relative to stand by his side. In this case, she might be called the "best woman" or "groomswoman."

Best man's speech: what to say?

The best man's speech is one of the highlights of any wedding, and it's essential to get it right. Here are some tips and suggestions on what to say and include in your best man's speech:

Start by introducing yourself and explaining your relationship with the groom. This is especially important if most of the guests don't know you. You can add a bit of humour here by making a self-deprecating joke or a light-hearted comment about the groom. For example:

• "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is [Your Name], and it is my great honour to be the best man at [Groom's Name]'s wedding. I've known [Groom] for [number of years], and in that time, he has become a close friend and confidant."
• "For those who don't know me, I'm [Your Name], the best man and [Groom's Name]'s [sibling/friend/etc.]. I'm truly honoured to stand here today and celebrate the union of [Groom] and [Bride]."

Share a Story or Anecdote

It's a good idea to include a short, positive anecdote or story about the groom. This could be a funny memory, an embarrassing moment, or a heartwarming story that showcases the groom's personality. Make sure the story is appropriate and won't cause any embarrassment to the couple or their families. For example:

• "I remember when [Groom] and I were in school together, we once tried to build a go-kart and ended up crashing it into a tree. Despite the disaster, we had so much fun, and it's a memory I'll always cherish."
• "One of my favourite memories with [Groom] was when we went on a road trip together. We had some hilarious adventures, like the time we got lost and ended up in a random small town, joining their local festival and making lifelong friends."

Compliment the Couple

Say something nice about the couple and their relationship. You can highlight the groom's positive attributes and how he and the bride complement each other. Avoid being overly sycophantic, but do express your sincere well-wishes. For example:

• "It's clear to see how happy [Groom] and [Bride] make each other. [Groom] has always been a great friend, and now he has found his perfect match. I wish them all the best for their future together."
• "I've known [Groom] for many years, and I can honestly say that he is one of the kindest, most generous people I know. [Bride], you are a lucky woman, and I know [Groom] feels incredibly fortunate to have you by his side."

Thank the Hosts and Compliment the Wedding

It's customary to thank the hosts (usually the bride's parents) for their hospitality and compliment them on the wedding. You can also acknowledge the effort that went into planning the special day. For example:

• "I'd like to thank [Bride's Parents] for welcoming us here today and for putting together such a beautiful celebration. The attention to detail is remarkable, and I know [Bride and Groom] will cherish these memories forever."
• "On behalf of all the guests, I want to express our gratitude for the wonderful hospitality we've received today. The wedding is absolutely stunning, and it's clear that a lot of love and effort went into making it so special."

Offer Well-Wishes and a Toast

Conclude your speech by offering your best wishes for the couple's future together and proposing a toast. This is the part where you can get a bit sentimental and speak from the heart. For example:

• "To [Groom] and [Bride], may your love continue to grow and flourish. May your journey together be filled with joy, laughter, and all the best that life has to offer. Please join me in raising a glass to the newlyweds!"
• "I wish you both a lifetime of happiness, love, and wonderful adventures together. Your wedding day is just the beginning of a beautiful journey. Cheers to the lovely couple!"

Best man's attire: what to wear?

The best man's attire should complement the groom's without matching exactly or overwhelming the groom's outfit. The best man's suit should be one step removed from the groom's. For example, if the groom is wearing a white dinner jacket, the best man should wear black. If the groom is wearing a double-breasted coat, the best man should opt for a single-breasted style. The key is continuity, with the best man's outfit acting as a younger sibling to the groom's.

The best man's suit should also match the groomsmen's suits, albeit with differing details. It's recommended that the groom and best man choose their suits on the same day and from the same tailor. If this isn't possible, the best man should find out what the groom is wearing and have their suit made by the same tailor.

The type of wedding (formal, semi-formal, casual, beach), location (indoors, outdoors, church, hall), and time of day will also dictate the attire. For example, if the ceremony takes place before 6 pm, the best man will typically wear a tuxedo or morning dress, depending on the groom's choice. For afternoon and evening weddings, a tailcoat is standard, while a three-piece suit in a dark shade of grey or blue is recommended if you have free choice over your outfit.

Blue, especially dark blue, is the most preferred colour for a best man's suit as it flatters any complexion and body type. Grey, particularly charcoal grey, is the second-best choice for a formal wedding. Black is both exclusive and formal but may not be appropriate for traditional weddings in certain countries.

When it comes to the shirt, a white shirt is a must, perhaps in pique with a French collar and single or double cuffs for cufflinks. As for the tie or bow tie, plain colours in silk are recommended. If the groom wears a boutonniere, the best man should do the same.

Comfortable shoes are a must, and they'll typically be matte black, calfskin laced shoes. As for socks, instead of black or midnight blue, you can indulge in different shades and patterns: stripes, diamonds, squares, or even bold colours like burgundy or fire red.

Frequently asked questions