The Best Man: Can A Woman Take The Role?

It is becoming increasingly common for grooms to choose a woman as their best man. This could be a close friend or a sister, and she is often referred to as the best woman. While some people might raise an eyebrow at this choice, it is ultimately up to the groom to decide who will stand by his side on his wedding day. There are a few things to consider when choosing a female best man, such as what duties she will perform and what she will wear. However, the most important thing is to ensure that everyone involved is comfortable with the arrangement.

What should a female best man be called?

There are many names that can be used for a female best man, and the most common one is "best woman". However, there are many other options, including:

• Groomsmaid
• Man of Honour
• Groom's attendant
• Groom's maid of honour
• Groom's Right Honourable Señora & Mistress of Ceremonies
• Best person
• Best lady
• Best maid
• Best matron

The name "groomsmaid" usually refers to a woman in the groom's party, and a "bridesman" is typically used for a man serving in the bride's party.

Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide what they would like to call their female best man. They can choose a name that they are comfortable with and that fits the individual's role and personality.

What should she wear?

So, your best mate is a woman and you want her to be your best (wo)man? Great! Now, what should she wear?

First things first, it's important to talk to her about what she'd like to wear and what she'd feel comfortable in. It's also a good idea to keep your bride-to-be in the loop and make sure she's happy with the choice, too.

There are a few different options for your best woman's attire. She might want to wear a suit or tuxedo, and there are female styles made to fit her perfectly. She could even try on her suit at home to make sure she feels comfortable. If she'd prefer to wear a dress, she could wear one that matches the colour of the groomsmen's suits or tuxedos. Alternatively, she could wear a dress in the same colour as the bridesmaids' dresses or a dress by the same designer. If she wants to wear a suit, she could match the accessories with the groomsmen or the maid of honour.

If you're concerned about maintaining symmetry in your wedding photos, you could always have your best woman stand with the bridesmaids. However, this is an old tradition and it's becoming more common to have a female best man, so it's not necessary to do this. If you do decide to have her stand with the bridesmaids, make sure to give a heads-up to the photographer so they don't leave her out of key pictures.

What are her duties?

While the role of "best man" typically goes to the groom's brother, close relative, or best friend, it is not uncommon for a groom to choose a close female friend or relative for this important role. In this case, she may be referred to as the "best woman" or "groomswoman". The duties of the best woman are largely the same as those of the best man.

Pre-Wedding Duties:

The best woman is the head grooms(wo)man and the point of contact for everyone on the groom's side, including grooms(wo)men and family members. She is in charge of leading and mediating between the groom and the rest of the wedding party, so the groom doesn't have to worry about the nitty-gritty details.

Outfit Details:

The best woman supports the groom with all wedding attire needs, including helping the groom, grooms(wo)men, and important family members with their final outfit selections. She may also put together emergency kits for the wedding party, including items such as extra cufflinks, shoe polish, or an extra tie.

Bachelor/ette Party:

The best woman typically organises the bachelor/ette party, consulting with the groom and recruiting the other grooms(wo)men to help. She is in charge of planning the entire celebration, which may include booking venues and organising activities and accommodation.

The Groom's Gift:

If the grooms(wo)men decide to get a group gift for the groom, the best woman often leads this effort by collecting money and choosing the gift.

Emotional Support:

The best woman provides emotional support to the groom throughout the wedding planning process. She patiently listens to the groom's concerns and confessions, reassures him, and helps keep him focused and calm in the lead-up to the wedding.

Wedding Rehearsal:

The best woman attends the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, where she can help wrangle the wedding party and ensure the schedule moves along smoothly. She may also make a small toast during the rehearsal dinner to kick off the festivities.

Wedding Day Duties:

On the wedding day, the best woman continues to support the groom and ensure that everything runs smoothly.

Keep the Groom and Wedding Party on Schedule:

The best woman helps ensure that the groom and grooms(wo)men arrive on time for the wedding and are where they need to be throughout the ceremony.

Hold the Wedding Rings:

One of the most important duties of the best woman is to keep the wedding rings safe until it is time for the couple to exchange them. She may also hold other important items, such as the groom's phone, wallet, and vows.

Stand Beside the Groom:

During the processional, the best woman traditionally walks down the aisle after the groom and takes her place standing closest to the groom at the altar, with the rest of the wedding party lining up alongside.

Sign the Marriage License:

After the ceremony, the best woman signs the marriage license as a witness, along with the maid of honour, and hands the officiant their fee in a sealed envelope.

Act as Reception Host:

The best woman helps ensure that the newlyweds and guests are having a great time at the reception. She may also be asked to dance with the bride, maid of honour, and mothers of the bride and groom.

Give a Speech:

One of the best woman's biggest responsibilities is delivering a well-crafted and heartfelt speech during the reception, focusing on the newlyweds and their love story.

Help Collect Gifts:

The best woman helps collect gifts from guests and ensures they are safely stored, whether that's on a gift table, in a locked room, or at the couple's home. She may also be asked to deposit cheques in the couple's bank account.

Post-Wedding Duties:

The best woman's responsibilities don't end when the wedding is over. She may be asked to help with various tasks after the reception, including:

Transporting Gifts:

The best woman may be tasked with transporting wedding gifts to the couple's home or another safe location.

Check-In With Vendors:

The best woman ensures that all wedding-related expenses are handled and that vendors are tipped and paid.

Coordinate and Decorate the Getaway Car:

The best woman may be asked to help coordinate car transportation for the newlyweds and decorate the getaway vehicle.

Can she attend the stag do?

While it is ultimately up to the couple, it is becoming more common for women to be included in stag dos, and for men to be included in hen dos. In fact, some couples are even opting for a joint "hag do" or "sten do" to include all their friends.

If you're a groom with a female best man, it's important to discuss with her whether she would like to attend the stag do or not. She might feel uncomfortable being the only woman, or she might love the idea. If she does attend, be sure to put extra consideration into your accommodation choice to ensure the sleeping arrangements are suitable for her. You could also give her the option of attending the hen party or planning a mixed celebration.

If your best woman is organising the stag do, there's no reason why the activities need to change. However, if you're concerned about suitability, it's a good idea to ask your friend or a party-planning specialist for advice.

Ultimately, the decision of who to include in your stag or hen party is a personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The most important thing is to communicate clearly with your partner, your friends, and your wedding party to ensure everyone is comfortable and happy with the plans.

How will the bride react?

There are a few things to consider when thinking about how the bride will react to having a female best man at the wedding. Firstly, it is important to keep the bride-to-be in the loop and inform her about the decision as early as possible. This gives everyone involved enough time to work out the finer details and avoid any last-minute surprises.

The bride's reaction will largely depend on her relationship with the female best man and her level of comfort with the situation. Jealousy can be a factor, especially if the best woman is a close friend of the groom. However, open communication between the couple and clear highlighting of the best woman's status as a friend can help diffuse any feelings of jealousy or insecurity. It is also generally advised to avoid choosing an ex-partner as the female best man, as this may not go down well with the bride.

In some cases, the bride may be supportive of the decision, especially if she recognises the importance of the friendship between the groom and the best woman. She may even suggest ways to include the best woman in the wedding party, such as having her wear a matching dress with the bridesmaids or a suit with the groomsmen.

Ultimately, the bride's reaction will vary depending on her personality, values, and relationship dynamics. It is essential to have open and honest conversations between all parties involved to ensure everyone is comfortable and respected.

Frequently asked questions