Best Man: Can A Woman Step In?

It is becoming increasingly common for brides and grooms to choose a member of the opposite sex to be their best man or maid of honour. A female best man may be referred to as the best woman, groomswoman, woman of honour, or honour attendant. She can wear a suit, a dress, or a bridesmaid's dress. She can also attend the bachelor party or opt for the hen party.

What to call a female best man?

There are many options for what to call a female best man. While some people stick to the traditional title of "best man", others prefer to use gendered titles such as "best woman", "groomswoman", “woman of honour”, "best lady", "best maid", or "best matron". Some couples opt for gender-neutral titles like "best person", "groom's attendant", or "honour attendant".

There are also creative titles that emphasise the role's importance, like "Right Honourable Señora & Mistress of Ceremonies". Ultimately, it is a personal choice and there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

It is worth noting that the duties, attire, and participation in pre-wedding events of a female best man are generally the same as those of a traditional best man.

What if your partner is uncomfortable with it?

It is important to keep your partner in the loop and inform them of your decision as early as possible. This will give both of you time to work out the finer details and ensure that your partner is comfortable with your choice.

If your partner is uncomfortable with your decision, it may be due to several reasons. One reason could be jealousy or feeling threatened by your close friend, especially if they are of the opposite gender. In this case, clear and open communication is key. Reassure your partner that your friend is just that – a friend – and that their status as your best man or maid of honour highlights their importance in your life. It is also important to respect your partner's feelings and work together to find a solution, such as including your friend in the bridal party or as part of the groomsmen.

Another reason for your partner's discomfort could be traditional gender expectations. In this case, it is important to have an open discussion about why you want a friend of the opposite gender as your best man or maid of honour. Explain that their gender does not diminish their importance to you and that you want them to be a part of your special day. It may also help to involve your partner in the planning process and allow them to get to know your friend better.

Ultimately, it is important to remember that your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment to your partner. If, after open and honest communication, your partner is still uncomfortable with your choice, it may be best to respect their wishes and consider alternative ways to include your friend in the wedding celebrations.

What are the duties of a female best man?

A female best man, also known as a best woman, groomswoman, woman of honour, groom's attendant, or groom's maid of honour, has a variety of duties and responsibilities. Here is a detailed list of what a female best man may be expected to do:

Before the Wedding

• Assist the groom with wedding prep and planning, acting as their right-hand person and confidante. This may include helping with logistical details, booking vendors, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules.
• Assist in choosing the groomsmen's attire and ensuring they receive their outfits in time.
• Plan the stag do or hen party, or a combination of the two (a "sten do").
• Write and practise the best man's speech, ensuring it is appropriate for all guests.
• Organise a groomsmen gift for the groom.
• Check in with the groom and provide emotional support.
• Help with any pre-wedding setup, such as picking up and delivering hired items to the venue.
• Stay with the groom the night before the wedding and ensure they don't eat or drink anything that could cause issues the next day.

On the Wedding Day

• Help the groom get ready on the morning of the wedding and ensure the groomsmen are ready on time.
• Organise the ushers and hand out buttonholes.
• Keep the wedding rings safe and present them during the ceremony when the time comes.
• Greet the guests with the groom and create a warm and inviting atmosphere.
• Stand at the altar with the groom.
• Escort the maid of honour out of the ceremony room ahead of the newlyweds.
• Stand in the receiving line and greet the guests.
• Help organise wedding photographs by rounding up guests for group photos.
• Act as the master of ceremonies, announcing key elements like the couple's arrival, speeches, and cake-cutting.
• Deliver the best man's speech.
• Get the party started by dancing with the maid of honour (if there is one) and encouraging everyone onto the dance floor.

After the Wedding

• Return and clean or dry-clean suits or hired items.
• Take care of wedding gifts by safely storing them or delivering them to the couple's home.

Can she attend the stag do?

So, your best mate is a woman and you want her to be your best (wo)man? That's great! It's the 21st century, and you can definitely have a best woman instead of a best man.

But what about the stag do? Can she come along?

Well, that's entirely up to her. It's definitely not uncommon for women to be present at stag dos these days, and it's becoming more and more accepted. In fact, these mixed-gender parties have earned the nickname 'hag do' or 'sten do'!

If you're planning on inviting your best woman to the stag do, there are a few things you might want to consider. Firstly, it's a good idea to let the other lads know in advance, although if they're all close friends, they probably won't be too surprised to see her there. You'll also need to think about the sleeping arrangements and make sure she has someone she feels comfortable sharing a room with.

You might also want to give her the option of attending the hen party instead, or you could even combine the two and have a 'sten do'!

At the end of the day, it's all about what she feels comfortable with. Have a chat with her and see what she thinks. If she does decide to come along to the stag do, just make sure you choose some gender-neutral activities that everyone can enjoy.

What should she wear?

There is a lot of flexibility when it comes to what a female best man can wear. It is important to have a conversation with the friend and ask what they would feel comfortable wearing on the big day. It is also important to keep the outfit within the chosen colour theme and ensure the bride-to-be is happy with the choice.

One option is for the best woman to wear a matching dress with the bridesmaids. This dress could be in a different colour or have accessories to match the groomsmen. Alternatively, she could wear a black dress to match the tuxedos, with accessories to complement the bridesmaids' dresses.

Another option is for the best woman to wear a suit with the groomsmen. This is a popular choice with celebrities on the red carpet. The suit would normally match the style and colouring of the other groomsmen.

The third option is for the best woman to wear a dress that matches the colour code of the groomsmen.

Frequently asked questions